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#13281 - 05/13/12 10:22 AM living in the same town.....
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
I live and work within 2 miles of my ex psychopaths new victim work place and apt.. (I have to drive by it at least 5 times a day)( i've tried different routes but it's much farther out of my way...it just reminds me of why i'm taking the long way.. I feel as if it's time for me to get a grip and get some control back in my life) ...and my work is a half mile from that. I see my ex psychopath consistently driving by....I'm trying my best to act as if he doesn't exist...or he's nothing...are there any other suggestions anyone might have as to how to avoid the pain of his existence?.....thanks

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#13355 - 05/28/12 06:55 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Hi...I haven't written for a while...I hope all is well...I have recently had contact and i'm a mess...I gave him the finger and told him to f off one day driving in my car and that started a series of events...the latest was having his new victim call me at 11;30 last night to tell me off! He apparently shared with her EXACTLY what he thought would fuel her fire about a conversation we had...He told her that I wanted him back and had been calling him...he was the one calling me........I'm so done...I now know NO CONTACT means no good or BAD contact....Wow I actually thought he wouldn't react to it...I was dead wrong and still suffering the consequences....I can't wait until I get out of this town

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#13360 - 05/29/12 07:30 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
hisonlyqueen Offline
member

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 26
becky, I know exactly how you feel. I made the mistake of talking to him and I am a mess. I feel I failed everyone and I have not told anyone I talked to him because I am embarrassed that I did. I wish I could leave town as well or be sucked under earth right now. frown
_________________________
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn't keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell...

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#13362 - 05/30/12 12:24 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: hisonlyqueen]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
becky, dont take it so hard, coz after all it brings you to the point where you stop denying reality. And thats a good place:)
If this whole mess was what you needed to definitely see his crazy side - it was worth it.

You are getting out of town? what do you mean? moving out or vacation?

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#13363 - 05/30/12 11:27 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Hi Newbird.....I am going away for the summer.....I have been talking to abuse crisis people today and they told me that the tactics hes been using on me are all to gain control.......They suggest I get a restraining order....He'll have to give up his guns which will totally Psychopath... him off. I'm not sure what I should do......I don't feel safe but I don't want to stir things up to make him madder....

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#13366 - 05/30/12 11:43 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: hisonlyqueen]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi hisonlyqueen, welcome to our community. Please don't be so hard on yourself, I realize it is easier said than done. Relapse is part of recovery. You took the first huge step in getting away, just think of this as a minor lapse.

I know shame is part of the process but we are here for you and if the urge strikes you again and you are comfortable posting we can hopefully help to bring you back to earth. We will never judge you, you just did what you did and learned from it.

Di

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#13367 - 05/30/12 11:47 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Becky, clearly the decision is yours involving a restraining order, however it is only as good in many cases as the paper it is written on. Over the years some members have done such a thing and it did backfire, the Psychopath then filed restraining orders on them and the circle kept going.

I can only say that if it were me I would just get out of town and enjoy a break from his evil web.

I am not sure getting in his target range is the wisest move, that is only my opinion and what I would do, what you decide to do we will support you.

Di

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#13368 - 05/30/12 12:07 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Dianne E.]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thank you so much Dianne....I was hoping you would see my post and respond. I'm just nervous because I did spill my guts to his new girlfriend.......long story....he called me the other night and told me she wanted to talk to me...I know now he was either a) trying to gain my control back.......or b)trying to control her ( she shared with me that she was thinking of leaving him).....Im just scared hes going to come after me for sharing so much with her...she was supposed to call me the next day to talk more (her suggestion).....but she never did...I totally dont want to be on his radar but I dont want to underestimate his dangerousness....please respond quickly I'm meeting a friend to go to the court house to speak to an advocate.......I also feel like I should share with the new victim what I've learned about what hes trying to do...I know I shouldnt but she seemed as confused as me....

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#13369 - 05/30/12 01:41 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Becky, take a breath and see what your gut says. I think you need to focus on your own healing and am sad to say by engaging with his girl friend and spilling information will only be harmful to you.

I am not an attorney but to file a restraining order could open a bag of worms that you don't need. You will have to have proof and what will you gain? All I can see is the downside. That is just my opinion.

