I am reading all about hese P's that will keep on apologizing and returning to their partners. I am recently seperated from my P. he is incarcerated for being a P. towards me and numerous others (of course). It's the emotional stress that is worse than ANYTHING (you all understand I suppose) My question is. Now that he is gone, at least temporarily, should I expect him to try and come back in my life? And so, how to deal with this? Remember, this man does not want me, even stronger, he HATES me, and has made this quite clear on numerous occasions. Once again, I am new at this, nobody really knows about this. The only positive thing I have done so far, is to refuse contact and make sure he stays where he is for as long as possible, only this way I know for sure that we are safe. Thanks guys. Just need a dose of reality .

Petra,
Welcome to the forum! You are in good hands here.
We all understand what you are going through. You
said that you are doing everything you can to ignore
your P and that is great. It's very difficult, particularly
if he is still calling you. From what I have read he
will eventually lose interest and concentrate his efforts
on his other targets. And, since you mentioned that you
are not the only one he is bothering, that is actually
a good thing. He'll move on. It may take some time but
he will.
Rick

Hey! Petra
welcome to a safe place
i had to press charge on my x-p once and was not the only one

freedom

finished
(member)
01/21/03 07:24 PM

Re: When will he give up?

Hi petra
I don't think I have seen you here before.

When will he give up? That is a question we all ask. . .

I'm glad you are here. . .this forum is a great place to be.
finished

hopefull
(member)
01/21/03 09:04 PM

petra,

welcome to the forum, what i have learn is that it takes time to find an answer, it one own mind that seems to reach a point of comfort despite our eagerness to know. Seek knowledge, and answer will come. Keep him out for the longest, if he is in jail i am sure you have a restrainging order and don't hesitate to contact authorities if needed. protect yourself.

Thank you all so very much, it is nice to be in a place where people actually know what is going on. Of course my friends think this is all horrible, but then they don't live through it, and we are. I am seriously thinking about moving to another country. I have this opportunity. Unfortunately I have to leave a lot behind, and I do not know if I should be so fearful of HIM, rather that just face things head-on and try and deal with this.
I know for one thing that this man does NOT want me back, he just wants to control me more. What has hurt me the most is that he had it all; beautiful wife, house, children, he could be so succesful, I wanted to look after him. He never, ever apologized to me, always justified that what he did was totally right (in his mind) and that I was the lier and needed to be hospitalized, imagine... I maybe have handeled things wrong as well, but I do always apologize when I am out of line..
No remorse, no rgerets. What also bothers me is that even though he hates me, (has said this numerous times) he still for some reason wants to come into my life and tell me what is wrong (everything of course, all my fault) I mean, if I hate a person so much that I can not deal with this anymore, I would be happy to stay away, and move on. What is this?

Hello petra, welcome to the forum.

>>should I expect him to try and come back in my life? And so, how to deal with this? <<

I guess the P. will always try to be in my life or effecting it in some way. He just can't let it be. I have had such a hard time letting go emotionally, and if he would just go away it would be alot easier. Since Im not at the office anymore he cant get at me that way. So now things are happening in the business world. I can't be specific because of anonymity. All I can say is that when I changed jobs I am in the same field but changed the type of business I do within that field, if that makes since. Now the P. is planning to do the same thing just at a different company. He has to compete with me somehow. He doesn't know I know yet, but he knows I will find out. My instincts are to call him up and tell him how stupid he is. However that would be exactly what he wants - a reaction.

The P world is so bizzare. I guess I do have some control. He is reacting to what I do. I could have fun with that. However that would probably make me a P.

I have to continue on in the direction I am going. All though I am still feeling alot of the aftermath of the P. world. Keep trudging forward, knowing I will be okay.

Thanks for listening. I had to share it here, or I might call up the P. On another forum I saw a great saying concerning not responding to their crap. It was "don't feed the animals".

Hope you all are doing better and better each day.
betterway

"No remorse, no rgerets. What also bothers me is that even though he hates me, (has said this numerous times) he still for some reason wants to come into my life and tell me what is wrong (everything of course, all my fault) I mean, if I hate a person so much that I can not deal with this anymore, I would be happy to stay away, and move on. What is this?"

They love the control - G

Hi Betterway!

>>The P world is so bizzare. I guess I do have some control. He is reacting to what I do. I could have fun with that<<

Fun is never in the P eqasion (spelling?). It is a game we cannot win because the rules change at their convienience. They throw out the bait to see if we will take it. It has been my experience that it is a "no win" situation.

You are on the right path Betterway. A little saying I heard was "you can't move forward looking in the rear view mirror". How that spoke to me was. . .if I an focused on the past. . .I'll stay stuck. Our past can be our greatest asset if we can learn from our mistakes. . .(learned in Alanon). :-)

>>He has to compete with me somehow<<

Another game. Your saying "don't feed the animals". . .applies for sure. Obviously he thinks you are competition or he wouldn't be stealing your ideas (like P#2 did from me).

Have a great day. . .
finished

Betterway,
Finished is right. One has the impression that we could play with them, but that just momentarily, while they pull you back in. The same happens to me, I thought he was reacting and I could have my littel revenge and play back, but you never win with Ps. I got hurt again. Don't feed the animals.Right!