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#12618 - 01/27/12 03:02 PM Re: When a parent is a Psychopath [Re: marinde]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2764
Loc: United States
planetchildren, I have joined Starry and am crying with relief. I know you will make it and what an inspiration to others to keep up the fight.

It is wonderful beyond words that you are checking in how grateful we are, it is great to hear that there is hope for all in this ugly world.

I pray for all the children and am so joyful and crying tears of relief. Like Starry I try to stay calm but this has brought out my tears of pure joy and love for what you have accomplished. I just know in my heart of hearts that you will have a good outcome. Finally to hear the justice system is working makes me overwhelmed with relief to hear about it.

Di

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#13595 - 07/12/12 04:17 AM Re: When a parent is a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Hectora Offline
member

Registered: 08/10/10
Posts: 1
I am new to this forum. My childrens father is a psychopath. It took a very long time for me to accept that he didnt actually love his children at all. He is very good at playing the broken hearted father, while attempting to take off us everything we care about, our house (bought by me), our friends (he has tried to badmouth us all to everyone we know) and the childrens dog, which sadly he succeeded in doing.

I have always given the children lots of love and good principles and high standards by which to live their lives. It was the children at ages 7 and 9 (now older) who saw their father for what he was. The courts were forced to side with the children when after years of threats we finally got a court decision for no contact when the children were 10 and 12. (altho,the court did want the children to go to resilience training to learn to put up with his lies and nastiness!)

The lessons I have learned is that parental contact is often not in the childrens best interest. A parent should care for and love their own, a psychopath doesnt although he may pretend to if it suits and therefore this relationship by definition is extremely harmful for children.I believe I have saved my children years of distress and confusion. We are a very happy family now, the children are thriving and I am starting to regain my sanity. You cannot negotiate with or change a psychopath, walk as far away as you can and if possible, take the children with you.

I wish everyone out there dealing with a psychopath in their personal life the very best.

Please lets keep raising awareness.

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#13606 - 07/14/12 02:55 PM Re: When a parent is a Psychopath [Re: Hectora]
AlmostFree Offline
member

Registered: 07/11/12
Posts: 5
Hectora,

Thank you for sharing your story, and I am happy you got away with your children. I am also glad to know that the judge sided with you and your children. I dont think children should ever be within 1000 yards of a psychpath.

My heart goes out to you and your children for enduring the psychopath for so many years before the NC was granted.

I have only been seperated from my psychopath husband for 13 days now. We have a tempory NC order for me and our 4 children, but I fear that there is a very long and scary road ahead of us.
Best wishes

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#14176 - 01/03/13 10:31 AM Re: When a parent is a Psychopath [Re: marinde]
Hurtinglikemad Offline
member

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 10
I'm only at the beginning of my journey.

My son who is two lives with me and all contact with his father has been temporarily stopped. It has been strongly advised through my solicitor that hecseek contact through the court.

He has not been diagnosed but sure displays all the traits along with others. My solicitor is aware of my concerns a d has a copy of my diary. They are going to try and get cafcass involved on the deep concerns of mental health issues. I'm so hoping the judge orders for an assessment and takes me seriously and help me protect our son. If such a person can destroy me as a person what on earth is the effect going to have on our son. I don't wish for him to be manipulated and constantly lied to and be brainwashed. I want him to grow up to know what real love feels like and how to treat people in the right manner and have respect and a conscience. To know right from wrong and to be taught morals and learn about choices and consequences thus hoping they make the right choices or suffer the natural consequences to their actions. I want our son to have empathy and firm but fair boundaries in his life. He needs consistency in his life. He needs to be nurtured. He needs to be disciplined in positive ways. He needs to be taught how to deal with his own feelings and use healthy ways of coping rather than being violent and destructive.

