Creation, Beauty, Destruction, Isolation, Renewal...

CREATION. P initiates creating relationship, in mask.
BEAUTY. P elevates the "beloved" to the highest reaches of heaven; P invents the semblance of deep, heartfelt, soul stirring, story tale, romantic love, in mask.
DESTRUCTION. Suddenly dropping the now repugnant other into the deep, dark depths of hell, mask removed.
ISOLATION. P withdraws from relationship; P dissolves into a state of nothingness.
RENEWAL. P seeks to recreate relationship.

This, in my experience of observing P objectively, and stripping away details, is the core pattern inherent in all Ps. In my opinion, P cannot control this cyclic pattern. P wants loves, wants emotional stability, wants a satisfying material existence, yet has no inner emotional criteria to define sensory want; all P has is what s/he has gleaned via external stimuli and observation. Moreover, P cannot follow through with commitments, plans and/or goals, because an involuntary internal "switch" is thrown, fragmenting the psyche of P into component parts. Thus, Creation/Beauty is suddenly terminated (Destruction), at which point P enters into a subjective, psychic experience consisting of disintegration, decay, and "death" (Isolation). P is reconstituted, and restored to freshness All memory of Creation/Beauty obliterated during Destruction/Isolation, P dons the mask, and again seeks relationship (Renewal).

NOTE: I am presenting my theory in synopsis. Also, I am in no way negating the pain the above pattern causes those of us touched by P.

I would greatly appreciate your input. Please share.

hi senihele
i have to take off for work right now (although i would much rather sit here and comment on your post), but had to say first that i am in love with your theoretical framework! i will return to it this evening and provide some feedback. i am continually astounded by the amount of knowledge, intuition, and experience (gathered none other than the hard way) within this group. hare could benefit by sitting in on some lectures.
later,
persistent

Senihele,
That certainly describes the "circle of life" P-style, that I lived through. You've described it in a nutshell! I'd like to write it on a business card and carry it around to review whenever my denial thought patern starts to rear its ugly head.
Thanks,
Leti

Senihele-
I agree with Leti- I need to memorize the script. The M.O. (modiaus operandi) is the same, the names and stories varied. I just escaped from the RENEWAL. . .wow! I need to think about that.

Thank you for your insightful post. It sure helped me.

finished

Mine was a little different, had one step before the CREATION. For a year and a half he showed no romantic interest whatsoever, became my friend at work, got me to feel sorry for him, kept on and on about how the owner and staff treated him poorly,came to my house to fix my car for me, set up people at work against me, snuck into my house while I wasn't there, pitted me against my friends, found out information to use against me for blackmail, found out information about me, had other people checking up on me, built bookshelves for me which he said could be moved, (Oh, if I had only twigged on that one )told lies about me, had the staff creat so much havoc for me at the store, I didn't think I had any alternative, but to move out. All so I had ONLY him to fall back on, all to force me out of the store and on my own with just him. All this I found out much later.

Once we had moved into "our" own store that's when he said, "At last we're alone, no one to bother us " Sounded really odd at the time. THEN he proceded onto the romance or CREATION stage.


Betrayed

betrayed,

Wow, what a miserable, horrible being. You have described psychopathic behavior in a way that resonates with my experience and what I now know is a true hallmark of a psychopath. I guess it would come under the conning/deception heading in Hare's checklist. I thought for a long time that my exhusband had to care for me if he was "helping" me with tasks and situations in my daily life. The reality is that he was worming his way in and setting me up. They are hateful and harmful beyond what anyone should be unfortunate enough to have to come up against. Your post really struck in me the rememberence that they are all about being a con artist which really is a shortened term for Confidence Artist. This gives me the shivers; to know that one is gifted in the capacity to extract confidences from trusting souls to use against them for his betterment. A psychopath's talent.

Part of what is difficult for me on my healing journey is handling and processing the horrific knowlege that I'm accumulating. I'm sure it is a large cause of my PTSD. The psychopath has engrained himself into so many areas of my life. When that happens its hard to shake them off. And this is with no contact for almost a year now. I can't imagine the shape I'd be in if I was treating him as if he were real or manageable.

Thanks for the reality check.
Cherie

In my experience, P will sometimes "rapid cycle" like the Bipolar, during which manic (Creation/Beauty/Renewal) and depressive (Destruction/Isolation) episodes alternate approximately four times a year, four times a month, and, in severe cases, even several cycles a day. Keep in mind that P functions in what I call “mindless mindfulness”. The P psyche is fragmented; consequently, when rapid cycling, P compartmentalizes the various aspects inherent in his patterning.

The idea of fragmentation is difficult to comprehend for those of us whose brain function is "normal" (unless you are a Child of the Sixties, and have experienced LSD, which throws "normal" brain functioning into a form of compartmentalized psychosis). Popular P theory and CT scans reveal abnormalities to frontal lobe areas of the P brain. This area of the brain is responsible for conscious behavior (i.e.; logical thinking, and reasoning). However, in my opinion, this abnormality extends into the medulla oblongata, the back portion of the brain, also known as the primal or reptilian brain, which is responsible for instinctual/automatic functioning (breathing, blinking, etc.), feelings, and memory.

