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#15981 - 08/24/13 06:17 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Bunnyshy]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
It was same for me - single for years so I fell into him immediately and let him do whatever he liked. I spent over 4 years around him (not all of it in relationship but that doesn't mean he already did not affect my life negatively before we even hooked up). Believe me, you've made a good choice, the best you could have made - I let it last for years and he left me a wreck of my former self, destroyed emotionally, physically and with serious problems with work, friends and family. I remember the strongest feeling I had the moment he dumped me for good was that of relief.

Your asking why you still love him? I also loved him long after he left, I'm still not over him although it's been months. But it would not be different in a normal relationship that ended badly. You are with someone, you love this person and make plans and have dreams and then it falls apart and you are there to start everything again. Even if you don't love the person, breaking up hurts, I've seen it again and again with myself and others - when you're a normal feeling person breaking up a relationship with another person, no matter the nature of it hurts. And it should. It's never a pleasant experience but almost everybody goes through it at least once in their lives. I think I've read it somewhere that after you've had a serious breakup you should wait at least a year before you try another serious relationship. I guess it's different from everyone else and certainly worse after a Psychopath but there is something to it. You can't start anything new when you're still hurt and distrustful and broken. I know if I tried anything now it would be a total disaster. But it gets better every day.

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#15982 - 08/24/13 06:25 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Bunnyshy]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Originally Posted By: Bunnyshy
I was not attracted to him at all physically but he mentally stimulated me, if that makes sense.

Makes sense. Mine was very attractive to me physically but in the same time what attracted me most was the challenge. I'm usually very good reading people's intentions and telling whom I'll like and can trust from the get go. He wasn't like that. I couldn't see through. And he played a game with me and I loved it until I started to hate it. The game is fun but it has to have some rules and when one side plays by the rules and the other knows none it is a game of destruction. I was attracted to the mystery and the fact that I can't understand his motivation, his emotions, his character. That's because most of what I have seen was a total fake and I haven't even seen it as fake which I'd have normally done. I saw the fake nice part and the true ugly and nothing fitted and it kept me intrigued. And I also did the same thing that everyone tried with a Psychopath (including his current GF) - teach him how to be a decent human being. Guess what, it never worked.

Originally Posted By: xela007

I personally will be cautious when making a new relationship, it's damn easy to spot a psychopath (at least for me) right on the first few meetings/dates. They're paranoid, they're controlling, they get angry very easy, the psychopathic stare...... and if you can look a bit in their past it'll be damn easy to spot them. Psychopaths usually have dozens of "failed" relationships, everyone at some point would break up with them, they have no friends (most of them), at least not true friends, they are after profit (easy profit, without too much effort), you'll catch them lying with the smallest unimportant things, they'll smile while being extremely rude to you, some of the nevrotic types would never laugh naturally, they'll only put smirks on their face. Psychopaths would laugh and chit chat about people with handicaps, laugh about fat people on and on, they'll tell you they're the smartest and can achieve anything (even though their day job is something like cleaning up houses, or low paid jobs in factories), they are the best, they are doing a whole lot better than you.. etc etc...

Best, life is good even when it's not going the way you planned, after so much pain the sun should shine once again. Psychopaths are lost people - they sick in the mind even though they don't admit it, and don't want to change. Telling a psychopath that there's something wrong with him or her is like telling someone that is decently normal person that his/her personality is just wrong. They don't comprehend emotions, they live by the instinct now imagine someone that wants just to profit, to eat, to have sex and to be a parasite (that is the ultimate psychopath).
Xe

You're right to the point - mine did not have all of these behaviours but a good part: starting with the stare. Failed relationships and dozens of girls he slept with and then dumped and humiliated in a hideous way, lying about things and "changing" his mind every time (try to get the Psychopath's true opinion about a subject and then ask him again in 2hrs), smirk on his face (never a true laughter) and meanness - people are fat, stupid, etc. and they're a laughing stock. And he always had to control my emotions - if I felt bad he would lift me up but as soon as I felt happy he would hit me over the head with incredible meanness. And if you asked him about his feeling the answers never made sense: they did not add up with the behaviour, with what he said previously, with anything you know about how people feel and react. It was mind-boggling. I've seen a good advice on this forum: you want a Psychopath to hung up ask him to explain his "feelings". He says he's sorry ask him why, he says he's angry ask him why. And press him to get an answer. For mine I always got the same response: he changed the subject to avoid and answer and if I didn't let him do it he'd get angry and attack me. They know where their Achilles foot is and they'll fight not to let you see it.

