I have asked whether my ex-husband felt any feelings of warmth, concern, friendship, love a million times. I think that because we are not psychop-0aths it is hard to imagine how you could share so much with another person yet remain unaffected by their hurt and distress knowing that you are the cause of it. Most people cannot comprehend the minset of someone who cares nothing for the welfare of those close to them. I still feel a need to credit my ex with qualities and feelings that if I am brutally honest with myself I know he didn't have. I seem to need to humanise him as to accept he was a monster fills me with a cold, dark fear that is hard to deal with as we had a child together.

Hello Harvey

I have to say the answer to the title of your post is 'no'. A psychopath is not able to feel the emotions of a normal person, that is what makes them a psychopath. I know this isn't what you want to hear and that's understandable because you have to question yourself and the sham the marriage was. All the time you spent in that relationship you now have to think of as a stage act by this man if he is a psychopath. All those things you thought were real and good now have to be questioned. If things felt good for you at the time then they were good because it made you happy. Maybe right feeling-wrong reasons but you can't go back and change anything. The only thing you can do is change how you feel about the past.
I think we are able to project emotions onto the blank canvas psychopath to keep ourselves sane. I wonder why after all this time your ex is still dominating your thoughts and giving you so much self doubt?

Isn't it time for yourself now? This has to be left in the past and maybe you can tell us more about your relationship and the problems you have had over the years. If you get it all down in writing it may take on a completely different appearance. It's like doing those 'pros and cons' lists to decide which is the best decision.

I hope we can help you as you are the important person in this situation. We can just listen or we can cheer you on when you are ready to become yourself again. We have some wonderful members who tell us how they have achieved success and I'm hoping one person in particular will read your posts and talk to you. She amazes me (I'm sure she knows who I'm referring to)with her strength and determination and she confirms it is possible to recover your life. Even her sense of humour shines through and she is like a tonic.

My best regards
Jan

My psycopathic husband used to make me feel that he was the only one who recognised that I was intelligent and attractive. He told me others thought me stupid and all I needed was him and he did this very weird thing that is hard to explain. When he came home or I met him somewhere he would sniff round my face and head and say, "What is that smell? What have you been doing?" I would feel panicky and scared and forced into protesting innocence. I always felt like a child who had been caught doing something I shouldn't have

Hi Harvey,

My first instinct when I read your post is that is part of the isolation process to get you in a corner with out any support system. The sniffing around the face I have no idea, maybe once he got you isolated he would be accusing you so that you would not think of looking into what he was doing or contacting these friends. When a Psychopath opens their mouth they are lying, who knows if he ever told such things to other people. Do you have any proof beyond what he is claiming?

Di

One word: NO

Neither of the Psychopath's in my life ever loved me. No chance! Impossible. And those two "people" were my own daughter, and her father.

Hi everyone, I am just new here and I am so glad there is a forum like this. I had been married for almost 20 yrs to a Psychopath who abused me mentally and emotionally, i just had the courage to get out of the relationship when I met this wonderful, kind hearted, too good to be true person, little did I know, that he is another kind of Psychopath. When I discovered his lies and his true self unraveled. I discovered he was engaged and they eventually broke up. I forgave him, thinking its just a guy thing and I gave him credit for saving me from my ex-Psychopath. He knows how much I love him and he says he loves me too, but I always feel i'm just in a one way relationship. I told him to just to be honest with his feelings and let me go, but he won't let go although he got plenty of other relationships on the side. I was warned by his ex-fiancee, but I thought it was just "a woman scorned" thing, i refused to believe and held on to his words...but talk is cheap, so they say, his actions contradicts what he is saying, for the longest time, i was looking for an answer, at first I asked him, but i cannot get anything from him, so i began looking at the internet for an explanation to his behavior and LO! and behold, a charismatic psychopath fits him to a T. I do not think he got a criminal tendencies, but the pain and hurt he inflicts is as damaging. I think the worst kind of enemy is the one you trusted the most, who betrays you, then stab you in the back. They are like vampires who suck, not your blood, but your soul.

