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#17136 - 11/01/18 06:11 PM Questions from a psychopathic relationship
Dorabella Offline

Registered: 10/29/18
Posts: 1
Iím new here, only just learned about psychopathy in the last few days as I try to recover from a toxic encounter with a true psychopath. I know Iíve been very lucky in that he got bored of me after only two weeks and has disappeared (I think for good). I am still trying to resist the urge to get in touch with him.

I only knew him for a month and was only in a ďrelationshipĒ with him for two weeks, so I know itís not major. But he has mucked about with my head even in that short space of time. Promised me the world, whilst lying about everything and delivering nothing. He must have somebody else on the go, as he disappears for 3 days at a time each week, which is luckily what alerted me to the fact that he wasnít what he seemed.
I have several questions please.

1 He works as a home carer and that is how he met me, as I am a carer for my mother. He abused his position of trust by starting a relationship with me, although I admit I was willing. Now I feel it is my duty to report him to his employer, not for my own case, but because I truly worry about how he may be exploiting other vulnerable sick and elderly people in their own homes. I know you canít really hurt a psychoís feelings but attacking him at his job may well hurt him, as he seems to enjoy his job (says he does, unless thatís another lie), but it must give him some validation and presumably the chance to exert power over vulnerable people.
However, all Iíve read so far tells me that I shouldnít do so, that I should walk away and keep walking, because of angering him and causing him to retaliate. I have no idea of how vindictive or violent he may be.
Should I report him to his work or not?

2) Should I send him a message telling him what I think of him and that I know exactly what he is, and I scorn and pity him? Or do I just risk retaliation from him? I seem to be nothing to him at the moment.

3) Not so important, but itís really annoying me. Why did he discard me so quickly? Obviously he has someone else on the go, the main attraction, and I was presumably just a side show. Was he just bored? Was I too boring? Had I been too easy, a walkover? He hadnít got anything out of me, sex or money, so why did he give up on me? Money: he made comments about being underpaid at work and his computer breaking down and needing a new one, but he never asked for money, nor did I offer it. Was I meant to jump in and offer money as soon as he said he was hard up? Sex: he could have had sex if he had continued; we had only made out but I certainly wasnít saying no to sex. If anything, I was keener than him. Is that why he drew back, to punish me by withholding sex?
2) I feel insulted that he gave up on me so quickly, which is ridiculous. I know that Iíve had a very lucky escape, but heís still managed to muck my head and emotions up even in that short space of time.

Iíve never had much luck with relationships and it was my first in a long time, and undoubtedly my worst experience so far. I suppose my lack of success has always been down to low self-esteem but I canít believe Iíve been so victimised again. I canít bear that he saw me as vulnerable and weak, and exploited me so easily. How do I stop this turning me bitter and frightening me off from ever trying a relationship again?
Thanks for listening.

#17143 - 11/24/18 09:36 AM Re: Questions from a psychopathic relationship [Re: Dorabella]
Dianne E. Offline


Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi Dorabella,

I would be cautious to report someone you think is a psychopath. If you had some evidence then great, in this case, it seems like you might end up being the one who will have problems to deal with. Why not just leave well enough alone and be glad that you escaped the situation?

I am not suggesting that we should let psychopaths off the hook, quite the opposite but a lot of caution should be used first. I would spend the time exploring why you are feeling this way and what do you really hope to accomplish. If you are not supported and he is how will that leave you feeling? It sounds to me like you are wishing things would work out but perhaps I am reading this incorrectly?

Typically but not always victims find themselves in these situations due to boundary issues. I can't tell you what to do but if it were me, I would spend the time working on these issues. What do you think you would accomplish by turning him in? How would this impact your life? It is a great goal to protect others down the road but I would frankly be asking myself these questions very seriously before creating a situation which could not help anyone else but impact yourself in a negative way?



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