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#13320 - 05/23/12 06:32 AM new developments around my son - help?
marinde Offline
member

Registered: 09/19/11
Posts: 58
I've told my story before here on the forum... but would like to ask for advice.

I have a 1.5 year old son of a man I believe to be a quite vicious psychopath. Many things happened.. but the situation is now the following.

He went to court to get visitation and fathership rights. Court case will be within days. The most likely outcome:

*He will get fathership rights. Problem - he treatened that I have an accident and die after he gets legal fathership, so that he has sole custody. Or to kidnap the boy. I've thought real hard about it and think he really wants to have ("own")him, for whatever sick reason.

*They will work towards unsupervised visitation as quick as possible. They will place a child care worker as a sort of legal supervisor over my custody so they can force visitation. Problem - well...who'd want a sick sadist psychopath with pedophile tendencies near their child?!?

Besides that someone he knows recently hinted at him being involved in international crime and having some real scary criminal friends, as I already feared.

I do not have access to weapens. I collapsed so don't have power to run and hide. It feels rather...stupid... to just sit and wait whether he'll make his threats come true...

Has anyone found a better solution??

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#13321 - 05/23/12 10:33 AM Re: new developments around my son - help? [Re: marinde]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi marinde,

I can only imagine the sheer fear you are in. Something in my mind says to get the strength to run. I saw a show years ago that was my first thought. There was a show about a group who ran an underground operation to help mothers in your situation.

Is there a domestic abuse group where you live? While I don't advocate for breaking the law, your child is in danger and so are you. I wouldn't take threats like these casually.

Can you get the courts to set the date back so you have time to put a plan into action? Lawyers usually extend the courtesy by saying they are not ready, it is very common so can you get your lawyer to get another court date? I would call immediately and ask for an extension of the court date to gather your thoughts and make a plan.

I don't know where to find these groups but would be more than willing to help you find one. Do you have family that supports you?

I don't know what country you are in nor do I want you to post it but if you want to email me dianne77@msn.com I will do some searching to try and help.

By your description of him you have every reason to be in fear for yourself and your child. I would never tell anyone what to do, that is your decision but if it were me I would be figuring out how to run so he never finds me again.

How strong is your attorney? Does he or she realize the severe danger you are in? My first step would be to delay the next court appearance and work on a plan. Do you have any evidence of what he has said? I would get some, find out the recording laws where you live and get him to threaten you on tape. Even if you don't use it publicly it can be evidence to get some group to help you hide if that is what you feel would be the best to protect your child from him.

Di

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#13323 - 05/23/12 02:57 PM Re: new developments around my son - help? [Re: Dianne E.]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
I was going to suggest the same thing...something like Women's Aid, or a domestic abuse charity. They won't tell you what to do, or what to think, but they will help you in whatever you decide to do.

I, like Di, am also of the feeling that you should leave, find a way of disappearing completely and going off the radar. It might mean moving from where you are, even perhaps moving country? Perhaps changing your name? The domestic abuse charity can help you with all of this and discuss your options.

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#13324 - 05/23/12 07:40 PM Re: new developments around my son - help? [Re: starry]
Dianne E. Offline

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member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Thanks starry, I was wondering if I was going in the right direction. I think after all these years of such sad heart breaking stories about children and Psychopaths I can only see one route. I wish I could say that any case over all these years with our community had a happy ending but really can't as long as the Psychopath is within the range of a child.

I would also check into what countries don't extradite a person back, have seen some criminal Psychopaths use this to avoid being returned here to the US to face charges.

Di

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#13333 - 05/26/12 08:22 AM Re: new developments around my son - help? [Re: Dianne E.]
marinde Offline
member

Registered: 09/19/11
Posts: 58
Hi!

Thanks so so much for your thoughts...

I am in real fear, and think he IS capable of everything. The only thing I doubt about is what he really wants...if he'd f.e. take the risk of getting caught...if he'd prefer to "get us" slowly through the courts or in the illegal way. If he'd just kill me off all the toying and "fun" would be over at once. Unfortunately I still can't read his sick mind.

