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#15302 - 06/08/13 10:44 AM Ex's new wife now has contact with our son??
SophieP Offline
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Registered: 06/08/13
Posts: 8
I am feeling emotionally drained and exhausted today, having spent all day in Court yesterday.

My psychopathic ex-husband and I are divorced, with a 4 year old son. He abandoned me for another woman when our son was weeks old, and was having an affair with her when I was pregnant. He has since married her, and I remarried last year. When I remarried, he starting having our son, every other weekend - but was not interested before. I have always been the primary carer.

He is in the Army, and is to be posted abroad in September 2013 for 6 months. He has clearly been manipulating his new wife, who I have never met, as she put in a 'contact order' to the Court, saying she still wants OUR son to spend every other weekend with HER, when his Father is working abroad with the Army? She and he forced me into Court, and I thought she would have no chance, as did my Solicitor. Guess what? The Judge ordered that she can have OUR son, every 3rd weekend, and one full day on the other weekend? She is not a Mother herself, and I am shocked at this outcome. I can now do nothing - a contact order is in place. The Judge was completely on my ex husbands side, and made me out to be a minor part of the proceedings?? He convinced his lawyer that this was vital for our son, and I was not even considered. How can this be?

He has been pursuing me for years, trying to ruin my life, threatening to kill me and to go for full custody of our son, which terrifies me. Our son HATES going to his house for weekends, and cries his heart out when he has to go. My new husband is lovely and very supportive, but as you all know, its hard to understand a psychopath unless you have experienced their cruelty first hand.

Has anyone been through anything similar? I thought Step parents had no rights - it seems they are given contact over the biological Mother? My ex-husband has manipulated his new wife and the legal system, into thinking this is in the best interest of our son?

When will the new wife see him for who he really is? Will he EVER leave me alone? What can I do to stop him pursuing me and costing me thousands of pounds, which I do not have?

I am so confused, any help/advice/support would be appreciated.

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#15303 - 06/08/13 11:15 AM Re: Ex's new wife now has contact with our son?? [Re: SophieP]
crocodile Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Can you appeal?

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#15304 - 06/08/13 11:22 AM Re: Ex's new wife now has contact with our son?? [Re: crocodile]
SophieP Offline
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Registered: 06/08/13
Posts: 8
Hi - I just can't afford to. I am a teacher, on a really low wage, but my husbands combined wage means we do not qualify for legal aid. I still think she will be granted contact - the law is so grey now, no more black and whiteness about it.
Cafcass officer even said at the court 'I can see it from both sides'. Which didn't help attall....

My ex husband knows this, and its a way of worrying me. During our 'marriage', I was obviously the main bread winner, while he spend his Army wages on himself, going out, getting drunk etc leaving me to pay the 'boring stuff' his words, such as the bills, mortgage etc.

I am so happy with my kind new husband, and thought I was on the road to recovery, when he hits me with this contact order, through his new wife. Such a sneaky and cruel move. I don't know why I am so shocked, but I am.

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#15305 - 06/08/13 11:30 AM Re: Ex's new wife now has contact with our son?? [Re: SophieP]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
frown well, I don't know the law where you live but granting partial custody to an unrelated person sounds super weird. I know it may be a nasty question but do you know why your kid is unhappy to go there? Is there anything bad going on? I mean, I hope not but maybe one can get the child protection services involved.
Quote:
Cafcass officer even said at the court 'I can see it from both sides'.

Yeah, these people are so useless and then whenever something bad happens they just look at you with surprise and say they had no idea:/. I'm really sorry for you:(.

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#15306 - 06/08/13 11:34 AM Re: Ex's new wife now has contact with our son?? [Re: crocodile]
SophieP Offline
member

Registered: 06/08/13
Posts: 8
I live in Surrey in the UK. Its apparantly all about keeping 'consistent contact with the Fathers home while he is away'?? Also, our son is a 'child of the family' in legal terms, and his Stepmother is now HIS new family. This was exactly the result my ex husband wanted.

Can anyone tell me what is a psychopaths weakness, his/her achilles heel? I am desperate to learn how to cope with him going forward, as I have another 10 years of contact with him, until my son is 15/16.

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#15307 - 06/08/13 11:42 AM Re: Ex's new wife now has contact with our son?? [Re: crocodile]
SophieP Offline
member

Registered: 06/08/13
Posts: 8
My son says his Dad shouts alot and that he just misses me so much. I check his body when he returns and there are no physical signs of abuse, but you know how psychopaths are experts at psychological abuse, bullying and aggression. Its all so terrifying, I feel trapped, even though I am divorced from this Monster.

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#15309 - 06/08/13 12:04 PM Re: Ex's new wife now has contact with our son?? [Re: SophieP]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
I don't really know, maybe it actually won't be so bad when he's not physically there, maybe that woman herself is not so bad. On the other hand I don't know if you can get a child evaluated for signs of psychological abuse - this is so difficult to prove:(.
Have you tried to talk with the guy's wife (without him)?

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#15311 - 06/08/13 12:11 PM Re: Ex's new wife now has contact with our son?? [Re: SophieP]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Actually, I've just though about something - there was a case in the media when a mother was concerned about the treatment of a kid in kindergarden and had sewn in a little camera recorder into kids bag or something and recorded the mistreatment that was going on in that place (including verbal abuse). I don't know if you could try that and how risky it would be but if you're really desperate...

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#15312 - 06/08/13 05:56 PM Re: Ex's new wife now has contact with our son?? [Re: crocodile]
SophieP Offline
member

Registered: 06/08/13
Posts: 8
...I can understand how that Mother did that, I am so desperate to protect my son. Do you think this second marriage will be different for him as a psychopath?

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#15313 - 06/08/13 06:07 PM Re: Ex's new wife now has contact with our son?? [Re: SophieP]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
If he's really a Psychopath - it's going to be bad one way or another but that's not your concern. I'd rather think that it may be that the woman he's with may be (or not) a normal, OK person (Psychopaths tend to find themselves good caring women after all) and it may not be a disaster if your kid visits her when the Psychopath isn't there. On the other hand that's not the point since you probably just want to have a peace of mind and know that he will never be able to hurt your child and it's years to go. So if you could prove abuse it could help you to get full custody. But from stories I've read or known personally sometimes even hard evidence is not enough if the judge is a total moron so it's a gamble. In general I'd consider it (filming or recording the audio) but there are serious risks involved (like how would the Psychopath react when he accidentally finds the device). But that's pretty much the only tactic I can think of. One can also try to get the kid interviewed by the psychologist (if he is scared of the father and so on) but that's almost impossible to push through the court unless the abuse was physical/sexual.

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