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#16986 - 09/24/17 01:07 PM Is he a psychopath or am I crazy?! Please help!
Cookie25 Offline
member

Registered: 09/22/17
Posts: 1
I reconnected with an ex, who in the past had been controlling and belittling. It's been four years since we were together and I've had two children since. We always had amazing chemistry and that was something I looked back to over the years and of course remembering the good times where we laughed and talked. Then there were the bad times, where he called me "an idiot" or told me to quit my job or that my friends are all idiots etc at the time he had no job and I put it down to depression. He finally gave me an ultimatum saying if I go to Paris with my friend we were going to break up. So I took it.
I've never stopped thinking about him since we broke up and through all my relationships he has been on the back of my mind.
We began talking again and it was like a fairytale. I was so shocked to discover he felt the same way. He had never forgotten me and I was the love of his life, his favourite woman, his sexual fantasy etc etc we both apologised for our former behaviour and began dating again. He didn't want to be apart from me and text me constantly 24/7. I'm not used to that from any man aside from him but I went along with it. He has met my eldest son and spent over 10 months with me. We've been on dates, spent a lot of time together etc. In the process he's dropped out of university after failing his second attempt (he's 27) and moved back home with his parents. I have my own place and am going into my second year of university and looking after my son. I work in the summer and get as much experience in my field as I can (I'm 25)
Just before he dropped out from university he started nitpicking and criticising. Everything from my life choices to the way I cook/clean. He has refused to meet my friends and I haven't seen his family for the whole time we have been back together. He says his mother invited me for a barbecue once but this never happened ...
his manner has become more and more cold and he has seen me less and less. I have tried to confront him and ask if we should end things as he no longer seems keen but he maintains he is "acting no different" and I "make stuff up in my head" and this is the source of all our problems. To the point where I'm beginning to question my own sanity.
He takes hours to reply to my messages, calls me "needy" when I point this out, even though he used to say I "abandoned him" when I didn't reply for twenty minuites in months past. He hasn't seen me for a month and he lives a 20 minuite train ride away. Now he says he has no money, which I believe because he has no job, but he hasn't asked me to come to him. I have said I feel like he's avoiding me and again I get called "delusional" and "what's your problem?" He refuses to have a phone call with me because he "doesn't like phone calls" despite being on the phone to me for two hours plus some nights a few months ago. I pointed this out and his was response was "no we didn't what are you talking about?" I'm sorry but I didn't IMAGINE phone calls. I've sent him messages saying I'm tired of this and it's not working and I'm happy to let him go (despite still loving him) and he says I'm talking "nonsense" and maintains that he "hasn't changed at all." And that I'm "angry and aggressive" all the time. I try my best to keep calm and approach things as maturely and quietly as I can and he still says I'm "causing problems". I'm starting to wonder if I'm crazy and that maybe I act aggressive without realising it? I'm not angry , I'm hurt and confused. It's torture being in a relationship where I just can't be heard. I thought we had grown past our problems but it seems the same as all those years ago. Being told to "grow up" "stop being so insecure" "stop being so needy and high maintenance". So I try to do all those things and he is just more and more distance. He never says he misses me, never compliments me and won't even be on the phone to me. I can't quite believe it's the same guy that called me the "love of his life" and the "most beautiful woman in the world" etc etc is now telling me I'm "hassling" him after a month of not seeing each other at all. I'm trying to be understanding of his money situation but we all have our fair share of problems and he maintains he "has no moral imperative" to forge a career. I'm at a loss. I'm in love with this man and its hurts to be with him. I know I'm being treated badly, but when he swings round and calls me a cute name or comes to see me I'm right back to square one. Thinking it really was in my head all along. All I know is before I felt cherished and loved and on top of the world and now I feel ugly and worthless.
I can't speak about certain topics anymore because I get met with "I don't care" if I talk about my kids I get met with silence. If I ask him about his plans/day he says "why are we having this conversation?" If I talk about my therapist I get "psychology is [censored]" if I express an opinion on the news/world event it's "you are giving me a headache". Bear in mind this is the same man who stayed awake until the early hours of the morning to talk about life/the world/religion/politics/ideas with me for months.....
If I dress up nice he will say nothing, but still has sex with me on a regular basis, but doesn't prelude that with any sort of ... compliment or mood it's just he wants it so he takes it (not saying it's bad but it feels a bit off) now maybe I'm just a crazy high maintenance person. Which means I need to calm down and sort myself out, but maybe I'm not. I just don't know. Please help.

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#16987 - 09/24/17 11:30 PM Re: Is he a psychopath or am I crazy?! Please help! [Re: Cookie25]
Stephanie Offline
member

Registered: 04/04/10
Posts: 47
Hi cookie.
It's highly probable that he is a psychopath. But I can't say for sure. What I can say for sure is he is a dick! Your way to good for him. If I were you I'd stop letting him waste any more of your time or energy. Psychopaths like to hook you in with that love bombing at first. Then they mess with your head because the trauma it causes hooks you to them even more. It doesn't sound like he has much empathy for your feelings. Don't let him twist it around on you when you express them. You gotta stay the one in control. Even if that means walking away. So don't ask him if he wants out. Tell him you don't like the way he is treating you in regards to time and attention and all the other stuff you told us and that if it doesn't change that you want out. You deserve to be adored and respected. You should feel cherished. Think about how is is and ask yourself what it is you actually love about him? Like I said he sounds like a dick! Do not listen to his words. Most men weather psychopaths or not will tell you what you want to hear. Go strictly off of his actions. I think if someone really loved me. They would be finding any odd jobs they can to come and see me. Not only that they would be trying to show me they could provide for me and my children and care for me so I would choose to be with them. What does this man have to offer? If you do get confirmation he is a psychopath somehow. It won't make it any easier to leave him.

Don't waste your young life like I did with someone who doesn't treat you right. It's much easier to find a decent man while you are still young. I'm much older now but at least I'm smarter and won't settle for some dick head just to avoid being alone. I wish I would have known these things sooner. Better late than ever I suppose. You need to look out for you and your children. You decide what type of man you want in your life. Don't settle for anyone less until you find him. The one who proves himself over time by his actions not his words. I'm sorry! I know it hurts. It's hard and it takes strength. Please give the love you have to yourself first.
_________________________
Faith

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