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#14221 - 01/21/13 01:47 PM Re: My Story -Special Edition [Re: FreeBird]
Jacinta Offline
member

Registered: 12/01/12
Posts: 3
Originally Posted By: FreeBird

Oh, and as for love and peace and letting go and wanting all the best and healing and love for psychopaths (not just mine, all of them) - I hope they die. I hope they die a long, painful, ugly death. I wish them all the worst. I don't feel a tiniest bit of that compassion. I wouldn't enjoy it, but if I saw a psychopath dying in the street I would never help them. Recently I had a dream about my psychopath being dead, and I know I would be very happy if he was (I felt such a release in the dream). I don't care, this is how I fell, I wish they all died.


I feel the same.

I was brought up in a Christian household where forgiveness was always best but now, after my ongoing experience with a psychopath, I can totally agree and I realize that this is because they are not human because I would never wish harm on another proper human being.

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#14223 - 01/21/13 06:21 PM Re: My Story -Special Edition [Re: Jacinta]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
I would wish Karma on them, for them to suffer as they had made others suffer.
Harsh but true.

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#14236 - 01/30/13 01:22 AM Re: My Story -Special Edition [Re: MalachiteMoon]
breakingfree Offline
member

Registered: 01/30/13
Posts: 10
Quote:
[/quote]
What I can tell you is that these people (Ns, Psychopaths, and the like), while toxic as hell, are also incredibly charismatic. Naturally, you’re drawn to them; a LOT of people are drawn to them. Have you ever watched nature shows? Predators have many artifices designed to capture their prey, and sometimes the ruse is simply their charm. Make no mistake; Psychopaths are very effective predators in beautiful disguises that are designed to lure you into their traps.

Like you, I want to tell him how horrible he is; I desperately want him to understand, and I know exactly where you are coming from here. It is perhaps, however, easier for me to look at you to see the truth in me, than it is to look at myself to see my own truth. That is to say, when I read how badly you want to confront him, I hear my own voice saying the same words. However, I can also see it from a more clear perspective—from the outside—as if I’m watching it in a horror movie, and I am screaming at the screen, “Don’t go back in the house! Run like hell! No! No! Not up the stairs you moron (they always run up the stairs); you’ll be trapped. Run out the freaking door!!!”

It is a compelling notion to make him see the truth, but it will never happen. Just like knowing that our relationship was built on a foundation of lies, so will be his ultimate clarity of self. It just isn’t possible for him to see that truth, no matter how badly I (or you, or any of us) want it. I know that even when my Psychopath says he is sorry, when he sounds so incredibly remorseful, and my heart simply bursts for all the love I feel, it is just a ploy he uses to keep me inside the house. If he would admit his guilt, his fault, his deficiency, the admission would also be a lie, and if I buy into that notion, I will still be in the house, running up the freaking stairs.

I cannot say for certain, because, thankfully, I am not in your Psychopath’s head, but I suspect your Psychopath knows that his actions tie you to him by making you want to confront him. It is probably a thrill for him to watch you struggle with it, succumb to the obsession, then to slap you down again with his abuse. I suspect that is part of his game. I hope you can be strong, and if you can’t do it on your own, that you can find strength in others who have been through this and are willing to share their experiences and insight here. That is my plan. Every time I feel like I can’t resist the urge to contact him, I am going to come here to read, to share, to remind myself of the hell, and to gather the strength to run down the stairs and out the freaking door!
[/quote]

WHY IS IT THAT WE KEEP RUNNING UP THE "FREAKING" STAIRS? It IS impossible for them to SEE the Truth or to speak truth. It is all a web of lies. You are so right. The beautiful disguises are designed to lure me into his trap. I am so disappointed in myself.

I read your posts and I can so identify. "Psychopath knows his actions tie you to him by making you want to confront him"....We keep forgetting that we could talk til we are blue in the face and they would not "get it." I think my mind is blown by this whole thing. I just wrote a letter to him and I am kicking myself. I wished I had found this website last night or even this morning before I mailed it this afternoon.