Now, imagine that the brain is a box. Within this large box there are many little boxes. Each small box bears a distinct label: There is the Workbox, the Play box, the Love box, the Friendship box, etc. Inside each of these little boxes are souvenirs or objects - the broken memoirs of experience; i.e.: Work, Love, etc. Consider that a key (memory) is required to open up the little boxes. However, due to fragmented psyche, P cannot find the key. Somewhere between reasoning (frontal lobe activity) and remembrance (medulla oblongata), P’s synapses are not firing. The conduit carrying the spark of electricity is severed, and brain waves cannot flow from one region to the other. (I believe that the key is lost during Isolation, when P dissolves into himself.) Consequently, P cannot access the memories pertaining to past experience and contained within the little boxes. Hence, P has to break into the little box s/he wishes to access, in order to view the contents.

For example: Once regaining entry to the Love box, P sees mementos pertaining to his previous encounter with Creation/Beauty (romantic relationship). However, those reminders are placed in the box during his/her last experience of the beginning of the Destruction portion of the pattern, and are forgotten while P dissolves within the throes of Isolation; hence P must start over and over again (Renewal), still in a state of psychic fragmentation.

Furthermore, depending on the involuntary timeline of rapid cycling, P MUST change the “rules”. In my humble opinion, P does NOT change the rules to confound and sideswipe others; P changes the rules because s/he fragments. P does not remember where s/he left off, so P has to create anew. This is why the life of P has nothing to show for existence. All that P puts forth is a fragmented memory of external experience, a projection of his/her perception of what existed in the past. So P must don the mask (of sanity) in order to appear “normal” – in order to SURVIVE in society. Sadly, P cannot sustain appearances of normalcy and/or commonality. Suddenly, an involuntary “switch” is thrown, and the proverbial lights go out, dashing P’s hopes and dreams of emotional consistency and reliable love.

If P is attempting to regain access to the Love box, and utilize the contents therein, then the “switch” that goes off effectively shuts down P’s heart, and the “beloved” experiences the Destruction portion of the pattern along with P. (Again, I want to emphasize that I am not negating the pain this causes those touched by P. Yet, the cold, seemingly calculated cruelty in P’s actions and behavior are actually projections of the P’s internal experience of the P pattern onto the “other” (you and me).

Therefore, engaging with P is much like the attempt to rescue a rabid dog. The rabid dog is sick, and in pain. The illness deranges the dog’s mind to the point where it no longer has cognitive function (reason). The rabid dog is functioning on broken automatic pilot. Those observing the dog feel compassion, recognizing that the dog needs help. However, any attempts to rescue the dog may lead to personal injury, and so when displaying the full-blown ravages of the dis-ease, the dog is often shunned, driven away, or captured and destroyed. However, those of us who acquired the dog prior to the symptomatic onset of rabies, and have shared the misfortune to be bitten, become toxic, and must undergo a series of painful shots in order to be relieved of the illness.

Betrayed, in my opinion, what you experienced at the onset of encountering P was a combination of P patterning and projection. P was breaking new ground, laying down the framework of the relationship with you (Creation), while simultaneously alienating you from others (Isolation). The annihilative aspects of the P pattern (Destruction) affected you; yet, P was dissociated from the extremes of his behavior. P was “creating love” (Beauty) from a part broken off, detached part of memory. P was starting from scratch (Renewal). Fortunately, you removed yourself from the endless P cycle following the first round of the wheel.

Senihele, I think your model is wonderful. I see it co-existing with other models which explicate the same process from different perspectives.

There are very slight differences among psychopaths and their psychopathic processes. I relate perfectly to all of your stages, except the last one, renewal. My husband did go through this one with me, in the early years. In fact, it was bizarre how quickly he moved through the cycles. He would confess a cheating episode, and initiate renewal within minutes. Then, a week later, another cheating episode, another renewal. Probably, this changed because, after a year or so of this, the renewal didn't work for me, his victim, anymore. I couldn't move naively through the cycles. I wanted to see change of a deeper and more permanent kind. I insisted upon it. This altered this cycling forever. Psychopath began to hide his real activities from me, to lie, and keep me out of the cycles. There were some idealization phases, but they were pale in comparison to the original ones. There were certainly destruction and isolation phases. And peaked renewals. I believe he was going through these cycles, in full intemsity, with other women. I had become secondary supply. Come to think of it, I'll bet this is what always when a psychopath maintains a longterm relationship. He wears the wife or girlfriend out, and turns to fresh victims, for this intense cycling. He keeps the wife around as secondary supply. He keeps her until she fails even as secondary supply, or until he finds something he wants to replace her with.

hi senihele

i told you i'd be back. excellent work. what i really like about your theory is that it focuses on providing some organization to the experience of a psychopathic relationship and not so much on the underlying reasons for psychopathic behaviour. basically, it deals specifically with the process. i'll go through your steps and intersperse the ideas of true and false self among them that i wrote about in another post. I won't change your framework, but try and slot a few of my ideas under them to see how things work. your framework provides a good means of organizing many ideas about P behaviour. i can't resist categorizing some of my thoughts within it... i'll only do the first three for now.