Di

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#13370 - 05/30/12 04:08 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Dianne E.]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Diane you are so right....I did not get the restraining order...The victim advocate said a few things to me thou and i'd like your opinion.....Do you think its possible for him to have moved on from and is just trying to get her jealous by talking about me all the time?? Is it possible for them to move on when they're done playing with you?....He told me he was done and that he didn't care about me at all.....but he also was telling me he still cared and loved me....i'm hoping he was just trying to manipulate me into thinking he cared...I was also told by his new gf that he talks about me all the time.....the advocate said that sounds like he's still thinking about me and abusers never want to let go...Is this true for psychopaths too? thanks.

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#13371 - 05/30/12 06:31 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Becky, my take on this is he is just getting his hooks into her by making her jealous of you, remind yourself that a Psychopath cares about NO ONE but themselves.

As long as you engage he has his hooks into you. He is NOT capable of love, and besides would you really want him back based on his actions?

Keep in mind if you start to think of taking him back that you are sleeping with everyone he is having sex with.

I am clearly not a therapist but I sense you are in the hypervigilant state and please keep focusing on the present moment. Do not take any more calls from them, you are playing into his hands. Only you can control your actions, you are not responsible for the mind games he is playing on his current victim.

Thank your lucky stars you are going to get to go away for the summer. You need to heal and be centered. Clearly he isn't the man for you. They only move on when you move on. And yes returning is part of their process, it is like they keep track of all their victims and keep checking to see if the door is locked.

The advocate you spoke with is very correct, they don't let go, it is you that has to let go.

Di

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#13372 - 05/30/12 07:14 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
Hi Becky,

Based on personal experience and research this is fairly typical Psychopath behaviour.

They will recycle targets, so long as they are able, after all how easier it is to pick up where you left off with all the psychological pre-conditioning done, (unless one one gets wise to you so you can no longer fool them).

They will do it to get back at you for having the temerity to try to get out, and they will do it just for the fun of messing with your head and laughing about it, and of course for the power kick, and maybe most of all..............because they can.

He will use you as a stick to beat her with, and her as a stick to goad you with.

Yes he could not talk about you without thinking about the subject of his conversation, but a child may recite verbs without any affection for the task.

If it gets back to you he will be pleased if it unsettles you, if it doesn't get back to you it will have functioned to upset her and to increase her insecurity and thus her emotional dependency.

I entirely understand your desire to let her know what he is like but she will not believe what you say until she comes to discover it for herself,he will turn around anything you do say as jealousy and as part of him being the victim, and whether she believes you or not she will surely tell him, and that will give him something else to get back at you for.

I am sure no contact, direct or indirect, is the only way to handle them, while hoping that results in you dropping off their radar and out of their memory to a happier, safer place.

If you are tempted to take him back think how he treated you, how he is treating her and be very aware that he would turn the tables and keep talking about her to you, no doubt holding out the threat of then going back to her, and blaming you for that not working out.

It has taken me years to really accept that I genuinely would not want back the life I had with the Psychopath, but even now I have to battle against false nostalgia at times, when I remember the fantasy rather that the real facts.


Edited by Smokey (05/30/12 07:18 PM)

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#13376 - 05/31/12 12:29 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Smokey]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
"They will do it to get back at you for having the temerity to try to get out, and they will do it just for the fun of messing with your head and laughing about it, and of course for the power kick, and maybe most of all..............because they can."

So true!!! This is exactly what they do.

Becky, dont wonder, he IS a Psychopath. All the symptoms are there.
I find myself thinking that maybe mine wasnt from time to time. Like I was supposed to solve something. It is most normal - because psychopaths in every day life seemed to be such good human beings... You want that fake him to be true, coz, admitting they were a monster is hard.

But reality is reality. They are monsters. Only they have this mask they put on most of the time...
I have a rule now - whenever anybody makes me a tiniest bit uncomfortable, I back out, or get really assertive with them straight away. I dont care if they're psycho, narcissistic or whatever other condition. I just know better, I trust my gut, and I never let them get closer to me, coz I know the consequences. YOU CANNOT REASON WITH PSYCHOS.


