Operalover and Cherie,

Operalover said it real well, about rejection. It made me think of some people that are in my life for years and years now. Yes, mostly men, some I loved, some I lived with, some a good friend. They too knew me pretty well, especially the ones I loved and/or lived with. After the relationship was over and we both moved on to others, we stayed friends. Also, some just friends still as always.

Point is, they are still there. They see me for who, what I am, good and bad, and stuck around anyway. They look at the whole picture, not just parts of it. The p saw the same good, but only to take, to destroy. He was jealous of qualities I had that he never would. He had to mimic and try to be a decent person, it came natural to me. These other people are not jealous of me, they appreciate my qualities, don't always like them, but understand that I am a whole package and stay involved in my life anyway. They are normal minded people. They also are not looking to take on any of my traits. They have their own traits. They have things I admire about them, and vice-versa. They will never reject/abandon me.

Yes, operalover is very, very right. Only people who despise their own self reject. They hate us for what they can never be, not ever. They tried so hard to be like us and failed because it was an act. For basically good people it is natural, no need to act. Plus, the p gets tired of acting. Sometimes they just want to be what they are-a psychopath. So they must reject.

I relate being abandoned by my p as being left by the scum of the earth. If the scum of the earth leaves me, then what does that make me? As I get stronger each day, I realize it makes me free of scum, and that is a cleaner, better feeling. Its like taking a shower after working out in the heat for hours. I feel so yucky and filthy and discusting. But after a shower, fresh make-up and clean clothes, I feel human again.

Yes, getting rid of a psychopath, no matter whether they left or were booted out, is no differant than getting all the filth off. Because they are filth.

I agree with kris too, we like you. We like your posts. We care about you through your words. We are not p's. We will be there for you and cheer you on in each endeavor. As for myself, had it not been for a psychopath, I would not be partaking in this forum. Obviously we all can say the same thing. What brought us together will keep us together. As we forge ahead towards understanding and recovery of psychopaths, we will all grow some, change some, improve a lot. A lot of that will be due to what we read here, of which you are very much a part of. You are of value to us. Great value, and for that, I thank you.

Laura

operalover and Laura,

Thank you for kind words of encouragement and acceptance of me. It really is blessing that this forum exists and you people are here.

Love,
Cherie

Cherie,
I believe the betrayal of a P is one of the very worst things that can happen to those of use who experience it.
In spite of the incredible pain and self-doubt that their actions leave us with, you have chosen to survive it and to move forward with your life.
That demonstrates a great deal of strength and determination (the opposite of powerless and nothingness). And ditto what Kris that about your posts here: You ARE a really cool!
Take Care,
Leti