"CREATION. P initiates creating relationship, in mask."

I assume you are getting at the initial reconnaisance mission, where they are checking as to whether we are a worthwhile target. By "worthiness check" I mean that they are trying to ascertain whether we are a good candidate for supporting and validating the false self. I'm sure they can tell fairly quickly whether someone is unselfish and empathetic and, better yet, insecure (most good and loving people are, after all). They will not target selfish or "harder" people because they know will not provide sufficient support for the false self (although they will associate with such people nonetheless, and keep their little narcissistic "flask" on the side). Once the target has been assessed as worthwhile, the false self begins to more seriously absorb and process all available data from the target, in order to impeccably construct the persona that will suit the target's wants, needs, and desires.

"BEAUTY. P elevates the "beloved" to the highest reaches of heaven; P invents the semblance of deep, heartfelt, soul stirring, story tale, romantic love, in mask."

The ever-shifting entity that is the false self has now practically fully assimilated the personality of the target
and is a shockingly perfect imitation of the ideal mate (or friend, as i think your framework works just as well for less intimate P relationships). Although the target will probably encounter and be a bit confused by unlikely tales and inconsistencies in this phase (and in CREATION as well), he/she will likely ignore them in light of the blissful feeling that accompanies these stages. Also, one will not want to risk upsetting and/or losing the ideal mate by questioning their words and behaviour. Later one will remember these little teeny-weeny pebbles in the shoes (i.e., hmmmm that claim or story doesn't seem to make sense given what i know about him/her but oh well no big deal he/she is my world) as warning signals for big landslides ahead.

"DESTRUCTION. Suddenly dropping the now repugnant other into the deep, dark depths of hell, mask removed."

The false self has perceived threats (by threat i mean perceived reduction of narcissistic supply), likely as the result of the target's questions or doubts or insistence on more meaningful contributions to the relationship (the romantic superficiality has a short half-life). By definition, the false self is far from solid enough to sustain a relationship, and the false self is all there is. It was built for the target and only the target, like a mosaic on top of a black dragon, and when it goes (when the P perceives the target as unsupportive of it), only the dragon remains. then the relationship changes into one of power and domination in order to preserve the false self by villifying the victim. In other words, if he or she will not support it unquestioningly, then s/he will be bent into taking the blame for every confrontation or challenge to it. The resulting perceived shift of blame/responsibility (even though it is illogical and irrational on close examination and reflection) serves the purpose of validating the false self once it gets no sustenance from the BEAUTY stage. Likely the P will try and and subtly trivialize the relationship at this point, and will probably be seriously looking for further narcissistic supply (i.e., a replacement). The false self can feed off of domination, but the BEAUTY phase is preferred; the DESTRUCTION phase seems to be primarily a defense mechanism.

see you later,
persistent

"Part of what is difficult for me on my healing journey is handling and processing the horrific knowlege that I'm accumulating. I'm sure it is a large cause of my PTSD."

I was in shock the first month, could not process it. I could not speak for the first few days. I was like a zombie. I would just sit and rock myself. A friend came in the store and told me I look like someone in a mental institute, the way I was rocking. I was almost in a trance state. It was like my brain had shut down. I don't know how I even got to the store to open it.I remember telling one of the customers that I really missed having the P in the store.
All the things that he had said and done that were odd were just swirling in my brain. I'd figured it out but could not put it into words, still till this day, have problems of saying a clear cut story. I don't think it is possible. You can tell bits and pieces, too many stories within stories.

I remember if someone would disagree with me about something, I would put my hands up to fend them off, it was like I was being battered with words.

After the first month, all of it just came vomiting, all at once out of my brain. I was reading and reading psychology books trying to figure it all out. What he'd done. All the people he had involved. Why? It was just so horrific.

It seems to process in layers, every day a little deeper, for the reality of what happened to set in.
It seems as if the PTSD is a way of our brains to try and weave all the little pieces into one whole.


"The psychopath has engrained himself into so many areas of my life. When that happens its hard to shake them off. And this is with no contact for almost a year now. "


The real healing for me began after he stopped stalking us.Its hard when you see them and don't know what they are going to pull next. Constantly trying to figure out their next move. I have seen him around town only a few times since the stalking stopped. and each time was traumatized again. These guys stick like glue and I'm always frightened of his starting again.

I'm so sorry for you that he is in so many areas of your life. That makes it so hard for you to heal.You hear of women escaping underground, and the guy still finds them.

Betrayed