And my Psychopaths talks about me all the time. And his gf has had a major brainwashing - he told her not to talk to me and some other people:D And she assures him that she has not and will not. Yes, they talk about other gf to control the current victim - this gf of his is feeling really insecure. Thats all a game! Come on, who talks about their exes?? No decent person does, especially if the relationship ended bad, and there is no girl and absolutely no guy on this earth that wants to listen about their lovers exes! You could mention them sometimes, but hell, not talk about it all the time. Unless theres something seriously wrong with you.

I can remember, during the interrogation at the police - when he was answering some questions and I was next to him (bad memories:) he would mention his new gf - even though she had nothing to to with the case. Why would he do that? He was mentioning her name and looking at me! All he wanted was to hurt me. It is all directed to make you feel uneasy, and again - when someone is making you feel weird in your gut - GET AWAY. As psychopaths ALWAYS attack your 'unconsciousness' - you will never be able to stand them. You will never be indifferent. The only think you can do is to get away and remember that they do what they do to hurt and manipulate you. Not letting them is winning at their game.

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#13381 - 06/01/12 01:57 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thanks for all your prompt responses.....I so appreciate all of you here!......It so hurts to realize the truth....but i'm on my way...thanks to all of you... I've set up counseling and working on my biceps! lol....feeling better and more aware and alive.............I love you guys : )

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#13384 - 06/02/12 10:58 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Has anyone lived to survive exposing them?... I mean he knows I know now and I told his ex what I could?....If I have NO contact what so ever with him, her or anyone that associates with him.. and I keep my mouth shut............do you think he'll continue to focus his energy on her and forget about me?....or will he want revenge?? Anyone have any answers??

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#13385 - 06/02/12 12:07 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Smokey]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thanks smokey......I understand everything your saying....and YES it's finally starting to sink it how scary this situation and this person really is!!!!! As much as it hurts.....I don't want this anymore....I've lost so much weight....I actually had a cigarette last night after 20 yrs..I can't continue to beat myself up and hurt....I'm starting counseling and yoga and everything else I can think of to get this under me...I think i'm starting to move forward.....one minisqual (not sure if that was spelled right!) step at a time....

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#13388 - 06/03/12 04:34 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
becky, its a series of steps, and some unfortunately backwards.
What was comforting for me was realizing that these terrible feelings are actually what he is missing too. It made it all easier somehow. Accepting them in a way. They are there because you are able to feel. He isnt and thats what he envies. He can never understand what it feels to love. You can, and you did, and in the end you will see that it is better to have both bad and good emotions, than have none.

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#13389 - 06/04/12 01:18 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
ColoradoKathy Offline
member

Registered: 06/03/12
Posts: 1
Dear Becky,
I am a brand-new poster from Colorado, this is my first post.
I've been married 29 years to a psychopath. He inherited some money and announced he "didn't feel the same way about you and the kids." (Oh. Thanks!) He got a girlfriend. I got a job and an apartment (I am 60).
Now he says it's all my fault and I've made it "as hard on (him) as possible."

That's not why I signed on: I became a new poster just so I could say something to you all the way from Colorado:
Don't smoke.

:-)
"I actually had a cigarette last night after 20 yrs."
I read this and remembered I'd done the exact same thing after just about the same amount of time. Guess who is now doing what, harder than ever? Right. :-)

We've lost enough to those creeps! not to mention, cigs are way more expensive (and way less socially acceptable) than when we quit 20+ years ago.

Think of me and Resist! --trust me, it doesn't help, just adds another problem.
xoxox from Kathy

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#13398 - 06/05/12 12:41 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: ColoradoKathy]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thanks you guys....and Kathy smile ....you made me smile ..and laugh!! Thank you!! Btw....I have not had a cigarette since!

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#13680 - 08/08/12 11:11 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: hisonlyqueen]
dazedandconfused Offline
member

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 11
I cut off all contact with my Psychopath three months ago and I blocked his phone number so that he could no longer text or call me. Despite the fact that we reside in neighboring cities, I had not heard a peep from him and all was well.

A few days ago I was abruptly awakened slightly before daybreak by someone ringing my doorbell incessantly. I attempted to look through the peephole prior to opening the door but my view was obstructed. As a result, I cautiously opened the door to find my Psychopath standing on my porch wearing yet another pair of his designer jeans which retail for over $200 a pair.

