Hi Everyone,
Just thought to update you all on the P goings on in this neck of the woods.

The recording studio still stands behind me. I have since talked with the engineer at length, and he admitted to me that it would take him 48 hours to recover after a recording session with P. The poor guy is now living with pepper spray by his door, on the off chance P comes around.

As it happened, I intercepted the letter from the studio to P. I received the Pink certified mail slip in my mailbox yesterday. Apparently P had his mail sent back to the PO near his bus, but this letter didn't make it to him. I think the universe is looking out for me on this one. I am not saying a word about it to anyone. I want that CD mixed, mastered, and packaged before P gets wind of anything.

Meanwhile P came by my house last Monday, looking for incidentals he laft here, like his razor, and Scrabble game. He said that we were "done". I asked about the money he owed me. He says he'll think about it when he fixes his truck. (That will never happen, nor will he pay me back, I know...) I did not let him in my house. I gathered his stuff, and put it on my front porch while he waited by the back door. he took it and left without a word.

Then he called and left a message on my voice mail this past Wednesday, mentioning two other things he realized he had here - a microphone, and some 1990s videos of him performing. He asked if he should come over to pick them up, or if I wanted to call him back with a time. He ended the call with, "I hope you are doing well". I looked like coyote scat when he came by on Monday. Was that a barb? A little nicety? I have no idea. I did not return his call, and he has not contacted me since. Nor is he getting the items he requested. They are my hostages. Instead I put some garbage in a brown paper bag, topped by some old shoes of his, and left it outside my yard, in the drive-up in front of my house.

I have twinges of sadness, but now I am more in the anger phase of grief. No contact is the best way to deal with P. I am afraid that if he comes over here and tries to sweet talk me, it will set me back emotionally, even though I have no intention of letting him move back in with me.

It seems that many Ps do try to make a come back, but I am thinking that my P is gone for good, although I do not think he has found a replacement for me yet. I saw him yesterday while driving by a phone booth (he did not see me). He was wearing a pointy wool cap pulled down over his ears, and he looked like one of the esteemed "doctors" from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. Most definitely not in "new target" mode.

I have already found another singing partner, even though it means learning all new material while my brain feels like a scrambled egg. I am also going out dancing as often as possible, and reconnecting with all my old acquaintances. It has been a hellish three weeks, yet I do feel a lot better than I did. Perhaps ther eis life after P. I feel as if I am coming out from under a very dark magic spell.

Hi Senihele, thanks for the update. I wish you the success that you deserve. One door closes and another opens. I hope he won't return, however with a Psychopath that is a tricky one to figure out.

Di

Senihele

Ditto Diannes comments. You deserve the best. I have always enjoyed your posting. . .you have the ability to create some great visuals with words. Two I'll never forget. Creation/Beauty/Destruction/Isolation etc.and the comparison to the computer. That really helped me grasp the difference in their 'wiring".

>>Perhaps ther eis life after P. I feel as if I am coming out from under a very dark magic spell. <<

I'm right there with you Senihele. It has taken awhile but I'm coming "out of it". . .
finished

I was wrong. P came over here this morning. He took the junk I left for him in my driveway, then banged on the door. I didn't answer at first. Then I opened the door but kept the security door closed. He was brandishing a list of the things he was still missing.

He had the unmitigated gall to say: "Is that what friends do, leave stuff in the driveway? If we can't be friends now, we can never be friends."

I said, "You were never my friend. You don't know how to be friends."

He said, "Why didn't you just call me back?" I said, "You said we are done, so we are done. I tend to reciprocate in like kind."

Then he said, "You have no right to be mad just because someone doesn't live up to your expectations."

@!$%&!!! Can you imagine? The [censored] apparently doesn't know the difference between expectations and commitments. I said, "Good-bye, P." Waved at him, and slammed the door in his face.

Friends??!!! Meanwhile, the P doesn't know that I know he has tried to get my vocal tracks off that CD. Some friend. Comes to my door, unannounced, brandishing a list. No "let's talk", no "how are you?", and I am supposed to be friendly??? @!$%&*

So what is P up to now, with the "friends" thing? Testing the waters to see if he could get his foot back in the door? I have been in a snit all day. Just seeing him wells up all kinds of emotions, though at this point mostly anger. He's lucky I have some modicum of self-control; honestly, I felt like shooting him where he stood.

