#13320 - 05/23/12 06:32 AM
new developments around my son - help?
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member
Registered: 09/19/11
Posts: 58
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I've told my story before here on the forum... but would like to ask for advice.
I have a 1.5 year old son of a man I believe to be a quite vicious psychopath. Many things happened.. but the situation is now the following.
He went to court to get visitation and fathership rights. Court case will be within days. The most likely outcome:
*He will get fathership rights. Problem - he treatened that I have an accident and die after he gets legal fathership, so that he has sole custody. Or to kidnap the boy. I've thought real hard about it and think he really wants to have ("own")him, for whatever sick reason.
*They will work towards unsupervised visitation as quick as possible. They will place a child care worker as a sort of legal supervisor over my custody so they can force visitation. Problem - well...who'd want a sick sadist psychopath with pedophile tendencies near their child?!?
Besides that someone he knows recently hinted at him being involved in international crime and having some real scary criminal friends, as I already feared.
I do not have access to weapens. I collapsed so don't have power to run and hide. It feels rather...stupid... to just sit and wait whether he'll make his threats come true...
Has anyone found a better solution??
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#13321 - 05/23/12 10:33 AM
Re: new developments around my son - help?
[Re: marinde]
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Administrator
member
Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
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Hi marinde, I can only imagine the sheer fear you are in. Something in my mind says to get the strength to run. I saw a show years ago that was my first thought. There was a show about a group who ran an underground operation to help mothers in your situation. Is there a domestic abuse group where you live? While I don't advocate for breaking the law, your child is in danger and so are you. I wouldn't take threats like these casually. Can you get the courts to set the date back so you have time to put a plan into action? Lawyers usually extend the courtesy by saying they are not ready, it is very common so can you get your lawyer to get another court date? I would call immediately and ask for an extension of the court date to gather your thoughts and make a plan. I don't know where to find these groups but would be more than willing to help you find one. Do you have family that supports you? I don't know what country you are in nor do I want you to post it but if you want to email me dianne77@msn.com I will do some searching to try and help. By your description of him you have every reason to be in fear for yourself and your child. I would never tell anyone what to do, that is your decision but if it were me I would be figuring out how to run so he never finds me again. How strong is your attorney? Does he or she realize the severe danger you are in? My first step would be to delay the next court appearance and work on a plan. Do you have any evidence of what he has said? I would get some, find out the recording laws where you live and get him to threaten you on tape. Even if you don't use it publicly it can be evidence to get some group to help you hide if that is what you feel would be the best to protect your child from him. Di
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#13323 - 05/23/12 02:57 PM
Re: new developments around my son - help?
[Re: Dianne E.]
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member
Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
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I was going to suggest the same thing...something like Women's Aid, or a domestic abuse charity. They won't tell you what to do, or what to think, but they will help you in whatever you decide to do.
I, like Di, am also of the feeling that you should leave, find a way of disappearing completely and going off the radar. It might mean moving from where you are, even perhaps moving country? Perhaps changing your name? The domestic abuse charity can help you with all of this and discuss your options.
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#13333 - 05/26/12 08:22 AM
Re: new developments around my son - help?
[Re: Dianne E.]
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member
Registered: 09/19/11
Posts: 58
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Hi!
Thanks so so much for your thoughts...
I am in real fear, and think he IS capable of everything. The only thing I doubt about is what he really wants...if he'd f.e. take the risk of getting caught...if he'd prefer to "get us" slowly through the courts or in the illegal way. If he'd just kill me off all the toying and "fun" would be over at once. Unfortunately I still can't read his sick mind.
Running really isn't an option...the court date is too soon. I've tried delaying the date, but got a "no" from the judge. If I'd run now, they'd get me back. And I'm scared he would find me anyway and we'll be away from our family and friends, so even more vulnerable. I'm afraid that he WANTS me to panic, so that I do things like running away and he can say "see, she's crazy, give me the child".
My lawyer is a good lawyer, but doesn't understand we're in real danger. I don't have good evidence and he stopped threatening me now, since he knows I'd record it. He's the long term planning type of psychopath, all his steps were calculated. My lawyer does seem to believe he threatens and lies, but doesn't believe he's a real danger. "Statistically" we've got a small chance of being killed, all these court people and psychologists say.
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#13335 - 05/26/12 10:52 AM
Re: new developments around my son - help?
[Re: Dianne E.]
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member
Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 8
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Hello there, i was needing advice and help i dont know who to turn to regarding the relationship i have found myself in with a psychopath that is also a serious danger to his own child he has total custody of his child and he has fooled all the prof in his life for example social services, this man has beaten up so many women, he has fathered 9 children to 7 women,
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#13340 - 05/27/12 08:15 AM
Re: new developments around my son - help?
[Re: Dianne E.]
