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#16012 - 08/28/13 11:54 AM Representing myself in court
wingsonearth Offline
member

Registered: 08/28/13
Posts: 6
I am facing many fears, representing myself in court soon, facing father who has 80% of traits of psychopath, just came to this realization recently, now the past (won't mention how many, but many) makes sense, and I am getting counseling and domestic violence support for psychological, emotional, and verbal abuse.

Does anyone have suggestions for how to respond in court if father lies? I am afraid he will lie, and of course he is very good at it. I have a lot of documentation to support my request, but seriously, I am afraid of the father.

Thank you for your input!

Wingsonearth

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#16013 - 08/28/13 01:03 PM Re: Representing myself in court [Re: wingsonearth]
Bunnyshy Offline
member

Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 11
The one point I MUST make is to remain calm at all times in that courtroom. If not, YOU will appear to be the one with a mental problem. I've been where you are. My ex had a new wife who was the psychopath. Not even family! A nightmare, she was caught in lies after 7 years of court. She was teaching my then 4 year old son to call me "Mommy Lisa". HA! What a wack job. Cannot make sense of the nonsensical...ever. She abused him as well, but I had the burden of proof (none). They are genious at personas. Do NOT get emotional AT ALL in court. Keep your hands folded and sit up. Make Absolutely NO expressions, even when he lies. You will have your chance to speak. Also, do NOT be accusatory. Stick to FACTS and you will be very fine wink

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#16014 - 08/28/13 06:06 PM Re: Representing myself in court [Re: wingsonearth]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Present your version as calm as it's humanly possible and show all the evidence you have. Actually if he happens to make a lie that you can disprove with evidence that can work to your favour.
I'm keeping fingers crossed for you.

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#16018 - 08/30/13 03:10 AM Re: Representing myself in court [Re: crocodile]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi wingsonearth, welcome to our community. I totally agree with the comments from others are spot on. I know it is very, very difficult because when all this stuff comes to a head the victim can easily come across as the crazy one in the room.

What works for me before entering into a conflict type situation is to make sure I spend quiet time to get myself settled. Keep focused on the present moment and return to your breathe if you find yourself starting to spin. It will certainly be frustrating because he will more than likely come across like a real cool collected chap.

I wish I could say it will be easy. Please keep us posted.

Di

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#16021 - 09/04/13 10:57 PM Re: Abduction Risk/Representing myself in court [Re: Dianne E.]
wingsonearth Offline
member

Registered: 08/28/13
Posts: 6
Thank you to everyone who responded. I wrote a powerful opening statement, practiced it in front of two close people, and took ativan. In short (so as not to give away revealing details), my proposal was granted.

HOWEVER, I AM AFRAID.

Our son told me today his father told him yesterday that he was taking him to another (son's birth) state (unnamed), had bought tickets, and are leaving tonight. While I doubt he would take our son tonight, I did some research and being a Psychopath (psychopath) is a risk factor for being abductor and his father has a number of other risk factors.

I am also afraid he is psychologically abusing our son by telling him this.

Does anyone have suggestions? His father is doing other controlling/psychological manipulation in other ways since yesterday but that does not bother me nearly as much as what our son told me today and then retracted when I told him I would have to call the police since his father has to give me 30 days notice of out of state travel (in hindsight, I shouldn't have said I would call the police, I should have asked more questions).

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#16022 - 09/05/13 12:03 PM Re: Abduction Risk/Representing myself in court [Re: wingsonearth]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Can you move so that he does not know where you live?

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#16023 - 09/05/13 12:09 PM Re: Abduction Risk/Representing myself in court [Re: wingsonearth]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi, I would take this very, very seriously. Can you tell him your son is sick and can't go with him. Do anything, but don't let him go with him. I would rather over react than under react and have the worst case scenario come true. Personally I would suspect the very worse case scenario and proceed from there.

Di

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#16024 - 09/05/13 03:59 PM Re: Abduction Risk/Representing myself in court [Re: wingsonearth]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
I'm not sure what exactly your situation is. Does the father still have any rights to visit your son? Can you just move and take your son with you without informing him? I think that would be the best situation but I don't know if you can legally do it. Also how does your son react to the situation? Do you think he wants to have contact with his dad?

