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#305 - 12/02/02 08:04 PM Re: When was your lighbulb moment?


>>This time I really really left. It has now been 2 months exactly<<

Good for you betterway. . .I know that's hard!

>>It is very painful to let go of a dream, of a way of working, no matter how sick I now know it to have been. <<

Ditto, ditto, ditto.

A word that keeps popping up in a lot of the reading I'm doing is "illusion". I think I'm actually beginning to accept that reality. I go in and out of that acceptance but am staying longer "in" (acceptance).

>>And I pray I will have the inner strength to fight off any desire to have that sick P. feel my emotional needs. He does keep me holding on if even just a little tiny tiny bit.<<

Me too betterway. Emotional ties are the hardest to break. Betrayal is shocking and hard to believe even when it is in my face. I'm praying too for the strength and courage to stay P free :-)

I'm so grateful for my friends on the forum.


#306 - 02/22/03 02:13 PM Re: When was your lighbulb moment?

During a manic attack, and fear of losing my child. Later to find out that the cyber creep was on the prowl. I wanted enough in one state to help get Federal Charges. Plea bargin for guilty. Not fair!

#307 - 05/20/04 12:52 PM Signs of multiple personality disorder in your P?

Laura wrote:
"It was that Dr. that told him he had possible blackout, stress induced seizure, amnesia, memory loss, multiple personality disorder...

"Knowing what I know now about psychopaths, it is very common for all those things to come into play. A diagnosis of psychopath is, no doubt, a last resort for a psychiatrist after they have ruled out evey other imaginable problem. Also, all the other stuff can equal one psychopath. But it takes time to get there."

I didn't know that. I have yet to read Dr. Hare's book, maybe that's explained there. I've searched online for information to explain my P's seeming "MPD." I'm not saying he has it, but he certainly has symptoms that are similar, and I'd like to find information on MPD-type symptoms in Ps.

My P hears a voice in his head that is, according to him, foul-mouthed, jealous, and extremely violent. Yes, it sounds like he's trying to put off his less savoury characteristics on someone else, but I think there may actually be something to this. He says he's had memory loss too, and been told of doing and saying things he doesn't remember.

Also, when in his early teens, he experienced nightly psychotic episodes: waking nightmares in which his bedroom was transformed into a Hell out of a medieval artist's darkest visions. He still has auditory hallucinations, particularly hearing phones ringing when none are.

If not for the fact that he's been able to work consistently, even running his own business for the past 4 years, I would guess that he's schizophrenic. He's been diagnosed with Bipolar and BPD. Are any of these symptoms consistent with psychopathy?

#308 - 05/20/04 07:56 PM Re: Signs of multiple personality disorder in your P?
Dianne E. Offline


Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi Patty, I apologize I didn't see your post. Was this a situation where the P was a spouse. Also how did it go trying to get help from the government?


#309 - 06/17/04 11:36 PM Re: When was your lighbulb moment?

We-ll.................that would depend.

Looking back at those I've known in life, it would have been when I was doing abnormal psychology, had my DSM, and had to make several case dianosis.

In the reality of a moment, before I had the knowledge for a data analysis, that would have been when the subconscious sent alert signals to my brain to click on ALERT---something is not right here, be wary of this person.

I want to comment, however, that the few that I've had to deal with, btw the term is antisocial, were not killers but thieves. They just lied and told stories and said whatever was necessary to get what they wanted.

There are very few types of people in the world that make me furious. One of them are those who are either cruel to animals or misuse animals to advance their ways. The second is the antisocial and, from my experience, the antisocial thief. Granted, given the DSM, both types of people could be related.

But............we see examples of the antisocial thief practically every day. That's the type of person they are depicting on the identity theft commercials. They are up there on the screen, telling how they took the money without a thought for the other person to advance their own, usually vanity, needs. All for them, the world is just there for thier fun, etc. etc. etc..

#310 - 08/13/04 03:01 AM Re: Signs of multiple personality disorder in your P?


I don't agree with Laura that Psychiatrist diagnose Psychopathay as a last resort. They use Hare's diagnostic checklist. If the individual meets the criteria they diagnose, if he/she doesn't meet the criteria they don't diagnose.

Some camps believe that Psychopathy is a genetic condition. Certainly some of the stories on this board reflect the pervasive and enduring callousness and lack of conscience throughout an individual's (P's) life.

Other camps believe that aside from the genetic manifestations, some cases of particulary neglectful and abusive nurture can produce Ps.

MPD is not a core symptom in psychopathic or antisocial personality disorder. Research shows that the etiology of the multiple personalities is via defensive reactions to severe abuse &/or trauma. Of course individuals who are very sensitive to contention can also use alters to deal with difficult situations. If any of you saw UK's Big Brother 5 you could see Stu assuming personalities to shield himself from boredom, and the empathy of having to be unpleasant to his fellow housemates (he assumed an action man persona when he was told by Big Brother to wake them all up). Also notice how quick the show was to intervene when he seemed reluctant to relinquish his cowboy persona...