Senihele,

You did right! It is all pseudo for them, pseudo friendship, pseudo love, pseudo understanding of others, like you all said, they are wired differently. I wish the best and that won't come back. You did right. My P too, was hoping for me to react nicely after he had humiliated me in the worst way. Good for you! You must feel angry but at the same time proud of yourself to have ended it.

Senihele

>>So what is P up to now, with the "friends" thing? Testing the waters to see if he could get his foot back in the door?

It sounds like bait to me. Does that sound that way to you too??

finished

Yeah. I mean, he could just as easily leave a message on my voice mail naming the things he wants, and have me send them to him by mail. The "friends" thing really got to me. What a snake in the grass. I am guessing he will be back too. I want him to spew some sweet talk my way. Then I will tell him to go to hell yet again.

O Senihele!
i love dancing i go at least 3 times a week
it has been a very good therapy for me
i am so glad for you that finally you are putting your foot down

i just finish reading the book of Ike Turner
he sure sounds like a p
i read Tina Turner's book
and i wanted to see how Ike was going to denying his action toward her
well his explanation sounds like my ex-p or should i say sounds like all the p's out there

progress is in the air
there is hope
even though sometime it feels so dark inside

freedom

it is so quiet in my head
p hasn't called
it is like nothing ever happened with him
it was all a dream

but the lady called me
trying to scare me telling me she has family in the mafia
she sounded like p when he would talk like that
she wanted to know if i heard from p
he mmust still be in rehab
and if i drove in her car
which i would never do knowing it is not p's car
i was nice to her
and she finally talk nicer to me
but i really do not trust her
she might cause me trouble like he does
being bi-polar (she mentioned it)
maybe i should not answer her call anymore

i hope everyone is doing well

freedom

Senihele talking of dancing my favorite song is by Keb Mo
"She just wants to dance"

Well so much for the quiet time in my head
a lady friend i talk to everyday
and p knows that (she had to call the police on him more than once) got a surprise visit and a call from p today using the lady's cell phone (the one who was calling me)
and telling my friend that he had to let me go and he was happy with his new girlfriend.
Now why did he had to call her when he knows she doesn't want to have anything to do with him.
She was surprise.
Well i am not
he wanted me to know that he was out of rehab.
I know he is happy he's got transportation and the lady's phone.

I will keep my head up and reject all these mental thoughts
i wish i would have never met him
i pray to God i will get strong
i pray to God we will all be strong
there is life out there for us to live without fear

freedom

Senihele

>>What a snake in the grass<<

Yep. . .snake and P are synonamus (spelling?)

>>I am guessing he will be back too.<<

P's are pretty predictable once you catch on. It's a matter of when (he'll be back). Keep us posted on the "sweet talk".

Keep on dancing girl!!!
:-)
finished

P left me a month ago yesterday. He called me. The call took me by surprise. The P (P = Prick) has some kind of inborn radar. I was doing great. I had lunch with my previous BF the day before, and was offered my position to be his music manager once again, and to record with him in the studio.

Now P wants to come back. He asked me to dinner. I was so taken aback, I said "Yes". I felt my heart poundng in my chest. I wanted so badly to see him, to hear him say, "I love you", to have him hold me in his arms, and comfort me for all the pain he has put on me. But I logically KNEW that he had ulterior motives.

When he asked me how I was, I said, "What do you care? You left me high and dry with 103 fever." When I asked him how he was, he said, "Cold." Then he asked about the things he forgot at my house, and I told him that I have them, but he will not see them until he pays me what he owes me, and he agreed that that was fair. He accused me of throwing him out on his birthday while HE had the flu. The truth is: He chose to leave, and I had 103 fever when he lit out on me.

What a forked-tongue devil. He must really want back in bad, but for all the wrong reasons. My take is that he is freezing his balls off in his blue bus in the desert since the temperature has been down to 5 degrees at night, and the forecast for last night was snow. Although he did not mention it, I bet he also wants to know what is happening with the CD, as he has not yet received the letter from the studio, and still does not know that I know he tried to get my vocals off it.