He's not the typical Psychopath, he's highly educated, he's financially well off, he's a loving son to his dad, he's charming, soft spoken, handsome, he's generous, he always pay for our dates, but he's the BIGGEST LIAR, i've ever known. He's always like the knight in shining armor to damsels in distress, that's how he gets you.

Now i have an answer to my questions, now I know what kind of monster I am dealing with. Now I know that he will not let me go, I had to do it myself.

Hello Naïve

Welcome to our forum. 20 years with an abuser must have left some deep scars.

Do I understand correctly that you were still with your husband but didn’t leave him until the new guy came along? Do you think you would have remained in that relationship if you hadn’t met him?

I apologise if I’m bombarding you with questions but it’s just to get an idea of your background and find out a bit more about you and how you deal with situations.
I can see it would be easier to leave one relationship if you have a route out of it and someone to lean on and often judgement can be clouded. It must have seemed like the solution to a problem and no reason to analyse the motives?

You say this new guy isn’t the typical psychopath so I wonder what sort of person you consider is a psychopath? Many are well educated (often running large corporations) financially well off, soft spoken and extremely charming. The generosity is often lure to get a victim so it’s difficult to comment on that in your case, as you say they are emotional vampires so if he is wealthy that is a different scenario.

What is not typical is that he is a loving father to his son, a true psychopath has no empathy or conscience and shallow effect. He either does love his son and therefore not a psychopath or he is an extremely convincing one and he pretends to love his son because he is a manipulating liar trying to show himself as someone he wants you to see.
I presume it was you who ended the relationship?

Well done that you were so quick to decide this man was not the person you thought he was. Maybe all those years with your husband taught you never to be a victim of someone else’s behaviour again.

It’s not possible for any of us to say who is and who isn’t a psychopath, that can only be done by a well trained professional. All we can do is research information and decide for ourselves whether we think a person is or not.

As for Tiger Woods, I haven’t a clue whether he is or not. I don’t know him or anything about him. To be honest, I don’t care what he is as he is nothing to do with me and never will be so I wouldn’t waste a minute of my time investigating his personality. Even if I did make the effort to do that I would never be able to judge anyway.
I wonder why you are interested? Do you know him?

Regards
Jan

Thanks Jan for your reply. To answer your first questtion, if I hadn't met the new guy, i would have remained or killed myself. The new guy is my doctor (no, he's not a shrink)at that time and I thought it was safe to confide in him, i told him everything, even my innermost secrets. Our conversations started off casually, until it became more flirtatious. He knows all the right words to say, his encouragements helped me find my strength and self-esteem, which by the way was destroyed by my husband. I really thought he was heaven sent. Well my husband found out about him and threatened to destroy his reputation, unless i signed off all our properties to him. Here i am worried it might destroy his career signed off all my claims to our property and just left with a chump change in my bank. Good thing I have good education and was able to get a new job to start all over again, new guy offered financial support, but i turned it down, I thought all along he was there for me (but I was wrong, I was just one of his puppets at that time)

His ex-fiancee sent me this..." you aren't the only love of his life that he can not wait to spend his honeymoon with (?). I have a list, I have proof, I have seen it all... all you woman think he's such a nice, sweet guy...so quite, so special, so thoughtful..I KNOW what he truly is and it's not my place to warn you guys anymore...He's LOVED THEM ALL, he misses them soo much, they are all his angles, and they are so special to him...My ex - well, it's funny how you all women - how you all have LOVED him so much, can't get him out of their mind and soul, how they will wait for him, how loving him hurts them so much,etc - keeps rearing your irritating presence back into a past I put behind. Not just you - another girlfriend has also contacted me too...You don't know the real Him,...I could provide you a list of names and I think it would turn your stomach when you recognize some of them. Funny I think, but pitiful and sad for those that still pine over him..."