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#16027 - 09/06/13 12:48 PM Re: Abduction Risk/Representing myself in court [Re: crocodile]
wingsonearth Offline
member

Registered: 08/28/13
Posts: 6
Can't take him legally. I could file "Request for Preventing Abduction Order" with court. There are a number of boxes I can check, include (minimal)history of child abuse, domestive violence, uncooperative parenting, no strong ties to the area. But would this piss his father off even more? I come to a place where I careful about my every move and afraid of how his father will react.

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#16028 - 09/06/13 12:56 PM Re: Abduction Risk/Representing myself in court [Re: wingsonearth]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
If he's already making suggestions maybe that's worth trying. It's more likely he'll pass if he knows he's you're expecting that. Unfortunately if he's really a Psychopath there is no way to predict 100%. But I'd use whatever legal protection you have.

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#16029 - 09/06/13 03:45 PM Re: Abduction Risk/Representing myself in court [Re: crocodile]
wingsonearth Offline
member

Registered: 08/28/13
Posts: 6
Thank you for responding. I am also seeking support from DV organization and will be connected soon to their legal aid so will ask them first before filing.

Also, without giving too many details, is it better to give him written notice with plenty of time or to give him notice day before (has to do with our child's schedule, and it is not court ordered). My usual self is considerate and would him notice. Now that I know what I know, I feel I should just him notice day before.

These may seem like minor details but they are huge to me. I have been under his control and manipulation for years and even though we have been separated for 4 years, in last three weeks is first time I am really putting up boundaries.

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#16030 - 09/06/13 04:36 PM Re: Abduction Risk/Representing myself in court [Re: wingsonearth]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
It's not minor. And I would not give him to much time to prepare himself. He won't play by the rules so you also should not.

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#16031 - 09/07/13 11:46 AM Re: Abduction Risk/Representing myself in court [Re: crocodile]
wingsonearth Offline
member

Registered: 08/28/13
Posts: 6
Crocodile, I have read many posts, and you are very active here. THANK YOU for responding so quickly.

I can't tell you how much this support group has helped so far, and I joined less than two weeks ago.

I wonder, does it also help you to help others who have been in your situation (in relationship with a Psychopath)....

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#16032 - 09/07/13 02:03 PM Re: Abduction Risk/Representing myself in court [Re: wingsonearth]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
I think that is the best way to heal after being a victim of abuse, crime or mistreatment of any type - to help people who are in similar situation and if the problem is coming from a wrong system to try to change this system. Via support, education, political action or simply by listening and sharing experiences. This is empowering and makes your experiences, however horrific there are, worth it because they make you a better person and they make you try to change the world for the better (yeah, I know it sounds very grandiose but if I can do something in my life that makes even a bit of change, why not). It makes the bad situations in life acquire new sense and instead of being just something damaging which you want to wipe out of memory they become something valuable to remember.
I'm not sure I'm right but I think that's also why Dianne has been putting money, effort and time into this forum and I'm very happy if I can use this forum to help as well:).

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#16058 - 10/01/13 04:42 PM Re: Behavior problems in school [Re: crocodile]
wingsonearth Offline
member

Registered: 08/28/13
Posts: 6
Our son (10 years old) is starting to have some behavior problems at his new school (being distraction in class and once looking intently at someone which teacher says is "intimidatin" for some children. Right now, father is not connected to school because school is hour away and he has not made effort to come to school.

Should I communicate behavior problems with father or ask school for more information each week so I can document?

What is best way to address behavior problems with our son?

Our son is with me one week and with his father one week (I take him to his father hour away on week he is with father). Ultimately, I want to go back to court to ask that son stay with me during school week. His father exposes him to a lot of media violence, and son already catching father in lies and wants to catch him in lie (has already made maps and plan on how to catch him). I don't encourage it (trying to catch father) but I do listen to allow space for son to open up to me.

Right now, father is acting "normal" with me. In past month, I have established more boundaries then ever before including limited communicating.

Thank you for any insight smile

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