The wound was starting to heal, but I also felt that deep psychic connection to P all over again. I gathered the strength to call him - left a message on his voice mail saying that I changed my mind about dinner, and that I will be sending him an itemized invoice for the money he owes me. That was it. No explanation on my part. I have no idea whether or not he received my message before the dinner, or after - for all I know, I left him sitting there for hours.

Now what? Do you all think he will try yet again? This is so hard, this stalking of the heart. That's the one area wherein I am not so tough after all. I would rather be placed in a den of hungry lions; at least I would be sure of their motivations, and their motivations would be pure. Any encouraging words will be greatly appreciated.

senihele,
I know how hard it is to say no to the P. I also want to believe that the P. will be different that we could work together like we use to, that we could be "best friends" again. When I finally quit my old job last week the P. called me up and said "did you tell your new boss that you wont be there long." The P. has a plan in the next 3 months that he will move to a new company and that I will follow him. I hope by then I will be strong enough to say no. I want to be even more emotionally detached by then. The P. would just set up the same scenarios at a new office. That is what he is, what he is about. When I really think about it, why would I go back, after all the pain I have had. I really am skeptical about rather he will move to a new company. He is already working on current targets. The more I am away from the P. the more I am seeing how it was all an illusion. How he mirrored me, became what I needed him to be to suck me in to his game. I don't know what is the truth with him anymore.

>>The wound was starting to heal, but I also felt that deep psychic connection to P all over again.<<

I understand so much what you are saying. It was like the P. was my other half. I have never had anybody else, even ex boyfriends effect me the way he did.

Just keep trudging along, senihele, were gonna make it through this stuff. We got knowledge now of what we were up against. The staulking of the heart is the hardest part. I can know what I need to do, but my heart wants to go another direction sometimes.

Take Care,
betterway

Senihele

>>Do you all think he will try yet again?<<

Yes. And I understand the psychic connection. I call mine chemistry.

>>I wanted so badly to see him, to hear him say, "I love you", to have him hold me in his arms, and comfort me for all the pain he has put on me.<<

Even if he did. . .you would never believe him. Trust has been over the top violated.

>>But I logically KNEW that he had ulterior motives.<<

Of course you did. I know I have learned it is "all about them". Now I know, I am only useful when I have something he wants or can use.

I sensed when I saw him this week he was wanting to "ask". . .(know what I mean). . .just knew. Was very friendly when usually cold and indifferent. Only has casually, professionally and impersonally related to me for a very long time.

Yes. . .I "feel" him still in the wings even though I have not been with him since Oct 1st last year and have seen him at work not more than a half a dozen times.

>>The call took me by surprise<<

I thought for sure it was over after that last time we were "together". I felt like I was set up and didn't even call to see if I got home safely. Didn't call for over a week. . .it was like if she makes it great. . .if not . . .no biggie. I fought for my life to get home. I hardly remember the ride and I had to drive almost 100 miles. I thought that was his way of saying "bye".

Kris told me after I posted that she did not think I had heard the last of him after all the time he had spent laying the "groundwork".

Those words have proved true. He is arrogant enough to think all he has to do is call and I'll come running (yes,he has called and asked)and NO I have not been with him. I stay out of sight and pretty invisible to him since that happened. I have never discussed how I felt about it so he does not know what I thought or am thinking. Those who counseled me at first thought it may put me in danger. I was terrified for months that he had tried to kill me.

P's are not easy to leave nor do THEY seem to leave. Closure seems very difficult to accomplish.

It is getting easier for me nowadays though. I have slowly come to see through it but if he pulled an emotional deal on me like the P you are dealing with did, I don't know for sure how I would react.

I find NO CONTACT the best for me. When I saw him, I felt myself being "stirred up" again. I was surprised and mad at myself but that's the way I felt.

P#2 is very proud, cool, distant and aloof. It would be beneath him to EVER reveal his feelings to me even if it were a lie. He is too above that.

