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#16921 - 06/03/17 08:19 AM Re: RE: Adopted child and RAD [Re: Dianne E.]
DadofRad Online

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Registered: 07/18/14
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Thanks, he is in a foster home right now, which is just a regular foster parent, with a little special needs education. She knew about the phone but didn't investigate it. There are valuable skills a phone can help with. Most phones have child safety features you can use too. I was listening to the cost of silence book and she mentioned a lot of ADHD apps. Her son turned out to be bipolar and it mentioned physical symptoms of bipolar that do not match my son, plus bipolar has been ruled out for my son by other doctors.

My son was really obsessed with getting a phone and now that I took it away he is still very angry. Counsellors have already said not to give it back. He may stay angry about it and become more aggressive. I don't believe he is suicidal except when he thinks he can use it to get what he wants. Of course, I report it to keep it in his behavior records.

The movie version of stranger beside me is on you tube. It's a made for TV movie. It captures pretty well how they victimize, manipulate, and cover up and how they trap their victims.


Edited by DadofRad (06/03/17 08:22 AM)

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#16922 - 06/03/17 09:11 AM Re: RE: Adopted child and RAD [Re: DadofRad]
Dianne E. Offline

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Hi, thanks, I have the show on my list to watch. It must put you in a very complicated situation. Really a no win situation it appears, if you give it back to him life will be easier than having him angry. Does this foster parent have any training in how to deal with this kind of situation? I am guessing that to be a foster parent a person would have to be kind and caring, just the type of victim they seek out.

I am interested in cults and Ponzi schemes because I have yet to find one that wasn't created by a true psychopath. I ran across this show yesterday. It is a media version of what happens with a Ponzi scheme when you can dupe the most people. I had corresponded with the creator a few years ago so I can say with certainty she isn't some nutjob blabbing on YouTube. This documentary is very interesting. I know Bernie Madoff did a lot of harm but what he was missing was the media effect. It appears that the financial world is well aware of her tactics but people are still promoting her as a "good" person.

How Suze Orman scammed the middle class and poor

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#16923 - 06/04/17 04:40 PM Re: RE: Adopted child and RAD [Re: Dianne E.]
DadofRad Online

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Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 99
Not sure what show you are talking about with Ponzi. You didn't mention the name.

This foster mother is not a pushover. I think she is in her late 60s at the youngest, but is ready to call the police as soon as my son get's out of control. So far he hasn't done that with her. The problem is she doesn't supervisee much and just kind of lets him do whatever he likes as long he stays in the neighborhood and is home by a certain hour. She doesn't realize what he is capable of and will trust him as long as he doesn't get in trouble. This is a low income area, so there probably aren't that many parents keeping track of the kids. Now with being a teenager, he is happy to be left alone. This is the most freedom he has ever had, so he is happy for now. It's when you start watching him and setting boundaries that he gets upset.

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#16924 - 06/04/17 05:59 PM Re: RE: Adopted child and RAD [Re: DadofRad]
Dianne E. Offline

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Hi Sorry for not being clear. I watch the show American Greed because they have shows that involved white collar criminals. Ponzi schemes are typically:

A Ponzi scheme (/&#712;Psychopath&#594;n.zi/; also a Ponzi game)[1] is a fraudulent investment operation where the operator, an individual or organization, pays returns to its investors from new capital paid to the operators by new investors, rather than from profit earned through legitimate investments or business activities. Operators of Ponzi schemes usually entice new investors by offering higher returns than other investments, in the form of short-term returns that are either abnormally high or unusually consistent.

It is basically a way to get money from people with the lure of high returns. They usually work well until they run the course. What happens is they get people to invest and get paid very high-interest rates. They usually get innocent people to put their houses at risk and it is amazing how many people take the bait. Then people get their friends and relatives to also invest so it becomes kind of like a pyramid scheme. Eventually, the gig is up and the bottom falls out. What I found interesting about this documentary is that it is kind of a hybrid on the old schemes. In this case, it is using the goodwill of the media to dupe the public. It seems like most people in the financial world know it is a scheme but yet the public is still being sold a bill of goods.

