Page 12 of 16 < 1 2 ... 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 >
Topic Options
#13711 - 08/16/12 12:31 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Whitefeather]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Ive been having a few bad days too. Even moments of such an anger that I felt almost like at the beginning of this whole mess I had to go through.
Which reminds me - YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND a Psychopath. EVER.
And when I think how much is wrong with the world and how I could not change that in the next ten lifetimes, it gets me really down. I sometimes feel like there isnt anyone out there who thinks like me - that it is simply wrong to hurt others, and its also wrong to see hurt and not do anything about it, or at least say anything...

I wish I could write you something that would make you feel better, Whitefeather, but I dont feel I can now. All I can tell you is that all of those bad emotions, that you are going through are a bliss. They are a bliss because they tell you whats wrong. They are your inner guide, telling you what you do and dont want. They are your guardian, your inner radar. Listen to them and learn from them. Healing will come, but its up to you to decide how much you learn.

And have you tried reading? (it has helped me a lot, now I bought another book). There are some really great books on psychopathy, that explain the condition (It will help you with all these questions of "why") - Robert Hare's "Without Conscience" is a must!

Top
#13715 - 08/17/12 07:56 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: FreeBird]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Thank you free bird ,

I hear what your saying and I do know you can't hurt anyone it's not right you are a wise person from what I read and have a good heart I am sick today ,I appreciate everything especially your notes I take care of my 19 year old brain trauma drug addicted seizures beautiful son. His head never recuperated from the age of 15 he was addicted to dope and had a car accident with injuries to the base of his brain and eye sockets it's taken four years of post trauma and a bad brain seizure last January which lasted 6 hours the last twelve months he has had two fits but we have managed I needed someone to love me back I didn't know too much out here I havnt been around a lot was married early divorced met my next partner stayed for 16 years he met someone else what can I say?

I was on my own for a long time then I met him and I love him so much I had no idea how any human being could behave this way. I'm sick today crying with depression and broken heart I came face to face with him at the supermarket he looked at me with great sadness almost sorry but put his head down like I was shunned or he felt pity for me I just walked past him and I was raged inside the hatred that poured of me was disgusting I kept together he vanished like thin air I was aware the girls were looking at me I was shaking so much I humiliated myself dropped everything everywhere like a idiot walked out sat in the car stared for about ten minutes at nothing left came home and my son he knows nothing of us in the last twelve months the last time my son and he interacted my friends had to stop him from assaulting he had dropped me in front of my son , my son liked him at that time but he hates him now.

I can't make anyone feel better about their situations except I have had no support except here everyone thinks I'm ok because that's what they want to hear that I'm strong enough look what she copes with. I cannot afford to live in darkness because I do not know what my sons real damage will be so far God has blessed him with clearing up the fits and heavy toxic affects of drug abuse he is almost twenty and just finishing highschool at home his job prospects may come a bit later when proper maturity hits he still is in a zone somedays he can't function others he is fantastic I'm happy he is so polite to most people his deppression days are hard on us both but that ok.

I still look after many people in my secret ways I hope to have a break soon and will go teach kids in outback while school on holidays I'll send my son to my sister for a break I will never stop caring for people never I may have had to pay a price for something I don't understand I'm not that good of a person I've made some big mistakes my judge it's in his hands, I'm a selfish woman to be worried about loving a man who didn't cherish me or his own children so this is good for me to learn I'm not the only person out there like this.

I truly hope you keep well because we have to don't we? I am not so angry today after seeing him just empty but it ok I have a good heart at home for now I'm hopeing he will pass his exams this year and accomplish something he isn't a baby just slower than average but that ok. He is not stupid in predicting danger in a person that's for sure I will get through it I'm not a sorrowful person looking for anything just wanted to be truthfully loved for me. Today as sick as I feel was a good day in ways that I know maybe I am forgiving myself.

Thank you for your kindness in listening to my posts I do not know you but I send you lots of well thoughts and pray for peace take care.

Top
#13724 - 08/18/12 05:38 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Truth and reality!

Since being on this site and reading a lot, releasing a lot to people I don't even know my reality has kicked me in the face. I am not ashamed of my life because I have a wonderful son damaged but wonderful at home a good enough family scattered around with many problems themselves.

My reality struck me here under the stars last night early morning that it's for real the man I've given every ounce of my heart body mind spent months years waiting for him to actually say I do is never going to never going to stop lies never going to care for me never going to cherish the things I do for him even given my body to for his use he will never love me truthfully never look after my family he hasn't looked after his own son others have to including me, my reality after seeing him face to face and treating me like I am a stranger of the night he never will say sorry nor be compassionate or be a true man of god that I thought he was at least but reality kicked me today I'm a good woman who had to face hardship again because I chose the wrong person I'm lucky blessed I didn't get what the others got I'm free of disease after now knowing he has been seeing so many again I found the reality today he is back with another one from the past.

Everything I'm reading is correct I'm not a psychologist nor anything major but it's everything he is doing my heart broke again today aAGAIN my reality is truth he is never going to say sorry I'm going to have to find something to help me get through it I thought I could but I can't I won't give in to him again but I hoped he had said I'm sorry after everything I've done for him REALITY kicked me today he is not going to is he??...... I'm so sorry guys for blurping vomiting my heart out I just can't get past living in the same place anymore he has won he knows I would crumble like this he won!