To learn that we can be wrong at times as well as right and for him to take responsibility for his own actions and choices rather than blame someone else. I want him to have a healthy self-esteem. These are all things sadly his own father lacks. I don't want our son brought. I don't want him having it all his way. It's also being taught to compromise and value other peoples needs and feelings as well as his own we cant always have what we want in life and its about learning to except that. I so don't want our son being selfish and thank nk only of himself. I so don't want him turning out like his dad. I hope and prey he grows into a decent loving caring man who has feelings and knows how to really love and except love in return.

This world is evil enough and it's hard going. There is no room for people like this in it whos only one goal they have in life is keeping themselves happy at everyone else's expense.

I sure hope Im finally taken seriously and I'm granted full custody with very little iron ideally no contact being granted for the monster he calls daddy.

I hope the justice systems are better educated in this area and know that zero contact is actually in the best interest if the child so they can blossom rather than become damaged and dangerous themselves.

My heart really does go out to all us people who have sadly been caught up in a very evil web. x

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#14295 - 02/17/13 04:22 AM Re: When a parent is a Psychopath [Re: Hurtinglikemad]
satan's child Offline
member

Registered: 04/21/12
Posts: 13
"I sure hope Im finally taken seriously and I'm granted full custody with very little iron ideally no contact being granted for the monster he calls daddy.

I hope the justice systems are better educated in this area and know that zero contact is actually in the best interest if the child so they can blossom rather than become damaged and dangerous themselves."


Very well said. My heart goes out to the both of you. I'm almost 30 and still have my own issues because of My Father, the Monster. Even through no contact, I still have to be on top of my self-control so that I don't get aggressive and dangerous myself. This amoral sickness has a highly genetic component, and something that your boy will live with every day of his life. Sending prayers your way. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Until you've had a parent that is a Full Blown Psychopath, it's totally incomprehensible. Then when you finally pull off the blinders and realize that they are what they are and reflect on how their so called "Love" has not been nothing but a lie, it tears your world apart. Parents are supposed to love, care, and want better for their own children....regardless.

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#16185 - 12/30/13 07:33 PM Re: When a parent is a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
water Offline
member

Registered: 12/22/13
Posts: 11
What can you do if you live far away from your grandchildren who are being raised by their Psychopath mother and her victim/ husband when you've been psychologically isolated from them due to the Psychopath's lies and head games so that nobody trusts you and you don't feel that you can trust them to believe that your daughter is a Psychopath, and that she may have sexually abused at least one of your grandchildren?

I have no proof or knowledge of the child being sexually abused, and my son-in-law has been programmed by my daughter's constant lies and head-games so I can't trust him, and years ago he & I got off to a bad start because she was playing us against each other to divide and conquer. She did the same with his parents and me. So I'm the outsider who only visited them a couple times per year, and it was always an extremely exhausting, stressful head bender to be there...and I always looked like the nut case.

A couple years ago during a visit when my Psychopath daughter was out of the country, when my son-in-law asked what game the girls wanted to play my youngest grandchild innocently said or suggested to her father that she had taken her clothes off in front of someone or some people. He instantly became upset and demanded to know whom she'd taken her clothes off with, and she became terrified because he was so upset. I finally got him to calm down, and I held my granddaughter and told her that he wasn't mad at her and that she hadn't said anything wrong. She actually flew into my arms for me to hold her. He seemed genuinely upset, not as though he were guilty or trying to cover anything up. He told her that if anybody told her to do that she should tell him. For no known reason I actually suspected my daughter. This was before I knew she was a Psychopath. I wish I had been able to talk with my granddaughter about it quietly alone later, but when visiting there it's a busy household that is very stressful & chaotic, and I'm never myself when there.

During either that visit or a previous one to their home, when my elder granddaughter was in school and the father was at work, and the mother was deployed, I was with my younger granddaughter one day. We were in their yard playing "doctor" by her request, and during almost the entire time she talked about death and dying. When it was her turn to be doctor she kept saying that I was going to die, but don't worry because it will be OK, or something along those lines. I kept telling her nonchalantly that I didn't want to die, and so she finally said OK then, you don't have to die. I tried telling this to her father, but he brushed it off as child's play or as her having heard it from kids at school. Again, for no specific reason I suspected her mother/my daughter of saying these things to her. In retrospect, if my daughter had sexually abused my granddaughter, she would also likely have threatened that the girl or someone else would have to die. That is my suspicion.

