Hopefull
i like everyone's name here
they are so meaningfull

well i miss him terribly
since the last few days
i have to keep reminding myself
that there is nothing there

he is telling everyone we know
he had to let me go
he hasn't trying to call me
so i feel that this time
he really is tired or harassing me
and everyone says that he looks very happy with his new
girlfriend who is providing for his locomotion

which i am glad that he is happy
because you want happiness for the one you love

i feel ashame to miss him
after i know what the deal is with a p
i keep myself really busy to help the thinking in my head
about the good
feeling that he provided for a few moments
are sipping through my soul again
it gets very overpowered
but i am glad that he does not want me no more
because it would be bad for me
i probably would go back again
i can tell how addicted i am to him

so God gave me as much as i could stand
so He knows i could not stand it anymore
so he put in p's heart to leave me alone
that is a miracle

yes that is a pure miracle
i should sign alleluia
glory to God
in the Highest

Ouf! God knows my limitation
i could have landed in jail or be dead
with p which i would not mind to be dead
when he would be mean to me the first few years
we were together
i would say go ahead kill me
i will even pay you to kill me
i wanted to die anyway

but i feel that because of my children
He has spared me so i can take care of all my children
which 3 are handicap

he was so nice for a short time
when he was here
the children loved him
my handicap children do not have friend
and he was an energizing person
even my husband likes him a lot

but his nicenest do not last

so i will stop talking for awhile
since he is not bugging me no more
i should not have anything to say
i will stay and read you all
and pray for all of us to be strong in the Lord
it is a battle
it is a war
trying to get out of p's mind game
even after he is gone
i am still going through stupid conversation in my head
if i would of say... or should have done
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG

ok Warriors
i will try to go rest
so i can be strong to fight the fight of the mind
over bullseyes looking right at me

freedom

>>about the good
feeling that he provided for a few moments
are sipping through my soul again
it gets very overpowered <<

It takes alot of determination on my part to keep my thoughts on the right track when my heart wants to take over. I try not to listen to the radio, as songs remind me of the P. Tonight I watched a movie and the two main characters had chemistry and closeness. I had to fight my mind to keep it off the P. I couldn't turn the TV off as I was watching it with someone else.

>>and everyone says that he looks very happy with his new
girlfriend<<

Maybe try seeing his new girlfriend as a target instead. A target will experience the P. as we have, maybe not exactly, but none the less he is a P and all targets end up with the same results. A broken heart or worse. The P. I know goes around the office singing songs about how someone loves him or how he has broken somebodys heart. The P. shows no mercy, he is all about himself. A big ego trip, they are just players in his game. I was a player, I tried to fool myself into believing I was more. To this day I still wish that I was not just a player. Having been a player against my wishes is very degrading. I have to accept that and force myself to recover even when I am hurting.

I need to post even more during the times that the P. blows me off. Especially because that P. will call again when he gets bored with the current target or there is some need I can fufill. I have to work to be strong and to say no to that P. And there may be a day when he never calls again, support will be very important then also.

Take Care,

betterway

Freedom,

It is part of their game to be and seems to be happy with someone else. They always do that. They make you desire them even more. You remember their extreme kindness of their hook phase, and you miss them. Hang in there, your thoughts sound so much clearer.

thank you for bringing me back to reality
i have to remember that all he wants is money
everytime we saw each other it always involved money
i would say no i do not want to see you because you will be asking me for money and he would say i am not
and he would beg me to visit him
he misses me and i would give in and see him
and it would be the same thing again money
and i would say you see you want money again
and he would say no i am not
lying in my face
and the few time i would not give it to him
he got violent with me
then i would not see him for a month
he would beg me to come back or he would see me somewhere
so i would say you are not going to hurt me?
and he would say no because he does not want to go to jail
because i did press charge once
because i would not give him 5 dollars
and i was running away from him
he threw a beer bottle at my side window which splattered all over my arms
i should remember all those times
and the reason he is happy is because
he has her phone and her car
to get around to see other women

freedom