Topic Options
#17100 - 06/04/18 01:50 PM Psycho Sister Part 1
Raine Offline
member

Registered: 06/01/18
Posts: 2
I am so happy (and sad) to find a group of so many people who can validate my experiences with a psychopath I grew up with. She manipulated and fooled my parents, and I was always the one who was made to feel selfish, jealous and crazy even though I did all I could to be generous, a good and giving person, and nice! Even though she was bigger than me, she used to steal my clothes all the time and stretch them out - I worked hard for them - and all my mother would do is say that they are only cloth and she is my sister. To avoid trouble and because it wasn't her clothes.

I even gave her money, bought her clothes so she would leave mine alone as well as makeup and jewelry - to no avail. She stole my driver's license and gave it to her rich friend so they could buy alcohol, and punched me in the face so that I had to have 8 stitches because I needed to watch a program for a school project, and she always had to have her way regardless of how trivial. She has never apologized for anything she has ever done in her life, and has absolutely no shame for any of the lies, drama, misery she has left in her wake. My mother used to always say that blood is thicker than water, and she wished she could have a sister. Even though she complained all the time about her cheap, controlling, cold, lying, selfish, unappreciative mother-in-law all the time and I had to listen and empathize, it was not returned. My mother was being deceived, manipulated and controlled, and I could do nothing about it. I know my sister also told lies about me, so my mother thought is was normal sibling rivalry and again, it was easier to just ignore it as she had her own problems, not really caring the hell I was going through.

I eventually left for the service as there really wasn't a lot of room for me and I couldn't take it anymore. I would have loved to stay home and save money to make a move, but that was not possible as I could endure no more. Being in the service, I got to stay in some places I never experienced before, and being away I still reached out to my mom and dad as I still loved them. My sister love bombed me and conned her way back into me life, and my mom guilted me. I paid for the plane tickets for my sister to visit me in some of the great places, including my home after the service in two great states. This was never reciprocated.

She flunked out of college but then went back to a different school, never admitting she flunked out of the first school, and made my parents pay what they could, and she lived at my parents until she was in her thirties and moved to where my brother and his friends were to get a better job out-of-state. She never reciprocated and even appreciated all the places she was able to visit because of me - she doesn't even appreciate my brother letting her have a start where she is now. She would have to use valuable vacation time and money returning the favor to me and she is a very selfish person.

After my husband and I settled to where we are now and she saw that, which is quite different from where we grew up, she started a fight or something and I didn't hear from her again until about 6 or 7 years later - the whole time she couldn't be bothered with me because there was nothing else she could get from me and she lost interest.

She was getting married and needed a matron of honor and she has no friends - her wedding party was made up of me, and her husband's family and my brother and his friends. I was conned again and spent a great deal of money on tickets, dress, hair, nails, present, vacation time. I was treated so poorly - she started a huge fight over something I had no control over and could have been easily rectified, and made my life hell. I was not allowed to go to the bridal party at the hotel the evening before the wedding. I had threatened to leave I could not take anymore. All my mother wanted was the image of no scandal and get it over again, as always, letting her get away with her abusive behavior yet again. After the wedding, it was as it had been before, no relationship, no contact - she blocked me from all social media and I know very little about her husband but I am sure she has told him stories about all of us as a reason to keep our distance.

For the first time in my life, my mother refused to take her side and say I was wrong (maybe because my husband witnessed the whole thing and she likes him and couldn't sweep it under the rug), so she had no contact with my mother the first year of her marriage. Plus my parents were aging and they needed a lot of help including financial and even though I sent them a lot of money, presents, etc. she never ever did. Little things here and there to keep up the front. This was also a good excuse not to have to help and deal with it.

I will finish my story later - it may seem a little tame so far, I am not mentioning a lot of the tawdriness and details, but trying to convey how much of a user she is - people are objects to get things from, not have a relationship with and care about. She used re-establishing a relationship with her sister as the reason for me to be her matron of honor, but she had no real intention for one. It was convenient for her as she had no one else, and good for the image - that is why my mom approached me and talked me into it. My mother was always saying she changed and wants to be friends - this is denial and being one of the most stubborn people I have ever met.


Edited by Raine (06/04/18 07:10 PM)

Top
#17102 - 06/17/18 06:46 PM Re: Psycho Sister Part 1 [Re: Raine]
DadofRad Online

member

Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 124
Thank you for posting your story. I couldn't help of think of our birth daughter who was in similar situation, growing up with a psycho brother who destroyed her things, manipulated people against her, sabotaged her relationships with family and friends, all the while she was being kind and really the only true friend he had. Thankfully, for our daughter we got it and understood mostly the games he was playing. We had seen very clearly his condition by the time she was 10 and from there we have done out best to keep him out of the house since then. Having lived your whole life under that must have been miserable. Does anyone else in your family see the situation as you describe or are they still being manipulated?

My approach every time it seems he is starting to manipulate a new therapist or a new foster parent is to just stay removed and sit back and watch. It I tell everything and explain what I think about him up front, I'm always looked at like the crazy one, but if I stay removed and let him manipulate, use, and abuse others, they figure it out on their own and when they confide in me, I can say, yes that is what we experienced too. But staying removed is key, he has to out of my life in order for me to watch from a far for that to work.

It know it's horrible, but I have learned to make light of it in some ways. If I don't laugh I will cry. Two shows that have helped me laugh and also see the situation more clearly are MadTV Stuart skits (youtube) and all the Thor Movies from Marvel. Thor's adopted brother Loki is a classic psychopath and they usually portray the relationship with a lot of humor.

Write more, I would love to keep up the conversation, although I don't check every day.

DadofRad

Top

Moderator:  Dianne E.