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#13681 - 08/09/12 06:50 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: dazedandconfused]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
I did not have children with my Psychopath but I did live in the same town and I have been in exactly the situation you have described, but, to my shame, I was stupid enough, and delighted enough to see him after missing him so badly, to have let him have sex too.

Unfortunately for me at the time, for the few hours he was there, it felt like real closeness and "coming home" with the two of us away from the world in a beautiful, wonderful bubble, until he left, but I knew nothing about "everyday" Psychopaths then, I only knew the term in relation to serial killers.

I found it was one thing for me to be strong enough to have no contact and keep myself away from him, but maintaining that was beyond me for a long time if he literally put himself in front of me when I was totally unprepared and had virtually no defences.

Of course he would disappear again having confirmed he could still affect me. He liked to get in touch at around 1-3 a.m, invariably after he had been drinking. I don't think it was Dutch courage, just boredom, and maybe feeling like sex.

From their point of view it is win/win. They are drunk and bored at a time when no one else is around for them to play with, so they come looking for us.

At the very least they have the satisfaction of disturbing us physically and waking us up, i.e. they still have power over us.

They force us to notice them i.e. they still have power over us, when they have power they can cause hurt, discord and confusion.

They force us to drop no contact, i.e. they still have power over us, when they have power they can cause hurt, discord and confusion.

They get to disturb us emotionally,i.e. they still have power over us,when they have power they can cause hurt, discord and confusion.

They get us to admit we still love them, i.e. they still have power over us, when they have power they can cause hurt, discord and confusion.

They get us to respond to them physically, i.e. they still have power over uswhen they have power they can cause hurt, discord and confusion,(and at best they get sex as well, and that intimacy, on our part, gives them more power).

It was no accident he prevented you seeing who was there before you opened the door and most people are going to be disorientated and not thinking quickly and clearly when disturbed under those circumstances with no chance to be prepared. (That's why the police do dawn raids.)

At least, unlike me, you didn't give him the satisfaction of being any more physical.

Put it behind you, but use the knowledge to be stronger in future. smile

We all of us have backward steps trying to get away from our Psychopaths.


Edited by Smokey (08/09/12 11:02 AM)

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#13684 - 08/09/12 10:10 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Smokey]
dazedandconfused Offline
member

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 11
Thanks for the great insight Smokey. Now that I think about it, my Psychopath did the same thing approximately four months ago. I attempted to have no contact with my Psychopath but I was unaware that I could block him from calling and texting me at that particular time. So, in addition to ringing the doorbell repeatedly and pounding on my door like a maniac at 3 a.m. in the morning, my Psychopath also called my phone repeatedly, sent numerous texts announcing the fact that he was on my doorstep and demanding that I open the door and let him inside of my residence so that he could see our daughter. Due to the fact that I read my Psychopath’s text messages after being abruptly awakened, I did not even bother to get out of bed that time. My Psychopath eventually wore himself out and left, leaving me quite perturbed by the fact that I was unable to get back to sleep.

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#13686 - 08/10/12 04:49 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: dazedandconfused]
hisonlyqueen Offline
member

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 26
Dazedandconfused, you actually did really good by being firm and not letting him in, as I was reading your post I was afraid you were going to say you let him back to your life, I am glad you didn't, but be ready now because he might want to try to come back now that he saw a bit of weakness when you expresses you still loved him. be strong...remember they cause nothing but trouble and pain, keep him out of your life.
_________________________
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn't keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell...

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#13697 - 08/14/12 06:26 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: hisonlyqueen]
dazedandconfused Offline
member

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 11
Although I immediately re-instated no contact with my Psychopath after he showed up at my home unexpectedly last week, thoughts of him have now begun to consume my entire being. I am extremely unnerved by the fact that I simply cannot seem to get my Psychopath out of my head.

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#13699 - 08/14/12 07:18 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: dazedandconfused]
NotCrzy Offline
member

Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 61
Yes, they are persistent little buggers how they invade your mind arent they. :-)

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#13701 - 08/15/12 06:09 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: NotCrzy]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
So concise, and so very true Notcrzy. Congratulations on keeping your sense of humour about it smile

I think a lot of it is due to us struggling to understand them, and make any sense of their actions, plus reconciling the fact with the fiction they present. It's hard to have closure without comprehension and comprehending them is so far outside our own actions and emotions.


Edited by Smokey (08/15/12 06:11 AM)

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#13708 - 08/15/12 10:11 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Smokey]
NotCrzy Offline
member

Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 61
I agree Smokey. Trying to understand and continuously asking "why" is unproductive. It is hard not to though, I think it is human nature to try to make sense of the confusion that the Psychopaths gaslighting, manipulation and lies result in.

