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#13217 - 05/05/12 07:37 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: starry]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
starry, that is so sad to hear.
The WHY questions are probably the worst things, knowing that they're Psychopats answers that only partly. And we have to go on with these questions our life long... Why did they do that in the first place, why to us when we did nothing wrong and oh god the hell why doesnt anybody do anything about it? Its all wrong its all so f.. wrong and nobody wants to make it right...

I'm reading Psychopath NEXT DOOR now, a very good book. In the beginning, the author describes how she has worked with people as a therapist. She writes:

"My trauma patients suffer from a host of torments, incl. chronic anxiety, incapacitating depression and dissociative mental states, and, feeling that their time on earth was unbearable, many of them have come to me after recovering from attempts to commit suicide. Some have been traumatized by natural and man-made disasters such as earthquakes and wars, but most of them have been controlled and psychologically shattered by individual human perpetrators, often Psychopaths-sometimes sociopathic strangers but more typically sociopathic parents, older relatives, or siblings. (...)
I have become convinced that dealing openly and directly with the facts about sociopathy is a matter of urgency for us all."



Why aren't they teaching it at schools yet?

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#13414 - 06/07/12 12:26 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
JamesWQ Offline
member

Registered: 10/29/11
Posts: 18
Forgive me for taking up space in this thread..and my posts I did here some time were just rants

I just need somewhere to write...I don't have friends now, there's no one to talk to but that's alright I don't want to

It's been almost a year now since I figured out the game..I was with one who faked being pregnant

I can't get past it. I think of her every day in both good and bad ways, seems I can't stop it. Almost the instant I wake up
For a guy who used to have little to no feelings, I've gone all emotional during this year

I've alienated my friends, some days I don't get up at all. I should probably get treatment but my ego won't let me do it...besides psychiatry is a catch22 in my opinion...if you think you need it, you're not sick enough

I judge myself pretty hard, seeing as I have no life now that's ok

Seeing as I never had a reason to do anything with my life, now I don't again. All the force, the confidence it is gone. With the self respect

My inner critic is telling me I am just whining and dwelling in self pity now so I will stop

I just wonder when she'll contact me again online. Last time was on her birthday in January. She wanted to talk to me because she couldn't forget me and had nice memories of celebrating with me. Sucker as I am I knew it's not good to talk to her. And I don't even know who the [censored] psychopath is still. She was innocent I was the bad guy, she was only abusive because I pushed her to it she said. I guess it really is me..

Have a good day again sorry for this...I apologize for the low self esteem, what ever happened..I don't follow this forum it's just a trigger but I needed somewhere to write down some of what's going on inside. And best of luck to those who are really suffering [censored] these people...I guess me too

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#13415 - 06/09/12 01:59 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: JamesWQ]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Where is everyone???

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#13695 - 08/13/12 07:23 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: 1Healing]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
I've been reading these posts hopeful still I'm not crazy like the psychopath insists I am, i'm trying to soften my heart to forgive I just can't at this point. Grief yes , I'm in a limbo place sort of pretending it just didn't happen I'm strong I believe his words were numerous times when he would lure and reel me into the den with hopes of it's going to be different this time your the one. Inside my head I've realised he was useing me for his sexual gratification. I feel dumb as a friend said to me how old are you guard your heart can't you see what he is doing the answer is no I couldn't I feel the stupid one for believing him and allowing it to happen if anyones reading this I have a question. Do they get scared cause at times I would go to him listen to his breakdowns he either is a real good actor or hallucinating he was petrified you know what my brain is saying he was scared of himself. Why am I having flashbacks of memories that my head needs to analyse over and over trying to fathom what has happened ? My heart is smashed yet I want justice and peace at the same instant I just can't forgive yet I'm trying but I've got pictures etched burnt in my head I keep saying to myself I'm not a dumb woman why did I let this happen again and again? I just read all the faces of a psychopath definately sexual perversion I just can't believe the police here they know what his done to other women and young ones at that they don't know much about our relationship but why would they not try and help these women he's got away with it I just can't forgive this not yet I was so much a person whom trusted law trusted faith etc etc they have iniolated every cell in my being hope this stops soon the more I learn I know the better bit i'm sick with it ! I'm just overwhelmed with what I'm learning how are they human? They are not? Or they don't want to be ????


