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#14406 - 03/17/13 01:15 AM Therapists? A slew of incompetents.
warrioress Offline

Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 72
I dont even know where to start.
Initially we were looking for therapy together, but that was a no go once I realized what I was dealing with. Still, his therapist kept talking to me. He wanted to know my side of the story.
The feedback I received was so triggering, it became a 'situation' in itself.
For example, direct communication, but enhancement is my own:

"**** knows he must stay away from you and not drink; but then he knew that before and that didn't stop him. I have put in place as many safeguards as I can think of, internal as well as external, to keep him away. Among other things, he has agreed to call me and two old friends if he notices that he is beginning to weaken in his resolve. However, what he experiences with you is so precious and so compelling that I cannot say he won't ignore the safeguards and try to see you again."
"As you know ****'s crazy behavior did not come out of the blue. You let him back into your life and into your arms. If you can be strong enough to keep him away, I think you are safe.If he doesn't know where you are, that would be even better." WTF!!!

"You two have something powerful and beautiful together. If you can stay apart long enough for both of you to heal your abandonment wounds, maybe you could be together again and make it work. I will do my best with ******** "

Dear Dr ****
Did you think about my safety at all when you shared my emails to you with ******, that he told me he killed people? After only 3 sessions, knowing he had been arrested at my home for major damages and beating down my doors to get in, knowing the police were coming and did not stop? That i prayed he would not breach my home and have to shoot him. Did you even think, about my safety? He tells me you have a right to do this. You might have a right, but perhaps no conscience or thought about your actions.
Go ahead, give him a print out of this one too. It's your Right! Session #4 tomorrow. Maybe if I end up dead youll consider your therapy with **** a success.

Dr. Response:
Based on my sessions with ****** I never considered your safety at risk. I still do not.


As if provocation were in ANY way a reality or necessary, just an excuse.

Then after the LAST stalking incident:
"May I point out that while you have been vilifying Scott to everyone he knows, he has not exposed ****** a point on which you are vulnerable, which would be an easy retaliation for a Psychopath."


OK enough. 38 years old and this is the First Time he 'turned into someone he didn't recognize'?
Ugh, what a laugh. What goes on with therapist denial and blaming the victim? this hearts and flowers of 'getting over abandonment' issues when he knows you fear for your life? Violence is 'powerful and beautiful'?

What actually goes on with these Hacks?
I cut off communications with the therapist, since I figured it out, the Psychopath was communicating WITH me through the therapist. Another manipulated idiot.
And I get really pissed off at the terms 'vilify' and 'vindictive'. After all the 'actions' done against you, youre not supposed to TELL anyone, or it's 'provocation' or harassment.
Stunning rationalizations.

Edited by warrioress (03/17/13 01:38 AM)

#14416 - 03/17/13 08:00 PM Re: Therapists? A slew of incompetents. [Re: warrioress]
1962 Offline

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Oh My so sorry for what you are going through.

The problem with most therapists is that they believe that everyone's problem is fixable and that they have a conscience. They also believe that our problems stem from being hurt, abandoned, beaten, _____, insert any word which you can think of for a childhood trama or of a reason for you to be codependent.

That't the kicker!!! They don't get it at all. If you want validation - this is where you're gonna get it. We know, but sadly most people don't believe that this type of evil exists. Your friends, boss, neighbors, counselor... you will come off as the crazy one- trust me, I'm living that reality right now.

I posted some suggestions on a different thread and although I know it will be difficult to hide from him
( as I see you have a house...rental?).

Another thing I forgot to mention was to document, document, document! Then go for an order of protection or restraining order ( cops won't give me one because they can't prove it was him poisoning me!) It sounds like your "Psychopath" is a real loose cannon, so it shouldn't be difficult to get a lot of data on him.

Another idea would be to have a tracker put on his car. You can get a remote one (where someone puts it under the car and then removes it a week later) that holds on with a magnet. This will give you a print out of where he's been so it can help prove stalking. Of course if you do this, you will technically break NC (which is what I've been doing with my "Psychopath", but sometimes safety comes first - before we can recover our sanity.)

Again- good luck, and be smart and safe.

Skip the therapists right now and work on your personal safety- sounds like that is most important issue right now. I have found that blogging here and on LF has helped me learn a great deal and cheaper than %&^$^&(*^* therapists who don't get it.

Edited by 1962 (03/17/13 08:02 PM)

#14432 - 03/18/13 11:08 AM Re: Therapists? A slew of incompetents. [Re: 1962]
Shayna Offline

Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
I'm sorry, but you're both seeing the same therapist? That's a huge conflict of interest; that definitely shouldn't happen, and he shouldn't be sharing anything about your ex's sessions either! As much as he talks about all that to you- you can bet he's telling your ex just as much. What a jerk. Reading that actually got me upset.

I definitely wouldn't give up on therapists; you just need to find the right one. I'm on my third, a woman who focuses on women and abuse. She may not completely understand Psychopaths but she understand gas-lighting and other forms of emotional abuse, things I didn't even realize.