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#13758 - 08/28/12 09:05 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Hi anyone,
has anyone gone thru the family of psychopath I'm reading lots and am overwhelmed I have found no contact real easy in reality I feel relieved now I avoid any place of seeing, hearing I found though the closeness of parents they obviously feel or been told I'm no good etc etc it hurt me at first because I had a bit of a blindfold on the family thing I find it a bit uneasy that psychopaths parents want to talk about him or find out what has happened because I broke down in front of them I've found it a bit weird the persistance of notifying me of their events but not officially inviting me bit sort of rubbing my face into it I have been so uneducated with how mind games work.

I know you can't give me a solution but what I feel and I've tried to do for a long time now is cut them I feel they have indeed known me for a very long time and were good people to us bit when things went bad with me and psychopath it was like they knew before me what was going to happen it's strange I maintain no contact but the parents contact Ive been spoken to like I'm the problem but I'm not in contact with the psychopath I've noticed messages on my machine to call urgent it's very important I rang back no answer then another message to call very urgent could this be psychopath playing games or parents are they setting me up my best solution is I've screened incoming caller Id numbers I'm not answering the two to three calls per day not answering the it's urgent message when it's not I'm really having a problem understanding this I think I am doing the right thing to cut them off too they have I know this psychopath in their daily life but I'm not in their daily life what's the deal here???? This another psychopath tactict to get even or ?

I've told them as low as it was I'm sorry any of my breakdowns cause them grief, I will look into forgiving him one day, I don't want to talk about it anymore, I'm glad there having a event sorry I can't attend , I avoid any contact entering any shops they might be parked out the front what more do they want???? It cannot be normal to persist torment to someone who has gone thru so much and they know that I know and have read the ongoing aftermath so I've blocked psychopath from my view now it seems I do the same with parents? Am I dumb? What else do they take from you is there anything left to take ??

My counsillor asked me yesterday where did I think this type of mistrust relationship would of taken me my life and family if it was with this person in the future imagine where you would be? My reply was apart from experiencing hell it would probably either be the same or worse , he said there is your answer . I read in a post to be free from this they are not going to set or let it go you have to I think this was the most powerful thing I've read in trying to analyse this lost psychopath today my decision is to set myself free and go far away, one thing puzzles me I mentioned police to psychopath if he didn't stop and he has stopped I don't know why but I think psychopath was let down by my action of course the payback another woman or three but psychopath must be frightened in himself - I am starting to see what the definite mask they put on ?

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#13841 - 09/12/12 07:12 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Brokenintopieces Offline
member

Registered: 09/04/12
Posts: 6
I am drinking now and listening to country music. I love him still even though he has no care or love for me ? Why do I love someone who used me and hurt me the beatings and lies, why do I hate my life .. he text me everyother day and he says I need some juicey you know what . I have his password on a dating site he is targeting others telling them how sexy they are and all kind of things. I am so lonley I just can't deal with this. He lives in my same town . I have rode by late at night by the house tinder if he has another car there a woman . I wish he he never was in my life . I can't keep my heart clsomebody give me the answers. I get a new place .. someone complained about me being a drunkvand all out side disturbing .. I never did. I know he did that to make me get evicted for this is his town .. I don't know what he is gonna to next .. he seems to still want to text men. If I answer to him he has control but yet he does not love or care for me.. make him go away for my depression is getting bad . I tried going out with new guys but I have no feeling inside to want another man . I can't stop this hurt and him in my heart or my Jews .. why do I love and want him to come to me and tell me he misses me ? I must he so stupid because I am beautiful.and everyone tells me I can do better and I am everything most men would die for .. Omg I am crazy ... osed . As bad as he is why do I want him ..
_________________________
Ales

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#13842 - 09/12/12 08:21 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Brokenintopieces]
planetchildren Offline
member

Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46
Dear Brokenintopieces,

My son married a Psychohpath and had a son with her. They are now divorced. At 34 years old he had open heart suregery. They were divorced at this time and she was remarried. She and my son had an affair. My son's blood pressure spiked and he was rushed to the hospital with an aortic aneursym. He almost died. He survives with an aneursym. He has lost his son due to parental alienation by the Psychopath. He still pays child support. He has almost lost his life on several occasions brought on by heavy drinking. The Psychopath lives in a nice home with her son and husband.
My family has no contact with my grandson. My son loved her and wanted all of us to accept her while she destroyed him. As he was being taken to surgery, he asked me to please get along with her...even though she was married and living with another man. I did not know at that time the extent of her evilness.

I really thought she loved my son and my grandson even though she always tried to alienate me from my son and gs. Now I know differently. If you can only believe and know that a Psychopath can not love anyone ever, you will hopefully be able to move on. He may be with other women, but he will never love anyone. He will use, manipulate, and destroy anyone he comes in contact with.

Please don't waste your life. You will need help getting throught this. But once you do, you will look back and see the trail of destruction that he has left behind and know that you have made the right decision.

I am so sorry for your suffering.

I know what a Psychopath can do to another person.

You desreve better.

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