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#2257 - 09/23/03 09:36 AM School bullies
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi everybody,

I am suffering PTSD again but sort of a different kind. Not directly caused by a P. Some of the kids at school are devaluing my child. I hurt so bad for her. She is such a sweet, quiet, loving, sensitive little girl and doesn't deserve it. It reminds me of what I just lived through regarding P. at the office. No contact has done great things for me. I don't know how my child can have no contact with these little bullies. Some people will say they are just kids they will work it out. But I know so much what the bullying of a P. did to me and I don't want my child to live through that. I don't want anybody to eat away at her spirit the way the P. did mine. I want to take her out of school hug her and protect her from the world.

She told me "mom they hurt my feelings so bad". I totally identify with her and hurt so much for her.

Anybody experience their child going through this? She seems to have done okay the first few weeks and liked school and now a bully and a few acomplices have targeted her. Maybe I am exagerating after everything that happened to me and maybe it will blow over. Maybe the teacher will get involved maybe things will change. I know one thing is for sure I wont deny that this can happen. I so understand it now and know the damage that can be done. One thing I am very grateful for is that she was able to share her feelings with me.


finished, check in once in awhile. I want to know how you are doing. And hopefull, I miss seeing you here. I am so glad to see so many new people here. It is great we all find support for what we have gone through.
Thanks for listening!

betterway

























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#2258 - 09/24/03 06:28 PM Re: School bullies
Anonymous
Unregistered


Oh Betterway,

My heart really reached for you when reading your post regarding your daughter. I know how devestating that feels when someone hurts our precious children. When you described her I could really envision her personality. I think it hurts worse when it is a kind, sensitive child like yours. Sweet baby.

You know Betterway, maybe this would be a good time to teach your sweet girl about these kind of people. Of course it would need to be age specific but N's and P's are developed on the playground I'm sure. I remember back when I was a small child and some of the kids who were SOOOO mean and I was scared. I didn't have a mom like you Betterway who could reach out and empathize but oh how it would have helped if I did. This could be a perfect opportunity to teach that sweet girl that she is valuable and precious and never has to accept that kind of abuse. You sound like a kind, compassionate mother Betterway. I feel sure you will begin to think of ways to help her understand there will always be these kind of people and you will stand behind her to be sure NO ONE abuses her. Even if it means you have to go to the school and talk to some teachers, principals, counselors etc. Maybe just maybe that is why this is happening. . .so her mama can help her learn the basic skills to protect herself. Maybe if we would have known about these kind of people we wouldn't have been P magnets and targets Betterway. :-)

Just a thought.

It is almost a year now since I had that "episode" with p#2. I have had some moments if you know what I mean. I've been unusually tense and stressed out and because of the time of year it even "feels" like it did last year and the anual events reminds me even more. Like . . .last year it was a week before it happened. . .crazy thinking. . .and it has also triggered the PSTD in me as well. But I know there is an end. I'll get through this. I'm much stronger now.

I have missed posting on the forum. I have been so exhausted lately with the PTSD that I haven't had the energy to post.

I will be praying for you and your sweet girl Betterway. That you will be given just the right guidance, courage and wisdom to know just exactly how to help her learn so she can protect herself.

Thanks for checking on me. . .I really appreciate it.

Love
finished


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#2259 - 06/17/04 07:48 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Two [Re: Dianne E.]
Anonymous
Unregistered


i can not figure out how to start a new thread so thought i would post here.
question is: 2 years ago i was introduced to a man. i am divorced with two children, now 15 and 17. this man claimed to be english, (i am english)he said he worked for a boroadcast company. that he was bureau chief and foriegn correspondent. he is on the boards of several organisations. according to him his parents lived in england but had bought a house in usa to be near grandchildren. they also bought one in fla for the winter. he said he had only been in the usa for 8 years.

well, we got on really well. he had no money as he was paying child support and alimony - so he said. he claimed to have gone to school at one of england's finest boy's boarding schools. he does have a very posh english accent. also wherever he goes he's greeted with great respect. he teaches a class at a well known university. he's invited to embassies, we have travelled a lot always going first class, the best hotels, restaurants, all for free. i never thought for one moment that he was a con man or p. he moved in with me and my children after telling me his office wanted to return him to london. but he wanted to stay here to be with me. well ........ after living together i discovered all the lies! he's not english, he's american. he's not christian but jewish. he's unemployed except for his one class he teaches. his so called broadcast company is fictious. all in all he lies cheats cons everyone to get what he wants from trips to meals etc. he's never offered to buy as much as a pint of milk. at first he was supportive of my son's but now he'd be happy for me to send them away. he barely talks to my younger son. his parents are american and have always lived here.

