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#13802 - 09/06/12 07:23 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Brokenintopieces]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Hi brokenintopieces

I'm no expert on these types of people, everything your explaining I know I've felt as well, a few weeks ago I came face to face with him and at first I thought he was sorry but naaaah! He smirked a smile I was so enraged with hatred in the middle of a supermarket I nearly spat on him but I remembered what they are capable of.

I'm pleased your safe and in your own place sounds like a positive direction I can't wait to go I'm still battling with his mother whom uses so many phone numbers I got caught the other night without screening the numbers too well and she was polite I hardly said a word I'm careful because they run to police at a drop of a hat then my name is trash. She did intimidate me with a important social event of which I decline to go her remark was of course you won't come not now ? At first I didn't get it but driving yesterday his next one whom was from before is driving his car!!!!! That's number five girl I'm number 3 , 6 obviously didn't arrive back yet or lost her visa!

Psychopath has done a full circle again of all old gf I can't say I fathom this but I know his scam pick the one that will do my dirty work and doesn't squeel. I hope your in a place where no contact is easy the post by newme is right. Any contact seems to make them flourish and I'm in agreeance with some posts I've read they have little spies example the mother I'm dealing with it's best for our health and safety the less we know the better I think and the less they know about us even more excellent it's about power I believe. The aftermath of anger for me is the injustice and how many women have been abused within this organisation but as I've been told it's your word against theirs in a small town if your persecuted you don't live it down too easy all I can say is I've notified a authority it's up to them and their ethics of do no harm and investigate and I feel better in my head I've done something that I can logically do.

If your free from this evil thing thank god and your writing will help future people to know how much evil there is out there I've noticed too which is really really weird without it's presence even though I'm still tormented things in my life happened like more positivity or goodness entered my home things are calm happier everyone getting somewhere as soon as it enters my life even a phone call it's like a dreaded evil occurs all round me. Well I have noticed no contact with his family nearly kills them not to know what's going on it's a unusual payback but it's non harmful.
Take care

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#13803 - 09/07/12 05:54 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
Today was another rotten day, I am so vigilent about no contact I could easily jump out of my car and into his house have to go in that street my mother lives opposite. Bit I don't I'm always thinking I can do this I know when he is home and when he is not. Today is rotten for me last phone call from the mother upset me enough now again to tell me about his cultural sending gift usually this means betrothed or want of marriage I hid the tears and just said I had to hang up I wanted to yell at her why are you doing this to me it's a sick sick game. I prayed today they would leave me alone I'm sad enough without this torment. I found myself calling counsellor and blurted out lots of things mentioned names the works after hours of calming down I had to go into town supermarket and sure enough it's there looked at me grinned put his head down I had the face of a angry angry angry person I walked past abd could feel eyes in my back I totally ignored him. Got home and just gone back into a hole of dark room it's sickening I can't recall ever my whole being feeling this bad all the time it's going to take days now to get over one stupid sighting. I told myself I have to stop loving this evil thing cause it's dangerous I absolutely am shocked with his mother you think you know someone and you never really do. I just cannot stand it I'm making myself Ill when I have too see him I realised how awful I am today again hatred in my heart for the sight of him it's not good at all forgot the main words that triggered this was I was called a traitor I just don't understand sometimes I really don't a person abuses uses violates but im called a traitor?????????????? It's interesting this Psychopath gets into my head he knows it too well


Edited by Whitefeather (09/07/12 06:00 AM)

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#15154 - 05/16/13 08:41 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
sweetb Offline
member

Registered: 05/15/13
Posts: 13
Originally Posted By: Survivor
I know this may not be a popular discussion thread but I feel a need to express the disconnect I felt with the psychopath even during the most intimate moments....

