Page 8 of 11 < 1 2 ... 6 7 8 9 10 11 >
Topic Options
#2362 - 08/20/07 12:21 PM Re: My Story - Part Two [Re: leftoverbrains]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi leftoverbrains, welcome to the forum, whew, what can I say. My first thoughts were along the line, the longer he is in charge of finances you will face losing more as the clock ticks with him in charge.

Sometimes it is a great idea to make a list of all the things that have been transpiring. Your list was an excellent view into your situation. Since he seems to be the marrying kind, he will move on once he has drained everything. As long as his lips are moving you can pretty much guarantee he is lying.

There is some sort of "spell" a Psychopath can put over a victim and in the middle of madness they can make people think they really have changed, yada, yada. If anything he will continue to get worse the more therapy he is involved in.

In the immediate time, I would consider getting your money locked up from any access by him. As long as a person is married depending on where you live you could be responsible for 1/2 of his debt. Maybe that will also help you get an entire picture of what he has been up to. It may be easier to let him worry about where he lives once you get a look at the entire picture he has been so cleverly shielding. I would suggest signing up for a credit report that shows you all three reports in a row. Easier to focus on.

The essence of a Psychopath is in the fraud and heartbreak all carried out without a conscience and blink of the eye.

I am glad you found us here.

Di

Top
#2363 - 08/20/07 08:57 PM Re: My Story - Part Two [Re: Dianne E.]
leftoverbrains Offline
member

Registered: 08/19/07
Posts: 2
In reply to:

Hi leftoverbrains, welcome to the forum, whew, what can I say.




Hi Di and thanks for the welcome.

In reply to:

My first thoughts were along the line, the longer he is in charge of finances you will face losing more as the clock ticks with him in charge.




Psychopath willingly "allows" me to keep track of where every dime of his paycheck goes to. He insists that since I know how the paycheck is being spent, I am in charge of the finances. But, I realize this is just an illusion. There is money somewhere else, but I can't prove it. He has the kind of skills which allow for remote consultation, so I'm sure there is money there. I have told him what I think, but he tells me I'm wrong. He continues to operate under the assumption that I actually believe him even though I have told him otherwise.


In reply to:

Sometimes it is a great idea to make a list of all the things that have been transpiring. Your list was an excellent view into your situation. Since he seems to be the marrying kind, he will move on once he has drained everything.




He has drained everything except for a small amount I put away for myself. We are able to live comfortably on his paycheck. So far, he doesn't have a history of quitting his jobs on a whim. This seems to be the one area where he doesn't appear to burn his bridges.


In reply to:

As long as his lips are moving you can pretty much guarantee he is lying.




I wish it were that easy. He tells the truth 50% of the time. It's just that I don't know which 50% he is spewing at any given time. I tell myself (and him!) - I will develop my impressions based on his actions not words. He still asks me to believe him when he says something. Does he actually think I will start believing him if he says something enough times or is something disconnected in his brain or what?

In reply to:

There is some sort of "spell" a Psychopath can put over a victim and in the middle of madness they can make people think they really have changed, yada, yada. If anything he will continue to get worse the more therapy he is involved in.




I have read in more than one place that therapy tends to give the psychopath more manipulation tools to work with. When I accused him of manipulating his current therapist, he invited me to come to therapy with him. I won't do it right now because I don't think I will be able to maintain my composure. I will end up looking like a mess while he looks like he is put together.

He did something similar with my Mom. After the financial fiasco last year, I fell apart. He more or less convinced her that the only thing he ever did was spend too much money. When I started panicking about the divorce papers not appearing when I asked for them, he had my mom convinced I needed inpatient psychiatric help because I was becoming paranoid, delusional, etc. She offered to come and take care of the kids while I spent some time away. I told her he was setting me up so I would look incompetent and that she was helping him by believing him. Of course, she thought I was being paranoid. After she ordered the unfinished divorce for herself and discovered the truth, she apologized to me.

In reply to:

In the immediate time, I would consider getting your money locked up from any access by him.




I now have my own bank account with my Mom's name on it. The second he gives me trouble, she will close out the account and put it in her name. It's not a lot of money, but it's better than nothing. A very small part of his paycheck goes to my account and he knows it. He doesn't seem to care about it, but I really think it's because he has money elsewhere.

In reply to:

As long as a person is married depending on where you live you could be responsible for 1/2 of his debt.




If he has debt, it would have to be under an assumed name. I would not put him past aliases at this point!

