Lynnie,

"Larson turns a phrase in such a way that a few words evoke a memory of my P's behavior. Very creepy..."
Yes, that is exactly what I experienced when I was reading the book. There were emotions, feelings, suspicions, hints & clues that I felt...but were not able to consciously recognize nor put into words. It really jogged my memory to a degree that I actually went into a bit of a tailspin/relapse....as if I were living through it again. And on a certain level you can draw the analogy that, although H.H. Holmes was a serial killer and left a trail of bodies.... most of the P's that we forum members have encountered (hopefully) are leaving a similar trail of fractured lives.

Rick

>>> It really jogged my memory to a degree that I actually went into a bit of a tailspin/relapse....as if I were living through it again. <<<

That's exactly how I feel when reading the book. I have remembered details that I had suppressed for quite some time. I'm not sure if this is good or bad in terms of healing, but it's interesting how the journey back to normalcy is not a straight line - it seems very circular at times. And it doesn't help that P is in my face on a weekly basis - I look like the one with problems because I can't even allow myself to make eye contact with him.

"I have remembered details that I had suppressed for quite some time. I'm not sure if this is good or bad in terms of healing, but it's interesting how the journey back to normalcy is not a straight line - it seems very circular at times. "

That is exactly how I felt reading the book. I remembered events and subtle details that I had supressed or hadn't even noticed at the time. That is precisely why I found the book so scary. When you read a textbook or research article the information can be enlightening, confirming & comforting in a way. But, as I have stated before, this book addresses the many viewpoints and personalities that are involved in relationship with a P. It is quite well-rounded in that respect.
Ultimately, for me, I think it will help in my healing. I think the tailspin was worth it in a way...in this instance. Oddly, the recently released movie Matchstick Men had a similar effect on me. I think it is because it portrays a group of people that are con men.... people that are not presenting themselves in a truthful manner. There is a hidden agenda. And with P's it is very much the same deal.
I feel truly sorry for you that you have to face your P on a weekly basis. I don't think I would be able to handle it.... knowing what I know. I have recognized other aquaintances as having very P-like personalities and traits....and it doesn't bother me to interact with them. BUT....I was not intimately involved with any of these people.

Rick

Matchstick Men is on my list of movies I want to see - I seem to be drawn to those types of movies lately. One of the last movies I saw with P was Catch Me If You Can (which is based on a con artist who posed as an airline pilot, doctor, etc). At the end of the movie, P laughed and said he probably shouldn't have taken me to that particular movie.

I was reading Devil in the White City today, and I had a couple more memories of things P told me during our relationship that I had somehow managed to discount at the time.

One incident was that he was arguing with his (then) wife in the car, and she jumped out and started walking home since they were still in their neighborhood. He decided to scare her by backing up really fast. At the last minute, he swerved and ended up rolling the car to avoid hitting her. He ended up getting fired because a neighbor that P worked with reported it to their boss.

In the second incident, P blurted out that he was responsible for a man's death. It turned out that someone P had worked with (and I suspect bullied) had committed suicide.

The strange thing is that I completely dismissed these stories at the time. Why didn't I "run screaming" when P was giving me so many clues as to his character?

Lynnie...

Yes, Catch Me If You Can was another one that I found disturbing. However, it was presented in such a lighthearted way that it didn't haunt me. There is one scene, in particular, that stands out in my memory. The main character is due to marry a wealthy southern girl. At their engagement party he has to leave suddenly because the FBI is hot on his trail. He, basically, has to "come clean" to his finacee and leaves her standing, alone, in the bedroom. The look on her face clearly indicates that she understands what has happened.... she has been "taken." This is her "lightbulb" moment. As conscious victims of P's.... we've all been there.

Rick

The other interesting thing about Catch Me If You Can is that it glorifies (instead of villifies) the main character (for the most part). He's very likable, and I found myself hoping he'd be okay - and silently cheering for him each time he narrowly escaped being caught in one of his cons.

I guess the movie got that part right - we'll forgive a P anything as long as they don't physically hurt anyone. And I think P's know that and use it to their advantage to manipulate their targets.

Lynnie,

I agree, entirely, with your last posting. You are correct about the movie glorifying the main character. And, yes, most people do tend to forgive P's and they do use this to their advantage.
A friend of mine asked me, today, why it is that we keep pining over someone that we consciously know is not right for us.... whether they are P's or not. I think it is because when someone, anyone, pushes the right buttons, says the right things, etc.... there is something deep (on a cellular level) that strikes a chord in our emotions, our spirit, our soul. We can't get away from it. I guess this is all part of being a healthy, well rounded person. But damn, it can be so frustrating.

Rick

>>> A friend of mine asked me, today, why it is that we keep pining over someone that we consciously know is not right for us.... <<<

This is an interesting point. It's weird that some people are relatively easy to get over (strangely, I had very little difficulty moving on from my ex-husband).

P had me wrapped up in his drama and the illusion of true love he created. I spent so much time and energy trying to understand his abnormal behaviour - and trying to support him. I think I was hooked (and pining) because I had invested so much emotionally and had so many unanswered questions.

After the relationship ended, I was reeling from it all. Thank goodness I stumbled around the internet and "diagnosed" his personality disorder and discovered this forum. I still have a lot of healing to do, but at least I'm no longer obsessed by all the questions that had been running through my head.

Lynnie,

"wrapped up in his drama and the illusion of true love he created"

I think you hit it right on the head. Yes, we get wrapped up in the illusion. And even though we now know the truth we can't help but think about the situation....searching for more clues, warning signs & indications. It's human nature.

Another element is the "car crash" theory...or so I call it.
We can't help but look. P's are fascinating in a pathetic way.

Rick

Rick,

I laughed out loud at your "car crash" theory - so true!

I sometimes fantasize about how it would be to be friends with P - just so I could observe his behaviour knowing what I know now. Other times I think it would be fun to confront him with a description of APD - to see if he knows or not (I suspect he does).

But I soon come to my senses and realize I'm not up for the regular (figurative) beatings. I don't want to be part of the car wreck!

Lynne