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#16879 - 02/03/17 03:20 PM My story- and an I safe now?
tortietude Offline
member

Registered: 01/28/17
Posts: 1
Hello all, I'm new here.

I am 10 years older than him (he's 21 right now) and was engaged at the time. Quite the conquest. He spent the summer of 2015 LBing me (he was at temp at my place of employment). He pursued me hardcore August of that summer (constantly texted me and asked me to hang out every day) and got me into bed within a month. I cheated with him for a year, while he slowly but surely devalued me to the point of expecting crumbs and with a few discards thrown in there. It was intense, but he was a constant in my life. I'd never go more than 2 weeks without seeing him. Last summer I started to lose my [censored] on him, calling him out on stuff. That's when he started to pull away. I got mad, and attempted NC. Removed him from social media. A day after unblocking him on Snapchat he added me back. A month went by and nothing. Then he snapped me to poke me, I responded, that's all he wanted and didn't carry on a convo with me. A month after that he snapped me hardcore while he was out drinking with his buddies, asking me why I never text him anymore, and that we should get together. The love bombing commenced. 2 months of me trying to walk away was thrown out the window instantly. I got tunnel vision and so high. He got me to meet him for sex. Then... silence. So I pursued him. Asking him to get together, him future faking plans then blowing me off. He'd throw in the odd "friends" text to keep me happy, carrying on little convos about his personal life, texting me the random meme. During this time he was texting or snapping me for pictures, and he had me trained, so I always sent them, in hopes of keeping him happy and to make him want to see me. Even though he always had an excuse to not get together with me. The blow offs and pictures went on for 3 months. At one point he actually followed through with his agreement to get together for dinner but I had to cancel because I worked late that day and didn't expect him to follow through. I wonder what would have happened had I seen him... but since then it's been blow off after blow off.

The last time I saw him was in October when he asked to get together. The last communication with him was about a month ago. He wished me happy new year and we had a brief conversation, and a week later he texted me a meme and I texted him one back, we laughed. Pleasant enough right.

But now I've ghosted on him again. I got new social media accounts under an alias and haven't added him back. Disappeared. What set me off was him not following me back for MONTHS on IG but making a point to all of a sudden post so many pictures of him having fun with his little harem girls. While he deliberately doesn't make time for me anymore. I was like, later dude. Adding you back to social media was a huge mistake. No doubt he's put off by me doing this AGAIN. (I had to ask him to add back to social media after the first attempt- it took him a week to accept my FB friend request after I called him on it, claiming he forgot and wasn't on it much, BS).

It's been a few weeks since my social media ghosting, and nothing. If he still has my phone number he hasn't tried to add back my new SC account this time. He won't send me requests on IG or FB because he didn't the first time. I just feel like he's done, and that I'm safe now. My psychologist (who has worked with these types before AND victims like us) told me he's done, that his emotional investment in me is gone. I could feel that in his indifference in his texts with me since the summer.

I thought he was a narc for the longest time, my psychologist told me he's a Psychopath. I thought maybe he was too young to be one, that he was just a huge player. She said players let go when things start to get messy, disordered types hang on. Which is what he did with me. But now, I think I've shown him I'm not a compliant source of supply anymore. He is definitely disordered. He gaslights all the time, has the death stare where he almost gets into a trance when he looks at me, he's pushed my buttons and has watched me try to hold it together in front of him while he smirked at me, he's gotten physical with me a couple times (strangled me and slapped me), he lies all the time. When he would feel me pulling away he'd stalk me at my place of work. The first time I deactivated my social media he pursued me for a week and when he finally saw me he said "people have been acting stupid this past week" and looked at me when he said it. He's just a huge narcissistic Psychopath and at such a young age he's only going to get worse as he gets older, right? My friends husband only met him twice and told her he never liked him, that he reminded him of a psycho you'd hear of on the news that has bodies in his basement.

Also, we were only ever "friends with benefits". His harem consists of wanna be girlfriends and exes. He got me by pretending he liked me. He even told me so many times. He's always treated me like a fill in girlfriend since the devaluing started. We basically went from "dating" to FWB on his terms.

