Everyday, during this life reconstruction phase, I realize that the moments of hopelessness in which I quietly researched exit bags and efficient suicide methods, as well as left instructions for the donation of my body to science, my collapse was never caused by memories or trauma with the psychopath. Honestly, had I the practial resources to do what I am doing with no contact with family, I would say this is one of the best moments of my life.
What the criminal attack unveiled is a pattern of manipulation and perverse relations in my family that disgusts me. My recent reactions were very violent and my brothers backed off from their attempts to control my parents money and, through that, me. I seriously consider that for two of them my eventual suicide would be interesting. It would be more interesting had I not left a daughter, who has rights over the inheritance.
I don't give a damn about the guy: I belong to the strong and proud class of targets that attract psychos for reasons not connected to emotion. But exposing the dirty bowls of my family is bringing me to the darkest of places. I haven't trained. That's lethal poison for me: I escaped suicide by becoming a high performance athlete. Sometimes I don't eat. Anything related to the credit card situation makes me reach out for oxy (the "cult" drug that allows you to keep productive while destroying you).
I wish I didn't have to take this trip into the ugliest aspect of our family's pathology; about how manipulatively my oldest brother tried to pull the "unstable genius with a condition" and slowly substituting the version of a crime (false identity, grand larceny, etc) for one of a disturbance caused by me. I think he forgot that the "mad genius" is a genius first and he shares the madness genes with me.
I don't have a family anymore. I have a collection of vultures that need to handle this situation together because my mother wouldn't cope with the guilt of AGAIN exposing me to danger and causing my death.
I hope I never see them again. If I do, I will neglect that my brother is an older man, 14 years older than me, and I will beat the [censored] out of him.