In reply to:

Maybe that will also help you get an entire picture of what he has been up to. It may be easier to let him worry about where he lives once you get a look at the entire picture he has been so cleverly shielding.




I don't know why I feel pity for him when he leaves the house to sleep in the unfinished floor of the workshop after putting the kids to bed. I will not act on that pity anymore. I don't see him very much at all because he has a job to go to. When he is done with work, he spends time with one of the kids outside of the house. If I need to file for divorce, I don't want him to accuse me of keeping the kids away from him.


In reply to:

I would suggest signing up for a credit report that shows you all three reports in a row. Easier to focus on.




I started doing this last year and he knows it. If anything changes in his credit report, I will be notified. Something did change earlier in the year. There was a query from one of the larger banks in our area. Since there is not a new credit card or loan listed in the report, I think the bank ran a routine credit check on him because he opened a checking/savings account. Back then, he said the query was a mistake and that it needs to be removed. Of course, it is still there. I don't know how to go about finding out if someone has an account at a bank.

In reply to:

The essence of a Psychopath is in the fraud and heartbreak all carried out without a conscience and blink of the eye.




Yes. I know he has always played games and will continue to play games. I'm not sure what his strategy will be now that he knows I'm on to him. I don't believe he will stop. He will do things differently.

Top
#2364 - 08/21/07 12:17 AM Re: My Story - Part Two [Re: leftoverbrains]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi leftoverbrains, he does indeed sound very "socialized".

On the credit report you want to look under inquiries. Anything is possible, he could have some new identity he is using that you don't know about. That however is not the solution by any means. He could be doing things on the side that may or may not show up on any credit alerts. Without a divorce and a more immediate way to stop any and all finances in their tracks, I wouldn't trust him for a second. As far as turning things over to your mom, keep in mind I am not a bank official or attorney. There would be a paper trail showing you stashing money that would be grabbed back in the divorce settlement. That puts you in an unfavorable light which could turn out making him have an argument of distrust of you not him. IOW, you need to be clever and not give him something to argue against you. Depending on the amount involved there are companies that specialize in finding assets if you have that suspision it is probably true.

No better at playing the victim than a Psychopath. I would ask myself, if I were without a place to live etc. would he help me?

I would also keep in mind that as far as taxes and someone correct me, they get split and if one doesn't pay they go after the other spouse.

It is hard to not look like the crazy one when dealing with a Psychopath. So much built up anger and end of hopes and more than likely suffering from PTSD.

Di

Top
#2365 - 08/21/07 02:34 PM Re: My Story - Part Two [Re: Mati]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Mati,
In reply to:

he is not a 'raging Psychopath' but he does not have some of the traits unless he is lying. He always claims to really care about cruelty to animals and children and acts really upset about it. I suspect that it might be an act. Any ideas?




I would think that if you suspect it is an act it very well could be. I think the more socialized a Psychopath is, the more likely they can keep that mask on better.

Does he interact with an actual pet? Or are you saying something like you both watched a show on TV about abuse and he "acted" horrified?

Di

Top
#2366 - 08/22/07 01:37 AM Re: My Story - Part Two [Re: Dianne E.]
Mati Offline
member

Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 169
Hi Di

Thanks for the reply. We have always kept pets for the children. A lot of pets which he generally looked after. He took the dogs for walks. It is strange though, that the two dogs should have been totally faithful to him because I did not do much for them due to being sick so often, yet they always hung around me if we both together. They sat at my feet. And something else strange was, that the little ones like guinea pigs, had one or two 'accidents' through rough handling or dropping them which he said was accidental. He does have numbness in his hands though. The animals never seemed to live long though before succumbing to some fatal illness (genuine)

He always insisted on doing the looking after of them and it was a source of constant friction between us as I said that the boys should have some responsibility there if they had the benefit of owning them, but he would never give in at all. He is a vegetarian because he hates the thought of killing animals he says and the boys are too. They have a strange relationship with the pets, seemingly to prefer them to people and are devastated when one dies, a frequent occurance. They love the pets more than they have ever loved me. All strange.

Top
#2367 - 08/22/07 04:27 PM Re: My Story - Part Two [Re: Mati]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Mati, several questions popped into my mind. Do you think it is possible the hand excuse is just for purposes of misleading how an animal could suddently die?

It may be he liked (maybe he didn't like to really but he says he did, right?) to walk the dog to carry on some other activity he was keeping hidden?

I have a long history of rescuing animals etc. and am not really sure of the total amount like your x is having die but it seems quite high for such a person who proclaims their love of animals.