He has put me though hell. Literally. That is why I named myself Finished. It had to be finished! I could not take anymore.

finished


>>

>>Kris told me after I posted that she did not think I had heard the last of him after all the time he had spent laying the "groundwork". <<

Finished, I remember when Kris told you that and I believe its true. I was told recently by the P. that he is not finished training me yet, and I don't even work at the same company anymore. I don't know if he was talking about business (he taught me the business we are in) or if he was talking about the friendship illusion. Probably both!

I put way too much time into the illusion. I wanted to believe so badly that we had a special friendship/business partnership, something that he would not just toss aside. When I think of him and his new targets I tell myself it does not matter what kinda relationship it appears they are having because no matter how close or special she thinks he is, he just ain't really part of that relationship. The P. told me one time that "everything is not as it appears". Very harsh cruel words, he knew exactly the game he was playing.

I remember the P. telling me many times that he has always been at the same place with me. That it is me that has the problems with our friendship, that it is me riding the roller coaster. Now I know he was so right. He didn't let himself get close, just hooked me and toyed with me. He loved where I was. What a puppet I was and still am on occasion.

I'm getting better every day, thanks to this forum. I have been feeling a little weak lately, but I come here and remind myself of where I have been and where I don't want to go again.

betterway

so far so good
p hasn't called me
so maybe this time he really meant it
that it is over
he use to say that he put a spell on me
and he would say the same to his other girlfriend
just a few minutes apart on the phone
her and i we would share what he was telling us
so we would know where his head is at

i do not feel anything coming from him
those vibes that you get from someone you love
they are all gone
i feel that he really is leaving me alone
it would make it so much easier on me

i see his name in the paper where he is playing
which the last 3 times only 2 people showed up
he is a fantastic musicians but people are getting tired of his attitudes
and i know many times before he would put his name in the paper saying he was playing at a club
i would call to make certain he really was and he was not

i am going through withdrawal
but it's ok
life is so much different without him

freedom

well so much for the not calling me
not that he called me
but he called the lady friend again
that he is not suppose to talk to her
since she calle the police on him
well at the short end of their conversation
p tells her and say Hi! to our friend
meaning me because he knows we are good friend
and he ignore the fact that she doesn't want any contact
with him
he owes her money from when she tried to help him
and realize quick that he was deceiving her
she had to call the police on him more than once
he was not living there
but once in awhile he came to do some work for her
would not finish it and wanted to get pay the other half of the money
he is asking her to do more work for her
and he is asking a big price
she responds that is too much money
and he answers stop acting like you don't have money

so he thinks all older women have money
just because we help him a little
and then tell him that we don't have the money anymore it is all gone on your excess
he talks like he doesn't even hear us
he does not respond at my question

he is teasing me by calling her
and i don't like it at all
it is a cheap shot
after he is telling his new older woman
a bunch of lies about me
a lot of people who knows him
can tell what he is doing
just using her

i told the lady friend please do not tell me anymore that he called even though i am the one asking you if he called

he is making me sick
oops i still have this feeling (i miss him)
but i am sick of his games
if i had a gun which i do not want to carry around
because i am afraid i would shoot the wrong person

my husband understand if i fall in love with someone
because we did note marry for love
but he cares for me as a very good friend
and he does not want someone to abuse me

soooooooo
i am doing progress
i am learning the hard way
it is a real battle in my heart head and soul
but i am getting close to the other side of the mountain
i do not want to have anything to do with him

one of his aunt who is a deputy
told me a long time ago to leave him alone
he will get my into trouble
she told me how he did with her sister
they loaned him 1000 dollars
he wanted more
but they had a limit
so he called the child welfare on her
saying that she was abusing her children

he told me that he would get me into trouble
when i won't expect it
pretty scary

i need to go to bed

good night everyone
welcome to the new comers
very helpful to me to read you all

freedom

Betterway,
Ditto>>
It was like the P. was my other half. I have never had anybody else, even ex boyfriends effect me the way he did.

Isn't it somehow insane to say so? I could say the same... BUt you say that P changed you , I hope to the better, but slowly I am sure that you will start to re-assess what the change is actually. I am think that is why I am going through ups and downs because, I am re-assessed the changes. some are scary.

"I'm getting better every day, thanks to this forum. I have been feeling a little weak lately, but I come here and remind myself of where I have been and where I don't want to go again."

