hi JAM, how're things?
since I spend my days with N and P a few feet from me
in "cubical land", I devote a fair bit of
time to wondering about this topic.
what I've focussed on is that these two are strikingly
P seems to be so "to the bone" -- he sails through life
like the title character in Carly Simon's "You're So Vain".
I remember we were talking about one of our favorite
spots -- a bar/hut/dance club on the beach in the Carribean.
since his primary topic is carnal conquests, I mentioned
that "hey P, these girls aren't looking for guys like you
and me, they're looking for millionaires with yachts from
X". he replied "I am
a millionaire with a yacht from X",
and I was just bowled over with how convincing he was.
I was able to fall under the spell
for a moment.
with N, the grandiosity is skin-deep. his real train of
thought is an open sewer of self loathing, scatological
references and in-your-face homophobia (he's a homosexual).
he goes through a "girl-friend" about every 10 days, and
one of the team rituals is having to listen to a litany
of the latest one's short comings. eventually I became
a bit Irked with this, and challenged him to say one
thing about any of the women he's gone out with.
to my Amazement, he had a complete loss of composure,
and I was treated to a hysterical outburst of his
concerns with me. (Projection)
I didn't respect him, I lied to him, I set him up to
fail, blah, blah, blah, for a good minute or so.
he must be hanging on my every word desperate for
Narcissitic Supply which I guess he's not receiving from me.
Ironically, after reading up on N's, I had been deliberately
giving him Narcissitic Supply, just to get along with him.
in another amusing incident, he stopped saying "good
morning" to me, and I didn't notice. in retrospect, I
realize that communicating this snub to me was so important
to him that he had to keep escalating his behaviour to
bizarre extremes before I noticed. eventually, things
came to such a pass, that we would meet on the elevator,
I would say "good morning", and he would stand silently,
not looking at me, with a look of ANGUISH so extreme,
it looked like his head was going to explode like
in that cool "Scanners" movie. then, we would both
walk to our area silently, where he would explode into
a spasm of Sociability, saying "good morning" to all
and sundry except me, so I finally got it. ROTFL.
it must be living hell for his self esteem to be so
dependent on me, and I don't even notice.
P doesn't seem to care what
I think of him. most of
what I learn about him is PIT gloating about things, or
N dropping info inadvertently -- he's not the sharpest
knife in the drawer.
the main area where P's self esteem depends on me, is that
he seems to genuinely feel that isolating me, and destroying
my relationships with other people is a creative work
of art on his part. if someone is nice to me in his
presence, you can just feel how UNJUST
this seems to
him -- he can stew for days in a sniffling, brooding
slow burn after an event like that. the Horror.
anyway, enough of my petty concerns.
thanks for the great posts Shelley, "co-morbidity" is
my new term -- Very Cool.
Vaya con Dios,