Dear me! The system failed to register me, and I felt that I could not reply to clear this one up!

Dusty really it might have seemed that I felt that Ric's expreience was superficial. That is not my impression of Ric. I feel that he is an extremely perceptive guy, who might therefore be more perceptive to P abuse than I am. I applauded him for working out his P so quickly. I wish I had worked out mine in a similar timescale.

Of course we all go thorough different degrees of perception, as do our Ps go through different stages of reaction. Maybe Ric's P was on a shorter cycle to my P? Maybe Ric is much more assertive than I am about how someone should appropriately treat him?


Rick is the way forward, if I can work out in the same time scale as Rick that the next guy I'm dating is a P, then that is great for me. I really did not mean to imply that Rick had experienced his P superfically.

I don't believe that Rick would feel as he does if it was only a superficial interaction... he would be too busy cosying up to his new hon. if that was the case. Right Rick?

Kind regards

K.T.

On the tangent of cosying up to the next hon:

When I finally broke up with P, I jumped into a new relationship. I did this because there happened to be a nice guy that was interested in me, and I did this to break the cycle with P. I knew that if I didn't have someone to play with I would be much more likely to go back to P when he turned on the charm. I was honest with new guy about P, and often suggested to new guy that he "run screaming" away from me!

I realized too late that jumping into a relationship was not fair to new guy, and not fair to me, either. I needed time to heal and re-group before I could be worth anything in a new relationship.

The new relationship is seven months old and quite pleasant. Two months ago I found this site, and other data on the internet, which helped me to identify P's disorder. Before my research in July, I just thought P was a messed up pup and I was a loser for not getting out when I first saw the red flags - I would never have guessed I was dealing with a card-carrying psychopath.

So now that I seem to have a nice guy quite smitten with me (no doubt because I'm a bit emotionally unavailable to him!), I'm wondering what to do. In the last couple months I've realized that my experience with P was so traumatizing that I don't quite trust my instincts. I look for red flags everywhere. Does my new relationship have a chance? I've started to relax a bit, but I'm over-analyzing everything at the moment and fear I'll sabotage a good relationship.

KT,

Totally, I understood your point and did take offense to it
in the least. Thanks for your concern though.

Rick

Thanks Rick... glad we cleared that up!

Lynnie,

what you say makes perfect sense. I don't believe in moving on to the next relationship before you're over the last one. With my P, it was so difficult. How can you tell someone that you broke up with you ex because he was so mad at you that he made your life unbearable, and so you had to make a decision between living a nightmare, or parting with the person you care about most in the world?

The new beau would immediately ask you "Why is he mad at you?" To which you have to honestly answer, "I havn't the faintest idea." Whereupon he will normally presume you've done something to upset him or you're particularly needy & demanding, and therefore think you're not a good person to be pursuing a relationship with. And even if by some expremely slim chance he accepts your explanations (and even I don't accept those answers, its just that those are really the only answers that I have) he eventually comes to thinking, "So what happens when he calms down?"

This is why I asked the question. What do you tell your new guy?

I'm just so glad I've got Rick's scripted response... I'm learning it off by heart... it might come in handy this weekend... I'm in Windsor, the town that has the highest ratio of affluent well-off unattached males to females in the whole of the UK!!! On Monday we are going to the Ascot races!

But what I'm really excited about is that I have an interview tomorrow for my dream job!!!

The same week that I got back with P in March, I watched my grandfather pass away in front my eyes and got made redundant from Worldcom!...

Its about time my luck changed!

Kind regards

K.T.

>> Unfortunately. . ."I" was the one who fell in love. . .passionately and profoundly. Still love P#2. . .but do recognize that it will and can never work. He remaims a P.<<

Reality is finally setting in. . .I am starting to "get it".
Regardless of everything my brain knows to be true there has been a part of me that has been still hoping and praying that P#2 really cared about me. I am facing it now almost a year later (october 1st will be one year since "it" happened) P#2 used me. Everything I believed was in my head. . .he never told me different. . .he was very clever. He "acted" like loved me. . .but he only said the words once and that was when he was mad.

I have felt very pensive these past few weeks. Reality is just that. . .reality. . .I'm just now beginning to be able to accept that.

This is without a doubt the most difficult thing I have ever been through. Closure comes slowly and some days are better than others.

I still feel shock and find it difficult to grasp that I was led to believe a lie. . .

one day at a time. . .
finished

Hi Betterway,

These past couple of weeks have been hard on me.

I received a phone call about ten days ago and it triggered off all that "stuff".

It came about 7am from the AT&T operator. She told me it was ?????? kind of call (she had a name for it) and I asked her what that was. she told me it was a hearing impaired call. The person wanted to know if I sold----, I said yes. They asked price etc, I told them. They had a few more question and asked if I would e mail them. I said I would be happy to and they gave their e mail address. www.comexmyway.com. Then they said thanks and hung up. The operator told me that you do not have to be hearing impaired to use this service.