((((((((betterway))))))

freedom

Freedom,

You sounds so much better. Believe me all that will be behind soon.

Hopefull
i like everyone's name here
they are so meaningfull

well i miss him terribly
since the last few days
i have to keep reminding myself
that there is nothing there

he is telling everyone we know
he had to let me go
he hasn't trying to call me
so i feel that this time
he really is tired or harassing me
and everyone says that he looks very happy with his new
girlfriend who is providing for his locomotion

which i am glad that he is happy
because you want happiness for the one you love

i feel ashame to miss him
after i know what the deal is with a p
i keep myself really busy to help the thinking in my head
about the good
feeling that he provided for a few moments
are sipping through my soul again
it gets very overpowered
but i am glad that he does not want me no more
because it would be bad for me
i probably would go back again
i can tell how addicted i am to him

so God gave me as much as i could stand
so He knows i could not stand it anymore
so he put in p's heart to leave me alone
that is a miracle

yes that is a pure miracle
i should sign alleluia
glory to God
in the Highest

Ouf! God knows my limitation
i could have landed in jail or be dead
with p which i would not mind to be dead
when he would be mean to me the first few years
we were together
i would say go ahead kill me
i will even pay you to kill me
i wanted to die anyway

but i feel that because of my children
He has spared me so i can take care of all my children
which 3 are handicap

he was so nice for a short time
when he was here
the children loved him
my handicap children do not have friend
and he was an energizing person
even my husband likes him a lot

but his nicenest do not last

so i will stop talking for awhile
since he is not bugging me no more
i should not have anything to say
i will stay and read you all
and pray for all of us to be strong in the Lord
it is a battle
it is a war
trying to get out of p's mind game
even after he is gone
i am still going through stupid conversation in my head
if i would of say... or should have done
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG

ok Warriors
i will try to go rest
so i can be strong to fight the fight of the mind
over bullseyes looking right at me

freedom

>>about the good
feeling that he provided for a few moments
are sipping through my soul again
it gets very overpowered <<

It takes alot of determination on my part to keep my thoughts on the right track when my heart wants to take over. I try not to listen to the radio, as songs remind me of the P. Tonight I watched a movie and the two main characters had chemistry and closeness. I had to fight my mind to keep it off the P. I couldn't turn the TV off as I was watching it with someone else.

>>and everyone says that he looks very happy with his new
girlfriend<<

Maybe try seeing his new girlfriend as a target instead. A target will experience the P. as we have, maybe not exactly, but none the less he is a P and all targets end up with the same results. A broken heart or worse. The P. I know goes around the office singing songs about how someone loves him or how he has broken somebodys heart. The P. shows no mercy, he is all about himself. A big ego trip, they are just players in his game. I was a player, I tried to fool myself into believing I was more. To this day I still wish that I was not just a player. Having been a player against my wishes is very degrading. I have to accept that and force myself to recover even when I am hurting.

I need to post even more during the times that the P. blows me off. Especially because that P. will call again when he gets bored with the current target or there is some need I can fufill. I have to work to be strong and to say no to that P. And there may be a day when he never calls again, support will be very important then also.

Take Care,

betterway

Freedom,

It is part of their game to be and seems to be happy with someone else. They always do that. They make you desire them even more. You remember their extreme kindness of their hook phase, and you miss them. Hang in there, your thoughts sound so much clearer.

thank you for bringing me back to reality
i have to remember that all he wants is money
everytime we saw each other it always involved money
i would say no i do not want to see you because you will be asking me for money and he would say i am not
and he would beg me to visit him
he misses me and i would give in and see him
and it would be the same thing again money
and i would say you see you want money again
and he would say no i am not
lying in my face
and the few time i would not give it to him
he got violent with me
then i would not see him for a month
he would beg me to come back or he would see me somewhere
so i would say you are not going to hurt me?
and he would say no because he does not want to go to jail
because i did press charge once
because i would not give him 5 dollars
and i was running away from him
he threw a beer bottle at my side window which splattered all over my arms
i should remember all those times
and the reason he is happy is because
he has her phone and her car
to get around to see other women

freedom