My daughter was positively horrible to her first husband, but fortunately for him he "got away" before they had children. I've seen how badly she treats her current husband, and she has absolutely bullied him into submission. However, because he and I (plus his mother and I) got off to a bad start due to my daughter's masterful lies, insinuations, and manipulations, he & I aren't close and aren't on solid enough ground to trust each other. Although he has sometimes emotionally abused the girls (made fun of them, mocked them, etc.), especially the younger one, I do believe he loves his daughters despite being damaged from low self-esteem and over a decade of my daughter's abuses.

To compound the lack of trust between my son-in-law and myself, last year after I realized that my daughter is a Psychopath., I began to distance myself from her. We already live far apart, but due to my realization, and due to a very complicated extended-family situation with probable other Psychopaths involved, I began to call my daughter much less often, and I did not visit her this year. I also made the mistake of telling her that when I retire I'm moving farther away from here, but I didn't tell her the real reason; I only told of the practical and appealing reasons for moving to the other state. Also because my daughter lies so much, I worry about what she tells the girls about me. They have begun to sound more distant on the phone. My daughter controls all the strings, including communications between the girls and me, and always has the phone on speakerphone so I have to watch what I say to them. She also got rid of the land phone, so I have to call her cell phone. It would be suspicious of me to call my son-in-law on his cell phone...

Back to the point, what can you do when nobody trusts you and they think that you're the nut, and when you live far away, and when you have only suspicions and no proof?? Whom can you talk to? My granddaughter is very sweet and innocent, and it horrifies me to think that she is or has been sexually abused. I know the girls are emotionally & psychologically abused by my daughter's head games, lies, and her rages. She'll scream at the little girl one minute, and later will baby her and hold her. I feel helpless to help the girls, especially the younger one.

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#16508 - 12/06/14 12:46 PM Re: When a parent is a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
free Offline
member

Registered: 11/19/14
Posts: 2
Loc: scotland
Hi Di,

My ex works differentially to the stories I am reading. He makes sure his son see's him as perfect and me the horrible person

My son has lied about me being abusive towards him and as a result my contact with him has been greatly reduced suspended till court on Thursday. I believe my son really believes I am a bad parent. He has been diagnosed with depression and a low self perception score by a psychologist.

When my son is with me we can have great times with each other yet he is happy to tell people that I hit and punch him, we do have fall outs but nothing un natural i.e. telling him to go to bed when he does not want to.

His Dad has been trying to destroy me for nine years and I think if I lose My son and he destroys my sons personality then I will be destroyed too.

The psychologist that interviewed my son told the court that she advises Matthew should not be with me. I have been arrested by police and told by a solicitor not to comment on anything during being interviewed and I think the psychologist took my no comment approached to me being guilty and this along with my son telling her that I have hit and punched him and that he does not want to live with me has lead to the sheriff being left no choice but to suspend my contact with my son.

My son is now left in the hands of an manipulative, liar who is making sure my son hates me.

how can I rescue my son and his mind


Free
_________________________
free

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#16509 - 12/19/14 01:11 PM Re: When a parent is a Psychopath [Re: Joanna]
Survivorologist007 Offline
member