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#14238 - 01/30/13 01:29 AM Re: My Story -Special Edition [Re: Stephanie]
breakingfree Offline
member

Registered: 01/30/13
Posts: 10
Originally Posted By: Stephanie
I third that! I can say I truly loved like I'd never dared to do before. But what or who did i love? How could i really love someone who in reality everything I detest? He knew I'd rather be dead than be with someone like him



WOW....you are so right. He played the part of a person who was everything he knew I would be attracted to...but he, in reality, was the total opposite.

I am afraid that I will not be free til I know he is dead. I would be so thrilled if I was told he had died.

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#14239 - 01/30/13 01:33 AM Re: My Story -Special Edition [Re: Jacinta]
breakingfree Offline
member

Registered: 01/30/13
Posts: 10
My Psychopath quoted Scripture and portrayed to be a Godly man. He would be on the computer on a Christian forum telling men how to treat their wives and all the while underneath that screen was a porn site. And there I sat with a black eye!!!

He used God's Word and forgiveness just like he uses everyone else, all for his own manipulative scheme.


Edited by breakingfree (01/30/13 01:34 AM)

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#14240 - 01/30/13 09:00 AM Re: My Story -Special Edition [Re: MalachiteMoon]
SeekingSanity Offline
member

Registered: 01/28/13
Posts: 1
I am so sorry to hear about the situation you are facing and I am not sure I can say anything that will truly be helpful, but I hope that I can. (this turned out longer than I thought it would be)

You are on the path to recovery. The first step is to recognize what you are dealing with and realize that you have been conditioned to doubt the reality that you know.

His turning the tables on you and making you feel like you were the one who caused the issue, certainly would make you have doubt that your reactions are reasonable. I applaud you for reaching out because I think it is easier to see a pattern when you are looking at it from the outside.

Here is something that really helped me when I decided to walk away: It does not matter if some of your reactions are off (i.e. he is telling the truth and you think it is a lie because he has told so many others lies), what matters is that the toxic situation ends.

Here is what I figured out: set your boundaries and have consequences for breaching them. DO NOT lower your boundaries or waiver on your consequences.

Like you said, there will always be situations to deal with. The question is, how will you deal with them in the future, so your life does not end up being a repeat of this same thing over and over with slight variations.

There are some things that should be unacceptable to you and the consequence should be complete change by the other person or severing the relationship.

By complete change, I mean the person who violated you puts forth the effort to reestablish your trust by acting differently for long enough for YOU to say ok, I am willing to allow you back into my life. YOU are the person that says when YOU feel comfortable. If they can't make you comfortable, why have a relationship where you feel uncomfortable?

The reason that many people accept relationships that make them feel badly, is they think that there is nothing better. THAT IS A LIE (Think about the relationships you have that you enjoy). Sometimes it is the very person causing the conflict saying things to make you feel like you can't do better or worse trying to make sure that you don't end up in a better situation by manipulation(that is a real psychopath and if you are in a situation like that, you should be most happy to get out because they are confirming to you that THEY KNOW you can do better.)

Statements like, I am a good man, this is a good job, lots of women will want me, you'll be back... You should say to yourself, woe, then you should have no problem with the fact that I am moving on. Please help yourself to one of the people that wants you and leave me alone PSYCHOPATH (don't say that out loud--LOL!!!)

When you establish firm boundaries and the other person sees where they are, you are helping yourself and them at the same time.

Good relationships have good characteristics (trust, respect, affirmation, joy, mutual enjoyment, respect of boundaries, etc.) and re-establishing a breached boundary is one of them. You know a psychopath, by what they do when they offend you and you tell them. If they do not seek to restore the relationship with good behavior, instead they do something manipulative - you got a psychopath --RUN FORREST!

Read the book, THE RULES: Time Tested Methods For Winning The Heart Of Mr. Right. I am not suggesting that your read it to find Mr. Right. It is a book about setting your standards early and learning how to think differently --AS A MAN THINKETH, SO IS HE!- I gave a copy to one of my friends. I am going to go and buy another for me as a refresher, now that I think about it.

Thank you for sharing. It really helped me to read your story and reply. I hope that something I have said, has helped you.

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#14271 - 02/09/13 06:40 PM Re: My Story -Special Edition [Re: SeekingSanity]
breakingfree Offline
member

Registered: 01/30/13
Posts: 10
Thank you!

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