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#16692 - 01/22/16 11:38 PM Daughter is suspected psychopath
comingoutontop Offline
member

Registered: 01/08/16
Posts: 8
Loc: Texas
I am becoming convinced that my adult daughter is a psychopath. I know I do not have the knowledge base or experience required to diagnose her, but no one else knows her as well as me or for as long as I have. That's not to say that I know her well at all as she's always been a closed off sort of person to me. She was in distress several times throughout her delivery and was quite blue at birth. I have a photo of the doctor performing CPR on her during delivery. Aside from ear infections leading to surgery, she seemed to be quite normal to advanced for her age until age 4. At this point I was told that she had both gross and fine motor delays, as well as social and emotional delays. All this was picked up in a school evaluation. They wanted to do nothing until she was 6 or 7. My response was that when you identify a problem, you immediately take steps to rectify it. I took her to a child psychologist who tested her IQ with age appropriate testing tools and techniques. He explained that she had an average average IQ, but that there were interesting findings in the subsections of the testing. She was so gifted in some areas that she tested off the charts in a positive direction, and she was so challenged in other areas that she tested off the charts in the other direction.

By the time she was 6 she had her special education teachers wrapped around her little finger. They started out giving her reduced work and she would turn on the tears to get the work reduced by as much as half again. She knew what she was doing and was proud of it in fact. Getting her to do her homework was a challenge. At age six she was not motivated by cookies or cartoons. I had to tell her that if she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up she had to do her homework tonight. She was intensely curious about the medical field and constantly grilled me about my studies and the TV show ER. (I was a nursing student at the time.) Math was her challenge apparent to all. She just didn't get numbers beyond being able to count. She couldn't color in the lines or write clearly. And, though she could read aloud quite well, she struggled with reading comprehension. She could tell you what individual words meant and spell them, but she couldn't string them together and understand what it meant. Her teachers missed this all the way up to age 20. She is a great actress and very good at eliciting pity by whatever means necessary.

The outright lying began around age 8. Her motivations are two: get what she wants or avoid what she does not want. This is also when her obsession with babies became apparent. There have been many quite elaborate lies surrounding babies in the last 18 years of this.

The theft began in middle school. At first it was lip glosses and cheap rings and body mist and other makeup items. The story was always that her friend had given her the items. It progressed to stealing items off the teachers desk. She has served time in county jail for shoplifting. She has also stolen through hot checks. Thankfully she finally got those paid off. I did not pay any of it, as I'd not bailed her out of jail when she was arrested either.

She has not been physically violent to my knowledge. But, she's a history of breaking her step-father's ribs more than once while playing rough. He was quite ill and she was very rambunctious. I wonder sometimes. I was told by a former live in boyfriend of hers that she picks fights physically but cries foul when he verbally defended himself. She told me that he hit her, but that's the opposite of what he says. Given her history of lying, well I'm sure you understand.

She has used former boyfriends for their money in the past. One even bought her a wedding dress before she dropped him like a hot coal, keeping the dress of course. All the while she's made excuses to both the boyfriends and me about why we just can't meet. On the rare occasion I have met a boyfriend in the past, things have quite shortly come to an abrupt end. Usually her story is about how horribly they treated her. I see things differently.

Simply put, she uses people. She doesn't care at all about how her actions affect anyone other than herself. She's never shown any sense of remorse or even responsibility for any of her actions.

Her latest antics very nearly got both my husband and I in hot water. We're still feeling the ripples. I had to be evaluated by a mental health professional to see if I was a danger to myself or others. My husband could have lost his career. He doesn't think she understands the implications of what she said, but I know she wouldn't care even if she did.

Thankfully this time I have people around me who recognize what's going on.

I still don't know how things will play out. My heart is breaking. I logically understand who she is. I understand that I have nothing to feel guilty about. I know I must protect myself from her. I know I shouldn't play her games. But whenever I choose to do what I know I must, I see my baby the first time I got to hold her.

