Getting back to the main subject of the topic...

One thing i learned from my experience is to check the family background of someone you meet. A good relationship with parents is important.
The eyes too, they look straight in your eyes like tryind to figure something out and not just the eyes but your whole facial expression, your mouth, cheeks, the way you frown your eyebrows. it´s weird. I remenber the way my ex used to look at me when we had a fight learning of my reactions to use it later. sick.
Be aware of sad things people tell you about their lives. People who want you to have pity on them all the time ´cos that´s a commom tatic to make you drop your guard.

Of course that none of what just wrote is absolute. It´s just something we all learned from our experiences that made us all more alert.

It´s also important to keep in mind that we should not drive people away assuming in advance that they could be Psychopaths that only leads to isolation which is not good but everyone heals in a different way. I´m glad i´m over this part but obviously today i´m much more cautious.

See ya.

Overcome


The biggest thing to me now is the pity story.


When someone feels sorry for you they have empathy and want to help. Right???

The "Psychopath" still tried to get me to feel sorry for him yesterday (we were discussing income taxes that needed to be filed) He wanted a share of the taxes to help off set the fuel bill and then complained bitterly about having to maintain the marital assets (in my state once I filed for divorce he had to do this). Well I fled the house because he tried to kill me and he is still living there, enjoying the stability of being in the marital home.

I said "I don't feel sorry for you at all- you are in the house, you pay for the heat to keep you warm. Just common sense reply to his pity play.

Male psychopaths will often use the economic excuse to get leverage over his partner. My advice for you is that you solve this as quick as you can and get away as far as possible. I´d say that you should try to solve things with him first to see if he would cause much trouble but since your life is in danger is best that you inform the police and everyone else you feel you can really trust of your current situation and hire a lawyer to take care of the rest. Stay away from him! Do not be tempted! He´ll propably try to appeal to your emotions to get you back but you have to remain strong and resilient. You said he tried to kill you so the idea must still be in his head. Stay Away.

Best of Luck.

Overcome,

I am living with my eldest son right now and have learned to take a second look (and sometimes a third) at what the "Psychopath" I am married to says and his motivation. Apparently money is his big motivator. I think he has planned to kill me off and have all of our assets for himself. I was great at doing the books and he had a steady income- unlike most of the "Psychopath"s here we were a fairly stable married couplee types of things you would expect a couple to have after all these years.

Imagine my surprise when it all went to H#LL.

I did go to the police with my evidence, and it's still an active case. The most difficult thing for me is trying to wrap my brain around the betrayal of believing that I was in a loving and permament relationship for 31 years. He was an amazingly good actor and liar.

Fortunately, I will have assests. I have my education and I am a strong person. I think he under estimated my intelligence in figuring out what he was doing to me in the end. I must have believed so many of his lies for so long that he figured he could continue on without my being suspicious.


The main thing that concerns me now is that I read the higher they hold you in esteem, the worse it is for the victim-even if they try to kill you. His friends always said he put me on a pedastool. Of course who would be good enough to marry a narcissistic "Psychopath" like him. I got along well with his business associates and their wives, took care of the house and kids, got my Masters and started pursing my own career.

I guess I cleaned up well and was a good front of normalcy for him. I even think he may be gay- or at least using other men for his deeds. I know for a fact that he has at least had oral sex with other women.

I have to realize that I am still that capable woman- just a lot more aware that there is evil in this world....wrapped up in a humanlike body!

Feel like I am waking up from a really awlful dream.


Edit: yes he still insists that he did nothing wrong and does not want to divorce and I can come home and he

will take me back lovingly...the last time I spoke with him he was clueless about what I valued and wanted

out of life.

Guess it's true-empty shell who will only mirror you

Hope his next wife measures up to his grand expectations!

Overcome: You state here: "One thing i learned from my experience is to check the family background of someone you meet. A good relationship with parents is important."

I found this to be very upsetting. You posted this comment in the section "psychopath in the family". I do not have a relationship with my family. Does that mean people should stay away from me? My father, the Psychopath, has a GREAT relationship with all his family members. Except me. So, he's the good guy, and I'm the problem.

This is why it's so hard to form and maintain relationships for the children of the psychopath. What you said is what most believe. That the familial relationship is the thermometer to how good or bad a person is. That is someone doesn't have a good relationship with their family, they are the problem.

Hi Daddysproblem,

Overcome mentions that a good relationship with one's parents is important. She didnt write that it's the only thing that counts or that a single parent cannot do a good job or that an orphan is floating down the river by virtue of being parentless.

Here's what Overcome wrote: My emphasis about parents and their importance:

*******

"One thing i learned from my experience is to check the family background of someone you meet. A good relationship with parents is important.

[…]

Of course that none of what just wrote is absolute. ...

It´s also important to keep in mind that we should not drive people away assuming in advance that they could be Psychopaths that only leads to isolation which is not good but everyone heals in a different way. I´m glad i´m over this part but obviously today i´m much more cautious."

*******

I was orphaned because my parents died when I was very young. Would I have been better educated, nicer looking, richer or sweeter or who knows what superlative if I had not ended up in an orphanage? Maybe and maybe not. Certainly, having loving and caring parents that hang around while you are growing up can only be considered a godsend.

Sometimes, life just doesn't turn up the way we want it to turn up, but that doesn't mean that we are less or that we are a problem or that people should stay away from us. Maybe it makes us stronger!

Here's a quote from a book entitled In the Dark Places of Wisdom by Peter Kingsley

" We want healing from illness, but it's through illness that we grow and are healed of our complacency. We're afraid of loss, and yet it's though what we lose that we are able to find what nothing can take away from us. We run from sadness and depression. But if we really face our sadness we find that it speaks with the voice of our deepest longing; and if we face it a little longer we find that it teaches us the way to attain what we long for."

Hugs,

Nan

My mother is the psychopath in my family. I disagree also that seeing how the family relationship appears is not a good measure. My mother had what appeared to be an excellent relationship with her parents. She usually behaved herself quite well around them. Her rage was pretty much reserved for me, more than anyone else.

I have moved countries and have almost no dealings with my parents (who are still married). We mostly communicate by email as she won't pay for phone calls. I almost never communicate with my father. He backs her no matter how badly she behaves. He's like her little cult disciple.

Low or no contact is the only way to deal with a psychopath.

Cut the Psychopath off completely!

^^

In my opinion the only good advice is the one above (it's quit obvious why)

The Psychopath. will always be a psychopath - even if he/she is pretending/acting to be nice and human you'll know Psychopath. isn't.

Move along, even if it's a close family member.

Do psycopaths try to find out how the mind of there target works? And do they worship there mothers (non sexual way )

Hi Rich, I think one of their top skills is knowing how their targets operate. They know from trial and error growing up which buttons do what. They look for certain types, so I would have to say they know how their victims will react to what. What I wonder about if they really know what people see in them that gives them away.

Years ago, I used to think would be impossible for them to have any connection with their parents or family. I have really thought a lot about it and read books about many different types of psychopaths. They do seem to have a type of feeling that they want to protect their family from their actions. I remember a book I was reading about a serial killer that was written in the "voice" of the killer by Jack Olsen, and it does seem to be true. Now if push came to shove, and they could justify doing something awful to their family like they did their victims is the question I would have.

The reason I would question what they would really do is because they always fall back to the victim position themselves. Like as a simple explanation, I did this because after all, they pushed me, and they deserved it type of logic.

Do you have an example or experience you might share, and perhaps we can elaborate more on this?

Di