Edited by Whitefeather (08/13/12 07:31 AM)

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#13696 - 08/13/12 08:44 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Whitefeather]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi whitefeather, welcome to our community. Have been away for awhile so please accept my apology to you and any others that have posted in the last few days, will get caught up in a couple of days.

Please know that you are not the crazy one in the room. That is a pattern that all Psychopaths use to keep a victim feeling badly about themselves and takes the focus off of their bad/hoffific behavior.

I have thought a lot about the concept of forgiveness and feel it is a very individual decision, some things to me are just too much to forgive. However, I think the process of forgiveness can only really be decided upon when we feel more centered and back to ourselves so to speak. I can't say it will be an easy journey but you have made the first huge steps for seeing things as they are.

They exist here on the planet with us with the bodies of "humans" but without a conscience which is in my mind what makes them pure evil.

Di

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#13698 - 08/14/12 07:15 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Whitefeather]
NotCrzy Offline
member

Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 61
Hi whitefeather,
I know totally how you feel. I cannot get past these feelings, i think it takes a long long time. Others here have shown it is possible with time and no contact. I still cant stick with no contact...i have tried but he keeps reeling me back, even though he has nothing good to offer me. I also listen to his sob stories, his depression, his fears about his life...what can i say to him? Knowing what he is does make it easier to cope. I definitely am more detached since i discovered that he is a classic Psychopath and since i discovered this group. Keep reading, keep posting your feelings. Learn about classic Psychopath traits and manipulative strategies. understand his behaviour for exactly what it is. Understanding is an important step...even though i am not at a no contact phase i can feel my strings letting go, and when i think about getting to a no contact point again i dont feel so devastated and hopeless as this thought used to make me feel. I kind of feel like i can totally see through everything.

Knowledge has been the most important to me. Also no longer asking "why". The answer is simple: because he is a Psychopath and Psychopath are not normal. There is no point trying to understand anything beyond that, there is no further answer and it serves no point thinking about it.

Someone who doesnt know the Psychopath at all, but knows of his existence in my life was asking me some very prying questions recently. It became evident to them that i do a lot for the Psychopath and they adked me " but what is in it for you?" i was unable to answer, but in my heart i know the answer is absolutely nothing. I would always have thought this is a harsh way to think about a relationship or friendship, but it probably is not, in the end there needs to be *something* in it for both people in any relationship. The only possible thing in this for me anymore is nostalgia, so it is important for me to remember the 99% of interaction that is purely emotional or physical manipulation and abuse. Who wants to be nostalgic about that?

My attitude is changing the power in our relationship, i think he can see that i am starting to not care, his little stunts i just shrug off, i am not as available to jump when he clicks his fingers, i am not getting manipulated into sex i dont want. He can see his power is slipping and i dont think he knows how to hold on. I dont know that he can because i can see right through his behaviour. He will probably disgard me soon, and i will be happy to move on. Yes i will probably have panic moments, but i will try to focus on the fact that he is a Psychopath, they can never be changed and i will be lucky when he is gone.

It is all a slow learning process. Know the people in this forum do understand your feelings totally and are supportive through ups and downs.

