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#13281 - 05/13/12 10:22 AM living in the same town.....
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
I live and work within 2 miles of my ex psychopaths new victim work place and apt.. (I have to drive by it at least 5 times a day)( i've tried different routes but it's much farther out of my way...it just reminds me of why i'm taking the long way.. I feel as if it's time for me to get a grip and get some control back in my life) ...and my work is a half mile from that. I see my ex psychopath consistently driving by....I'm trying my best to act as if he doesn't exist...or he's nothing...are there any other suggestions anyone might have as to how to avoid the pain of his existence?.....thanks

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#13355 - 05/28/12 06:55 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Hi...I haven't written for a while...I hope all is well...I have recently had contact and i'm a mess...I gave him the finger and told him to f off one day driving in my car and that started a series of events...the latest was having his new victim call me at 11;30 last night to tell me off! He apparently shared with her EXACTLY what he thought would fuel her fire about a conversation we had...He told her that I wanted him back and had been calling him...he was the one calling me........I'm so done...I now know NO CONTACT means no good or BAD contact....Wow I actually thought he wouldn't react to it...I was dead wrong and still suffering the consequences....I can't wait until I get out of this town

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#13360 - 05/29/12 07:30 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
hisonlyqueen Offline
member

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 26
becky, I know exactly how you feel. I made the mistake of talking to him and I am a mess. I feel I failed everyone and I have not told anyone I talked to him because I am embarrassed that I did. I wish I could leave town as well or be sucked under earth right now. frown
_________________________
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn't keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell...

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#13362 - 05/30/12 12:24 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: hisonlyqueen]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
becky, dont take it so hard, coz after all it brings you to the point where you stop denying reality. And thats a good place:)
If this whole mess was what you needed to definitely see his crazy side - it was worth it.

You are getting out of town? what do you mean? moving out or vacation?

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#13363 - 05/30/12 11:27 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Hi Newbird.....I am going away for the summer.....I have been talking to abuse crisis people today and they told me that the tactics hes been using on me are all to gain control.......They suggest I get a restraining order....He'll have to give up his guns which will totally Psychopath... him off. I'm not sure what I should do......I don't feel safe but I don't want to stir things up to make him madder....

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#13366 - 05/30/12 11:43 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: hisonlyqueen]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi hisonlyqueen, welcome to our community. Please don't be so hard on yourself, I realize it is easier said than done. Relapse is part of recovery. You took the first huge step in getting away, just think of this as a minor lapse.

I know shame is part of the process but we are here for you and if the urge strikes you again and you are comfortable posting we can hopefully help to bring you back to earth. We will never judge you, you just did what you did and learned from it.

Di

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#13367 - 05/30/12 11:47 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Becky, clearly the decision is yours involving a restraining order, however it is only as good in many cases as the paper it is written on. Over the years some members have done such a thing and it did backfire, the Psychopath then filed restraining orders on them and the circle kept going.

I can only say that if it were me I would just get out of town and enjoy a break from his evil web.

I am not sure getting in his target range is the wisest move, that is only my opinion and what I would do, what you decide to do we will support you.

Di

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#13368 - 05/30/12 12:07 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Dianne E.]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thank you so much Dianne....I was hoping you would see my post and respond. I'm just nervous because I did spill my guts to his new girlfriend.......long story....he called me the other night and told me she wanted to talk to me...I know now he was either a) trying to gain my control back.......or b)trying to control her ( she shared with me that she was thinking of leaving him).....Im just scared hes going to come after me for sharing so much with her...she was supposed to call me the next day to talk more (her suggestion).....but she never did...I totally dont want to be on his radar but I dont want to underestimate his dangerousness....please respond quickly I'm meeting a friend to go to the court house to speak to an advocate.......I also feel like I should share with the new victim what I've learned about what hes trying to do...I know I shouldnt but she seemed as confused as me....

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#13369 - 05/30/12 01:41 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Becky, take a breath and see what your gut says. I think you need to focus on your own healing and am sad to say by engaging with his girl friend and spilling information will only be harmful to you.

I am not an attorney but to file a restraining order could open a bag of worms that you don't need. You will have to have proof and what will you gain? All I can see is the downside. That is just my opinion.

Di

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#13370 - 05/30/12 04:08 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Dianne E.]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Diane you are so right....I did not get the restraining order...The victim advocate said a few things to me thou and i'd like your opinion.....Do you think its possible for him to have moved on from and is just trying to get her jealous by talking about me all the time?? Is it possible for them to move on when they're done playing with you?....He told me he was done and that he didn't care about me at all.....but he also was telling me he still cared and loved me....i'm hoping he was just trying to manipulate me into thinking he cared...I was also told by his new gf that he talks about me all the time.....the advocate said that sounds like he's still thinking about me and abusers never want to let go...Is this true for psychopaths too? thanks.

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