I only knew this man 3 months.

So, i met him first on a perfect summer day, in Human Rights class (I was taking the course because i've advocated and worked for human rights most of my entire life. He was doing it for the credits). The first time i looked him in the eye, it felt like my soul was being lifted off the ground. It was magnificent. It was so intense.. but so empty.

Well, we got to talking, and it felt like he knew everything about me. He would ask all the right questions, with perfect timing. I never met anyone so intune.. so focused with me. In that moment, i knew i had been won. It just seemed like he truly cared. Looking back on it, though, when he spoke, he had this "boyish innocence" which lowered my guard, but also the look of a Marine or Cop. It was a combination of looks (many contradictory) that had me so interested yet frightened by this mysterious man.

We got very close, and i started noticing more things. He would lie about literally everything - even things that didn't matter, or things that were obviously not true. Like he took a bong hit in the other room while i was on a date with him, and when i kissed him i asked if he smoked. So chillingly calmly, he got close and looked me in the eyes and simply said, "No". It looked like his eyes were churning.. focusing in on me. And then it got scary..

He slipped out of plans with me multiple times, probably to smoke weed and play video games. So then he moved in. He mooched off me at home, always expected dinner to be done when he got home, and even dumped me on the spot because i wasn't all smiles. Any sign that i changed from the fun, bubbly person i was was cue for him to leave. So i pleased him. And boy did i please him. Our sex life was getting stranger and stranger by the day, as he adds in new was of dominating me while ignoring my request to go slower. He began recording us having sex as well. And some things he made me do on camera were degrading.

Eventually he choked me one night until i passed out. That was when i said i need to call it quits, and i left him this time. It was such a good feeling to finally see his "mask" off, so that i could confirm my suspicion i had from the start. We don't keep in contact, because he sent me an extremely nasty email, basically ripping my life apart. I'd never been so hurt, let alone from an email.

I guess our separation was hard, because i just lost this amazing friend who knew exactly what i needed. But i knew i was playing with fire, and i am fortunate to get out as early as i did.

He never hit me, and he rarely yelled.

I'm sorry i'm sure i've left some things out.. this was about three years ago, and i still will remember him better than other boyfriend i had. It was a bitter sweet time in life, that i often wish i had back.

Can anyone else relate? Does anyone wish he were back?

Thanks.

Your story is actually very chilling and very familiar. I've been listening to the podcast "Dirty John" recommended by Dianne. The story is actually similar, and based on a true story. If you listen to it, make sure to start on the first episode, because if you subscribe you will just get the finale. Also the Stranger beside me is a youtube movie you can watch that is similar. You are lucky you got out when you did. Don't minimize his behaviors or even think of going back. He tried to strangle you, he could do worse. My son also doesn't hit people, but he kicks, attempts to strangle, manipulates, and I would not at all be surprised if ends up killing someone. All that about him knowing you and being into you was a front. He was actually studying you, and trying to learn how to manipulate you, which they are masters of. He never cared, he simply wanted to know how to control you.

DadofRad

Thank you for the recommendations, i'll check out the youtube video today.

You know, i do often think about him. When things were good, they were great. But when they were bad, they were awful. I guess it's a good thing to stay safe and just remember the good times..

I have often said of my son that 90% of the time he is fine, and most would say he is sweet kid, soft spoken and polite. But the 10% he is not is terrifying. For years I tried to find the cure or think in my head that the 10% was like an addict, it is not the real him and if only he could get a handle on this his true kind self would come out. Now that I understand psychopathy, I see that the 90% is facade, it is him being in control enough to keep up the front. The 10% is the real him that comes out when he loses the control of his mask. Ultimately, he might be able to minimize his behaviors on the 10%, but they will always be there because that is his personality, which cannot be changed, just refined. It is a personality disorder and there is no cure for personality.