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#2187 - 06/09/03 09:59 AM Re: "What "NO CONTACT" means to me"


Yes, absolutely. Many P's & N's have problems with addiction on some level. Whether it is alcoholism (my P), drugs, sexual compulsion, whatever.....I have read (either Hare, Vaknin or both) that it is the only way that the P's can "feel" (?) a sense of normalcy.
Thinking about it now....I once went out to a bar with my P and he was drinking me under the table. Still, he commented
that, even though I said I was drunk, that my personality didnt' change, that I was still the same person. Another red flag? In a manner of speaking I guess!!! However, it was the only time that he seemed to let his guard down and be more easygoing and less calculating....or so I remember.

#2188 - 06/09/03 08:39 PM Re: "What "NO CONTACT" means to me"

Hi everybody, it's been a while I have check the site.
Rick, what you are saying it is actually interesting. My P made allusion that it was normal to drink to be more loose. well, once I was saying that i was not very explicit because i had wine, i don't remember exactly his comment but he was saying how strange i was because normally one take wine to become different as that was imperative to become loose.

#2189 - 06/09/03 08:41 PM Re: "What "NO CONTACT" means to me"

Rick, finished and betterwya, I just bought without conscience, although everything i have read on sociopath, my p always fits in the description, but honestly it is still mind blowing to read it word by word in black in white.

#2190 - 06/09/03 09:46 PM Re: "What "NO CONTACT" means to me"


Yes, Without Conscience is a very good book. I bought almost 6 months ago when I had just figured out that I was involved with a psychopath. I can totally relate to the way you feel. Seeing it in print is very powerful and affirming. Funny that you should mention it as I was just thinking that I should reread it... now that I am in a calmer, more grounded place.

#2191 - 06/13/03 02:18 PM Re: "What "NO CONTACT" means to me"

Rick, that was a very good read, (Without Conscience) you should try to get your hands on Cleckley's "Mask of Sanity". It is still selling used, for about 100 clams, but most libraries have it. Very good book. Case studies by the Doctor who first brought pcychopaths to the notice of the medical community. Dr. Hare refers to this book often. Dr. Cleckley is a brilliant man and although Dr. Hare's book was written for the "lay community" and Cleckley's for his collegues, he writes so well and with such a dry wit that it is a great and informative read.

#2192 - 06/18/03 03:17 PM Re: "What "NO CONTACT" means to me"

I am trying to get my sister out of a relationship/marriage with a psychopath who has her totally brainwashed. He moved her 3000 miles away from her family and friends and now she has turned on all of us. It has been three years now, two years since I have last spoken with her. She tried suicide once already. I sent he an email at her work and the P threatened me with a restraining order. Does anything work? Can anyone that has been through this make any suggestions to me? He monitors all her communcation and answer all her emails.
She has no friends of family close by and now he P has her working two jobs because he claims he has Parkinson's Disease at 35 years old. He has also claimed in the past to have MS and emphysema. He doesn't like to work. Any words or suggestions would be helpful. I want to get her out of this sick relationship but she won't listen to anyone. Out of the 20 characteristics on Dr. Hare's checklist, he rates a 20. He is not physically abusive, but the mental abuse and control is unbelievable. Thanks. Robert

#2193 - 06/18/03 04:06 PM Re: "What "NO CONTACT" means to me"

I'm sorry Robert about your sister. I spent several years in several States working as a battered woman's advocate. Hard enough to extract a person from someone's clutches when they are determined to control them Robert, even harder when the isolated person doesn't want to leave. It is similar to someone who has to hit bottom with an addiction of some kind. And everyone's "bottom" is different. For some it is a hard slap, for some a black eye, for some Robert it has to be a brush with death. Even though you are desperate to pull your sister out of this situation, the only thing you can do it get the message to her that when she is ready to leave you will help her. If yoiu CAN get a message to her, at work perhaps, suggest that she make copies of all her important papers, SS card, birth certificate, etc. and put them in a safe place for the "run for it".

#2194 - 06/19/03 08:32 AM Re: "What "NO CONTACT" means to me"


Excellent advice that you gave to Robert. I think the hardest thing that anyone can do is to let another person go through their process and difficult times without our trying to save them. Yes, it is no different than dealing with an addictive personality.....everyone has to hit their own bottom before they seek help.
Your advice concerning copies of important documents is also very good. Keeping a journal of the abuse would also be of use....but it also opens her up to discovery and retribution.
Robert, I agree with Cordelia. At least try to get a message to your sister stating that you are concerned for her health and safety and that you are available should she need help.

#2195 - 06/19/03 12:51 PM Re: "What "NO CONTACT" means to me"

Thank you both very much. She just had my email blocked at her work and since her husband answers her emails at home, it makes things very difficult. She hit rock bottom once and ran home to California from Florida for a few weeks, until he got her back in his web. She showed us the slit on her wrist when she tried to kill herself. She gives my family the ulimatum "unless you accept my husband, there will no contact". If I were to send her information on psychopaths, do you think it might register? Rick, do you think it could have registered with you? She has turned on everyone who has ever been close to her. She has no money left because he cashed out her 401K during the first year of marriage and has not stopped spending her money using credit cards. I asked her to check her credit report...which I am sure she won't.
This guy never physically harms her, but the mental control and abuse is so bad. But she "loves" him and worships him....It also makes it difficult because he moved her to Florida right after the wedding and we don't know anyone there to keep on eye on things.

#2196 - 06/19/03 01:21 PM Re: "What "NO CONTACT" means to me"
freedom Offline

Registered: 06/11/05
Posts: 11
Hi everyone,
it is good to see how some of you keep the no contact going

i did not know which category i should write this
so here it is
i have to admit, i went back to visit p a few time
he keeps telling me he wants to marry me
and i mention how he offers his other ladies the same proposal
he says yes because he is in love with all of us
and whoever will say yes to his offer that would be it
i feel pretty dumb
he got me convince to get him his own place
so we could be together
i payed a month rent for him
so we could be together alone sometime
and he never stayed in it
i never saw the inside of it
he was not showing any interest at all
to be with me in this cute little house
so i lost the money
and i am losing the desire to be with him
he calls me early in the morning waking me up
saying he wants to see me
and then i don't hear from him when it would be an appropriate time to call

i said it before i will never go back to him
but this time it is true
which i said it before
i have been asking God to deliver me from the addiction that i have for p
so maybe He is answering my prayer
a lot of people who knows the situation are praying for me too
he tells his ex lady that i say bad things about her
which is the opposite
he does
i am defending her
when he talks bad about her
so now she is upset at me again
she had become nice to me after some people explained to her that i was not what p was portraying to her but now she is mad thinking i am saying bad things about her
i don't even feel like defending myself
i am tired of all this melodramatic scene

i keep busy working, taking care of my children
and dancing a lot

he was playing the other night
and i told the security guy
that i did not want this man in my car
p was in shock that i was not giving in to his little game
i told him that he did not show me any love at all
when i got a place for him
and it is over between us

case close

again thank you for being here
you are all a big part in my life
for seeing the truth
dealing with the truth
accepting the truth
now i want to act on the truth
no contact


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