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#16695 - 01/29/16 10:18 PM Re: Daughter is suspected psychopath [Re: comingoutontop]
comingoutontop Offline
member

Registered: 01/08/16
Posts: 8
Loc: Texas
I guess no one has anything to say. Either that or it's very slow around here.

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#16696 - 01/30/16 07:14 AM Re: Daughter is suspected psychopath [Re: comingoutontop]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi, things are slow and especially when discussing children. Please be patient.

All my best,
Di

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#16697 - 01/31/16 01:16 PM Re: Daughter is suspected psychopath [Re: comingoutontop]
xela007 Offline
member

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
How old is she now?
_________________________
www.vidfio.com

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#16698 - 02/02/16 01:32 PM Re: Daughter is suspected psychopath [Re: xela007]
comingoutontop Offline
member

Registered: 01/08/16
Posts: 8
Loc: Texas
She is 26.

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#16710 - 02/27/16 06:57 AM Re: Daughter is suspected psychopath [Re: comingoutontop]
DadofRad Offline
member

Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 129
Thanks for writing. I know the feeling of pouring out your heart here and not really getting much feedback at times. Usually the moderator is very good about making initial replies, but I know she has been busy with professional work of late.

Your daughter does sound like she has psychopath tendencies: Manipulator, plays on sympathy, no empathy, regret, or conscience. My adopted son is also like that, but he can be explosively dangerous and threatening too, which is why he is institutionalized at the moment.

Honestly, we are just counting the years until he is 18 and we can completely cut him off, but we honestly fear that he is sick enough to try to kill us if his meds are not right. He was adopted and is now 12, he has a 13 year old sister and 2 year old brother who are biological to us. They are the kindest sweetest children you would want to know, even in spite of living with the constant stress and threats of an aggressive, explosive psychopath.

We were seriously considering abandoning him at the institution and we had support from our social workers to do so. Now his meds have stabilized him for the last month and we may not have support for that decision. I came to the realization recently that my wife and I (and maybe the other children) are all suffering from PTSD related to the stress and constant threats he puts us through. Our worst thought is the institution releasing him again.

Yours is 26 and you have no legal obligations to her. Whatever contact you retain is your own choice. I know for myself, although I love my son and am probably the only person who has bonded to him. He has not bonded to me and he really doesn't care if I live or die, he only cares about what he can get from me. That is not a relationship. And though I may always love him, I am not going to allow him to destroy myself or the one's I love who are innocent and can actually love back. If that means saying I never want to see you again and moving away, I will do that.

DadofRad

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#16711 - 03/04/16 12:12 PM Re: Daughter is suspected psychopath [Re: DadofRad]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi DadofRad,

Just a note for new members. If you want to follow anyones story, just click on their name and their posts will show up.

If it is appropriate that I ask, what meds do they have him on? Even if he is at home on his meds how would it be possible to make sure he continues to take them? They are so sly that would be my biggest concern. I just don't know how you do it.

In regard to your PTSD comment. Over the years I have yet to encounter a victim that didn't suffer from PTSD.

Di

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#16712 - 03/07/16 11:51 PM Re: Daughter is suspected psychopath [Re: DadofRad]
comingoutontop Offline
member

Registered: 01/08/16
Posts: 8
Loc: Texas
I had PTSD long before my daughter was born, but she does trigger it, sometimes I believe for simply the fun of yanking my chain. I know I'm not the only one who has ever loved her. Nor am I the only one who's tried to help her. I am keeping in contact with her so far, but I will make future decisions based on how things go.

She's never been physically violent with me, but I suspect she has with others, even without provocation. She doesn't even call me names to my face or try to threaten me, but I think that's because I never let my guard completely down with anyone. She knows I have the support of law enforcement and had the support of her doctors and therapists when she was under 18. I never had to have her institutionalized, but she has been jailed for stealing and has had to work very hard to pay off hot checks she wrote when she was 18 or 19.