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#13700 - 08/15/12 04:52 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: NotCrzy]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Hi notcrzy and smokey and di,
at the moment I refuse contact I refuse to acknowledge him I'm in a tiny town in Aussie bush there's no way I'm going to get out of seeing it , my anger is not going to turn into compassion because I've said to myself I have to consider it a enemy and my head says it is a enemy forgive it on the grounds it's not human or mentally capable of understanding humanity I have to keep saying to myself it's a enemy. I've read so many posts I cry and cry here I am thinking I'm the only person in the hemisphere who's encountered such a evil being someone portraying such a Christian as well I've realised as well after a friend of mine a solicitor pointed out look at the history every relationship has ended up in court with those in long term relationship he gets away with the ministry church front of counselling and running the woman down, the young man giving me his story of his mothers relationship and her childrens hardship, the girl he was to marry he discarded as a drug Looney but he got her addicted his own son told me get away from him his best friend said guard your heart GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!
His mother said he lies a master deciever . If all these very close people can see what he is I have to consider it as a enemy! Forget them all it's hard cause it's such a close knit community maybe I've outgrown this community but I'm not leaving without a bit of successful revenge and that's all I have to do because I'm starting to see the patterns if I show no empathy no emotional downside no sadness and he finds out I'm successful again happy he won't like it I don't know how else to look at it he knows I'm a successful person I travel I have a bit that he does not he is going to hate it that's his pattern it's my only revenge I guess you call it take the power back. My heart won't be the same ever again I don't know if I can ever trust again but I'm convincing myself he is a enemy to me that's that ! I am sooooo grateful to getting the warnings sometimes itsxthe most unusual types of people that actually care in their unusual ways present themselves for your own sanity. I also appreciate this site yes feelings do you know what it's like over here not to trust services especially in small towns I just still can't believe it it's insane!!!! Thank you so much for encouragement I'm out here on my own doing this it's been one hell of ride but I'm not going to be taken down hope you all have some peace out there !

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#13702 - 08/15/12 08:54 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Hi di,
thank u for answering I guess I'm looking for reassurance I'm not wrong it does frighten me the thought of your explanation of evilness in human bodies. I do know of such things but not enough, I do know the criminal tacticts and I overlooked them because it was behind church curtains. I'm not a religous fanatic but a person whom was in bereavement i turned to faith as most people do nursing loved ones whom are dying the last thing I anticipated was a ministry of evil I can't believe I got sucked into a vacuum by people I always knew as good people I guess they have to questionxtheir beliefs ultimately in the end cause I know where i stand. I didn't understand how powerful criminology was nor am I saying I fully understand the whole concept of a psychopath is it mental emotional criminal inhuman I can't register it in my head I wrote earlier I have to consider it a enemy it's not dumb quite the psychologist are they not the grandiosed of self righteousness HELL I cannot describe the awful things I've seen or known of this it a death for starters cleverly masked by self addictions no master in disguise can take the blame of a suicide but it taught him the way as for me I've heard I'm just a type of ministry the types that need intervention to wake up get over it and be delivered , I can't believe it he has tried again to bring me down the weirdest thing is I know exactly when it is back in town I'm grateful it's got a job that takes it out of here I just can't understand the stupid connection the heart or soul thing I just know when it's around I can feel it and I wonder if I'm crazy but I know and he knows I know , is any of this sense!!!!!!! No not on a norm what am I dealing with, and I'm determined as all Hell to classify it as a enemy I don't have contact none I never keep the numbers he uses and I've never gone back to his house he won't come here uninvited that's for sure it's bizarr crazy as long as he thinks I'm suffering he's happy this time I'm stronger than before I'm not going to let him win I'm determined more than ever to bring him down I'll not stop and be thrown out of my community it's interesting I even think he had something to do with my work loss I'm starting to realise he holds a fair bit of power amongst them but if you show defeat they love it so I'm going to say no way I might be recuperating or something I just don't know

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#13703 - 08/15/12 09:33 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Whitefeather]
GF of ppaths Father Offline
member

Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 13
I'm having a bad day so was just reading through the threads. I'm glad I found this one. I'll try to stay off meds.

My fiance has been on medication since his Psychopath son was arrested in December. We both suffer from guilt. He tries stopping the medication always with the result that he has panick attacks. It is so bad he can't work unless he takes the meds.