She too was blindsided when she learned about me, both of us didn't know about the rest until she hacked into his computer and saw everyone on his list.

BTW, he does not have a son. When he talks to his father, he sound like a loving son. However, his parents divorced when he was 13 and sometimes i think he got an ax to grind with divorced women, you see most of the women he's involved with were either divorced, in the process of divorce or separated. He also has a penchant for expensive rugs. What I also noticed in his place was that, it was so messy, dis-organized, except the area where his stacked up rugs were. Also, he's a Muslim, but the only thing he does for his religion is fasting during ramadan and not eating pork. Before, I felt that maybe he thinks all us women involved with him are infidels and must be punished, or he's trying to get back at his mom, he speaks of his mom's husband with disdain.

With all the articles and posting I read, i really thinks he's a psychopath...it's the only logical explanation to his behavior, it gives me comfort to know that I am not alone. I have really not ended the relationship yet, I tried before but he won't let go, i promised to be there for him for always and I really thought that he and I have a special bond. I was thinking maybe giving him unconditional love might make him realize that there is someone who really love and cares for him and eventually will grow up, but you know what this is exactly what happened with my husband, i thought that he will eventually change, but it just gotten worst and it took me 20 yrs to realize that he's not gonna change. I think by staying with Psychopath#2 i will just be feeding on his ego. I was hoping there is a way to rehabilitate him, but according to Dr. Hare " Unfortunately, psychopaths already are aware of their own motivations, see little wrong with them, and do not believe they need to change. However, if they think that "rehabilitation" can serve their own selfish, pragmatic ends, then they are quite capable of playing the game, portraying themselves as a "saved" or "redeemed" sinner." so, there goes my answer.

As for Tiger Woods, I don't know him personally, it just that the persona he projected was also the same as Psychopath#2. You see him as wholesome,too good to be true, but there's lots of skeletons in his closet. Up to now, I cannot reconcile the Psychopath#2 i knew before and the Psychopath#2 that I know now. It's just ironic, Psychopath#2 being a doctor, he swore, first, to do no harm...but he's inflicting pain to many women. I once asked him, how can you cure a broken heart?...what a waste of talent!

I have initiated my "no contact" with him yesterday, and I am hoping this forum will give me reinforcements to hold my ground and be eventually be free from him. Everytime I think of him, i am telling myself that he is a psychopath, that i need to let go for my own sake. Thanks again Jan.

NO THEY ARE UNABLE TO LOVE

Hi Naive

I must apologise for misreading what you wrote about your ex being a good son to his father, not as I replied about him being a good father to his son. Although the same answer fits both scenarios. If he is a good, caring son then he isn't a psychopath but if he's acting (is there an inheritance involved?) then maybe he is.

It's not at all unusual ex partners trying to warn the latest victim but it could be for many reasons, the most altruistic being they genuinely care that someone else might get as hurt as they did and want to send a warning or it could be anger and bitterness that they have been hurt and just want to share it out.

You say that you think this mad has an axe to grind with divorced women, if he is a psychopath then they usually behave like a misogynist so it might be difficult to decide the reason he behaves like he does.

We will certainly support you while you are working hard to break all contact with this person, regardless of whether he is a psychopath or not, it's so difficult anyway. If he is there is no way he is going to change so please don't waste your valuable time on him. If a relationship is so bad it's pointless trying to make something from it. A good relationship gets better and bad one deteriorates.

It might help you to think of him as a stepping stone out of your old relationship and now he has served his purpose you have taken more steps ahead and left him behind. He had his use at the time but you are not going to turn around and go back to step on him one more time or that will lead you back to where you left in the first place.

No contact is the way forward.

Best of luck and don't feel that you can't share the lows you are going to feel in the short term, or the temptations to go back to him if he promises he will change. He sounds narcissistic so maybe he won't do that.

Regards
Jan