Hey there Betterway!!!

So good to hear from you! I think of you much and wonder how you are doing.

Today a probably good thing happened to me. P called and abused me verbally. Something he has never done before. He berated me and spoke to me in the most demeaning tone. He raised his voice to me and spoke "like I was a dumb ass" . I was so very upset and told him to lower his voice. I also told him I did not like his tone and I was not a fool.

Bertterway. . .This was HUGE for me. I have NEVER EVER expressed myself like that (nor did I need to) he has NEVER done that before. But I DID IT!!!!!!!!! Hurray for me!! I was SO proud of myself. Maybe this does not sound like alot. . . but for me it was GINOMEOUS!! (GI-NOR-MOUS) BIG. . .BIG. . .BIG!!!

Tomorrow I QUIT!!!! Oh girl. . .blessed relief. I'm going to do it.

I thank God that He allowed this little senerio and He did for me what I could not do for myself. It is giving me a way out!!!

I cried for about 20 minutes then cleaned the mascara off my face and took my sweet dog for a walk!

Oh Betterway. . .I finally feel like I can be FREE!!!

Love to you dear sister friend. Let me know how you are doing! Is everything going okay??
finished

Finished,

Bravo!!! It's an incredible turning point for you to be able to express yourself and stand up to your P. Certainly he was not expecting this and it caught him off guard. I applaud you. This was not easy to do. Believe me, I know!

Rick

Oh Rick. . .thank you. . . .thank you. . . thank you!!!!

Today I wrote my letter of resignation and took it to his store and left it in his desk drawer. One he always checks for messages. It was short and to the point. I didn't see any reason to deliver it in person as I could pretty much predict his reaction. The shrug and indifference. No need to put myself in that position.

Yes Rick, it IS a turning point for me. I don't know if I have ever stuck up for myself with hardly anyone. It's all that D.I.V.S. stuff :-). . .it has really helped me understand what is abuse and bad behavior.

I've felt very emotional today. Angry, sad, sad, angry, sad again. But. . .I know. . .I've made a decesion and with Gods help (one day at a time) I'll keep moving forward. This HAD to happen. Thank you times a thousand for your validation and support! xxxooo FINISHED :-)

(((((finished))))),
Im so happy for you! Once I found the forum and started learning about P's I found that I was able in small steps do what I needed to do for me, when the time was right for me. One of my most recent slogans is "feel the feelings but keep on doing what I know I have to do". I too was very emotional when I quit my job. There is no way around the feelings, finished. I wish there was. Each step we take in our recovery will help those feelings to change, so the P. doesn't have such a strong pull on us. It is because we are such caring and loving people that we feel sad. It is sad to let go of someone we cared so much about. It is sad to let go of the dream. It is sad to break all ties. However, it is even sadder if we stay and keep feeling the pain. I still today feel the lost of my so called friend. I sometimes think it is the excitement I miss. Then I ask myself is all the excitement and drama is worth all the pain. I know he is absolutely toxic for me. Sometimes I think I will call him up and say hello, hows it going. You know what, I know that would send me into a tailspin and I don't want to loose my "no contact" and start over. He is a very intelligent P. and knows exactly what to say to mess me up. I will not give him the chance. Will I pick up the phone if he calls? I hope I won't. My plan is I won't pick up the phone, I will come here and share and give myself some time to decide. I'm not going to rush back into anything that has anything to do with the P.

Yes, finished, with Gods help and this forum we will make it One Day at a Time. Just for today I choose to have no contact with the P. Just for today I choose to take care of my needs and learn to relax again.

Take care,
betterway

Finished:

congratulations!!!. every step made with your positve welfare in mind is another step away from the seductive draw of the P. i am sincerely happy for you.

it is interesting to note regarding myself that what is prevalent now is more in my mind than in reality with reference to P. i could , i believe see him on the street, talk to him in person, and 'that' would not bother me as much as the 'illusion' of him/the dream that he helped create that i struggle with every day.

i truly believe the external P is dead. it is the 'residual P illusion' that still haunts, reminds, beckons, questions...for P is the creator of the dream that triggered off many deep internal parts of Dusty.

this is the task that awaits me now and has been for some time. it is why i do alot of meditation and watching 'where' my thoughts stray to, because it is 'here' that i can keep uprooting the seeds of his damage and my naivity and unfulfilled fantasies.

triggers can come from anywhere at anytime.

Finished,

Congratulation! It is something to have a moment that bring to the edge, a point of no return. That is what happen to me , it was beyond the acceptable. I could go back other I would have felt like a retard.
It is great to you have resigned. It is more than resigning work. Now , I am sure you are opening doors. Feel good!

Oh thank you all for your kind and encouraging words. It was pretty dramatic (what's new huh?) the events that led up to it. I got to tell you though, today I have a whole new level of respect for myself. I handled myself with dignity, self respect and class. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude. I am so grateful to everyone on the forum (and to so many who no longer post) for the validation, encouragement and support I have received. When all of this "came down". . .you all were the first I wanted to share it with. I knew you would understand what a huge break through this is for me. Gosh I appreciate you all so. . .and Di. . .you are awesome for providing this haven for us. I know I have a long way to go but I've just made it over another hurdle! God bless you all!

Love and. . .
. . .(I'm) FINISHED (with at least one more chapter. Stay turned folks for the next exciting episode of "How the World Turns with Finished"). :-)

>>>it is interesting to note regarding myself that what is prevalent now is more in my mind than in reality with reference to P. i could , i believe see him on the street, talk to him in person, and 'that' would not bother me as much as the 'illusion' of him/the dream that he helped create that i struggle with every day.

i truly believe the external P is dead. it is the 'residual P illusion' that still haunts, reminds, beckons, questions...for P is the creator of the dream that triggered off many deep internal parts of Dusty. <<<

Dusty. . .I couldn't have said it better myself. You were just able to put into words a vague concept I've also had of that very same thought.

Thank you Dusty. . . I really appreciate your insight and being able to put that thought into words.
(((hugs)))
finished

Betterway,

"Sometimes I think I will call him up and say hello, hows it going. You know what, I know that would send me into a tailspin and I don't want to loose my "no contact" and start over. He is a very intelligent P. and knows exactly what to say to mess me up. I will not give him the chance. Will I pick up the phone if he calls? I hope I won't."

Ain't that the truth!!!! I often fantasize about picking up the phone, meeting for coffee, etc..... But these fantasies involve "normal" conversations and exchanges. We all know that is just not possible when dealing with a P. You are right....it would send me into an absolute total tailspin!!!!

Rick

>>>Sometimes I think I will call him up and say hello, hows it going. You know what, I know that would send me into a tailspin and I don't want to loose my "no contact" and start over. He is a very intelligent P. and knows exactly what to say to mess me up. I will not give him the chance.<<<

Oh Betterway. . .I have wondered many times if P#2 practices that mind control stuff. You know. . .like mental telepathy? It just seems to coincedential that out of the blue the obsession begins again. Those intrusive thoughts. I believe I am picking up on HIS vibe. Then when I cave. . .he has that diabolical satisfaction that he still have that power and control over me.

I don't know. Just a thought.

((((Betterway))) Thank you so much for your kind words to me. I know we share some very similar experiences and I know you understand.

Take goooood care of yourself today!
xxxooo to you.
Finished