My Psychopath, whose breath smelled of alcohol, said that he did not want to cause any trouble or become embroiled in a verbal altercation with me, he merely wanted to see our daughter. I explained to my Psychopath that because it was the wee hours of the morning, she was still asleep. My Psychopath subsequently began to ring the doorbell again in an attempt to jar our daughter from her slumber and I demanded that he stop immediately. My Psychopath asked if he could come inside and I told him that I would prefer if he stayed on the porch. My Psychopath said that he had been watching the Olympics recently and was brought to tears by one of the gymnasts who reminded him of our daughter because they have an uncanny physical resemblance to one another.

After that we talked at length about a number of topics that he brought up and for some inexplicable reason, I requested my Psychopath’s permission to give him a hug, which he granted. I subsequently reached out and warmly embraced my Psychopath for a few moments before letting go. I then found myself telling my Psychopath that I still loved him in spite of everything that he put me through. My Psychopath then requested that I entreat him to a kiss, but I explained that I could not as I had not had an opportunity to brush my teeth prior to opening the door. My Psychopath offered to purchase breakfast for us if I would allow him to enter my residence, upon his return, but I declined citing that I would still prefer if he stayed on the porch.

Due to the fact that my Psychopath has not contributed one single solitary dime toward child support for our daughter in only God knows how long, I requested that he make a payment so that I could purchase a new pair of glasses for her. My Psychopath told me that he could not afford to make a child support payment due to the fact that his vehicle payment is nearly $500 per month and that takes precedence over child support. And on that note my Psychopath walked back to his vehicle and drove off, leaving me to feel like such an idiot for expressing my feelings to him.

After the aforementioned encounter, my Psychopath posted the following statement on his facebook wall, “because I was hurt and damaged, I hurt others.”

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#13681 - 08/09/12 06:50 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: dazedandconfused]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
I did not have children with my Psychopath but I did live in the same town and I have been in exactly the situation you have described, but, to my shame, I was stupid enough, and delighted enough to see him after missing him so badly, to have let him have sex too.

Unfortunately for me at the time, for the few hours he was there, it felt like real closeness and "coming home" with the two of us away from the world in a beautiful, wonderful bubble, until he left, but I knew nothing about "everyday" Psychopaths then, I only knew the term in relation to serial killers.

I found it was one thing for me to be strong enough to have no contact and keep myself away from him, but maintaining that was beyond me for a long time if he literally put himself in front of me when I was totally unprepared and had virtually no defences.

Of course he would disappear again having confirmed he could still affect me. He liked to get in touch at around 1-3 a.m, invariably after he had been drinking. I don't think it was Dutch courage, just boredom, and maybe feeling like sex.

From their point of view it is win/win. They are drunk and bored at a time when no one else is around for them to play with, so they come looking for us.

At the very least they have the satisfaction of disturbing us physically and waking us up, i.e. they still have power over us.

They force us to notice them i.e. they still have power over us, when they have power they can cause hurt, discord and confusion.

They force us to drop no contact, i.e. they still have power over us, when they have power they can cause hurt, discord and confusion.

They get to disturb us emotionally,i.e. they still have power over us,when they have power they can cause hurt, discord and confusion.

They get us to admit we still love them, i.e. they still have power over us, when they have power they can cause hurt, discord and confusion.

They get us to respond to them physically, i.e. they still have power over uswhen they have power they can cause hurt, discord and confusion,(and at best they get sex as well, and that intimacy, on our part, gives them more power).

It was no accident he prevented you seeing who was there before you opened the door and most people are going to be disorientated and not thinking quickly and clearly when disturbed under those circumstances with no chance to be prepared. (That's why the police do dawn raids.)

At least, unlike me, you didn't give him the satisfaction of being any more physical.

Put it behind you, but use the knowledge to be stronger in future. smile

We all of us have backward steps trying to get away from our Psychopaths.