Or- wait until you're finally rid of your Psychopath and you have a safe environment, and seek therapy geared to rebuilding your self esteem. It's worth it. You may not be ready for that step just yet, but when you are it'll go a long way towards your healing.

Edited by Shayna (03/18/13 11:10 AM)

#14932 - 04/26/13 12:08 PM Re: Therapists? A slew of incompetents. [Re: warrioress]
crocodile Offline

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
I'd just like to add my personal experiences on "therapy". My Psychopath was trying almost from the beginning to convince me I have a mental illness. He was purposefully making me unhappy, crying and so forth and then telling me that I'm depressed, I need help (which he is of course going to provide me as my hero) and so on because otherwise I'd be just fine. At one point he even told me that my problem is that I am too emotional in contrast to him (I guess he understands normal as "psychopath like me").

At some point I got convinced and he took me to a string of psychologists and psychiatrists where I was of course given of sorts of pills and diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder. Funnily enough this was what he was trying to tell me I had - I did some test on the internet and they all came back negative. A year later, after being manipulated by him I re-did them and I was a typical borderline. I remember when I was re-doing these tests I had an odd feeling that for each question I had two answers - the way I was all my life (which was mostly the "normal" answer) and the "how I feel now or about the Psychopath" answer (which was the "sick" version).

I even asked him (he was sitting there with me as I did the test) and he said that of course I should answer the way I feel now. Subsequently I went through a string of therapists who were asking me questions about my childhood and when it turned out that I had a normal loving family, was not abused and everything seemed fine they ... refused to believe that my childhood was OK and decided they have to dig deeper. At that point I totally refused to cooperate because I know that you can be made to believe (and have actual vivid memories) about things that never happened and I didn't want to start to believe that my family were some kind of abusive monsters.

Which must have been disappointing to my Psychopath since he was from the beginning trying to tell me I have some murky past and that's why I'm so screwed up. At the beginning of our relationship he told me his family's story (classic strategy for psychopaths seems like) - his mother and then sisters were molested by his pedophile grandfather and it caused his sister to attempt suicide. He later admitted openly that he only told me this story to gain my trust. I believe that it is mostly true though I never met his family but I totally don't believe that he was ever moved by anything what happened. In any case he was trying to manipulate me into thinking that I was abused by my father which I didn't buy for a second (he was saying things that some people don't remember that they were abused and so on - I thought maybe he is really thinking that and trying to help me but now I know he didn't care, it was just funny to f... with my brain). And obviously all the therapists went along even though nothing fitted and I was rejecting that (but of course I was crazy and in denial).

None of them has ever noticed anything odd about him, nobody ever asked me about the nature of our relationship, suggested that something may not have been my fault. They were starting from the position he wanted to have them at - she's crazy and I'm just a concerned do-gooder who is putting up with her craziness.

I don't deny that there may be BPD people who genuinely have a childhood trauma and so on, maybe even most of them, but if you are a victim of a psychopath and you're in a state that you have been told over and over again that you're crazy and paranoid that you yourself believe it the worst that can happen is the therapist who will not think twice and blame everything on you even if nothing fits. He is then effectively working for the psychopath and against you.

I guess the moral of this story is: never ever take a psychopath with you to therapy if you indeed feel like you need one, don't even tell him about it and for sure don't let him take you to therapy or even suggest there is something wrong with you. 90% of my borderline like symptoms disappeared the moment I was rid off the guy and all the rest of them are just a proof that I am a normal human being with emotions and ability to experience pain and doubt and so on. the most ironic is that all the time he was trying to convince me that having strong feelings is abnormal. I guess for him it is since he doesn't even know what they are...

#15345 - 06/18/13 12:08 PM Re: Therapists? A slew of incompetents. [Re: crocodile]
crocodile Offline

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Btw, that's helpful tips, if I followed that before, I'd have never ended up in the [censored] I'm still dealing with:
Of course it does not help if you're totally gaslighted to trust the guy but if just one person finds that helpful, it's good enough for me.

#15346 - 06/18/13 02:19 PM Re: Therapists? A slew of incompetents. [Re: crocodile]
crocodile Offline

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
And also if one needs help after dealing with a Psychopath maybe one should first check out e.g. these guys:
International Society for Ethical Psychiatry and Psychology
and inform oneself about mental health care so that you don't become re-victimised...

#16068 - 10/05/13 01:37 PM Re: Therapists? A slew of incompetents. [Re: warrioress]
crocodile Offline

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
By the way, I was not sure where to post it but I wanted to inject some humour into the bleak reality, I think relevant for the topic;):

- Mummy, mummy, I don't want to go to a psychiatrist!
- I don't care! Someone finally needs to find a reason why you're crying when I beat you!

#16614 - 08/04/15 01:47 PM Re: Therapists? A slew of incompetents. [Re: warrioress]
Ladywolf Offline

Registered: 07/30/15
Posts: 6
They say that psychopaths can even fool therapists, they even learn from them!

Like the old joke goes...what does a therapist do when they find out the have a psychopath as a client? RUN!