My Psychopath used to close his eyes when he was making love to me which basically made me feel like a "thing" and not even there. There was no tender look, tender caresses or soul connection. There was a deafening quiet and absence of intimate pillow talk that connects souls as well as bodies. No compliments, no discussion, no playful interaction, just the act itself. In some ways I thought it was a comfortable silence of two people sharing deeply but that was just my projection. He felt nothing emotional while I was deeply in love with him and our expression through lovemaking. To him, it was a skin thing, further evidenced by his penchant for wanting to do it with the lights out. No need for eye contact or connection. Can only say this in retrospect. At the time I was pleased as can be that he was interested in pleasuring me but that became less important to him as the months rolled on. And then after I had the baby and weeks had passed he was disinterested. I know now because he was getting it somewhere else.....

survivor


Omg...mine closed his eyes too. At first he would look at me, stare at me with direct eye contact during sex, at the end he would just lay there with his eyes closed. make me sick.
_________________________
Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man.

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#15156 - 05/16/13 09:35 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: sweetb]
Nan Offline
member

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 501
Originally Posted By: sweetb
Originally Posted By: Survivor
I know this may not be a popular discussion thread but I feel a need to express the disconnect I felt with the psychopath even during the most intimate moments....

My Psychopath used to close his eyes when he was making love to me which basically made me feel like a "thing" and not even there. There was no tender look, tender caresses or soul connection. There was a deafening quiet and absence of intimate pillow talk that connects souls as well as bodies. No compliments, no discussion, no playful interaction, just the act itself. In some ways I thought it was a comfortable silence of two people sharing deeply but that was just my projection. He felt nothing emotional while I was deeply in love with him and our expression through lovemaking. To him, it was a skin thing, further evidenced by his penchant for wanting to do it with the lights out. No need for eye contact or connection. Can only say this in retrospect. At the time I was pleased as can be that he was interested in pleasuring me but that became less important to him as the months rolled on. And then after I had the baby and weeks had passed he was disinterested. I know now because he was getting it somewhere else.....

survivor


Omg...mine closed his eyes too. At first he would look at me, stare at me with direct eye contact during sex, at the end he would just lay there with his eyes closed. make me sick.


Mr. Who, as I call him, did the Energizer Bunny bit and then got up immediately to wash himself very carefully. He tried the pleasuring the woman thingie, but when "pleasure" is akin to touching the same spot for ten minutes (if you get the drift), all I got out of that was soreness considering that nothing he did turned me on. I was as dry as a piece of chalk. Stupid, sick fu****.

Here, while far away in another country, is where he was so good with words in his emails, but action, which would have helped tremendously, was totally lacking.

He didn't even know how to kiss: he would press his mouth and lips hard against mine and that was that. Like kissing a cold stone.

I was never sorry to see him go. And I never yearned for sex and cuddles for he did neither one especially well.

I don't think he knew how to enjoy sex and touching.

Nan



Edited by Nan (05/16/13 03:50 PM)

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#15229 - 05/24/13 11:06 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
tigerlilyj Offline
member

Registered: 05/24/13
Posts: 10
I broke up with my psychopath ex almost 4 months ago now, and although I feel so strong that I was able to leave HIM and not let him have me back anymore (which drove him completely insane and drove him to do sick things like break into my apartment, steal my computer, put me in jail, and hack my private accounts just to mess with my head), the thought of him still haunts me like a fever at times, I get dizzy from my anger and frustration of what he did to me. It is so hard to move away from the trauma it caused.

Now that I think about our intense and passionate 2-year relationship, I realize that there was nothing good about him - except for the sex - which was nothing less than incredible. "No one is gonna make you feel like me" is how he brainwashed me to stay - and it worked - so that I was afraid to lose him. We did it every day multiple times (because since the beginning he blocked me off from any social or professional activities so we spent ALL our time together) and it was always very intense and satisfying for both. He always told me that I was the first girl he ever had a true connection and made love with, and that with his other ex's and acquaintances he was just "having sex". That always flattered me and made me feel special, which now that I look back on, is a very big reason why I stayed with him for so long and thought he "was the one" despite everything else that was wrong in the relationship...