Edited by Smokey (08/09/12 11:02 AM)

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#13684 - 08/09/12 10:10 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Smokey]
dazedandconfused Offline
member

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 11
Thanks for the great insight Smokey. Now that I think about it, my Psychopath did the same thing approximately four months ago. I attempted to have no contact with my Psychopath but I was unaware that I could block him from calling and texting me at that particular time. So, in addition to ringing the doorbell repeatedly and pounding on my door like a maniac at 3 a.m. in the morning, my Psychopath also called my phone repeatedly, sent numerous texts announcing the fact that he was on my doorstep and demanding that I open the door and let him inside of my residence so that he could see our daughter. Due to the fact that I read my Psychopath’s text messages after being abruptly awakened, I did not even bother to get out of bed that time. My Psychopath eventually wore himself out and left, leaving me quite perturbed by the fact that I was unable to get back to sleep.

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#13686 - 08/10/12 04:49 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: dazedandconfused]
hisonlyqueen Offline
member

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 26
Dazedandconfused, you actually did really good by being firm and not letting him in, as I was reading your post I was afraid you were going to say you let him back to your life, I am glad you didn't, but be ready now because he might want to try to come back now that he saw a bit of weakness when you expresses you still loved him. be strong...remember they cause nothing but trouble and pain, keep him out of your life.
_________________________
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn't keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell...

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#13697 - 08/14/12 06:26 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: hisonlyqueen]
dazedandconfused Offline
member

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 11
Although I immediately re-instated no contact with my Psychopath after he showed up at my home unexpectedly last week, thoughts of him have now begun to consume my entire being. I am extremely unnerved by the fact that I simply cannot seem to get my Psychopath out of my head.

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#13699 - 08/14/12 07:18 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: dazedandconfused]
NotCrzy Offline
member

Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 61
Yes, they are persistent little buggers how they invade your mind arent they. :-)

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#13701 - 08/15/12 06:09 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: NotCrzy]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
So concise, and so very true Notcrzy. Congratulations on keeping your sense of humour about it smile

I think a lot of it is due to us struggling to understand them, and make any sense of their actions, plus reconciling the fact with the fiction they present. It's hard to have closure without comprehension and comprehending them is so far outside our own actions and emotions.


Edited by Smokey (08/15/12 06:11 AM)

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#13708 - 08/15/12 10:11 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Smokey]
NotCrzy Offline
member

Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 61
I agree Smokey. Trying to understand and continuously asking "why" is unproductive. It is hard not to though, I think it is human nature to try to make sense of the confusion that the Psychopaths gaslighting, manipulation and lies result in.

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#13758 - 08/28/12 09:05 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Hi anyone,
has anyone gone thru the family of psychopath I'm reading lots and am overwhelmed I have found no contact real easy in reality I feel relieved now I avoid any place of seeing, hearing I found though the closeness of parents they obviously feel or been told I'm no good etc etc it hurt me at first because I had a bit of a blindfold on the family thing I find it a bit uneasy that psychopaths parents want to talk about him or find out what has happened because I broke down in front of them I've found it a bit weird the persistance of notifying me of their events but not officially inviting me bit sort of rubbing my face into it I have been so uneducated with how mind games work.

I know you can't give me a solution but what I feel and I've tried to do for a long time now is cut them I feel they have indeed known me for a very long time and were good people to us bit when things went bad with me and psychopath it was like they knew before me what was going to happen it's strange I maintain no contact but the parents contact Ive been spoken to like I'm the problem but I'm not in contact with the psychopath I've noticed messages on my machine to call urgent it's very important I rang back no answer then another message to call very urgent could this be psychopath playing games or parents are they setting me up my best solution is I've screened incoming caller Id numbers I'm not answering the two to three calls per day not answering the it's urgent message when it's not I'm really having a problem understanding this I think I am doing the right thing to cut them off too they have I know this psychopath in their daily life but I'm not in their daily life what's the deal here???? This another psychopath tactict to get even or ?

I've told them as low as it was I'm sorry any of my breakdowns cause them grief, I will look into forgiving him one day, I don't want to talk about it anymore, I'm glad there having a event sorry I can't attend , I avoid any contact entering any shops they might be parked out the front what more do they want???? It cannot be normal to persist torment to someone who has gone thru so much and they know that I know and have read the ongoing aftermath so I've blocked psychopath from my view now it seems I do the same with parents? Am I dumb? What else do they take from you is there anything left to take ??