All of these scams are run by white collar psychopaths. The smarter ones find ways to commit fraud where the money is really good and the punishment if caught is low.

The situation where you son is seems ripe for all kind of issues. It is interesting they would place him in a home where he could roam. I bet he really enjoys it. I am older so we were raised to keep ourselves busy outside and be home for dinner. Times are different now and it is interesting it is allowed. I would think they would consider him a high risk? Is he still asking about the phone? Did she know he had the phone or was it the school that found out?

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#16925 - 06/07/17 06:05 AM Re: RE: Adopted child and RAD [Re: Dianne E.]
DadofRad Online

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Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 99
She knew he had a phone, he was constantly using it. But she is not technical and as long as he kept his mischief private, she had no idea. When I saw him using the phone he was using mostly innocent children's games. It wasn't until I saw his facebook profile picture and had calls from all our relatives who he invited to be friends that I knew he was being inappropriate.

I knew if he is given the freedom he will eventually get caught doing something, but at this stage it might have to go to the police to get noticed. If/when that happens that will be more than enough evidence. Now I have to balance between waiting and watching and keeping tabs, and alerting his social workers when I see something. If I alert too much, he will not share with me what he is getting into, like the other night he told me he had hit a 9 year old in the face (he is 13) and that he had plans to "get" his school counselor before school lets out. Sometimes, I think he just tells me these things to see me react, he knows I report things.

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#16926 - 06/07/17 01:21 PM Re: RE: Adopted child and RAD [Re: DadofRad]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
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Hi, it is indeed a very thin line. It will probably be harder and more difficult as time goes on to find the truth and if he is setting you up. I assume he is telling you these things on the phone? It must be hard to hide your reaction when visiting in person. Is he the only foster child she has? I wonder if people do this for the love of helping or the income.

Does he just talk about general ideas or express how he plans to "get" the counselor.

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#16927 - 06/10/17 06:40 PM Re: RE: Adopted child and RAD [Re: Dianne E.]
DadofRad Online

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Registered: 07/18/14
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She has another child that is 17. I think she just prefers to have older children who dont require much attention or effort. Yes he talks on the phone. The last conversation he refused to go to court ordered family counseling and said he doesn't want anything else to do with me. Why? Becaise I said I want to see the tablet he said was broke so i could child protect it.

Ive learned to hold my tounge with him and not react emotionally to what he does. If I do it just teaches him how to manipulate more.

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#16962 - 07/29/17 07:42 AM Re: Adopted Child & RAD [Re: DadofRad]
DadofRad Online

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Registered: 07/18/14
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Right now my son has been in the dependency court system for a year and they are trying to find a permanent plan for him and of course their goal is reunification. There is a Federal law that says after a year in the dependency system a permanency plan must be made. In most cases their plan is reunification. I do not know what the next hearing will bring. They may terminate my parental rights, have us continue doing what we are doing and hope that he will someday get better, or maybe some compromise in between. Iím not worried right now because I have the recent hospitalization and his foster mother requesting he be moved out as evidence that he is not any better. I also have a recent social worker staffing report that recommends another higher level of group home placement. In addition, I have my Doctors recommendation and a lawyer who will stand with us. But yes, DCF only has one agenda it seems and that is reunification. If they confront me with that again, I am going to plainly tell them that my agenda is to keep my whole family safe and protected. They canít really blame us when I am trying to protect my family and I have reports that say my concerns are valid. However, ever temporary improvement, new placement, new therapist, or discharge from a facility that reports he is better is unnerving and I actually pray he will act up to keep my evidence current. So far he hasn't let me down.