My reality is he won't ever say sorry I just know now it's real ..I don't want to do this anymore medications I've thrown them away I just have to face reality don't I.

Top
#13725 - 08/18/12 11:38 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Emotophobia Offline
member

Registered: 08/16/12
Posts: 6
Hello, everybody. I am really interested whether you had intrusive thoughts, images, wishes after canceling the relationship with psychopath, whether you had feeling that you would never get rid of him, he would never leave your brain?
_________________________
Their throat is an open sepulchre; they flatter with their tongue. - Psalm 5:9.

Top
#13726 - 08/19/12 07:15 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Emotophobia]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Wish I didn't but yep consumed image words smell I call it in my case sung to guess it depends where you come from I used to look at it as a cultural but now I just know it as evil

Top
#13727 - 08/19/12 07:21 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Emotophobia]
NotCrzy Offline
member

Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 61
Almost constantly, every time I have tried no contact. The longest peiod of time I have had no contact was about 6 months and i thought about him every single day. Sometimes obsessively. Usually checking my phone/email every hour (even though i didnt want to hear fom him).

I havent had a boken relationship with anyone else for a long time, but i dont remember obsessive thinking, i dont know if it is normal to think about someone for hours every day six months on. I am assuming it isnt, and this is a feature of the Psychopaths manipulation and the way they make you feel like you are nothing without them.

Yes it is like a brain invasion. For me it was hell, and i ended up going back.

Top
#13728 - 08/19/12 08:16 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: NotCrzy]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Maybe you can just love someone so much their a part of you who knows the psalm says it all bout fear I also think now in one week of trying to work out what's happened too much pain in a heart doesn't go easily or fast

Top
#13729 - 08/19/12 03:00 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Emotophobia Offline
member

Registered: 08/16/12
Posts: 6
Thanks everyone for answering my questions. I think that I have not had obsessive thinking about my boyfriends, except psychopath. I was very confused: I started to sympathize with him after I ended up relationship once again. Six months, 11 days after no contact. He tried to contact me yesterday and I finally understood that thinking that I was missing him, or I loved him for this six month was full self - deception. I was totally brainwashed. He tried to convince me that he was the ONE whom I would have loved for whole my life. This was one of the disturbing thought I had. Now I believe that it was pure product of manipulation. I thought I would never live without his messages, Skype chats and so on. Now I think that it is total delusion. The evil is that you are constantly experiencing the answers you have already found. The mental image of psychopath changes from total evil to totally kind, innocent person. This is tricky unless you realize that it is pure manipulation.
_________________________
Their throat is an open sepulchre; they flatter with their tongue. - Psalm 5:9.

Top
#13730 - 08/20/12 06:24 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Reading post about understanding manipulation I've never imagined it can broaden further I had a total out blue visit from parents and noted they didn't want to speak about things only when they felt like it I wasn't rude just sat with pain on my face behaved myself to elders as good person should just pain on my face as it was explained how ill everyone is and how much worry they have etc etc I just sat no comments just pain on my face it was explained in their terms only he is having tests for brain, schitsophrenis, chemical disturbances etc etc I wasn't allowed to comment really didn't have the opportunity as I was told I just had pain on my face and I would not speak at all. I just wanted to say behaviour excuses and of course I will be the four year relationship brain disturbance or mental health he didn't know he had all the abuse sex offences violence and non caring just put it down to brain problem understanding what I read on this site it's very real but how do you explain the heart of a human a human heart feels it's known to swell when broken a physical bi condition of emotion etc etc the parents are sent just to see how I'm doing???? The soften your heart syndrome I don't know if I'm numbed of compassion for them all inva week of trying to get over another huge discard of their beloved righteous son I'm expected to fathom this in my depression of being broken again I suppose my grief of miscarriage whilst his twenty year old was drugging herself up and I had her infection was a mental health didn't know what I was doing moment too? I'm waiting and watching I've kept no contact very seriously with all of them I've been put into a she's a bit strange don't you think category all over town I can't find work I'm paranoid everyone knows and thinks it's me he certainly is going to get away with it I can see it coming sooo what happens if they don't find anything what then will be the exude I wonder, which one does he then blame the discard the groomed the I must marry (I'm the discard) the one floating on a visa oh my gosh manipulation at it's best Does this stop???? Or is this part of it all town and people manipulation persecution is this the way they totally get rid of the discarded discards I'm trying to remain normal through this don't know if it's possible! But I'm trying

Top
#13732 - 08/23/12 12:19 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Thanks to a lot of wisdom here I have read, seen my counsellor, seen police and reported, tried to speak to girl whom psycho with but she told me I'm old hag to go and die( I tried) psycho followed me round especially in public places so I went and spoke to a officer from another town he warned me his records and offenses are very bad so indeed everything is right I also had another meeting with parents of psycho and had to be a bit blunt that I would call police if I get harrassed it sad he has used all of them and me to cover his tracks there is nothing more I can do but release him from my mind I now travel to other centres to find peace I remain a faithful parent and have now looked at reality truth and I'm never going back I'm grateful to this site as I didn't know anything about what I was dealing with sometimes we r just sent to places for help. I'm going to forgive eventually however I won't forget I still weep for what I'm just not understanding I'm very grateful a young man proud youth saved me from another year of abuse. Thank you all who helped me see what I didn't know .

Top
Page 12 of 16 < 1 2 ... 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 >