Thanks, Rick. Your advice is exactly right. Everything I've read - here and elsewhere - indicates that the "no contact" approach is the only reasonable one. I think all my research on the subject is making me curious and that's the strongest pull right now. I don't have any interest in any sort of relationship with him. But I would so love to be a fly on his wall - or to be able to intercept his thoughts for a few days...

>> Unfortunately. . ."I" was the one who fell in love. . .passionately and profoundly. Still love P#2. . .but do recognize that it will and can never work. He remaims a P.<<

This got me thinking about the flip side of the coin. We'll never know if the P truly loved us, but it sure seems like we loved them as intensely as we've ever loved.

It seems that most of us are mesmerized by our P's, at least in the beginning. The connection seems to be so strong that we'll rationalize and forgive the P's most horrible behavior.

Has anyone had this "madly" in love feeling toward a normal, healthy person? Should that be the ultimate red flag? My relationships with mere mortals have never been as intense as the illusionary one I had with P.

Can you expect fireworks in a normal relationship, or are they a sign that you are about to be burned?

Lynnie,

I have certainly had fireworks in other relationships. So yes, that does exist. I'm convinced it's just hormones run amuck! For me it was slightly different with the P in that I never felt like this person could hold me close enough or get close enough to me! Now who wouldn't be intoxicated by that! I honestly felt as if the P was trying to feed off of my energy. Imagine my shock when I read that P's are like "emotional vampires....feeding off of their victims." Chilling! I think that is why we feel so drained when we are around them.
Of course this closeness that I mention only happened during the adulation phase. Shortly thereafter I may as well have been living on a glacier somewhere! Then again, as we have all experienced in one form or another, when I would begin to pull away small crumbs of affection would be thrown my way.

Rick

Rick:

I feel u r so fortunate that from what I remember, u only spent 4 months with your P...I do hope i am correct here...?

If this is the case, considering that so many of us spent years with our P's, u ,too, must feel fortunate that it was a very short relationship.

Do u feel u r heading toward healing?

KT mentioned that you seem to have only "superficially" experienced your P's devastation.

with this in mind, does a shorter time appear to be just as devastating as others who have suffered in depth for years with P-ism?

Dusty,

Yes, I only spent 4 actual months in a relationship with my P. However, my P got to know me online, via e-mails, for several months before we actually met in person. I now know that my P was gathering a lot of valuable information about my personality within this time period.
To answer your question, I do feel extremely fortunate that the relationship only lasted 4 months. However, I don't think that anyone can truly quantify the amount of devastation that one feels or experiences...whether it lasts 4 weeks, 4 months or 4 years..... particularly when we are dealing with "feelings." We all seem to share so many parallels... the length of time doesn't seem relevant. (I am not trying to put you down in any way, by the way... it's just how I feel.) So, no, I don't feel I experienced my P in a superficial way. And yes, I have found the experience to be both traumatic and devastating. Honestly, although I am getting on with my life (though not dating) I am still haunted.... and I do mean that literally..... haunted by this experience. I will say though, that I do feel for those that have had to suffer for years and years prior to discovering that they were dealing with a person with a severe personality disorder.

Rick

Rick:

I understand and I very much agree with most all u say here.

what an unbelievable nightmere we have all had to endure because we CARED about another human being.

i am in severe anger mode right now. all this suffering to what end?

we need ever so much to hold onto positive people and good things.

Lynnie: You asked: "Has anyone had this "madly" in love feeling toward a normal, healthy person? Should that be the ultimate red flag? My relationships with mere mortals have never been as intense as the illusionary one I had with P. "

There is definitely something different in the way I loved my P. You are so right in saying that we forgive them the most horrendous behaviour and continue to love them. I have never been as mentally stimulated as during my relationship with P, or felt such an intense need to be loved and to care for anyone.

On the other hand, I have loved a normal person perhaps even more, but in an entirely different way. I loved him because of what he was - kind, caring, fun and entirely honest. If he had behaved in a P-like manner, I would have stopped loving him, because what I felt for him was based on reality, not an illusion. There were fireworks - but not that blind, intense devotion which I felt for the P. Maybe this is where the red flag should come in - when we catch ourselves loving someone in spite of what they are, not because of what they are?

Rick,

My experience with P was short, a year or two. More an ambiguous friendship. Devastating. Haunting me daily. I am feeling better everyday, after a year of no contact, but it is still hauting me.

>>let sleeping P's be !!!!!!<<

There are times where I am restless and start having magical thinking. I have seen the P. from a distance 4 times in 2 weeks. Why now after 3 months of absolute NO CONTACT? It has been a test for me. I start thinking why can't we be friends and maybe I am strong enough now. I know I can't ever make contact with him, and that is sad, but the truth. To have contact with him will mess with my recovery. So it is so true - the only thing I can do is- let sleeping P's be, as rick says.

Finished, where are you, how are you doing?

betterway

hopeful,
I was just thinking recently that it is amazing how after so long it does continue to haunt us. If I'm not rehashing memories and situations in my mind while awake then I have dreams about different situations with the P. It hasn't helped that I have seen him several times recently. Not initiated in anyway by either of us just chance sightings. It has been about a year for me from when I started the path of breaking free. It took me about 9 months to get the "no contact" rule really working. And finally P. allowed me to break free when he quit calling. I also towards the end was doing some of the things suggested for breaking free from the P. on one of the other websites. One of them was to act bored when speaking to P. and to not offer up any personal information. Speak to P. as if you were talking to an aquantience (sp?). Of course this all went against what I really wanted to do, but I had to do it, the P. gave me no choice.

I am also feeling better the longer I go without contact. Somedays I hardly think about the P and his crazy world.

Take Care,
betterway