WoW! Reading everyone's stories
make me feel so at home

when my husband and i were helping p to get back on his feet
after a few weeks, where, he was the nicest person in the world, the agency that was providing care-worker to help me with my handicap children, hired him
i ask the agency to hire him
he was so helpful

he is a great cook and very clean and a great entertainer
so my handicap children where getting the best with him
but it only lasted a few weeks
he became very jealous of me even though we were not lovers
he had a way with women that they all slept with him
which did not bother me i was only in his life to help him out
but it turned out to be a nightmare
he became violent at my house i got the gun to defend myself just hitting him with it
i could not shoot and did not know how to use it either
so he got scare of me and called the police on me
telling them that i pointed the gun at him
and telling them that he was a stud bla bla bla
so he just wrote a complaint
but he had one year to change his mind and press charge on me

he would say too that i was crazy and he would have me put in a place for oversex person when he is the one who was demanding it ferociously
or he would have me deported
and i kept putting up with him even after he was out of our house
for some wild reason
i fell in love with him
i was going to save him of the way he was thinking
i was going to help him to be a better person
praying to God for a miracle
why was he nice for a little while
i was trying to bring him back to be that nice guy

i wish i would not have to share all this
i do not like to write all my past life
it takes a lot of energy for me to write what happened
but reading you'all makes me want to say yes i know what you talking about it happened to me the same stuff
you all sharing

i found out last night that p's new girlfriend is his high school teacher
when he was in high school she fell for him and was writing him love letters
the lady who was telling me this read those letters a long time ago
and was telling me to be very careful because she is crazy too
she was saying that they deserve each other but i was afraid of her too when she was calling me and leaving ugly messages on my phone and p was telling her lies about me to make her feel sorry for him that i provided his drug which he never did in front of me I've never even seen it
that is one thing that he would not share with me and i was ignorant about it for a long time because of my naive way of being
and i gave him herpes which is a lie
i did went to get tested but the doctor would not do it unless i had symptom of it and never had
i heard other musicians that i need to stay away from her do not pick up her phone calls
she hadn't called since he came out of rehab 2 weeks ago

i did see him monday night playing at the jam session, i could not see his new girlfriend there were people in front of her and all i could do is laugh at the situation,
sure i am hurt but it is ok to hurt but i won't let it take over my emotion it's hard but i am fighting for peace of mind
he was playing and he told the bass player that he could have me
so the bass guy was joking with me that now we can be together because before when they would come and talk to me
p would always be so jealous
to the point of hitting me a few time in public

i am friendly to everyone but i do not f*** them
i am from another country and i just love to meet new people and it would aggravate the hell out of him
that everyone like me so much
and he would present me to everyone and he would say that i was stealing his connection
that i wanted for his fame so i would leave him alone for awhile to prove to him look i don't need you
i knew a lot of musicians before i knew p and he would get in shock when they would come and talk to me
he would ask me who do i work for

he got arrested many time
and the police would say hey! blues man how you doing!
asking him for an autograph
the grew up with him
so to them he is just a spoil brat guy
who gets away a lot from the law
but the beat up his mom and girlfriends
and stalking and calling her dad to tell him that he was going to kill him if he doesn't tell him where she is
now he's got that charge and it is getting a bit more serious he could spend time for this

so anyway i am getting out of the woods
and learning slowly about how people can be
and learning how to defend myself
against people that are p

i feel that i am spending too much time talking about him
i have so much to do work work
but for some reason i have to get this out of my system
i want to be able to protect people from those kind of men


freedom

>>I was a hostage for way to long. It felt absolutely terrible. No matter what I tried to do I was in pain. To leave or to stay, didn't matter, that P. had me right where he wanted me for so long. And I fed right in to all of it. I tired to fight the P, not knowing what I was up against.<<

So well put. . .exactly how I felt for over five years! I did not know what had hit me. . .

finished

Welcome Mindy and Grace! That is been a great place to be.

Hopefull,

Thanks so much!! I had another disturbing twisted episode today with P and almost pushed me over the edge. But as he was projecting to me I was able to identify it and knew that I could come here and unload to people who understand me. The isolation has been hard for me, since my family is very disinterested or maybe they just can't handle it. I did notice my response to him was a lot better and the end result was good. For everyone who has been so kind to me, thank you!!!! Finally validation!!!

Mindy

Mindy, Hang in there, better time will come. It is always somehow a surprise to see that family are uninterested. They are only because they can't gauge the effect of a P on us. They have no clue. that's why. The same here. And if they come to understand and they don't understand why we haven't move on and how come we are still dealing with that. Hang in there. I guess we are substitute for a family for those bad moments.

Rick b1, (rick b)


I would be glad to say hello in person at a Starbuck's, Tully's or equivalent. Since the Private Message system is disabled I will provide Dianne with a private means of communication.

G

Thanks All for yr welcome.

Persistent, I just read your "Understanding Crystallized: The Aftermath" and I totally, totally related to it. You are so right on. Thank you. I keep finding little jewels of posts that help me in my journey back to normalcy.

Hi I am new on the site but found what you wrote very powerful and scary in a way. What the hell is wrong with us woman ??? Posted a thread called confused. Thought i would just comment on your writing. xx