What i started to realize near the end was that he always made me feel so guilty for being sexually obsessed and hungry all the time, and that i made him feel "used", that he felt like "the girl" and that i was the macho one who always needed carnal pleasure. HE was the one obsessed with sex, he was so paranoid all the time that i was cheating - as if there are no other better or more interesting things to do with my time - and always talked about sex and perverted topics that would make me intentionally feel jealous and uncomfortable. I feel sick to think now that he probably cheated on me several times, and that is where his paranoic projections came from... He blamed me for using him like a toy, and when I told this to my girl/guyfriends after we broke up they FLIPPED out and got so angry: "he should have felt so lucky to have you!!!", they said, and that it was sick that he made me feel like he was doing me a FAVOR through sex. He would say "i cook for you, i **** you, and what do you do?? you make no efforts at all. Be careful or I'll start looking somewhere else." Always great physical pleasure tainted by feelings of shame and guilt from his heartless comments afterwards. And he did start looking other places, before we broke up, because psychopaths do get bored with their victims over time, no matter how valuable and great you are to them.

I know the most vile thing that tipped me over the edge and made me leave him was that I realized that I ALWAYS went down on him but he never returned the favor (only on special occasions or if he was extremely turned on)... I started crying that day when i had to URGE him to do for me, and he found excuses to evade. He called me a pussy and a whiner, and when I asked him why he wouldn't do it for me, he said "I feel gross to think of all the dicks that were there before me." I was speechless. We broke up 2 days later.

Why waste my time with someone who does not appreciate me and makes me feel terrible? When so many guys would treat me like a queen and feel so LUCKY to have me?

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#15233 - 05/24/13 07:37 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: tigerlilyj]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
These monsters are really all the same...

Mine was not even good in that field, he was simply too selfish but I was so much in love I didn't care, it was just important to be with him, closely and physically. But using sex to intimidate you was totally his game - first you're so attractive he can't stop himself and can take your hands and eyes of you and then suddenly he's not interested anymore and every time you want to get physical you feel like you're begging for it.

He did this trick with me, he would do everything to turn me on and then suddenly would pretend he's not interested in anything of this kind and he's just doing it for me (he even said something along the lines - it's just mercy, because I needed it so badly so he did it - yeah, that's completely what gives a guy an erection - mercy). And dividing his exes into real ones and the ones that he only had sex with to make you feel like you so much want to be this real one - same thing:/. I found myself doing everything he wanted without him needing to ask for it and him telling me that I should be happy for what I'm getting. Often I saw he wanted that and I didn't wait to be asked and at the very end he acted like he was doing me a favour all along.

Sex itself was nice until the end but only because I was in love (objectively speaking he really sucked at it, he had no feeling at all and it felt like being in porn, now when I look at it). Now I flinch even at the thought he would touch me. If there is a dirty one it's him - I guess I should not even try to count how many girls he was with. Which in itself is nothing bad unless you're treating your partners like a douchbag - he always talked about this or that girl as a wh..e and somehow failed to mention he's the biggest one.

I feel disgusted to think how much I let him get away with and I constantly tried to explain him what he was doing wrong like he was a five year old. I guess that was my mistake - thinking that he somehow can be a very smart guy and in the same time completely insensitive to others but believed that it's not like that really inside, it's just a pose. Maybe because I know some people who occasionally behave like a...les because of their insecurities but are really good people who just sometimes have to be straightened up. I guess that's why I was so forgiving all the time and tolerated all of it, it never entered my brain that this one is truly just an a...le, no depth inside. That's what I am - I very often tolarate or even like people others can't stand because I forgive them for being insensitive in things they say or sometimes even do (there is people who genuinely have problems understanding others and being blind to social cues) and I've never been wronged before. I guess from now on I'll be much less open and this is somehow the thing I hate him most for - to make me distrust others:/.

I guess that's what you may find out in future - that the incredibleness was mostly your affection and even the sex can be so much better with someone who loves you back and will try to satisfy your needs as well and not only use you as a sex toy.