I was reflecting on why I write here. I just wanted to get some type of digital record out there so that other parents who are going down this route will know what to do and what to ask for. Of course every country is different and every State even has different laws. Someone told me that in Nebraska you can leave your older child at a hospital or fire department and abandon them if you feel you cannot care for them, and no one will prosecute you. I do not know if that is true. In general, I would assume, most states have similar programs and similar laws.

The problems is the APA won't recognize this condition, and containment and group home care is too expensive to be covered by normal insurance means. However, I know if he had autism, there would be a lot more programs available, and even group homes for that. However, autism is recognized as a chronic child condition, ASPD/Psychopath is not. So people continue not getting help, parents live in denial or isolated helplessness, and psychos grow up without even getting diagnosed, let alone treated or restricted from hurting others. And in my case, good parents become dependency cases. Most parents only get to this point after the child has committed a crime and is forced into the court system. Even then, I know parents in that situation who still don't understand what a psychopath is and still love their child, so they bail him out, take him back, and continue living in great peril, hoping and believing that somehow their love will pay off in the end. I had to have several doctors and professionals tell me that I need to cut my losses and realize he won't get better, and he will just tear your family apart. Deep down, I knew they were right, but hope sometimes keeps you going down a hopeless path because the truth is too unthinkable and tragic to accept.


Edited by DadofRad (07/29/17 07:44 PM)

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#16969 - 09/02/17 09:17 PM Re: Adopted Child & RAD [Re: DadofRad]
DadofRad Online

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Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 99
My son has been running away repeatedly for the last two weeks. His pattern is he texts his girlfriend or friends to meet up, meets them and then stays away for a few nights at a time. He doesnít sleep much without his meds, so I think when he needs to crash, he gets himself caught, takes his mends, sleeps and then runs away again. He is texting and meeting up with an older boy, who sells stolen guns. Heís talking of shooting a guy, and planning to runaway to Georgia to see family. Right now he is still hanging out at the Walmart (probably stealing and selling, he calls this a hit Ė gangster term). I gave these tips to the police. Right now Iím waiting for him to get in enough trouble to go to Juvi. The courts canít put him in an institution right now because some random evaluator did a suitability assessment and denied it based on a obsolete autism diagnosis. Basically, he saying my son can't benefit from the institution because he is Autistic and needs Autistic services. That diagnosis was ruled out years ago, and no doctor since has even suggested it. Itís been a very stressful couple of weeks. Every day I monitor his texts and itís quite a drama.


Edited by DadofRad (09/03/17 09:37 AM)

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#16970 - 09/03/17 06:38 AM Re: Adopted Child & RAD [Re: DadofRad]
DadofRad Online

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Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 99
If anyone is listening to the podcast, I am posting here some of my FAQ, at least they are questions I would have if I had a child with these problems and didn't know what to do. Hopefully, this may help someone struggling to get help:

First get records for everything. Any place that treats him or observes his behaviors should be able to provide you records. Also, Journal all the dangerous behaviors as they occur and keep an open file on this. Have this journal ready when you see a new doctor, therapist, or social worker.

What type of social services to ask for?
IEP Individual Educational Plan Ė The public schools can evaluate him for special services or a special school. Have all your evidence ready. Hospitalization and doctor records regarding behaviors are always helpful.
Insurance Coverage Ė Make sure your plans cover hospitalizations, and whatever treatment you try for. If your plans cover it, the facility still may try to bill you, but you only have to pay what the insurance says is your responsibility. Catch 22 in some cases: You cannot get into a therapeutic residential center (RTC, long term for 6 months or so) without Medicaid. Some of the premium Obama plans may cover it too. 2 ways I have gotten Medicaid: 1) Case Workers recommended an RTC and submitted request for it. 2) While he was being hospitalized under standard insurance, you apply for SSI and when SSI is approved, so is Medicaid. However, once he is returned to your care, you may lose the SSI.
SSI Social Security Disability Status Ė you canít get this unless you are poor, or you apply for it while he is in an institution or hospital. To expedite this have all his records available and printed out when applying, so they donít have to look it up.
Case Worker Ė A social worker is usually more aware of childhood psychopathy and dangers than schools or some counselors. Donít be afraid to find one. I have always found them supportive. You can ask the school for a referral. The social worker can recommend a staffing for RTC placement. They are also very aware of the programs in your state that can assist. Call this person if your child is having an outburst and report all dangerous behaviors to them.
DCF Ė Social workers work for DCF. If you are seeking them, they are not unfairly going to investigate you. Ask for staffings to address what level of care your child needs. Also ask for DCF contacts regarding RTC placements and dependency court process for your State (if you choose to abandon him).

