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#17020 - 11/20/17 11:11 PM False Memories
Toodles Offline
member

Registered: 10/23/17
Posts: 3
Hello everyone,

Just looking for some advice or if anyone has encountered something like this before. My spouse and I believe that her ex husband is probably a pyschopath. She is coming to terms tonight with the thought that her whole life with him might have been based on a lie. There are many reasons to believe this and he was extremely abusive while they were together.

Her ex husband, after they spent their first night together, convinced her that she had told him the previous night that she had been molested by her father as a young girl. She had no recollection of telling him because we now think that it didn't actually happen but he was so persuasive that she believed it was true. It led to her withdrawing from her extended family as well as family friends.

She ended up having 3 children with him before finally leaving him several years ago. He ended up with the children and we had a long drawn out custody battle with him during which she managed to get the children from him but began expereincing CPTSD symptoms from the childrens behaviours. The childrens agencies we were dealing with saw mother as the problem and blamed her childhood abuse and the kids are no longer with us. We think this is exactly what he wanted.

Has anyone else been convinced of something this crazy or experienced something similar?

T

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#17021 - 11/21/17 01:04 PM Re: False Memories [Re: Toodles]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
Hi Toodles, welcome to our community. There are a couple of members here who can assist you with this question. I am sure they will get back to you in the next day or so. The more information you can tell about the custody issues it will help get you the right answers.

My two cents is they (psychopaths) will do a lot of things to isolate the victim.

Best Regards
Dianne

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#17022 - 11/23/17 08:17 PM Re: False Memories [Re: Toodles]
DadofRad Offline

member

Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 127
That sounds like gas lighting. In addition to my son, I also have a boss who seems to be a psychopath too and he chose me to victimize. He would make up things I did and tell others, or make up conflicts between me and other coworkers and spread rumors, he would even speak it to us like it was fact. When we would actually begin comparing notes and talking about it between us, we realized he was making it up. Now we just joke about it every time we see him playing these games, but I know he has tried to spread many lies about me and others.

That's especially hard when you have custody at stake and not just reputation at work. In any cases, I just keep doing what is right and let his lies expose him for the psycho he.

Dadofrad


Edited by DadofRad (11/24/17 05:08 PM)

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#17023 - 11/25/17 06:33 PM Re: False Memories [Re: DadofRad]
Toodles Offline
member

Registered: 10/23/17
Posts: 3
My spouse was convinced by her exhusband that she was molested by her father and grandfather. She believed these lies for 16 years.

We now believe he was drugging her and raping her and telling her to call him "daddy" and "Grandpa" and she never remembered these events and accepted his suggestions that she had been molested and that he had rescued her from her abusive family.

She left him several years ago when the regular spousal abuse became too much to handle. He was almost convicted of harassment but we were worried that the children would be sent back home (another country). We were very naive and at the time had no idea how bad his abuse was.

Mom went through therapy to address the supposed child abuse. The effect was as if her brain was fried. She became antisocial. She was angry and suspicious of everyone and accused me of being an abuser. We involved childrens services but they saw mom as the problem because of how she was behaving and blamed it on childhood abuse. My friends were encouraging me to leave the abusive situation but I held out hope that some piece of the puzzle was missing.

After three years of hell we finally know what actually happened and will be able to save the kids from their abuser.

I feel like I have been living in a movie.


Edited by Toodles (11/25/17 06:34 PM)

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#17117 - 08/02/18 07:58 PM Re: False Memories [Re: Toodles]
Toodles Offline
member

Registered: 10/23/17
Posts: 3
I haven't posted in a while. But I figured I would flesh out my situation a bit more. I am convinced the ex husband is a psychopath but now my spouse has realized what happened while she was with him. It was ritualized abuse designed to fragment her brain to allow continued sadistic torture of her and her children. My spouse has realized that she has been living with dissociative disorder not otherwise specified as a result of the trauma she was put through.

He did something similar to the children and I wouldn't be surprised if all three will have the same disorder if not worse. We are still waiting for the results of the investigation into the psychologist that first started treating my spouse but was influenced by her ex husband.

Is there anyone else on this forum with any first hand knowledge of these types of abusers or how to build a case. When my spouse was still in rough shape the police told her that she needed to "get healthy". Well she has been and I hope we can finally get some justice and help for my step children.





Edited by Toodles (08/02/18 08:01 PM)

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#17119 - 08/09/18 05:00 AM Re: False Memories [Re: Toodles]
DadofRad Offline

member

Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 127
My situation was different in that I had a child that is a psychopath. I know I have experienced PTSD as well as my wife and daughter. He has been out of the house for 2 years and I'm just now feeling like I can move on emotionally. My best advise is to document everything. Write a detailed journal describing all of the traumatic events you can remember. The further removed you are the harder it is to remember, because your brain naturally blocks out painful memories. Ask others for reminders. At your stage, it probably needs to be collective journal with her and the children. Also, pull up any emails or past doctors notes, ask for diagnostic reviews from any doctor visited. You are entitled to all records pertaining to you or your minor children (in the states). They will push back, but you can force this through legal means. Finally, sometimes just letting go and moving on is the best thing you can do, and best way to let the psycho know that he doesn't control you anymore.

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