Hello all,
I'm new. Not feeling up to sharing entire story tonight. Hope to do so soon. Wondering how many others grew up with a sibling who was one, whose parents enabled and defended (even moreso after he was diagnosed - they were in denial). I was the oldest so I was "supposed to know better" "set the example". Never mind he did it all - I caught the blame when I was the one attacked. Grew up in fear of my life - and still have to worry about him attacking me and my family now - hubby and I are hoping to move away. Just thankful to find this group and others who know what it's like. All my life I've been made to feel like the crazy and or mean one. Other relatives don't get it because parents hid all from others. I can't begin to explain the depression that hits me. The evil that takes my breath away at times. I grew up suicidal - not that anyone noticed but thankful had friends who kept me anchored. I'm ok now in that regard - I refuse to allow that control over me.
Thanks

Hi Maqui, welcome to our community. I don't recall a situation like yours. It is a very unique one that is for sure. I can see parents wanting to protect their kids but more like protecting them from evil comes to mind. The part about making you out to be the crazy one is sadly something that happens all the time. If they can project you as being crazy in some sick way it may let them think if everyone thinks you are crazy then they can keep their secret hidden if you are the problem instead of the sibling.

I am very sorry for your situation. I hope when you are ready you can tell your story so we can figure out how to help you. It is interesting that even with a diagnosis your parents sided with your brother. That must have been horrible and still must be.

I am just guessing here but do you think your parents have the gene themselves which might allow them to continue to look the other way? I may be crazy but I always thought the parent's role was to protect their children, particularly those that aren't psychopaths. I am really stumped and hope by knowing more we can help to support you.

How close are you to being able to move away?

Di

Wow Marqui, this was exactly my life as well!! Only it was a younger sister who made my life hell and lied to my parents, especially my mother. I will call her "Al." Al was spoiled, selfish, a pathological liar, thief, no empathy for anyone, very troubled. But I was always made to think there was a problem with me, and I tried, and gave, (she is a user and a taker) wondering what is wrong with me? Why can't I make this work? I could not endure any more of the extensive abuse, my mother had no strength or energy to help me against her, and she didn't really want to. so I left home as soon as I could and moved far far away. My mother always tried to talk me into being close with her, and I always got burned trying to appease my mother and have a relationship with my sister - I am absolutely no contact now.

My parents were enablers and also in denial (and image was everything - my mother would have been mortified if anyone outside our immediate family got a whiff of who my sister really was when she was not putting on a public mask), and they felt guilty that they were the reason she was the way she was as they fought a lot (very different personalities). And I was made to feel that I was the problem - I was jealous and crazy.

As far as I can tell my parents were not narcissist or psychopaths, but sweet uneducated economically challenged people their children could take advantage of (I did not as the first born I could not get away with what she did as I am not as manipulative and I have empathy, and maybe they were more lenient with her because of how tougher they were with me and were making amends, I don't know). I believe my paternal grandmother and her father, her sister, and her son (my uncle) were psychopaths. My father may have had a touch of narcissism - people are not cookie cutter and co-morbid, my sister also seems to have covert malignant narcissistic tendencies along with anti-social personality disorder, but really from what I have lived through and experienced my childhood, and researched since 2011, she is a true psychopath.

She never got the help or at least the diagnosis she should have. After years of researching trying to figure it out. I know she is a psychopath - she checks off for all of the characteristics, there is no doubt. I do not use the term lightly, and have only come across a handful of true psychopaths in my life. Reading through all the information available in the last 10 years on the Internet especially YouTube is very validating! I have so many stories and like you it will be very difficult and painful to write them down and live through it again. Just so happy for the validation.