I've unmasked him. I've called him out, and my friends have also removed him from social media so he knows I'm talking about him. Do you think I have to worry about him coming back? It's been a few weeks since the social media removal and he hasn't texted me or added me back to SC (I didn't block his number yet, I just deleted it). I know they say they always do come back, but after unmasking them and rebelling like I did, they will leave you alone and focus on other victims right?

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#16880 - 02/04/17 09:21 AM Re: My story- and an I safe now? [Re: tortietude]
DadofRad Offline
member

Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 129
Are any of us ever completely free or safe from a psychopath? I don't think anyone can really know. If he is a psychopath or if you just want him out of your life, all you can do is cut him off in everyway you can, and stand by that resolution. You seem highly involved in social media and a bit prone to attempting to reconnect. Both those habits are dangerous with psychopaths. If he has avenues to play, he will. I would highly recommend doing a search on social media dangers, and how to protect your accounts in general. Social media is full of predators, and most of the default settings expose you enough for someone steal your identity if they wanted, or at least stalk you. You may want to consider locking down or deleting your accounts. Also, block his number from texts and calls.

Also you mentioned physical abuse. I would speak to a police officer or lawyer about that. You can get a restraining order or file charges against him. This is not a safe person, and law enforcement is there to protect you from dangerous and threatening people. At the very least, If he approaches you again, you can remind him of the abuse and threaten to contact the police if he tries further contact.

Dadofrad

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#17072 - 03/23/18 12:55 PM Re: My story- and an I safe now? [Re: tortietude]
kira Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/18
Posts: 1
Hello to all and thank you all for your words of wisdom. I'd started saving a few lines to mull over then found there to be too many pearls.

My son is a Psychopath. His father is a Psychopath. I'm not sure if my mother is an n or a Psychopath but I was her scapegoat. When she was married to my father he was terrifyingly abusive yet devout which clouded my view of her. We've had little contact in 20 years. There's others too. Apologies but I think I'm going to drop the jumble in my head..

My mother is subtle. When her mother died she said I'd killed her. At 15 I thought it was my mother's guilt at not being with us (she was with her lover, my father's best friend) that made her say it. I said nothing. She continued to say it to me at least once a week for 6 years. It made me cold and afraid inside, an ability all the Psychopath's have in common. Not long after I saw her with my then boyfriend. She'd tell me how no one liked me and if she needed a scapegoat for something, I was it. Nothing belonged to me if she liked it. I never found a voice to deal with her and still haven't. I've kept little contact in 20 years. I met a woman who told me how she was jealous of her own daughter. I found that remarkable at the time but decided that was the best box to put my mother in. I spent sometime with my mother a few years ago and she still has the ability to make me feel cold and afraid and I still can't voice it. She's so quiet and sweet to the outside world.
The mask of my son's father slipped quickly but I couldn't escape him. When my son was 3 we got out because a neighbor intervened. I was too frightened to speak. A long court case (that he initiated to keep control) followed and my son's father was eventually seen through. He was not allowed access or parental responsibility. When things started to clearly go against him he cried sexual abuse at the hands of his father, to me, via letters in different handwriting so as not to be admissible, begging me not to give them to the court. I'll never understand that. I gave them straight to my barrister. He has been described to a tee here, perfectly, many times. For years I could only refer to him as IT. I think that saved my life some years later when the Psychopath I worked for wanted me to stand on a cliff edge with him. I saw "IT" cut in the bog on the headland at the same moment, couldn't miss it. I saw what that Psychopath did to animals. He killed my dog.