She has "attempted" to work, but when she thought she had a chance to get it she went through the whole process to get on social security disability. They suspect she has brain damage from her delivery, but the suspected damage wouldn't lead to the types of behaviors she tries to blame on it.

She learns quite quickly when she is motivated, but if she is not she will manipulate everyone around her to get out of whatever work it is she does not want to do. She will repeatedly promise to do things with no intention of ever following through on her promises. It took me a few years to really understand this about her. I have finally fulfilled all my obligations to her and am free to no longer communicate with her should I ever make that decision.

It's very difficult for me to consider taking the steps that may become necessary, but I will protect myself and my other family and friends. So far she seems to be standing on her own, well her boyfriend is supporting her. I originally gave her until March before she asked to move home, but the month isn't out yet. She is reaping the fruit of her choices and seems to be getting unhappy with her results. I give her until May to ask to move "home." What she doesn't realize is that as long as my husband lives in the same home as me my home will never be her home again. She hurt him so badly and threatened him so completely that he won't even be in the same room with her or answer the phone when she calls.

It breaks my heart to know that I will likely never have all my family together ever again, but this is not up to me. I try to walk the fence between being loyal to my husband and having relationships with his adult children and maintaining my relationship with my daughter. Some days are good and she and I can spend an hour or more together peacefully. Other days I can't even listen to her talk on the phone for five minutes. I take it one day at a time these days, and I'm finding that it works better than anything else.

I write a lot, both journals and memories. It's something I've been encouraged to do for years. I also write affirmations and practice saying them. I'm not to the point of looking myself in the eye in the mirror when I do this, but I'm getting there.

Just hang in there with your son. Protect your other children and take care of yourself both physically and emotionally.

Thank you for responding to my post.

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#16713 - 03/17/16 09:04 PM Re: Daughter is suspected psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
DadofRad Offline
member

Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 129
Seraquil, clonidine, and prozack are the main meds of the moment. He usually takes his meds with supervision, but sometimes is resistant or tricky about it. What I meant was that his meds get off balance because they only works partially, and eventually they become less and less effective. Then, they have to be altered and usually that makes things worse until he ends up in the hospital again. Without them he would be homicidal 50% of the time. With the meds he is homicidal 1 to 3 %, but when you are talking about violent and aggressive behavior, no percent is safe. It would only take a moment for him to seriously hurt someone. For the most part it's angry raging with threats, cursing, and throwing things. The scary part is that some of the homicidal actions are covert, sneaky, and not during a fit. It makes for a terribly stressed out existence.


Edited by DadofRad (03/18/16 08:18 PM)

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#16714 - 03/17/16 09:19 PM Re: Daughter is suspected psychopath [Re: DadofRad]
comingoutontop Offline
member

Registered: 01/08/16
Posts: 8
Loc: Texas
I am sorry that things are so dangerous with your son. I never had those fears with my daughter. I guess that just goes to show that not all psychopaths are violent or homicidal. Even the psychiatric community cannot agree about whether or not they exist. It's no wonder that we're confused, having to live with it on a daily basis. If we choose to separate ourselves from our child, we gain a certain level of peace in our day to day lives, but at what cost? Do we ever stop worrying about our child? Does anyone know the answer to that question?

I am coming to understand, more and more each day, how my daughter became the way she is. What I still struggle with is having not only a daughter who I suspect is a psychopath, but also an older brother who was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder. It's not a perfect diagnosis for what he was, but I believe it's as close as they've come thus far. The similarity at heart is that neither of them has, or had in the case of my brother, a conscience. Learning that there is a genetic component with physical symptoms in the brain and brain function is quite frightening. I find myself looking at the mirror a lot lately. I also spend a lot of time looking back over my interactions with other genetic family members. Why did I not turn out that way? Why am I basically the opposite, having too much conscience?

The further I dig the more questions I come up with.

You have my prayers.

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