It sounds to me like you have made tremendous progress in your situation. To be able to pull off what you did when you ran into him was miraculous. My hat goes off to you.

sjs

I hope I don't see the P. around town because then I start to feel guilty. The last 2 times I saw him we were close enough to wave, not to speak. I didn't do anything except turn my head and just kept on driving. It is not my general nature to ignore someone I know. However in the P. situation I see no other choice. If I open up the door of communication with P. I will be in for a wild ride. Like Rick has said "better to let sleeping P's be".

betterway

It is so true about the guilt. I feel terrible there is a person in this world who I can not allow myself to connect with. I've lived my whole life trying not to create enemies. But he lives his life by wreaking havoc with whomever he pleases. Family, friends, strangers are all fair game.

I had another dream last night. I was talking with a friend who also knows P. We were both trying to remember his name, but couldn't. And in the dream I couldn't even remember what he looked like. Maybe there is some progress after all.

I had a most amusing development yesterday that I'd like to share.

I think I've mentioned that my P was stalking and harassing his ex while pursuing me (and others). He was not allowing her to date anyone even though they were separated and she had no interest in getting back together with P. He would threaten and bully any guy that tried to date her.

Yesterday, I saw her hand-in-hand with a huge guy. She found someone who makes P look scrawny! She finally found her way out. I smiled and realized that P may be starting up contact with me as a way to make her jealous - since he can't bully the new boyfriend. I think I figured out his game

Good for her! Maybe we all need a brawny hunk to keep the P's away? And glad you can laugh about it! Definitely a good sign of healing.

I wouldn't be surprised, at all, if your P tried to contact you again as a result. They always need someone to victimize. Why not try the last person on the list? And P's can be very intimidated by other people (whether they are bigger in stature, position, etc...)
I had only one experience when I had to confront my P directly. This was after I knew that he was, in fact, a P. I won't recount the whole story...but I will say that I went in with backup (a friend whom can look rather intimidating
accompanied me) and my P totally backed down. I could see
it made him VERY uncomfortable that someone else was there on my behalf.

Rick

The contact started about 3 weeks ago, and I couldn't understand why he had been quiet for two months just to start up again. His recent messages that he wanted to make amends didn't make sense, but made me feel guilty that I wasn't big enough to forgive him. But when I saw the new hulky boyfriend it all made sense. The past couple of "quiet" months P was probably focused on trying to keep the new relationship (with his ex and her new guy) from going anywhere. When that didn't work he started up with me - either to make her jealous or for some other psychopathic motivation.

At the risk of boring everyone with the latest development, P has decided to join my pool league. He showed up last night and jumped on a team. He picked a team that just happened to play my team. So we both avoided eye contact, he played his match, and he left shortly after he was done.

I was okay - I wish he hadn't decided to do this, but he didn't threaten me or any of my friends (as he has done in the past). I don't know how long it will work to ignore him - I suspect at some point he'll want to "talk", but I know it's all part of his game plan to hurt me more. And if he does anything threatening I can get him thrown out.

I was feeling pretty good that I handled the situation gracefully and I had my friends around to keep things under control. Then this morning, which happens to be my deceased mother's birthday, everything started crashing in my brain. The last time I went to the cemetary was with P last winter. It was snowing and dark and it was one of my last interactions with P. He scraped all the ice and snow off my mother's stone and seemed as emotional as I was (even though he had never met her). He told me he promised her he would take care of me.

Today I am caught up in that moment where he seemed loving and sweet. And I think he wasn't all bad, and why can't I be cordial to him when I see him. I forget all the bad stuff - like the fact that 3 days after he made the promise to my mother, he dumped me for the umpteenth time (probably to see one of his other targets).

Why does the brain work this way? Just when you think you're doing okay, you start spinning out of control...

That's a great strategy, for dealing with all men. Just install a bigger one than the last one and they keep all other men at bay.

It breaks down when P is a brainy, brawny hunk. Mine's 6'2" and 240lbs of honed flesh. Nobody scares him. He can scare just about everybody physically & mentally.

Don't say I didn't warn you!

K.T.

KT,

I know you are probably being just witty...but I didn't get the impression that Lynnie "installed" a bodyguard with her
P's most recent target. She was just musing when she suggested that this was a cure-all of sorts. However, I think that based on her observation (that her P started to show interest in her, again, when there was an obstacle of sorts) it does demonstrate what many of us have read over and over again.....how the P's move on to the next target.
If there isn't one in place within their usual cycling time period, they will (perhaps) go back to the most recent victim or easy mark (family member/relative?).
For me the psyche of a P is similar to observing a mouse trying to navigate a very complicated maze for the first time. The mouse moves rapidly, but unknowingly, through the confusing puzzle. Perhaps there are temptations scattered along the way...small pieces of something tasty (the victims) that the mouse can devour. But while this mouse is finishing one piece...it can smell the next one. Just a thought.
Rick