My solicitor and barrister said I'd need counseling at some point in my life. PTSD. Life threw me a line and my son and I relocated to a new country. I've never been keen on counseling feeling that for me it was better to keep going, hope for something better than keep living the past. I could have been wrong but the one time I was put in the position of someone making a judgement on me I heard one psychiatrist turn to another and say my problems were due to me not being able to form relationships. That made me feel a whole heap better!
My son displayed the triad (I think that's how you described it)and I am beyond relieved he resides in a different country. Again he is perfectly described here. He sees me as weak and enjoyed nothing more than playing the victim at my expense. I promise I did my all for him. Too much. I'm not sure if in latter years he worked in cahoots with his father via facebook, but it is a possibility.
I don't know how he did it but he wrote something about being homeless since the age of 15, having been thrown out by me. All complete lies. He was here with me like butter wouldn't melt, but I should have seen he was lit. It was my 40th birthday. He set up a funding site from the story to start a motorcycle restoration business (more about bringing home trash). Before this it had been school, social services, police and youth workers he'd played but this went viral. No one told me. By the time I heard his interview on local radio (they released a podcast and played the show twice)the article in the national newspaper went global, read by 32,000 people here alone and had thousands of vile comments directed at me. I had the stories removed but it was a year before I decided I should take action (shock, grief, anger, stigma etc.)and by then the legal time frame had expired. He went to his girlfriend's and I went no contact. Sometimes he'll try another round of public humiliation over Christmas' or birthdays that I have to stop. I've told him the cctv is on and there's no point coming for money even after I'm dead. He still works on "poor me" and I know that there are girls out there who need to be enlightened. It's the never ending cycle.

What's wrong with people? How did nobody get that this was pure fiction written by "poor me" for money and my demise. 6 years later and I am a still a social pariah. I still live in this country because I'm with my now husband and we have a business that can't be moved.
During all this I worked for a Psychopath who destroyed one part of my career and the other part of my life was ruined by someone I thought was a friend and the only reason I can see she did it was because she couldn't stand to see me happy. Or had my son done a job there too? The day I introduced her to my now husband it was written all over her face and then she went to town on me. It took years for me to figure it was her behind it as all from her mouth was misdirection.
A while back I bumped into someone I knew at the time and they said how awful what had happened to me was. I didn't dare ask what they were referring to in case it was something I don't already know about. I don't want anyone's pity. Benefit of the doubt might have been nice.
My whole life stopped within the space of a month. DadofRad summed it up perfectly somewhere. My son used to say I'd die alone with no one at my funeral. When friends would come up in conversation he'd light up and tell me I had no friends and what they really say about me to him. Oh my son really loved making sure I was hated then tell me I'm paranoid. I didn't even know all the damage he'd done. It takes years to unravel. He just loved to get one over on me and anyone else he could find. I once heard my son refer to a woman who was making my work life difficult as "she's my [censored]." She'd bend over backwards for him (like no one had ever done a good turn for him) while he smirked at me. The few times he was caught as a thief he made all believe I had put him up to it. Not one person to believe me....not one. When I took him to the police for burglary he was on CCTV but he still wanted them to believe it was my fault he was a thief.

I couldn't do any social media as I've been hidden from my son's father for many years. On a professional level I got to travel (with my son and he even set light to one place) and met lots of great people that I no doubt would have kept in touch with via social media. Not keeping a following in my line of work is not a good thing and is continuing to cause me problems. Now there's nearly nothing of that part of my life left.
And to top it all off....I agreed some months back to house sit for my mother while she is away. At the time I thought it'd be nice to take the trip and it should be fine as I'll be there in her absence. I thought I'd be safe as long as my son and his father don't know I'm there. I've paid for it. Now I've remembered how my mother accused my son of damaging the place when he stayed there nearly 20 years ago and looked to my father for the cost of repairs (I haven't a clue if it was my mother or son lying, but it was definitely one of them)It wasn't the first time she tried to damage my relationship with my father (why didn't she look to me for recompense) and that isn't an easy one either. Despite all I don't feel I can leave her in the lurch. I've thought about writing something brief to her about it but I feel afraid and that tells me I should still be no contact. Phone? Brrr... Recently I discovered that at the time I had my son's story removed from the press, he made up a story to the police no doubt to discredit me should I take a case. Who'd ever believe me?

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