Finished,

"I have wondered many times if P#2 practices that mind control stuff. You know. . .like mental telepathy? It just seems to coincedential that out of the blue the obsession begins again. Those intrusive thoughts. I believe I am picking up on HIS vibe. Then when I cave. . .he has that diabolical satisfaction that he still have that power and control over me."

Tell me about it! I can go many days with barely a thought of my P. Then there are other days that I feel like I'm stuck in a vice grip.... I just can't get my P off of my mind. Like you, I wonder if my P is thinking about me and I am keyed into it in a way. I know better though..... P's move on and don't feel longing, much less any of the other mid-range emotions. In any event, I try to turn these emotions/incidences around and send out the message "It is me that is thinking about you, only now it is different. I know exactly who you are and what you are capable of. You cannot fool me any longer. Aside and apart of what you put me through, I wish you happiness and peace, if you even understand these concepts."

It is fascinating that we have all experienced many of the same feelings..... even in the distant wake that a psychopath trails behind. Adulation, confusion, frustration, disappointment, awareness, relief, disbelief.... and now, in a manner, obsession. As I stated in a recent post, to me this obsession is not unlike the retired criminal detective... scouring the newspapers years after the fact.... hoping to find that one missing clue that finally completes the loose ends of the case.

Rick

Hi finished,

>>I have wondered many times if P#2 practices that mind control stuff. You know. . .like mental telepathy? <<

Whenever I here someone on the forums mention brainwashing/mental telephathy etc. it reminds me of a time when I only knew P. for a few months. I was sitting in his car one day when he was out doing who knows what and I saw a magazine sitting in the seat. It had a wierd title and I didn't have time to really look at it before P. came back to the car and saw me glancing at it. He grabbed it away suspiciously and said "oh, thats not mine". I didn't think another thing about it until I learned about P's. It could have been anything, but still wonder sometimes what it was.

Have a great day,
betterway

Finished,

We may seldom feel unintelligent to believe in what you call telepathy, but I know exactly what you are talking about. I have too felt that way before, that all in sudden you feel obsessed again and you even at the same time run into that person, by coincidence. Very weird. But I have to say that I wish I could have come up with some scientific explanation, but I can't.
I understand what you are talking about.

Hopeful & Finished:

i find what you both wrote here so very interesting regarding the 'mental telethapy". i have gone through this so, so many times, i too gave great thought on this potential. i have always had an interest in the 'mind' and 'soul' and have done years of background research via many high profile authors in regards to this. i have even been interested in 'past life' theory etc. i was desperate years back when i was still INVOLVED with P to find some some answer as to why all this was happening the way it was.

i remeber at work when he was there still, totally unplanned, no reference to time co-ordindation etc., we would show up on the same floor and with 600+ employees in the building, its JUST him and me?.......yes...many times this and much more happened. he had no way of knowing when i would slip downstairs to grab a doughnut or whatever, yet the 'timing' was too exact. we were not even speaking at this point and yet this was happening. i have stories of dozens of 'per chance' run-ins and meetings..ALL unplanned on both parties.....i am positive of this as i have researched my mind over and over to make sure there was no possibility of 'intention'. perhaps they do have a 'psychic ability', at one point i was positive of it. but even if they do, it is always our choice if we want to entertain their 'power' if in fact they truly have any.

this is far easier for me to say NOW at the point of acceptance/recovery i am in. in the past i would have 'seen it' as a 'hopeful sign' we were somehow meant/linked to one another. and perhaps that is true....( i am a person who will entertain ALL possibilites as there is no limit to the human mind that we know) but i now refuse to veil an abusive relationship (with ANYONE) with support thoughts and feelings of love and affection.

i believe totally i DID love my P....oh with all my heart, and if i could have 'fixed' him, it would be done. but i discovered after long painful repetitions of defeat that all the love in the world could not grant me the omipotence that i believed earlier would overcome 'dysfunction of this nature'.

although in thinking ..ALOT..and reading as much, i have come to agree with much of material i have researched, that SOME cases for reasons too lengthy to chat on about here, can be helped.

these are my opinions based on my research, my hopes/beliefs (for the world of anti social disorder) as well.

Betterway, Finished, Rick:

talk about mental telethapy and the likes. this happened to me just a week or so after i saw P drive by my house.

i had to really get a 'reality check'.

i was in a major grocery store checking out and looked over at the man who was in line in the next checkout stand.
i just about freeked becuz what i saw was an almost 'clone' of P...standing right there...and now noticing my intent gaze fixated on him! my heart went pumping fast etc, becuz my mind knew it wasnt him becuz this man was a little, not much tho, but some taller. i KNEW it wasnt P...but the similarity was TOO MUCH...i would say he 'cloned' 90-95% in all over appearence to P.......

anyways he left the store but did a 'turn back' look directly at me. great ,so now i worry that he feels i am attracked to him.

no matter i think, as i walk out into the lot. well timing has it so the 'look-a-like P' is just stepping into the parking lot and i am a little behind him heading for my care which is parked waaaaaaaay back in the lot. i feel stupid now also becuz i wonder if he is wondering why i was staring so intensly.

i was going to cross over and walk down the other aisle way but as i got closer to him he did the same before i did......so now we r walking in tandum.!!!!!

yes..he did strike up a conversation with me about the 'weather'...sheesh...(like that is original)...and i debated in my head so mega fast..."should i talk to him or not?"....i then answered but only a bit to keep a safe distance. all the time i am in awe at how he even WALKS like P and dresses like P...........my GOD!!>..same age too with a few years i am sure!!

to end this..i got to my car, he asked if i was married etc..i replied "yes!"...he said he was alone and a truker...his big rigg was parked over just 5 stalls from me....we both went on our ways........

i was still shaken the next day to see someone so similar and although he was 'nice and polite' he was trying to pick me up and i wondered if he , too, was another P.

hate to think like this, but i now scrutinzie ALL.