Running really isn't an option...the court date is too soon. I've tried delaying the date, but got a "no" from the judge. If I'd run now, they'd get me back. And I'm scared he would find me anyway and we'll be away from our family and friends, so even more vulnerable. I'm afraid that he WANTS me to panic, so that I do things like running away and he can say "see, she's crazy, give me the child".

My lawyer is a good lawyer, but doesn't understand we're in real danger. I don't have good evidence and he stopped threatening me now, since he knows I'd record it. He's the long term planning type of psychopath, all his steps were calculated. My lawyer does seem to believe he threatens and lies, but doesn't believe he's a real danger. "Statistically" we've got a small chance of being killed, all these court people and psychologists say.

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#13334 - 05/26/12 09:57 AM Re: new developments around my son - help? [Re: marinde]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi, I can understand your position, however I would take a one page sheet detailing the extreme measures that you fear of and sit down with your lawyer. You need to tell him that you don't want to end up one of the statistics. Don't let anyone brush off your fears, who can calculate what he might really do. If you are lucky he will move on. Attorneys get hardened by all the actions on both sides during divorce and sometimes unfortunately there are false claims about child abuse. You can write up a list to take to your attorney and post it here and we can help you with the wording, he needs to understand that this isn't some run of the mill nasty divorce.

If he does get visitation you are going to have to be like a detective to prove any sexual abuse. Get a recorder placed in the entrance to your home where he will be picking up your child and also in your child's room. He may just threaten you when he comes by and you will have valid evidence. Your child may just act out in the privacy of their room and you need to see what is going on.

They don't have accurate statistics, the 1 - 3% of the population has never been updated to my knowledge since the early prison studies over 20 year ago.

Hardly a week goes by when one of the major news shows does an hour long show about a socialized Psychopath who murders someone, typically a spouse. Sometimes it is women Psychopaths also.

I don't think it is my wild imagination that they are everywhere. Recently I found one who is running a major medical operation here, it was surreal, I had been in the same State where he had been operating previously. I had been told by a prominent psychiatrist one day when we were chatting about Psychopaths and victims that he was a "classic" Psychopath so his name was in the back of my mind. Imagine my surprise when one day out of the blue I did a Google search of his name, my hair on the back of my neck stood up.

Would you consider that your x is a socialized Psychopath? If so I can guess he has a past. They usually do. Does he have other children with other women?

Di

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#13335 - 05/26/12 10:52 AM Re: new developments around my son - help? [Re: Dianne E.]
worried female Offline
member

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 8
Hello there, i was needing advice and help i dont know who to turn to regarding the relationship i have found myself in with a psychopath that is also a serious danger to his own child he has total custody of his child and he has fooled all the prof in his life for example social services, this man has beaten up so many women, he has fathered 9 children to 7 women,

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#13337 - 05/26/12 04:01 PM Re: new developments around my son - help? [Re: worried female]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi worried female, welcome to our community. It sounds like you are in a very bad situation and I applaud your concern for his child. If you are comfortable telling more of your story we could help support you better.

Di

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#13340 - 05/27/12 08:15 AM Re: new developments around my son - help? [Re: Dianne E.]
worried female Offline
member

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 8
i feel ashamed that i have been fooled by such a dangerous man over the years, i feel so confused as well, it had started years ago, i was a very independent female single mother to my own child i had went to a music festival and this man had began chatting to all of us he came across as very spiritual and eco thinking ect, he was much older than myself,so over a year he would chat over the phone to me about me gardening ect, he would always try and ask me out saying that he had never came across a female like me that was into gardening,being creative,ect, but i would always refuse to date him as i never wanted to have a man in my life as i was more focused on bringing my child up ,so one day he had popped over to mine to get flower seeds that i had in my house,