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member
Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 8
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i feel ashamed that i have been fooled by such a dangerous man over the years, i feel so confused as well, it had started years ago, i was a very independent female single mother to my own child i had went to a music festival and this man had began chatting to all of us he came across as very spiritual and eco thinking ect, he was much older than myself,so over a year he would chat over the phone to me about me gardening ect, he would always try and ask me out saying that he had never came across a female like me that was into gardening,being creative,ect, but i would always refuse to date him as i never wanted to have a man in my life as i was more focused on bringing my child up ,so one day he had popped over to mine to get flower seeds that i had in my house,
I had let him in my house,the next thing i knew i was in hospital as i had went into a coma with all my organs failure and i had been on life support machines keeping me alive ,i had no memory of what had happened when this man had came into my house , my family had found my phone as the hospital did not know at time what had happened to me,the doctors where thinking i had been drug overdose, so my family found my mobile phone and seen he was the last person to had been in contact with me so my father contacted him he said he had been in contact with me but left my house ,then the doctors found out i had contracted meningtis and septaiciema the doctors said to my family that could only of happened by very close sexual contact, so when i came out of the coma i could not walk or talk i had to learn all this again, well this same man got back in contact with me while i was in wheelchair saying oh if he had known how ill i was he would of phoned a ambulance ect, and he was saying things like i will always love you and i want to be with you and you need me because i was in wheelchair ,so i started to believe him as i was in a bad way in wheelchair learning to walk again, so i started a relationship with him and then thats when things began to become so dangerous, he is a single parent to a young boy his son is the same age group to my daughter ,this man would phone me up very late at night crying saying it is okay for me having food,heating,electric in my house that he has nothing and that he was going to put his son into foster care ,i would ended up sending taxi which would cost me over £85 pounds to send taxi as he lives over 45 miles away from me and i would send money,clothes,food ect to him ,he would become very detached towards me very cold,he would blame every single person saying its there fault and he is a good person ,
he would say he doesnt do sorry or thankyou, he asked me at the beging to get married to him and be engaged and at the start he was very charming then i started to see things that showed to me that he was telling so many lies, the outcome of our relationship was he had cheated on me with over 20 females, and also he tryed to electrucate me to death ,and also he had beaten these females up ,he had also fathered 9 children to 7 women ,he had taken £56 thousands pounds from me ,also he had sex with his sister that has serious problems,also his wee boy who is only 6 years old has witnessed him having sex with diff females,his wee boy was covered in bruises, the wee boy has witness his dad battering lumps out of other women ,
the police have been called so many times but he has been able to con and fool the police into thinking he is a amazing human being, he has fooled the social services as well, and also just very recently i found out from him that the day he had came over to mine to get flower seeds just a couple of hours later i was rushed in to hosp in a coma that he said he had the best sex he had ever had because he said he had forced my arms up my back and that he was pulling my hair ect ,i know for a fact i would of never of allowed this to happen to me so when the doctors where saying to my family that they had thought i had been drug overdose i honestly thinking he must of spiked me because i was saying no i didnt want to date him, he bragged about what he did to me that fateful day of me going into a coma with all my organs failure of kidneys,liver,lungs and cardiac arrest, and i took a stroke,
the problem is i have escaped being in a relationship as when he tried to kill me by electructing me to death which he had set up but he was going to make it look like a accident to officals, he had put all the electrics in kingsize container and he had ran the water and he was trying to shove and grab me into the container well i fled and escaped , the problem is i am so worried about the little boy as i was very close to his son but his son has changed badly because of his father his father is getting the little boy to pick up women for him to have sex with so that he can abuse, so the little boy goes up to random women saying "i love you will you come and have a sleep over at mine " ect the women that his father gets his wee son to approach are women that are in there late 40s that have serious drink problems ect ,
just on friday night my phone went and it was his little boy on the phone screaming and crying for help and the woman that was in his house was shouting in the back ground that he had battered her and the next minute i could hear was police had arrived because neighbours had called them and he made out to the police there wasnt any problems ect and then police left, the wee boy is in great danger ,what do i do about this? as the social work have been fooled by this man ,the police have been fooled by this man as even when he has battered all these women he makes out that it was women that have done this ect
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#13343 - 05/27/12 01:33 PM
Re: new developments around my son - help?
[Re: worried female]
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member
Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
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OK, there is a special section of the police which deals with. It's called either the Family Protection Unit, or the Female and Child Unit (they changed their name at one point). The officers there are very highly trained and really very good at understanding these kinds of dynamics. I know because I went to speak to them (being in a slightly similar situation to yourself and having the same type of concerns). My main worry was that they wouldn't believe me, that the whole story seemed so unbelievable and a lot of what happened to me was gone, I couldn't remember. I know they think that I was drugged.
It's possible to give a statement to this unit for information purposes only, and to do it anonymously. It means they won't pursue a prosecution on your behalf (unless you want to) but there is an official record of the information you have. The police will pass their concerns onto social services, but very importantly, your statement will also remain on file with them as an official record and should they need it at any point in the future, they can access it.
I'd also suggest that you get in touch with Women's Aid. They'e absolutely fantastic (obviously) and will work to give you support.
I understand how manipulative these people are, and I was convinced that the police wouldn't believe me, but they really did, and they understood the sort of person that he is. But it wasn't the normal police (they were a bit rubbish), it was the special unit I spoke to.
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