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#14035 - 11/12/12 01:46 PM The blame game
Great2bealive Offline

Registered: 10/25/12
Posts: 4
When i was with the most horrific person on this planet, i was blamed for everything that ever happened, before and after i left him. i had often wondered, why am i so messed up? why do i always seem to screw everything up? I finally started to realize, it's not me, it's him and his crazy way of thinking about me! he had a child, a lil girl with a woman before we got together. They had been split-up, she had left him and it wasn't a good thing either.

I had never really thought of the things he had said about her, until it dawned on me that he was treating me the same way he had her.He had given me the idea that this woman had hurt him and broke him down into little pieces, awwww! he made me feel sorry for him and think of him as the victim in the relationship. I had believed all of it to, for a while anyways. i finally saw the light of day and knew what the real deal was the whole time.

Not only had it been the "babys momma" it was also a wife, one that had divorced him. So, he laid it on pretty thick, all the blame was pointed at them, for his sorrow in his life, he had done nothing but got up with the wrong women, awwwww.Now the blame was handed down to me, to be weighted down with. i cought pure hell from him and this game of rage he so loved to play with women. it took me so long to leave him, then i did, for goofd the last time. i always felt so good when i would get the balls to leave him and have some time away from his mouth. it was a feeling i wanted to always have, a feeling of freedom. i finally got that feeling again, after coming back to him, i was so miserable with him. i couldn't even fake being happy with him, i was so unhappy. i loathed him in every way possible.i hated to even hear his voice. when i did finally leave, he would find out my cell# and call me, still playing the blame game as usual.

A few weeks ago, he was screaming in the background, while i was talking to our son on the phone, still mad at me for leaving him. he has the ugliest mouth, so foul and disrespectful i have ever expereinced in my entire life. i will no longer tolerate being treated like that ever again, by anyone! The same woman, he was running around on me with is still with him now, that has been almost 20 years ago they started messing around. She moved in with him when i left him in 2001, now she knows what it's like to be with someone like that. i feel bad for her, even though she hurt me years ago. i really didn't love him, i was always controlled and told what my feelings were, how i was to feel about him. I was to treat him like a king. i was to be submissive, when i couldn't be, it wasn't in me to be at all. I think she to feels trapped by him. she's kinda uneducated and he makes her feel very low. she has no more self-aseetm.

That is just what he needs to feel like he wants to feel. when some strong woman, like hillary Clinton was to come-up on the t.v, he gets really mad, says that's not a womans roll, that's a mans job. he is very strict on women and what they should or shouldn't do. i always hated people like that. i do know how and why i ended up with him, i also know it will never, ever happen again. Some things you learn in life, this was a lesson i fully understood. i now have the knowledge and the right amount of skills to know what to look for in someone. I know people can fool you, trick you into making you think good about them....they can't hide their true side for very long, the monster will show it's ugly head in a short time, he always does.the blame is always never pointed at ones self, not with some one like that, it's never their fault! anyone you know, who is like that, than run as fast as you can from them, they will hurt you bad if they can.

They seem to get-off on hurting people and causing harm to good folks.

#14045 - 11/13/12 11:10 AM Re: The blame game [Re: Great2bealive]
Dianne E. Offline


Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi Great2bealive, welcome to our community. Thanks for sharing your story.

Yes, the blame game says it in a nutshell for sure. That is one of the tricky parts that they should get an award for getting away with. Being the victim while they are actually victimizing others.

I think the main reason they behave this way is because it creates an era of sympathy and helps to avoid the real issues. For example it also isolates the new victim from thinking something is off with them and who would contact the old victim when they were told they were such a mess to deal with, kind of like deflecting and setting the trap.

It is really the definition of projection.

i do know how and why i ended up with him, i also know it will never, ever happen again. Some things you learn in life, this was a lesson i fully understood.

I suspect you are talking about having clear boundaries? Yes, life is indeed all about learning and moving forward, great for you for having the insight and strength.


#14085 - 11/29/12 12:00 AM Re: The blame game [Re: Dianne E.]
FreeBird Offline

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Great2bealive welcome!

You did the best thing you could, you got out. And all by yourself - your decision, bravo!! Many of us needed a lot of help from the outside so I admire your strength.

All you wrote here is 100% true.
The further away I get from those experiences the more ensured I feel that it was a good thing to happen to me. I used to be so naive with people (thought everyone thinks and acts like me-a good person). I couldn't be more wrong. The great thing is now I am ready for everything in life because I think I've been through the worst. The only thing I couln't take is yet another psychopath in my life for longer, so I keep them away. It's easy once you learn to spot them.

#14095 - 12/02/12 12:59 AM Re: The blame game [Re: FreeBird]
Gary92 Offline

Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 18
Reading this sounds exactly like my psychopath at home, called my father.

Nothing is EVER his fault. It's always our mother. She is the reason for everything. Even when something out of the blue happens, it's her fault. When it's not her fault, it's my fault. He won't take it out on my little sister, but my mom and I get all of the wrath, and filthy foul mouth YES. Worst filth you'll ever hear from a human being. At age 20 I've tried so hard to stop cussing. The F bombs, and GD's are in his everyday language. My mother used to never cuss but 20 years with him, it's sunk in. Everything is all her her her her her her her or now it's him him him him too. When he broke stuff "she made me do it". I hope there is some kind of karma judgement and one day he's going to pay for all those sins, I truly do.

My heart goes out to you, it's a shame that people like this can't live up to what they do. I just pray one day soon, I can escape this horror.