Well, in common with Hare's descriptions, most of the time, my P can be as congenial as you could wish for (he's too good to be true), when he's around me and he's stable he will drop down into his "softer" & intimate persona, and when he's like that you can't believe he's capable of cruelty. Then something happens, too much or too deep emotional intimacy seems to trigger him to feel vulnerable, and without a word he changes into this ambiently abusive monster, where I get the feeling that my existence aggravates him, and its just a matter of time until he starts behaving psychopathically.

Once he gets like that the only thing you can sensibly do is head for the hills. In a couple of months, he calms down and his soft & intimate side starts to feel isolated and it comes looking for me.

This is the cycling that a lot of us talk about.

So i don't think mine is a genetic case, and I do recognise the lack of a single integrated personality (no integrity or dignity). However I think we all have to be careful not to imply that all who have Multiple Personalities are Psychopaths and vice versa.

I do think this is a very interesting area of discussion as it seems to me most of the stories on this section of the board are more pertaining to non-genetic psychopaths as those seem quite incapable of the emotional investment as is necessary to get someone to be emotionally bonded with you. As it appears that it is through abuse of the dependency that we established on our Ps that we got hurt, and the Ps had invested often considerable time and sometimes money in getting us to that state of dependency, which makes us all feel duped or cheated as well.


#311 - 08/15/04 12:43 PM Re: When was your lighbulb moment?

I found myself dealing with two psychopaths at the same time. One was my now ex-husband and the other was his lover, whom was at the time of my discovering their relationship also a wanted fugitive for a 17-year-old murder. The "lightbulb" went off when I found a name change document of his lover changing one name for another. The next "lightbulb" went off when after filing for divorce I went to see a doctor for help in dealing with the discovery of my husbands secret life. She asked me if I'd ever seen "The Crying Game" movie. Upon saying no, I was advised by my doctor to rent it, as it reminded her of my husband and the situation he was in. It was then, after watching the entire movie that I realized my husbands lover was a killer and had set his eyes on getting me out of the picture permanently. Getting my doctor to believe me of my discovery and getting the police to believe that I had uncovered an unsolved murder was the worst part. The FBI and police had long forgotten about this murder. I only had the first name of the victim, but no idea where in the US or when the murder took place. The killer knowing I was onto him and living just two miles down the road from me began making desperate hang-up calls to my house. Scared for my life I had to call the police and tell them my situation. Although it was taken as someone in the police dept. pulling a joke, it was checked out and found that I was telling the truth. My ex-husbands lover was arrested for the 17-year-old murder he committed in South Carolina. My ex-husband later admitted to me he used me as a cover for his double life. The biggest shocker was discovering my ex paid for his lovers transsexual operation, this knowing he was wanted for murder. I just wrote a book about my story and hope to get his published someday. When I look back on everything that happened I often wonder how I made it through. I'm lucky I'm here.

#312 - 08/15/04 02:04 PM Re: When was your lighbulb moment?
recovery Offline

Registered: 11/19/02
Posts: 204
Hi Donita,

Welcome to the forum.

WOW - you are lucky as you say and it should be quite some book - let us know when it is out. You sound very strong but this must have shaken you to the core when it went from light bulb moment to opening the can of worms.

hope to hear more from you

good luck

#313 - 08/15/04 02:26 PM Re: When was your lighbulb moment? [Re: recovery]

The likelihood of my book being published is very slim. My ex-husband, now deceased was in the movie business. He was an Academy Award Nominee and Movie Director. His connection was kept silent in the media as Hollywood is not very nice about telling the truth about something like this on the inside. This whole ordeal has pretty much ruined my life and broken me in every way you can think. I'm giving it one last shot at trying to get my book published. Wish me luck.

#314 - 08/22/04 01:21 PM Re: When was your lighbulb moment?
sylvie25 Offline

Registered: 08/13/04
Posts: 325
My lightbulb moment was poignant in the way that it happened. We (the P & I) were sitting watching the OJ trial and someone talked about abusive men and how they are usually controlling, possessive, manipulative, jealous, have angry outbursts and violent tendencies. I realized then that they were describing the man sitting right by me and it was incredibly disturbing. He simultaneously seemed to get that I had made the connection and turned around to me and said in a cajoling voice (that creeped me out) "You don't think I"M like that DO YOU??" Like hell I didn't! That was the beginning of the end for that relationship as far as I was concerned, I didn't need to know more. It solidified my misgivings and dread about marrying him in a way little else could - there was nothing more to debate, I wanted out.

I've always wondered if other women came to similar realizations about their partners at that time. I hoped they did, so that as much positive could come out of something so heinous. If I recall correctly that was one of the first high profile cases that brought attention to domestic abuse and the Jekyll and Hyde nature of those types of men. A silver lining.

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