whenever i ask him for answers he tells me a different answer each time. i contacted his ex wife because i needed some idea of the truth. she was very nice and talked with me and was concerned for my safety. she said he culitvated his english accent over years. he did life in england for 4 years when he went to university to take a phd. he is highly educated.

he's obviously a pathological liar and has identity rejection. he claims he will turn over a new leaf when he has a job. he is applying for several jobs in england because he feels that that's his home. he doesn't seem to understand that lying has consequences. he's under the impression that he can just change his story and no one will mind he lied to them. he steals. will take things because he wants them. never worries about how the bills are paid.

it has been very hard for me. i am in shock. he can be so tender, affectionate, caring. he doesn't hear when i tell him this is over. he becomes withdrawn, cold isolating. makes
me feel i am the bad one. i try to be nice only to find i'm drawn back into a "relationship"with him. there is emotional infidelity.

he has a summer job in england and is leaving in 2 weeks. i have told him i'm not joining him and i don't want him back. he doesn't hear. he has become attentive, affec etc. the list is long in all that he does that seems anti-social. he said he will change for me. but how can i trust him? he's done nothing to prove this. i asked him to give up his broadcast company. he said he will in sept i have found out that he's opened a new domain name to use while in england this summer. he claims to be a war correspondend and that he goes to iraq. he has never been to iraq. he has dragged me into his delusions. i have gone willingly i guess.

i have decided to wait till he's left and clear his things out into storage. what else can i do if he won't listen? he has no money and nowhere to stay so he needs me.
sorry this is so long but i have no one to talk with as all my friends think he's charming and i'm so lucky!
please help! so, so many lies!
thank you
star

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#2260 - 06/18/04 01:46 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Two
recovery Offline
member

Registered: 11/19/02
Posts: 204
Hi Star

welcome. Your story is all so familiar - the more you try to reason the more you get lied to and this will NEVER change. I would only say one thing - remember the no contact rule, its the only way to preserve your sanity because you know you can never trust what is being said and you can't go on trying to pick up the pieces. Hope you don't mind me being so blunt. Please let us know how you get on.

Good luck

Recovery




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#2261 - 06/18/04 06:18 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Two [Re: recovery]
Anonymous
Unregistered


thank you recovery for responding. i am trying very hard to separate my emotions from this man. the pain is awful. i do feel confident that once he's out of my radar the clouds will lift. it is so difficult to come to terms with being duped like this and when he's 'nice' i question whether what i've found out about him is true! i've a long way to go to heal i just hope i can do it if not for mysake then that of my children.

again thank you and all the best.

star

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#2262 - 06/18/04 07:11 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Two
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Star

Glad you found the forum. We were all 'duped' as you were - and feel pretty stupid about it, so you're not alone! Its really hard for friends who've never dealt with a P to understand the issues, so use this forum anytime you feel like sounding off! We do understand what you're going through.

I think you're wise to just wait till he goes away then put his stuff in storage; it's often best to take the line of least resistance, or use any other tactic you need to get out! You will heal; it just takes time, and knowing what you were dealing with helps a lot.

All the best

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#2263 - 06/18/04 08:02 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Two
Anonymous
Unregistered


star wrote:
"he has no money and nowhere to stay so he needs me."

This is what stood out to me. P's target caring, nurturing people. The sad truth is, he doesn't need *you.* The man is a parasite, and I mean that in the most literal sense of the word. He will find someone else, if he doesn't already have someone waiting in the wings. You are going to go through a lot of pain as this relationship ends, but do not waste your energy worrying about him. Take care of yourself.

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#2264 - 06/18/04 08:05 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Two
Anonymous
Unregistered


thank you ali for replying. i was concerned being at the end of a thread no one would see my post! am so grateful that you did. it is hard because i feel i'm in love with him and find it difficult to let go. am hoping when he leaves i'll see the trees! he's expecting me to join him in england. i have given up trying to talk with him. he's saying that i'm making a big mistake by not joining him. of course i find myself wondering if he's right. when things are good with us they are wonderful! but, i do realize that it's only wonderful if things are going his way. as long as i keep coming up for air i'll make the break.

thanks for being here!

star

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#2265 - 06/18/04 08:10 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Two
Anonymous
Unregistered


thank you km56. i am realizing this. and it is very painful. i keep fighting within myself about who he really is. he was married for 25 years and i ask myself how could that be? he must be ok? there is no question he's out of here come two weeks. i have put myself into therapy and am hopefull that i will be able to let him go.

i am so happy i found this forum it was quite by accident.
thank you
star

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#2266 - 06/18/04 10:24 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Two
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Star, welcone to the forum. Most things happen when we are ready. If you get a chance, please check out this "thread".

Psychopath Resources

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