My counsillor asked me yesterday where did I think this type of mistrust relationship would of taken me my life and family if it was with this person in the future imagine where you would be? My reply was apart from experiencing hell it would probably either be the same or worse , he said there is your answer . I read in a post to be free from this they are not going to set or let it go you have to I think this was the most powerful thing I've read in trying to analyse this lost psychopath today my decision is to set myself free and go far away, one thing puzzles me I mentioned police to psychopath if he didn't stop and he has stopped I don't know why but I think psychopath was let down by my action of course the payback another woman or three but psychopath must be frightened in himself - I am starting to see what the definite mask they put on ?

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#13841 - 09/12/12 07:12 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Brokenintopieces Offline
member

Registered: 09/04/12
Posts: 6
I am drinking now and listening to country music. I love him still even though he has no care or love for me ? Why do I love someone who used me and hurt me the beatings and lies, why do I hate my life .. he text me everyother day and he says I need some juicey you know what . I have his password on a dating site he is targeting others telling them how sexy they are and all kind of things. I am so lonley I just can't deal with this. He lives in my same town . I have rode by late at night by the house tinder if he has another car there a woman . I wish he he never was in my life . I can't keep my heart clsomebody give me the answers. I get a new place .. someone complained about me being a drunkvand all out side disturbing .. I never did. I know he did that to make me get evicted for this is his town .. I don't know what he is gonna to next .. he seems to still want to text men. If I answer to him he has control but yet he does not love or care for me.. make him go away for my depression is getting bad . I tried going out with new guys but I have no feeling inside to want another man . I can't stop this hurt and him in my heart or my Jews .. why do I love and want him to come to me and tell me he misses me ? I must he so stupid because I am beautiful.and everyone tells me I can do better and I am everything most men would die for .. Omg I am crazy ... osed . As bad as he is why do I want him ..
_________________________
Ales

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#13842 - 09/12/12 08:21 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Brokenintopieces]
planetchildren Offline
member

Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46
Dear Brokenintopieces,

My son married a Psychohpath and had a son with her. They are now divorced. At 34 years old he had open heart suregery. They were divorced at this time and she was remarried. She and my son had an affair. My son's blood pressure spiked and he was rushed to the hospital with an aortic aneursym. He almost died. He survives with an aneursym. He has lost his son due to parental alienation by the Psychopath. He still pays child support. He has almost lost his life on several occasions brought on by heavy drinking. The Psychopath lives in a nice home with her son and husband.
My family has no contact with my grandson. My son loved her and wanted all of us to accept her while she destroyed him. As he was being taken to surgery, he asked me to please get along with her...even though she was married and living with another man. I did not know at that time the extent of her evilness.

I really thought she loved my son and my grandson even though she always tried to alienate me from my son and gs. Now I know differently. If you can only believe and know that a Psychopath can not love anyone ever, you will hopefully be able to move on. He may be with other women, but he will never love anyone. He will use, manipulate, and destroy anyone he comes in contact with.

Please don't waste your life. You will need help getting throught this. But once you do, you will look back and see the trail of destruction that he has left behind and know that you have made the right decision.

I am so sorry for your suffering.

I know what a Psychopath can do to another person.

You desreve better.

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#13846 - 09/13/12 08:47 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: planetchildren]
Brokenintopieces Offline
member

Registered: 09/04/12
Posts: 6
Thank you, I am trying. I have a good job .he text me tells me ugly things about me . I do wish he would find someone to mess with enstead of me .
_________________________
Ales

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#13847 - 09/13/12 10:47 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Brokenintopieces]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
Remember projection- the ugly things he is saying about you are very possibly the truth about himself.

Unfortunately love and logic are very different things so trying to rationalise yourself out of love is none too easy.

I am so sorry for your pain. I have been there and it is possible to come out the other side, albeit with great regrets and in my case it took many years.

However I still need no contact or I could all too easily fall back into that whole awful mess again.


Edited by Smokey (09/13/12 10:50 AM)

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#13877 - 09/26/12 01:47 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Brokenintopieces]
trudy Offline
member

Registered: 04/28/12
Posts: 24

I am very sorry that you are suffering so deeply. At first we endure a seemingly unending agony. Reading your posts reminds me of those horrible early days. I recall longing for his recognition and a reconciliation with the person I had loved so blindly. I would have done anything to return to the way things were, to undo or un-see and un-hear all the craziness. Not anymore. Reality has sunk in,I hate what happened, occasionally I miss the person I thought I knew, but I know better. I am no longer a basket case. I have no interest in being a pawn in his pitiful world.