I must tell you of an experience I had many months (maybe even a year and a half) before P#2 and I "got together". Actually there were two experiences that I can remember right now.

I was at my daughters house and had the MOST REALISTIC dream that P#2 was kissing me. In my dream it was a very precious thing. I remember waking up immediately and wondering if P was thinking of me. It was VERY realistic and EXTREMELY real. He called me the next day (I'm out of town) just to say Hi and check in. . .you know. . .how am I doing etc.

The second time I am out of towm again at another daughters house and this time I wake up and I am crying. I had a dream where P#2 was actually touching me. I woke myself up crying. . .it was so real I thought he was there at first. It was like he was physically there. I could almost feel his presense and at first (when I was waking) I thought HE WAS THERE.

I remember exactly how I felt just like it was yesterday.

Another thing. . .there were MANY times I felt this sexual energy come over me just out of the blue. I mean I wasn't even THINKING about it. And again... I would wonder. . .is he sending these thoughts to me. It was TOTALLY intrusive. Nothing I had conjured up.

I don't know. . .

Just sharing my experience.

This has been a horrendous week.

Love to all
finished

Hello Finished:

what u write here sounds so familiar. i,too, have had soooo many of these times. and had the phone calls the next day or the email or siting.

is it that they have 'mental transference' abilities or is it that they affected us soooo greatly and 'flashbacks' haunt us just as a stress victim in other circumstances would have?...or could it be both?

i so so understand what u say here. i have questioned this so often. i have talked with friends about it. i think they feel i am making more of it then should be. but then they never had this P experience. nobody can truly understand until they themselves have been through the experience.

its like my sweet mom always told me years before i had my own kids, that i would never understand until i had my own, WHAT it was all about.

well she was more than right on. u have to live the moments, the particular ups and downs, the crannies that r filled with 'P horror and doubt and love' all happening at the same time.

i dont know if u read my post about the 'look-a-like P' situation i had about 2 weeks ago.......who tried to pick me up!!!it was so weird......it was shortly AFTER ex P did a drive by my house.

this is what i mean when i say there is so much we dont know about P's and the human mind.

very interesting.

hope all is well with u.

Hi Dusty,

I did read about your "P look-a-like". . .and I could relate in this way. Many times I will see people from the back or side view and think. . .there is P. It isn't but the similarities are so close that I start the obsessing again.

It IS weird. It is like I am ALWAYS looking for him. . .

It is as you said in another post . . .the residual P always invading out thoughts but only an illusion!

Oh Dusty just when I thought I was out. . .the emotions begin again.

I have been reading about the "cure". For me that means HOPE. I dare not in regards to P. Only in another life maybe. . .but not here. . .and not for me.

I'm going through another phase of the grief and loss.

finished

Finished:

i again..so understand.

been there,

likely will be back, but i AM gonna beat ALL this [censored].

big hugg!!

Hi finished,

>>I have been reading about the "cure". For me that means HOPE. I dare not in regards to P. Only in another life maybe. . .but not here. . .and not for me.<<

I agree. I dare not have any hope either for the P. that is what kept me hanging on for so long. Even if there is some small chance of hope for the P. I don't want him. I have been away from the psycho terror for about 3 months now and I know I can't take the chance that he will change. I can't go back for seconds. Ive been to hell once and I don't want to go back.

>>It IS weird. It is like I am ALWAYS looking for him. . . <<

I still look at cars that I see from the corner of my eye that might be his. I don't know why. Guess what I have seen him twice this week (after absolutely no contact for about 90 days) both times from my car and I think he only saw me one of the times. Our cars were right next to each other today and when I saw him something happened. I didn't feel the panick feeling I felt the last 2 years, I just felt kinda in shock. I have been working so much on feeling neutral as if he is no one to me, he is just another passer by. I didn't wave and I felt guilty but only for a few seconds. I miss who I thought he was, not who he proved himself to be. On occasion my thoughts strayed to seeing him today, but I reminded myself that he is only a memory. I have made small improvements. I have to drive by many places while working where I know he hangs out or use to. I use to look. I am learning to look straight ahead not look and pat myself on the back. It is wonderful to keep moving forward.

>>I'm going through another phase of the grief and loss.<<

((((finished)))), keep trudging forward. Trust it will get better. I know in the midst of it all sometimes it didn't feel like it for me, but it has.

I was just thinking today about something the P. said in one of our last conversations. He called me and said "you were thinking about me weren't you"? The funny thing is at that very moment I wasn't and I told him so. I think he got off on the fact that I was so obsessed. One time I told him I couldn't let go. He said "yeah, I know". This is kinda spooky stuff. He was very much into trying to figure people out and use them for his games. He told me he did this with other people, but not to me. Yeah, right. I was special. LOL.

Finished, hang in there.

Take care,
betterway