What type of assessments to ask for (Along with the IEP, the school usually does a FBA, psycho social assessments, and may create a plan called a PBIP. These are good records to have. A Psycho Sexual is also good if there are sexual issues. A suitability assessment is done by a psychiatric doctor as a evaluation to determine what level of care your child needs. I have only seen these done in the court system.

What type of lawyer to talk with? dependency lawyer. Not family law or custody. Interview them first and get a feel if they will be supportive and if they are knowledgeable about this process. Not many I interviewed were.

What to look for in psychologist or psychiatrist: one with prison experience or at least one that is older with years of experience working with troubled children. It usually doesnít take long to figure out if they get you and your child or not. If not, donít waste your time and find another one.

Other institutions to consider (Military Schools, Boarding schools, foreign schools, Religious Group Homes/ Boarding Schools) Ė We checked into many of these. Most wouldnít take our child because he was too dangerous. Military may be a good option if they can get accepted. Many psychopaths do well in the military because it has a strong structure, reward system, and they can also use their lack of empathy strategically.

How to safeguard your home: Lock away knives, chemicals, and most things that can be used as a weapon. We had to put locks on every door in the house except his room, so we could keep him out of our bedrooms and rooms with tools and chemicals. We also removed his door because he would slam it and use it as a weapon. Some people use security cameras inside, but I chose not to.

How to get him hospitalized. In our State there is a law that any person can be hospitalized if his behavior is dangerous to self or others. This can be ordered by a doctor or therapist, voluntary, or police can do so. You may want to check your state laws and ask your teacher or social worker. The hospital must have a psychiatric children's ward, and you should ensure it is covered by your insurance. The more he is hospitalized, the more diagnosis and records you can get, and the more other professionals will take your matter seriously. I do not believe we would have gotten his IEP without this, and I do not believe he would have been recommended for a institution without this. Even if he is not having a fit at the time, you can take him to a hospital with a psychiatric childrenís ward and admit him voluntarily. Make sure your insurance covers, because this is not cheap. Calling the cops is usually not effective unless the child is raging when the cops arrive. They wonít see the need. Still don't hesitate to call the police if your child is acting dangerously and is out of control. Your psychiatrist or therapist can also write a letter at the time recommending hospitalization. Ours actually came to our house once, wrote the prescription and spoke to the police. After that, the police were always willing to hospitalize him.

How to keep your records up to date when he is out of the house Ė Call regularly and keep communication open with your child. You will often get clues into what is happening. Speak to the staff and ask how he is doing, maintain a good relationship with the staff and open communication. Request daily behavior records from management. They will push back on this, but in our State, they are required by law to provide all records to parents, if asked in writing. Review your State Statutes regarding medical records. You can usually find these online. Several times I have had to send a demand letter from a lawyer to get these because they are so reluctant to turn over records. Hospitals are more accountable though and you can usually request online or by fax. Also, ask for the full chart from any hospital he is admitted to.

How to push back on institutions who want to dismiss your concerns Ė Have your records ready, first speak to some managers about it, and if they are not helpful file complaints against the institution. There are many local and federal agencies to file complaints with, search for them online. Also look at the institution's website and find what agencies they are licensed with. You can file complaints with those agencies.



Edited by DadofRad (09/04/17 04:45 PM)

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