I sat there feeling shocked and violated. What a sneaky way to get an obscene phone call in. . .then every man I know went under suspicion. Then of course. . .I wondered. . .did P#2 do it.

It was a set back for me for more than a few days.

I had felt pretty empowered up till then but it brought back all that old stuff. . .you know what I mean? It amazed ne how something like this brought up all those old feelings. I've tried to put it behind me now but it's been a struggle. Right after it happened, I found myself unable to get out of bed a few days. Then that tracelike state started taking over. I had to FORCE myself out of bed and out of the house. I actually felt like I was paralyzed, like I was afraid to move.

This P encounter has changed me so much. I'm stronger now Betterway and I will not quit. I'll keep getting up and with Gods grace, I will make it. WE will make it! Everyone here has been affected by a P experience of some kind. We are here and we will stick together and WE WILL make it! And we will be stronger, better and much, much wiser. :-)

Thanks for looking for me. . .I so appreciate that.

With love,
finished

Hey (((finished))),

Glad to hear from you!!

>>I had felt pretty empowered up till then but it brought back all that old stuff. . .you know what I mean? It amazed ne how something like this brought up all those old feelings. I've tried to put it behind me now but it's been a struggle.<<

Of course I know what you mean, finished. About a month ago the P. did something indirectly that only I can know the meaning behind it and I haven't even talked to him in 100 days. Because of the nature of our business there are things he can do that I will be aware of. I can't be specific here. But I can tell you that it did bring back some old stuff. I am finding now that the longer I have no contact that I come out of these episodes quicker than before. Whats funny about the whole thing is that he has made a mistake on something that I use to take care of for him and it is costing him additional money that he doesn't need to spend. But, hey, he is not my responsibility and I DO NOT have to have any loyalty to him. RIGHT!! Gosh, I use to be so honest and loyal to him - YUCK.

I can honestly say that I don't want the P. to call today and that is a total miracle in itself.

finished, the thought that he may call or I may run into him does scare me. I remember those trance like states, the deep depression, the lack of motivation to do anything, lack of concentration and I don't want to go back there.

When I was looking for a new job I had an interview with someone I used to work with (we both no longer work around P). This guy told me that he hasn't changed that he is the person I knew back then (as if this was a good thing) and he even bragged about the way he runs his business(which is similar to P's ideas). He hadn't a clue, he thought by talking about P. in a positive light that I would go work for him. All I could think, is yeah - but I have changed. I couldn't work for this guy because of him having any past or present association with P. I couldn't risk the P. having a way to get at me.

Take care of yourself we will all definetly make it through this together.

betterway

Thanks for your response Betterway. . .it really helps to know I am not alone. . .OR paranoid! That someone else realizes that there REALLY ARE people that deliberately prey on others vulnerable hearts and emotions. For their own gain. . .as if they get some perverse pleasure in watching their target in pain. Today even still. . .I had to say. . .get out of bed. . .brush your teeth. . .eat. . .call so and so. . .it is not as though I'm operating from a natual rhythm but having to tell myself what to do next. It's like I'm feeling the trauma all over again. . .but this time I know there is an end to this part because there was an end last time. I'm accepting it is just something I'm going through right now.
(does that make sense)?

Thank you again (betterway). You sound VERY good!!!

Have a SUPER DELUXE day! (p free of course) :-)
finished

It's funny how P's just keep coming back. I always thought the movies where the villain keeps coming back from near death were very unrealistic until I had my first P encounter.

I have done everything "right" for the past few months in terms of no contact. And there was a nice, peaceful silence for two months. Now it's starting up again. He has sent 3 emails in the past two weeks (allegedly wanting to make amends). I had blocked his email address months ago, so he created a new one. When I blocked the new address last week, he decided to show up at a place where he knew I would be. He hasn't shown up there in months, so I can only assume he was doing it to "punish" me. I completely ignored him, even though I wanted to confront him and embarass him for continuing to harass me.

The next day I was angry that he still has the nerve to continue harassing me. And I was upset with myself for not standing up to him. But then two people who love me said I did the right thing - that confronting him would have made him believe that I still cared. If he knew that he could make me angry, he'd show up whenever he felt like getting a reaction out of me.

So I laughed with my friends and felt a little better. Then last night I had the most disturbing dream. I kept running and running to get away from him, but he kept chasing and chasing. I woke up exhausted and mentally beaten up. So now he can get to me in my dreams, too. I think I need a P lobotomy.

>>It's funny how P's just keep coming back. I always thought the movies where the villain keeps coming back from near death were very unrealistic until I had my first P encounter. >>

I am learning P's NEVER let go. . .it is me that will have to free myself. They have a jillion ways to lure us back. Even in our dreams. I dream about P#2 probably at least 4 or 5 times a week. All kinds of different stuff. It is always disturbing. . .

I am coming up on the aniversary of the "-------" whatever it was. . .I get trance like. . .even now. Maybe this is the dark before the light the storm before the calm. Sure hope so.

Thank you so much for sharing Lynnie. . .
finished