I had let him in my house,the next thing i knew i was in hospital as i had went into a coma with all my organs failure and i had been on life support machines keeping me alive ,i had no memory of what had happened when this man had came into my house , my family had found my phone as the hospital did not know at time what had happened to me,the doctors where thinking i had been drug overdose, so my family found my mobile phone and seen he was the last person to had been in contact with me so my father contacted him he said he had been in contact with me but left my house ,then the doctors found out i had contracted meningtis and septaiciema the doctors said to my family that could only of happened by very close sexual contact, so when i came out of the coma i could not walk or talk i had to learn all this again, well this same man got back in contact with me while i was in wheelchair saying oh if he had known how ill i was he would of phoned a ambulance ect, and he was saying things like i will always love you and i want to be with you and you need me because i was in wheelchair ,so i started to believe him as i was in a bad way in wheelchair learning to walk again, so i started a relationship with him and then thats when things began to become so dangerous, he is a single parent to a young boy his son is the same age group to my daughter ,this man would phone me up very late at night crying saying it is okay for me having food,heating,electric in my house that he has nothing and that he was going to put his son into foster care ,i would ended up sending taxi which would cost me over 85 pounds to send taxi as he lives over 45 miles away from me and i would send money,clothes,food ect to him ,he would become very detached towards me very cold,he would blame every single person saying its there fault and he is a good person ,

he would say he doesnt do sorry or thankyou, he asked me at the beging to get married to him and be engaged and at the start he was very charming then i started to see things that showed to me that he was telling so many lies, the outcome of our relationship was he had cheated on me with over 20 females, and also he tryed to electrucate me to death ,and also he had beaten these females up ,he had also fathered 9 children to 7 women ,he had taken 56 thousands pounds from me ,also he had sex with his sister that has serious problems,also his wee boy who is only 6 years old has witnessed him having sex with diff females,his wee boy was covered in bruises, the wee boy has witness his dad battering lumps out of other women ,

the police have been called so many times but he has been able to con and fool the police into thinking he is a amazing human being, he has fooled the social services as well, and also just very recently i found out from him that the day he had came over to mine to get flower seeds just a couple of hours later i was rushed in to hosp in a coma that he said he had the best sex he had ever had because he said he had forced my arms up my back and that he was pulling my hair ect ,i know for a fact i would of never of allowed this to happen to me so when the doctors where saying to my family that they had thought i had been drug overdose i honestly thinking he must of spiked me because i was saying no i didnt want to date him, he bragged about what he did to me that fateful day of me going into a coma with all my organs failure of kidneys,liver,lungs and cardiac arrest, and i took a stroke,

the problem is i have escaped being in a relationship as when he tried to kill me by electructing me to death which he had set up but he was going to make it look like a accident to officals, he had put all the electrics in kingsize container and he had ran the water and he was trying to shove and grab me into the container well i fled and escaped , the problem is i am so worried about the little boy as i was very close to his son but his son has changed badly because of his father his father is getting the little boy to pick up women for him to have sex with so that he can abuse, so the little boy goes up to random women saying "i love you will you come and have a sleep over at mine " ect the women that his father gets his wee son to approach are women that are in there late 40s that have serious drink problems ect ,

just on friday night my phone went and it was his little boy on the phone screaming and crying for help and the woman that was in his house was shouting in the back ground that he had battered her and the next minute i could hear was police had arrived because neighbours had called them and he made out to the police there wasnt any problems ect and then police left, the wee boy is in great danger ,what do i do about this? as the social work have been fooled by this man ,the police have been fooled by this man as even when he has battered all these women he makes out that it was women that have done this ect

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#13343 - 05/27/12 01:33 PM Re: new developments around my son - help? [Re: worried female]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
OK, there is a special section of the police which deals with. It's called either the Family Protection Unit, or the Female and Child Unit (they changed their name at one point). The officers there are very highly trained and really very good at understanding these kinds of dynamics. I know because I went to speak to them (being in a slightly similar situation to yourself and having the same type of concerns). My main worry was that they wouldn't believe me, that the whole story seemed so unbelievable and a lot of what happened to me was gone, I couldn't remember. I know they think that I was drugged.

It's possible to give a statement to this unit for information purposes only, and to do it anonymously. It means they won't pursue a prosecution on your behalf (unless you want to) but there is an official record of the information you have. The police will pass their concerns onto social services, but very importantly, your statement will also remain on file with them as an official record and should they need it at any point in the future, they can access it.

I'd also suggest that you get in touch with Women's Aid. They'e absolutely fantastic (obviously) and will work to give you support.

I understand how manipulative these people are, and I was convinced that the police wouldn't believe me, but they really did, and they understood the sort of person that he is. But it wasn't the normal police (they were a bit rubbish), it was the special unit I spoke to.

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