Here is my story that I wrote in my blog...I opened a new discussion about it as well...
Do you think he is one of them?
"Was I crazy to believe?! I think so...
I am thinking now....is it wrong to write this all down...is this going to make him upset?! Why do I still care?!
But there are so many things I was hiding from others, so many things people didnt see what I had to go through, now it feels so good to finally let the world know all about it. it feels great to clear my head from all the filth that me and my little one had to go through. I was the one embarrased about it... when I had never done anything wrong...
So many things I have gone through in the past years...and now it seems to have come to an end.
This struggle could have been cut a lot shorter, but I was led to believe things are going to get better and instead of moving on I kept on hoping and believing. Because I do still believe in the fairy tale that it is possible to love one person and be happy with that one forever.
I met this man while i was an Au-pair in the UK (I am originally from Hungary)...He was nice, but I didnt fancy him at first. We got on really well, I liked talking to him but to be honest I fancied his friends more than him. Then one night we were out in a party, and somehow that night something changed in me...and I fell for him. We kissed all night long and what came after that was the happiest time of my life.
Before that time I never felt like I could or would like to settle with anyone, but with him it was different.
He asked my dad first if he could marry me, then only after 4 months of dating he proposed to me and I gladly said yes.
We went to places together, he left the UK first time with me. Trip to Italy, to Spain, to the Dominican Republic...
To cut the story short, everything seemed all right and we decided to have a baby together.
After our gorgeous holiday in the Dominican Republic just as we were moving out of our flat I took a pregnancy test and found out i was expecting.
Things went well...we got a mortgage and got our brand new built house, my belly was growing and Maya was born and we settled in our new home as a family in the UK.
He wasnt happy with his job, and found this job which would have involved so much travel until they complete a project. I agreed for him to take the job, as I trusted him and I saw the opportunity for him, for us to live a better life.
His first trip was to China.
This is where the story actually started.
He found this girl (a prostitute may I add - and I do know this because I read through their conversation in the firefox history because it stored every line they translated with google), who couldnt even speak his language, they used google translator to communicate.
He was cheating on me with her for at least 6 months and he got her pregnant.
What happened to the baby I still dont know, I only know Ian wanted to settle in China and I am certain he also proposed to her as well as I found a wedding band in his pocket. But it didnt work out, he left China and obviously had to move on.
His next stop: Indonesia
Yes, he managed to find a woman (or possibly more) there too. I actually believe he had slept with more women there.
I did figure this out because he wasnt careful, I knew his passwords for his email account and because of the lack of trust after his trips to China I just wanted to make sure he learnt from it all and wouldnt do it again, and yes I did look into his emails. And it felt good to know about it all.
I found other things in his inbox too (in connection with other women), but It would be too much to write down all. Everything just didnt seem right, it didnt seem like the man I fell in love with, the one who loved me so much to propose to me, to have a house with me, to have a baby with me.
When you look at him, when you are with him you would never think of the things he is capable of doing.
3rd biggest trip: US.
Things started off well, we spent a whole month with him there and had a great time, like a proper family.
We were happy. We went to family barbecues, made good friends, just the way things should be. Things were normal.
Then his sister was getting married so we came home then travelled to the UK for the wedding.
Then we went back to Hungary and he came to visit us here for 3 weeks over Christmas time.
He then left but we were planning our future...he even chose a name for our next child which we would have liked to be a boy.
Not long after that, when i was on paypal i saw a payment to match.com...which he denied and quickly cancelled the subscription and got the money refunded.
But instead of this website he found another, and registered on there...and found a girl.
He had 2 facebook accounts, one for show to me, that he never used...and one for his new life...he actually set it so when people search for it, it doesnt come up.
I now know this, but while I didnt, his next trip to Austria was planned, and i was happy, he will be closer and maybe it would give us more opportunity to be together and he wont ever feel the need to be with anyone else.
So he came and picked us up...and the day after we arrived to Austria (dont ask how) i accidentaly found pictures of this US woman posing and a loving postcard from her, plus a guide to Paris book...the 10 best things to see in Paris or something like that.
I then got mad, messaged him to take us home straight away.
He said yes he did have a girlfriend but he was going to bin those pictures. But its all over, and asked me to stay. Me stupid! We stayed! Slept in the same bed, acted like a couple...while he was already engaged to this other girl. This was only weeks ago actually.
Only a couple of days ago did I only find out about this girl and his engagement, and he did only just tell me then that our time is over and that we should both move on.
I did my research, and I thank GOOGLE for letting me see what was hidden from me all the time, THE TRUTH!
I swear, this whole story with all the little details could probably be written in a book, because there are so many little details...and so many bad things he said, he did behind mine and his own daughters back.
One positive side of it: he always let me use his money, he always supported us and never let us down...money-wise. But we all know, money doesnt make anyone happy
But at least he has the decency of not denying his child completely. I do believe he still loves her a little bit and still wants the best for her.
I think about it a lot, wake up during the night many times to think how did all this happen.
Me and my little girl never did anything wrong, we waited for him, would have forgotten and moved on from this whole nightmare. It is so very hard to see the man he became...or he always was?! I dont know...
All I know is:
He had an engagement before mine, then he asked me, then I found a wedding band after he was in China, and now this woman. I ask the question, is he capable of truly loving someone, or is he just a hustler always looking for excitement, and once he gets bored he moves on and finds something else.
Im sure many of you would say, they would have left him long ago...and I now wish I had listened to others.
My little daughter wouldnt even know now he exists...
It is very hard to move on and see and accept this person who he is...the person who will neglect his child just like this. Because the man i fell in love with...I do still love him!
I know I need to let go now...because that kind and caring person who he once was ( or what he pretended himself to be) is long gone.
Answering my own question, yes I was crazy to believe, yes I was crazy to wait. Yes I was crazy to give him chance after chance. But these are just the things I would do to save my family.
A couple of weeks back in Austria, our little daughter gave me and her dad a hug, she had so much strength in that hug, felt like she was trying to physically hold us together, felt like she wants to show us thats how we should be, thats how things should be. I will never forget that one hug, it had more feeling in it than anything else. That little girl has more feelings and common sense than her own dad.
I feel so much pain now..."