But it's not so easy to spot immediately if the guy is clever and mine was, especially if they're not parasitic (if you believe some of them are top CEOs or politicians and I believe some of them can work hard on if they like something, it's just relations to others that are telling). They will alternate between the good and the evil so fast your head spins. I could never say if he's narcissistic or modest, ballsy or shy, caring or a selfish asshole. Inconsistency was my Psychopath's greatest red flag.
And my subconscious knew: I told him dozens of times "you're a robot, you don't have a heart". He would laugh at it and change the subject or tell me I feel too much. Well, now I know I prefer to be my way, thank you very much.

Right now I actually feel sorry for them. It must be a truly empty life indeed. I really prefer to be able to feel the pain but also to be able to love and to laugh and to feel joy and compassion and all of it. They don't know what it is. And you can feel sometimes that they're not all that happy with being themselves, at least mine wasn't. But they don't want to change, why should they - they don't know any better.

I think there is only two rules how you can treat them: first ignore and if you're forced to deal with them: switch off your emotions. While dealing with a Psychopath you have to become one yourself because they'll use your feelings, no matter good or bad, against you and to manipulate you. As soon as you know it you can either let them get what they want or not but it's you who is in control.

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#15987 - 08/24/13 12:11 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: crocodile]
Bunnyshy Offline
member

Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 11
Thank you guys so much for responding! I really need this support now.

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#15989 - 08/24/13 02:47 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Bunnyshy]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
I know how this feels. This forum is so great because nobody judges you and tells you you're crazy and the sanity check after you've been with a Psychopath is the most important thing. I hope you'll be better soon.

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#16070 - 10/07/13 01:26 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: crocodile]
Beatrices Offline
member

Registered: 09/23/13
Posts: 2
Hi. I was just wondering if anyone would be willing to exchange emails? I think I was with one and am
Having a really tough time. Thanks.

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#16071 - 10/07/13 10:25 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Beatrices]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Beatrices, welcome to our community. As a policy we don't allow for any email exchanges between members for everyone's privacy. Hope you understand. Is there a reason why you are unable to discuss your situation?

Di

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#16072 - 10/08/13 01:43 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Beatrices Offline
member

Registered: 09/23/13
Posts: 2
Yes. It is extremely personal. I realize this board is about ppl sharing their personal stories, but I can't do that. If someone wants to email me at ***.


Edited by Dianne E. (10/08/13 08:54 AM)
Edit Reason: removed email address

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#16073 - 10/08/13 07:26 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Beatrices]
Happy Birthday galetre Offline
member

Registered: 02/11/13
Posts: 34
Hello everyone. Sorry to just jump in here - I haven't been on for a while. I'm in a very serious depression caused by my relationship with Mr. Crazy (my psychopath). I've finally hit the bottom and gotten it through my head that there is NO HOPE! He is a psychopath. He cannot feel love. He will never care about me, my children, or our child. I am trapped in our relationship. I cannot leave or he will either kill me, or make me wish he had by putting me in jail and putting our son up for adoption. I cannot participate in life with other adults. I cannot leave the house without the children. I do not want to go anywhere with him. I do not want to spend time with him here at home. I feel completely drained, like my spirit has been sucked dry. I keep functioning, taking care of my family, doing the household chores, taking the children to their various activities, running my very small internet business, but feeling heartbroken, hopeless, and incredibly lonely. I can't imagine where life will lead me from here.

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