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#14520 - 03/22/13 08:25 AM Re: Red Flags [Re: 007Girl]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
007 Girl,

I hope you are taking steps to keep yourself safe. Believe me when I say that they are capable of ANYTHING!

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#14557 - 03/25/13 03:08 AM Re: Red Flags [Re: Nan]
funkyinanna Offline
member

Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 48
Nan,

i remembered some more stuff along the same lines as 'len deighton used me as his researcher'! i can't include them here it would be too obvious to identify me...but i did cross-check that story with another friend who knows more than me in that field. He said when he had asked him for clarification on some points (where? when? etc) he never got a straight answer...just waffle

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#14558 - 03/25/13 03:46 AM Re: Red Flags [Re: funkyinanna]
Nan Offline
member

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 501
Originally Posted By: funkyinanna


i remembered some more stuff along the same lines as 'len deighton used me as his researcher'! ...

...but i did cross-check that story with another friend.... He said when he had asked him for clarification on some points (where? when? etc) he never got a straight answer...just waffle


You were smarter than I was. I swallowed the whole thing hook, line and sinker. It was only later that I recalled a tiny shred of doubt that I had ignored at the time.

Yes, waffle and pander. It's almost as though they enjoy making up wilder and wilder stories just to see how far they can go before we start making inquiries.

Then when we do ask, we get more lies, more stories.

Funny enough, even in the face of incontrovertible evidence, Mr. Who would not back down, but demanded that I do.

Nan

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#14559 - 03/25/13 06:31 AM Re: Red Flags [Re: Nan]
funkyinanna Offline
member

Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 48
Nan

I didn't actually confront him with my discovery...the story he told was a sort of alibi for what he had been doing for 2 years when he didn't seem to be around much. This was before I met him ofcourse but the friend had known ages ago.

I guess it sounds more mysterious than 'i didn't have a job and wasn't going to college much at the time'

the reason it stumped me when i remembered it yesterday is coz it means he is capable of constructing huge lies enormous lies to make himself seem special

but surely he knew he was lying? what is the point of pretending to be special through a lie?
he's so crazy!

confronting him about even 'small contradictions' made him angry but again he didn't show his anger in a direct way always passive agressive

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#14583 - 03/26/13 11:52 AM Re: Red Flags [Re: funkyinanna]
Shayna Offline
member

Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
So many red flags here are what I experienced too. The porn addiction, the missing time- and when I asked about it just to ask (this is when I still trusted him) I got a vague answer at first, then angry, accusatory answers later. He yelled at me once asking me if I needed to know where he was every second of the day.

There are so many more, but most have all been documented here.

One of the saddest things I remember was when things were still good between us. This actually happened twice. He was sitting on my couch as I was making dinner after work one evening, and he had this really sad look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he started to cry, and said he was so afraid of me leaving him when I found out what he was. I had NO idea what he meant and he never explained any further than he 'wasn't a good person'. I wonder if they have moments of clarity and they realize for a few minutes what they're actually about?

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#14596 - 03/27/13 04:59 AM Re: Red Flags [Re: Shayna]
funkyinanna Offline
member

Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 48
Shayna

I don't know if it's moments of clarity, most probably he doesn't view himself as a Psychopath but he knows he's a liar a fake a pretender
I think the crying thing happens when it becomes too much effort to keep wearing the mask and so they feign sadness and depression in the hope that any following bad behaviour would be lodged under that...

You're more likely to forgive and make allowances if you 'believe' that he is sad or if you think that he feels 'bad about himself'

I fell for it many many times over a very short period

Now in hindsight, even though I'm still in the fog, but cause I'm emotionally detached I can remember how he changed his mask and his voice when he was pretending to be sad and misunderstood...it was deliberate and it worked

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#14597 - 03/27/13 06:51 AM Re: Red Flags [Re: funkyinanna]
Shayna Offline
member

Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
Yeah, I think you're right. I still seem hooked on the idea there's some compassion within him and we all know there just isn't. And it could have been simply a moment where he needed attention.

Thank you for the reminder. smile

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#14715 - 04/06/13 08:30 AM Re: Red Flags [Re: Shayna]
getaway Offline
member

Registered: 12/15/12
Posts: 6
Isn't it amazing how we need the reminders about their behaviour!? it has been 5 months now & at times I find myself wondering whether or not at certain times did he actually feel anything! Then my rational brain kicks in & reminds me about all his other victims etc

How on earth do they have such a hold on part of your emotional mind when they were so creepy! ...is it just the fact that they played so wel to your emotional needs during the courting phase?

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#14718 - 04/06/13 06:18 PM Re: Red Flags [Re: getaway]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
I worked with a counselor who also worked with criminal psychopaths. He said that they do feel things, but that they had no conscience. It's possible that the "Psychopath" felt sad, or "loved" you in his own way, I know they feel depressed, anxious ect.

I know this because I have learned that my youngest son is also a "Psychopath". He and I were very close and when I fled the house, he took it really personally (guess I was a source of supply for him) When I finally got a chance to speak with him about his father's cheating and poisoning he believed me and told me to divorce him as his father would never confess the truth.

He didn't come right out and say it, but he said to me" you don't think I understand exactly what dad is, but I do." Realized right then that he has had a lot of the same behaviors as what you ladies are going through. He is a young and immature "Psychopath", but I can see now that he has 2 sides to him. I don't think the other side is evil like his father, but seems to be more needy in the attention from females issue.

At one time we got him medication for depression and the whole family thought that he did really well on it. He didn't like the way it made him feel. Brain chemistry and functioning is a lot of what is behind these PDs.

Sadly, I know what his fiancee is up against if he turns out like his dad.

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#14736 - 04/08/13 07:52 AM Re: Red Flags [Re: 1962]
Shayna Offline
member

Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
1962, that's so heartbreaking. frown I can only say that I tried antidepressants for a while too and hated the way they made me feel. I was a shell of a person. Yeah, they took the sadness away but they also took everything else away too.

That said I know it takes a while to find the right type and dosage for each person. I gave up my ADs because I didn't want to go through not being me for as long as it might've taken to find the right combo, if that was even possible. I'm glad I did too.

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