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#1626 - 12/03/02 06:01 AM Re: Red Flags
Anonymous
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and constant victimization

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#1627 - 12/13/02 07:22 AM Re: Red Flags
Anonymous
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Umlike normal emotional being, Ps always comes back. Unpleasures,disagrements, conflicts, uninterest on a closer relationship from their part or termination of a relationship from either party is not enough to make them take distance. They come back, whether immediatly or after many, many years without facing the issues, as nothing as ever happened. ( if someone can formulate it better please do so.)

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#1628 - 12/20/02 07:20 PM Re: Red Flags
Anonymous
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Hopeful. . .

>>They come back, whether immediatly or after many, many years without facing the issues, as
nothing as ever happened. ( if someone can formulate it better please do so.) <<

Well put hopeful. . .after the incident in P#2's store the other day, he called and acted as though nothing had happened. . .

i need him (sorta) for a reference. . .i'm looking for another position. . .so i just passed it off. But the words and the actions stung me and i felt it for about three or four hours. i'm making progress. . .but. . .i have to keep away from him. he is "hard" on me. . .

finished

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#1629 - 01/21/03 02:39 PM Re: Red Flags
Anonymous
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I just thought of something the P. said to me not at first but right after the hook phase. He said "Nothing is as it seems, is it". That tells you right there he was on top of it all, he knew exactly what he was doing. So evil.

betterway

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#1630 - 01/21/03 02:56 PM Re: Red Flags
Anonymous
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The P. use to think everybody was jealous of him. If they made a comment, he took it and twisted it around in his sick mind to get an ego trip.

He told me once towards the end, "that what goes around, comes around". He was directing it to me as if I was getting my fair share (punishment)now. He may be right, as I look back one of his current targets use to go in her office and shut her door and sometimes was crying. Then we had an office manager that had done that a couple times in the past(she is no longer at the office). After quite some time (I guess once he felt they suffered enough) the P. would go and talk to them and make it all okay, and brag to me about how they were upset about him and he didn't realize it (yeah right). Sometimes they would shut their door when he came into the office, he would tell me "they think their special". In the end I use to go to my office and shut my door and cry. His current target helped the P. mobb me. I think in away I use to be the P's accomplice because I did nothing about his abuse to them. By doing nothing, I wasn't condoning it. When he had a problem with someone he made it very clear to them in sneaky emotional abuse kind of way. He sometimes even convinced me to feel or think about them in a certain way. Talk about brainwashing. They may have had little irritating things that I can just accept and go on. But he would take them way out of proportion because they deserved to be punished. Like finished said something like "willing to sacrafice our minds/morals for them".

Ive been hurting today, so I tend to ramble on. I know I will be okay, one little step at time.

betterway

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#1631 - 01/21/03 04:07 PM Re: Red Flags
Anonymous
Unregistered


the Betterway,


>>>He sometimes even convinced me to feel or think about them in a certain way. Talk about brainwashing. They may have had little irritating things that I can just accept and go on<<<

Same here! Scary! The P I knew use to do that, he would make life quite terrible to some and then go back to arrange things so at the end it is all alright. He once told me that he was not very good at getting what people where up to or had in mind, meaning when they were mad at him or simply in love or I don't what paradoxically he sounded extremely vindictive as he will never forget his whole life what people had done to him. Well, actually it is clear, the one that did something to him will never be forgotten but the one that dislike him because he had been terrible to them will be forgiven in order to hook them again, it is easy he know s how to manipulate them.

It must be be difficult to re-live those scenario again and again. Tomorrow will be better.

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#1632 - 01/21/03 08:10 PM Re: Red Flags
Anonymous
Unregistered


(((Betterway))))

>>I think in away I use to be the P's accomplice because I did nothing about his abuse to them. By doing nothing, I wasn't condoning it. When he had a problem with someone he made it very clear to them in sneaky emotional abuse kind of way. He sometimes even convinced me to feel or think about them in a certain way. Talk about brainwashing.<<

I've learned from DVIS that we are not responsible for the abusers behavior. That we didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. There is nothing you could have done to stop him. (it was a red flag) :-)

I also allowed myself to agree with P#2's assessment and opinions of people.

>>They may have had little irritating things that I can just accept and go on<<

I (like you) I could take in stride their imperfections. But even then, deep inside there was a part or me that would "think". . ."wow, he is really hard on people".

I know he also has also made members of his staff cry (female)and even had male employees confused and feeling betrayed.

It is part and parcel of the P deal isn't it? All the posts here have that familiar ring. . .P's are mean and cruel spirited. Evil in many, many ways.

>>But he would take them way out of proportion because they deserved to be punished. <<
Projection maybe??? Offloading his own stuff (guilt,fear, shame)?

Sometimes, I think. . .I don't want to understand this anymore. It's so sick and twisted. But understanding, education and awareness plus support is the only way out. So I can spot P's miles away.

I've also come to understand the bad and painful days are just part of the healing process. . .I sure have them too.
:-)
finished

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#1633 - 01/21/03 08:58 PM Re: Red Flags
Anonymous
Unregistered


Betterway and finished,

I completely understand what you are talking about; the line between being a witness of atrocities and actually participating the those is very slim. That is what's making us question and requestion, the first time that the P approached me was to ask me what the people thought of him, he used to asked that again and again, at first I was a little confused but after I would say more and more. He would use those comments to bully others. If I would have known that before.
And Finished,
I feel the same, that all that is sickening but more I think more I remember every single moment at least, the only good, is that 100% sure of diagnostic and that keeps away.

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#1634 - 01/22/03 07:42 PM Re: Red Flags
Anonymous
Unregistered


<
Finished,
what is DVIS, I think you said before, but I can't remember.
betterway

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#1635 - 01/23/03 06:38 AM Re: Red Flags
Anonymous
Unregistered


Betterway
It is Domestic Violence Intervention Support.
It is a service for women who have been abused. Betrayed encouraged me to go and I made the appointment and went but bolted out the front door before i talked to anyone. My thought was, I am not bruised, battered, beat up and felt totally out of place. When I came back here and posted she encouraged me to go back. I remember she said, we may look different from or come from different backgrounds but inside we are all the same. So I did. I went back and went through the evaluation and am now part of the support group. And yes, I do look different and come from a different socio/economic background and yes, inside, we are all the same. We talk about what abuse is, the abuser, and how not to be a victim. For me, it is the hardest because I didn't realize how abused I was because of course, the abusers always told me it was my fault. It confirms there are many types of abuse. As we know it is not all physical. It's more educational than anything. For those severely battered they offer shelter and any type of help to keep those women and their families safe. So. . .that's where I go every Tuesday night. And it has been hard but I'm learning. I also go the open AA meetings, applying the principles to P#2 as my drug of choice. . .it along with the forum is my thread to sanity. :-).
I have my son living with me right now so gotta go take him to work. ..be back later.
I'm praying for you (((betterway))) especially for that new job. . .
finished

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