Registered: 12/19/14
Posts: 1
Hi J,
Im new here on this forum and stil feel a bit I need to get used to it... I'm 37 and its my first steps reaching out to the world as a child of an antisocial personality 'mother'... My 'father' was also abusive (and ego-centered alcoholic) and my older brother just like his mother... I was a girl so I had to 'serve' them since they created me... reading your story I just wanted to share with you... The reason I hold on, despite all of this horror I lived is this... My grandmother lived 4 houses away and she was the light of my life, she was everything to me! She was my parent, and I consider her the only family I ever had! I was 5 when I became an adult and I knew very quickly something was wrong, and I also knew that my grandmother was normal, so I took her as a reference.
I guess I'm just saying... I feel as long as children have at least 1 normal person in their life, even if they don't see them often... they hang on! They can figure it out! I wish you lots of strength! For me, my grandmother past away when I was 14, I tried to look after my family, to be a good girl and love them so much they would see that and would get better, until I realised the truth. I cut them all out of my life, it was the best decision I ever made! I feel I'm ready now to share, you can ask any question, I learned to survive and became a happy person, even better, these scars made me a better person and I love life.

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#16690 - 01/15/16 11:01 AM My mother is a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Dviola94 Offline
member

Registered: 01/13/16
Posts: 1
Until recently, I didn't know the term for what my mom was, from age 5 my 2 younger brothers and I refered to her as the Monster, and I can't even remember physical abuse then. She went through employees at her salon like water, but we always knew it was her fault,we knew it was crazy for an adult to egg her clients houses, slashing tires for them switching salons, but she made us be a part of it, we owed her if there was a roof on our head, if we ate, and if we were alive since it was her that provided us with life. My father desperately tried to have custody, he had been abused himself by her, but she won, I testified in the stand that "Mommy never yells" yells is an understatement her normal voice is yelling when you didn't do something for her or made her mad in the slightest, ripped your soul apart was more appropriate of a term. She dated a guy with money quickly after, got pregnant telling me she needed him to hide her money, I knew she couldnt have had much she always said she gates "Jews" and always starved me for being to fat saying no one would like me (age 7) and this guy was 390 lbs, his daughter was born, shortly after she met an 18 yr old retailer as he was selling products to her salon, next thing ya know he lives in our vasement, mom smokes pot saying she has to for 18 yr old to like her, partying, etc, I'm left to man the house age 9. Things got worse people really never showed up at her salon anymore but she would only hire 15 yr olds,she bought them with alcohol cigarettes, told them they owed her for the experience, at home one kid would be forced to pee in the other in order to get the peed on kid out of punishment, I was the bad one for poking holes in her stories she made me feel so crazy I wondered and question everything, I was so confused this is not what family looked like on tv my only way to see normal she controlled everything trying to make us feel like we were lucky children, other parents put there children in hospitals all the time shed say, you should consider yourself lucky. Once I hit a point where I wanted to return my debt to her, my life, I researched and decided I might have depression since that meant suicide, she laughed, you have nothing to be depressed about. She would do things like punch me, I'd cry, shed ask why, and I'd say you punched me and it hurt, shed tell me I'd made it up. I thought I was crazy, I constantly had to ask other people if they saw what I did, and they did. I wanted to believe somewhere that she loves us, I got out, the second got out, she had 2 Moe kids 38th the young guy, 4 children are still there, they have injuries medical neglect, emotional issues, child services no matter how many times I ask to tread lightly they roll in see no bruises even though the kids limp, can't move there back, and in comes Super mom the martyr. Everyone gives up that goes against her, she always wins, I know that her weakness is being caught in lies and I'm not backing down, I may backing down, I just need the right witness who's credibility isn't trashed. Once you identify these types of people, they lose power, everything from there mouth has to be bulshit until proven real, I still fall victim to little things play along to stay in the kids lives, but not since the latest call to child services that the kids made while I held the phone,I'm on her [censored] list once again but it won't last long it never does, someone will question why they haven't seen me and she'll talk to me wait for me expect me to appologize for trying to take her things! She means kids. And I'll put up with her [censored] and I'll keep coming back until the kids are okay. She can't hurt me , I'm 21, own a 4 bedroom house, I may only have 35k between my wonderful husband and I to live off of a year, I am not in capable of being loved, my feet are firm on the ground and I live even when it seems to hard and that's all that matters.

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