I said he (ex h) would disappear for month I meant months. like 1-4, he'd get mad, rage over nothing then move out, drop of hat.. no word then he'd want to come back, months later.. each time appologizing, honeymoon stage, then again he would treat me so poorly.. the cycle was continual. The only blessing is that if we can survive this aftermath we are safer without them. They keep the chaos such that it is insane..

Miss Treated, thats exactly what they do. They give you "affection" then take it back, which makes you feel bad and guilty. It is a very simple mechanism.

1Healing, you mentioned the chaos. It's the same here with my mother-in-law and her daughter. If they didn't have chaos going on over there next door, I don't know what they would do. They just love it. It's like walking into a whirlwind when you go in the front door. I have decided it is a control measure -- they're in control, and you are always off balance, not ever knowing what's next, what mood they're in, whether they love you or hate you today, etc. It can certainly serve to muddy any memory of who said or did what, and make you wonder if your imagination has gone cuckoo. I don't go over there.

Just saying -- that chaos you mention must be quite common. It's quite sad. What a way to live.

Be well and at peace without the chaos,
blue heron

If I didn't love him I would have thought he was just crazy as a loon bucket but I did care for him deeply & I knew he did me .. so it was hard to watch.

It's a continual (huge) fight within himself .. it reminds me too of how the world is functioning in general & esp now. There is a definite struggle of personality / disorder.

What shocked me too is that I think at times he wanted to stop, running, the game of his life.. but he couldn't /wouldn't.

1Healing - very interesting observation. I could spot this fight at the end also. I think once he saw that his games dont work anymore, he got kinda "tired" of it. So he would put all of his anger from that on me, making a hell of my life.

There may be a pattern here - they are different, and I think they know. From their point of view what they do is right - just like for us other things are right. They've no conscience so they cannot feel for others. It is this simple - they are like wild animals. You can pet them but they will always stay wild and might bite you.

So they aren't evil in the common sense of evil. They don't always want to hurt. They just do it, it's their way of life. What happens though is that this way of life is not accepted in societies.
And it goes for their way of life (being unresponsible, etc) and for the masking (lying, deceiving, manipulating, etc). So none of their ways of life can be accepted. Imagine you were in their shoes. How it must feel - you are totally different from others, you know it, you know you cannot be yourself coz otehrs would hate you.

So what they do is surround themselves with "loyal" people. My Psychopath would always repeat "he is unloyal" "you acted unloyal to me" "this was not loyal of her/him". As is loyality had only to do with "always belive in my lies, no matter what". And its just sick. Loyality is good, but it ca only work when youre honest.

I know his friends who still want to believe him because they feel guilty if they dont - he plays the same game on them as he did on me. I pity those guys.
And I know he has a gf, who is a really sad and lost person, and craves for any contact with him. And he sees her once or twice a month... Sometimes doesnt talk to her for days. Its really sad.
And he told me once, when we met long time ago, that he is happy now, because he can do what he wants and she doesnt have a clue, and she doesnt ask. And if she does he will end it with her. Sad sad sad...
These ppl never change.

This was the hardest part, the constant feeling on edge. I didn't approach the psychopath. She approached me, recruited me as her new best friend & counselor. Because she knew I was gay, she began to ask if maybe she was gay since she hadn't been with a guy. Throughout the time I was with her, there was this constant tug of war. In one breath, she'd proudly announces she was gay, the next she'd innocently ask, "Well, what do I do about my fantasies about men?" Then, she'd say that just because she has fantasies doesn't mean she wants to be with men and that I was more than enough! Confused?! When I would get angry about it, hurt, she would act like she didn't understand why I was angry, felt threatened. Um, because if that is what you want, I'm not it! Of course,you know the punch line, she cheated on me with a man. He was the 'sweetest guy in the world'; he was 'an ass'. He 'treated me well sexually' to 'I didn't like that dynamic (of being with a man)'. She could've been just young, immature, unsure, or bisexual. Really, she was just a chameleon, willing to put on whatever colors got her what she wanted at the moment. At that moment, she craved the chaos, wanted to hurt me, so she used him to get away from me just as she used me to get away from someone else.

The sickening thing is, after you've put up with this constant, painful, tug-of-war..... They love you. They don't. You're more than enough. You're not... you then get to watch them put on that same routine for someone else, the same routine (albeit tailored for the individual person and sex) that suckered you into being with them in the first place. It drives you crazy!

skybluepaint this is sooo true!!:D