It might take you a while to get your head around the situation because your brain is forced to process something for which it has no working frame of reference. Few people have any idea, I never did and I am reasonably well read and intelligent. I held the movie version of the Psychopath as my reference point.

I can offer you hope; one day when enough time has passed without contact you will feel better. Keep trying, take it easy on yourself and take care of yourself. Remind yourself that he has nothing of value to offer you, he never did have. Psychopaths are cowards, cons, sadists and faithless liars. The Psychopath is UNABLE to relate in any meaningful way to anyone. He is UNTREATABLE. He will project his own rage, hostility, paranoia, faults etc... on to you. He is eternally enslaved by his pathology and will reenact his scenario repeatedly throughout his life objectifying all and showing particular hatred for all that is female.

It has been eighteen months for me and though I am not where I want to be I am no longer in the depths of despair. My brain used to be in a fog, frequent crying, frozen in a loop of intrusive thoughts of the Psychopath. Because of him I lost my business, my family and the Psychopath. He was also my business partner and a man whom I had trusted for 23 years. Blindsided would not begin to describe the situation. I could not afford therapy but hundreds of hours of research, reading and this web site have given me the tools to keep moving, ever onward, past those early days and on to the rest of my life. Better to live in a shotgun shack than a castle with the Psychopath.

You mentioned that people say you can do so much better, believe them.

All my best to you.

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#16769 - 06/04/16 12:29 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Sincere98 Offline
member

Registered: 06/04/16
Posts: 1
Hi... Uhm I'm kind of looking for an outlet, hopefully help but it seems this forum is dead... But the phsycopath isn't my family, she was a friend... More then a friend for a night but it was just that.. But she randomly stabbed my face three times one night dropping her off... For no reason at all. I'm a 18 Year old girl,just about to turn 18 actually.. I'm not sure if there is an age restriction. And if so I'm sorry I wasn't aware.. but I just had no where else to turn... My family doesn't get it, I have no friends because of her... All of them are talking to her again, and she was a centimeter away from my artery on my throat... Now I have three scarrs.. I have no idea what's going on with my case I'm from new York and everything is so full. So my d.a. doesn't even know my name really... I feel lost and alone and terrified to leave my house... She's taunting me on the side lines, she was manipulating me the whole friendship, isolating me from everyone, even my own boyfriend... Who she had known for years and only I for a year... Me and him had a problem like Ross and Rachel with the whole it was a break thing, haha, and then he lost his trust in me and turned to her.. He trusted her more then me... And she tried to kill me in his car, he took the knife and threw it out the car... Later it was recovered by police... But she's out having the time of her life... She lives. in Jersey, not to far from this drug addict Island... But she comes to visit people I was friends with... Not even a week ago we were talking and I see him and her on instagram drinking and having fun.. I can't take this I really am crashing... I need someone or something to save me. I don't want to feel like this but I can't help it... All I want is to cry and hurt myself because I hate myself now. I'm more disgusting then I ever was... I hate therapy. I tried it twice, first I was actually made fun of because she had to do so many tests more then she has ever done. So maybe I'm a psychopath? I just don't get it. I don't want to hurt anyone, I'm scared to fight and I almost die? I was told on the table I was pale as a ghost, they thought I was gonna die. And all I remember is feeling the blood drip down.. I just wish there was someone who could help me through this. But I can't trust anyone. I was nearly murdered by the first friend I've had in years. I was molested by my cousin. My mom was knocked out by a random guy in the house, twice one when I was there another when I wasn't... She didn't kill me, but she killed who I was. And every day I think about her. I don't ant to, songs, clothes of mine, people just trigger her into my head. And then I just can't stop visualizing the reflection of my carried face in the visor when I went to see what she did... I thought she was punching me. I couldn't even feel it. The hair pulling, pinning me to my seat from behind, I hate people behind me, touching my hair.. I think I need to move..

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#16774 - 06/08/16 01:15 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Sincere98]
Styx Offline
member

Registered: 05/13/16
Posts: 19
Sincere98

I am sorry you are having such a terrible time of things.

Styx

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