I haven't taken anything yet but sometimes feel I should. I have outbursts of anger and incredible stress.

We tried church for awhile then we got bitter and stopped. Every service at some point talks about families and children. We are now basically childless and feel like failures after those services that are supposed to help us. I think we should make an appointment to talk to the pastor about it.

counselling, we have both gone to sessions and they weren't very helpful. The best part of that for me was my counsellor taught me what a psychopath is and that this boy is one. She knows him, she had sessions with him. My fiance had a different counsellor that didn't help. Her techniques drove my fiance further into denial.

drinking, we have both done too much of that

MJ, not allowed where I work, they test for that

exercise, I have started to get on the treadmill every morning and that is helping

Thank you for this thread and the warning. I have been wondering if it is possible to heal without forgiving the Psychopath. ??? How do you forgive someone who in no way feels any remorse?

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#13709 - 08/16/12 07:52 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: GF of ppaths Father]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Hey there,

I've been round and round on site searching for answers, I'm on a downer today I Just read gf ( the post above sorry my memory real bad) I'm new here too and forgiveness doesn't come easy. From what I'm reading gf don't get into the darkness mate! Yep I once confided in church he got me branded as a pagan hoare I was totally committed to mission life and did five trips overseas in the poorest of places I love the work but in a tiny minded town it has bigger power than me I write my feelings down because I'm so angry with it, I don't understand I felt so strong the other day but I'm sticking to my guns I've cut off every single contact I can think of that might be associated with it guess what that's about half of my community however interestingly enough the other half don't like it( I'm referring to psychopath as it now because I am trying to remain vigilant )

I've made a pack with myself it's hurts me so bad I love his family they said they loved me I've cut them off , I love his kids it took that away one I secretly help with basic food and encouragement to get out of here I havnt heard from them since my last encounter with it I've had to cut them as well, I love his people yes we are from extremely different nations but I've lived with his people more than he knows I've been selective on who I cut off from, I never dreamt in my wildest dreams I would love something like it that is what's bringing me undone I gave it my heart life body etc etc etc but it did not cherish me at all it kills me to think I've allowed this to happen I've lost friends, family, church family, good people because of it, I never dreamt how something could bring a person down this far.

I was standing next to it's church minister today who could not give a damn really except his dollar signs look I forgive these people I really do but after all they have to in the end check their preaching beliefs and get down before the lord too just like I have to they have skeletons in closests all of them but do they think like it I don't know are they accomplices I don't know maybe I'm insane I don't know but I refuse to bow down to anyone that only views a liars lies it has iniolated me to the corners of the ring but I'm not dropping defeat , I reckon it's good for you to do the stuff your doing because you are a good person and you deserve the life we were meant to have.

I don't know any answers I sure as hell am in hell I can only keep waking up in the morning and instead of waking up crying over it I'm waking up with I'm going to love myself today and docthe best I can do. I won't deny I have everyday for four years now prayed for a answer prayed it would tell the truth pray I wasn't being scammed prayed I don't fall prayed I do the right things I've prayed for it him psychopath prayed and prayed I've never got what I asked for? I've had to reprogram my head it is a enemy or I will go stark raving mad I will not notify his next one hey the last 5 didn't bother to notify me 2 of them screwing him 1 to be married to him me just the pagan hoare in hospital with serious infection and miscarried sorry they are all coming out of the same church they all know each other I don't wish any harm on them but what right have I got to walk up to anyone and say hi do you know he was seeing me whilst he started seeing you I guess I don't have the guts but the main reason is I won't allow it to see me anymore .

The horror is this it must be a psychopath how would anyone do these things to so many women I just don't get it and I never will. Some posts have stated the energy gets sucked out of you yes it does I know what will get my strength back and then bang I remember my love for it then I struggle but truth is he it whatever it is did not cherish me , I pray for each and every person here because I care what happens to people I don't know you but I do know how it is I just know I have to keep going I appologise for taking such space I just can't speak it here take care all

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