Di

Top
#2368 - 08/24/07 06:56 AM Re: My Story - Part Two [Re: Dianne E.]
Mati Offline
member

Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 169
Hi Di

None but one of the animals that suddenly died had signs of injury. Some of the little ones got cancer like rats but that is usual I think. But there was one that had a back injury and he said that it had jumped out of his hands.

At the time, I just could not understand one thing, they got the best of food, he cleaned them out every week, good quarters,vets attention, yet they did not look in good condition, they had dull coats and when I think back they did not look content. In fact two of the rabbits kept burrowing long tunnels to escape. It drove me crazy trying to work out why. It was like there was some sort of curse on them. I got him to clean out the water bottles carefully too suspecting that they could be the only answer. But here was always such a high death toll. Mostly they succumbed to some disease or just wasted away for no apparent reason. He was never interested like me to find an answer. He just accepted it and looked at me as though I was mad for trying to find a cause. Though he was like that over everything that now I see had a reason like why so much money went missing (drugs)

A reason for it could be to cause the boys suffering as they were always devastated when a pet died. That idea is just horrific to me. Surely not I want to think.

Maybe there was drug taking when he took the dog out.

Possibly.


Oh no! I have just remembered an incident after I left. They got a dog and apparently when he was walking it (over a busy road with no leash) it was hit by a car late at night. The driver was supposed to stop go to him and start shouting then drive off. He says he did not get the number. It was late at night so he got a taxi to take it to a vet and it was miraculously (ahem) only badly bruised. Now this story drove me crazy as it did not make sense. The car was supposed to be going at least 60mph. I asked why the dog was not leashed and he said it always stayed close to him to cross the road to a wooded area.

The dog was supposed to be thrown up in air and Psychopath said that some people living nearby heard the bang. But the dog lived!!??

As always I spent weeks trying to make sense of nonsense then gave up thinking about it. Unfortunately the boys (25 &21) believe everything he says. He would have been distraut and weeping copiously when it 'happened'.

I can hardly believe what I am thinking. It is a never-ending nightmare


Edited by Mati (08/24/07 07:18 AM)

Top
#7851 - 03/15/09 06:53 PM Re: My Story - Part Two [Re: Anonymous]
Jennifer Offline
member

Registered: 03/15/09
Posts: 9
I need someone to talk to about what I am going through. My husband is a psychopath. He brutally assaulted our 4 month old twins and is incarcerated. I have since found out he was cheating on me throughout our entire marriage. He was having threesomes, etc.... I found out dirty and disgusting details. Everything he ever told me was a lie and I believed him. Yes I am seeking a divorce from him. He is still awaiting trial and is being held on a $350,000.00 bail. My world is a living hell right now and my poor babies suffered the most. One baby suffered intercranial bleeding and retinal hemmoraging and may have permanent brain damage. Not to mention the twins were three months premature. I really need someone to talk to. How do I get through all this? Where do I go from here? Can you live through something like this and ever return to a normal life? This is a high profile case and has hit local media and I have cried so much, I can't even begin to tell you. To find out I was married to a monster who hurt our babies and then learn your whole life was a lie. I am still in shock and grief.

Top
#7968 - 04/21/09 02:06 PM Re: My Story - Part Two [Re: Jennifer]
On My Own Again Offline
member

Registered: 03/04/09
Posts: 64
I just found your post, Jennifer ... my heart goes out to you! You are really in a tough situation.

Yes, you can live through this and return to a normal life. Yes, you can. Yes, you will.

Read through the many many posts on this site and you'll find stories of women who have done just that. So many of the details in these stories are the same: Lying, cheating, stealing. Adultery. Pornography. Abuse.

Second, you are already moving along the path to a normal life by recognizing where the fault lies (and not taking blame for it yourself). That's a good sign that you are a healthy woman, mentally. Yes, you were married to a monster--but he's the monster, not you. You can't change him. It's not your fault. You are doing the right thing to get out of the marriage.

I pray that your babies recover fully and quickly.

Keep talking - let us know how you are.
_________________________
On My Own Again

Top
#8306 - 08/02/09 08:43 AM Re: My Story - Part Two [Re: Anonymous]
Yellowcurtains1 Offline
member

Registered: 08/02/09
Posts: 7
What a horrible man----I am so sorry for you----and I am glad that evil man is out of your life.

Top
Page 8 of 11 < 1 2 ... 6 7 8 9 10 11 >

Moderator:  Dianne E.