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#15240 - 05/25/13 05:43 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: crocodile]
tigerlilyj Offline
member

Registered: 05/24/13
Posts: 10
Originally Posted By: crocodile
I feel disgusted to think how much I let him get away with and I constantly tried to explain him what he was doing wrong like he was a five year old. I guess that was my mistake - thinking that he somehow can be a very smart guy and in the same time completely insensitive to others but believed that it's not like that really inside, it's just a pose.


I always had to sit him down like a baby and tell him 'this? bad! ok? no repeat! ok?' Basically that was the level.

Mine was so devious in that he would do things 'for me' that I didn't even ask him to do (like clean my entire room or always go out and buy the groceries and cook while I was in class when we said we would go together) and then afterwards would scream at me and call me a lazy b... for making him do everything.
Again, I really would not have stayed with him if it had not been for my sex life with him. He always called me a wh.re, always always always his favorite word when he was mad at me. He would like to number on his fingers the names of the people he knew i slept with (BEFORE HIM)... again I repeat, Before I even knew him!! It's my life. And I don't wanna know what he was doing before, but he always promised that he used a condom except with me. How can you believe anything a pathological liar says, right?

The most ironic thing is that he always tried to give me lessons in life, the very one that he was doing always: "The words you use to describe other people are a reflection of what you are." Liar, lazy, wh..re... sounds very familiar to me.

I've been having a lot of quiet time right now with family before going on a trip with friends, and I really need this trip fast because all of this free time is making me involuntarily wrack my brains to figure out what was a truth and what was a lie. The answer is, I will never know everything. Shove this crap far into the past no matter how hard it is.

Do you know of any online chat support groups as well? Curious.

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#15243 - 05/26/13 01:37 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: tigerlilyj]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
I don't know of any better than this forum really. And it is better than going to a psychologists (I have very negative experience of them). People here are very knowledgable when it comes to psychopathy (well, you become that as soon as you crash into one of them and recognise him for what he is - it's quite a steep learning curve after that;) ) but also very understanding and helpful.

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#15246 - 05/26/13 04:32 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: crocodile]
tigerlilyj Offline
member

Registered: 05/24/13
Posts: 10
Speaking of steep learning curves, I spent the whole night reading others' stories and digging deep into my memories (i know it's unhealthy but i'm just trying to understand what happened and know the truth once and for all) to really figure out what was going on. I nitpicked at details that bothered me and my suspicions, to come to the solid conclusion that he had been cheating on me the whole time. I remember finding another girl's red hairband in his apartment and upon asking him where he found it, he took a few seconds before saying "oh, i just found it on the floor... i was gonna give it to you". Now how did I let that by again?? I feel like an idiot but I guess it's because I just denied it could even be possible, it simply couldn't be. we spent ALL the time together. So he was really micro-managing his schedule to find times when I wasn't there to enjoy cheap thrills with girls.

Also, a guy friend who is no longer his friend (because my ex is such an ass) confirmed my beliefs with me on chat today. He never spoke to me about it because it would only hurt me more, go figure! He had been cheating on me for at least 1 year if not longer, probably from the very start. Guy friend told me that my ex invited him over to his apartment last October while we were fighting and taking a few days' distance, that my ex showed him a bunch of porn and the sole topic of conversation was porn and that he was "banging some chicks" and was boasting about it to guy friend. Makes me sick to my stomach but I am very grateful that I figured this out almost 4 months after we broke up. If this had been proven to me earlier, I would have lost my mind.
Now I am simply disgusted but I am numb.

I didn't sleep all night, told my mom about it this morning when she woke up and she just sighed saying "it's not your fault dear, no one can help that he is a sex addict. He has a sick relationship to sex." true...

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#15247 - 05/26/13 04:39 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: tigerlilyj]
tigerlilyj Offline
member

Registered: 05/24/13
Posts: 10
Imagine that he said his favorite (hottest) actress was Monica Bellucci and that his favorite movie/scene with her is the horrid rape scene in "Irreversible"

That alone shows you something is very wrong with his mind.

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