Hi Dianne,
When I tried to use my bank card it was suspended. I found out my own husband had emptied my/our account a few days before.
He had a court date and paid his collections account with my savings. He had me put him on my account just prior to his court date so he could have gas money,buy groceries(his claim). He did not feel remorse. He did not concern himself with the financial burden that followed. He did not apologize. He got agitated with my questions. He justified himself and his actions. He said "I got tired of them bugging me. You should have gave them your phone number". The debt was his,not our shared debt. It was thousands of dollars. It was devastating to me,my family. He shrugged it off.

Psychopath was fighting me for custody of our children. Actually wanted the right to tell them I was dead.
Said I could NEVER be in there life again if I left him.
Met his older kids. Found out Psychopath took them young,(kidnapped) did tell them their mom was dead. Major trauma for them. Psychopath says if you break with me...your are treating your kids like you are dead.
Was a lie that caused so much emotional damage to them.
They were reunited with their very alive mom.

I think I just answered a motivator persona.
I must have been in his imposed grandma,mold-drama when we split up.
She only left him forever because she did die.

For the last four years he faked having cancer. He said he couldn´t cover his rent and other bills because his roommate scammed him. I ended up giving him money to pay certain expenses. I felt so bad that someone experiencing "cancer" had to go through the abuse of others. The light bulb moment should have been how secretive he was about having this disease. Poor thing was always too tired to do anything with me or for me. He made me feel like the worst thing on the planet if I ever thought about myself. I couldn´t go out. I stopped seeing my friends. My life revolved around trying to help him through this illness while being kept at arm´s length. Turns out, he was never sick. When he was getting way too verbally abusive, I told him I needed some time to heal myself in order to be there for him since things were out of hand in the relationship. He sent me pictures pointing a gun to himself, telling me he´d kill himself if I left him. Two weeks later, pictures were up of him and a mutual acquaintance in Miami, partying like they were teenagers and making out. All this time he was cheating on me and used the money I gave him for "his doctor appointments and rent" on her. After 10 years of dealing with all his lies, cheating, and other abuses, I was grateful this happened. Now he is out of my life for good and I can start my healing process.

Hi LZ28,
Wow,you have such a great attitude after such bad experiences.
That is such abusive Psychopath behaviors.
I really feel for you and what you have been through.
Those head games are cruel.
Then you find out he was fine all along.
Suicide threats,photos make it all worse.
I am so glad to hear you are beyond him.
Good for you!

I realized it when the marriage counsellor we had - who was trying to help him transition out of our relationship, said I am glad you are getting out, there is something about him. I truly believe he is a psychopath, but I would need allot more time with him to determine that for sure, and there is no way he is going to let me have it or let me in. All I know is you do NEED to get out. This guy would make a great case study for someone. that was 8 years ago now- hard to believe it.
and The trigger that got me to leave - was not his stealing money (oh sorry borrowing with no intention of ever paying it back because they have it to give or everything has been handed to them) from me and everyone we knew.. it was when my 7 year old came out to the garage with me and I started cleaning up crushed popcans, and he got upset with me and told me that I couldn't throw those out because daddy used those to smoke with and proceededto explain in detail how daddy used these cans. YUP he was smoking drugs with my 7 year old around and that was IT.

I had been trying to break up with my Psychopath for a year-he kept sucking me back in with the empty promises and saying just the right things I was dying to hear.
Ive been in therapy trying gain the confidence and strength to get rid of him when I began writing down all the things I hated about him and the things he would do to me. After looking at the list I remember thinking that this was a piece of a puzzle so I Googled the terms I had written and got pages and pages referring to psychopathic behavior. It scared me, it saddened me and gave me some strength.
I still cant get away though. Ive been close twice but keep getting sucked right back in because it seems now that negative attention from him is better than no attention at all. He is So good at just the right words and I am in a very unhappy marriage. I cant seem to break free from either one. But I am still in therapy, still praying everyday for God to show me the Truth and give me the Strength to handle it with integrity.
Amy

Hello BeenHad,
Your post has put your strength and courage in words.
It takes a special person to describe a situation in which they are dependent on negative attention.
Everyone has received some form of negative attention.
It is difficult for people to own it.
Good for you, taking the step,owning negative attention.
You are in a bad marriage?
What does that mean to you?
You are seeing a Psychopath.
You have identified the negative.
Have you identified the positive?
What does that mean to you?

Perhaps your self holds some clues.
Did you have a life of divided attention?
If so you are more comfortable with divided situations.
Are you carrying emotional guilt to balance life?
If you could set the emotional guilt down and carry yourself,your ego how would it feel?
Would it feel empty hands or heavier then emotional guilt?
If you own the emotional guilt you must care for it before you put it away.
If it is not yours you must leave it for the lost and found box.
Someone else is looking for it to complete their life journey,story.

Sometimes people have two mates to fulfill the two parent, parent and step parent need/absent role.
If there was an emotional need that did not get filled from the primary parent who had made us feel
their relationships had priority over us then we let our own relationships have priority over us.
We try to mend. People naturally try to mend through emotional responses.
What emotional response is triggered in you through your relationships?
Anger,hate and confusion are all apart of fear.
Fear is at the core of each of us.
Some contain it better then others.
Some find creative outlets.
Others destructive ones.
If we destroy ourselves we confirm our deepest fear.
We have told ourselves "NO".
We stop right there.
Life goes on with us wearing out our brakes.
We have to be pushed,pulled through life because our brakes are locked("No")
No is a powerful word,action and feeling of self power.
Eventually we will "brake" down because we need to flow,roll with life.
Life is fluid.
Life is the essence of change.
Say yes to change,let the brake off in your life.
You have today.
It is your day.
You are special.
You have a special place in life.
Others are looking for you to get there.
You are on your way there now.
Ask yourself,remind yourself of..
How I feel today,now....
How I will feel,ask me then,that day.
How I felt yesterday? Do I really know.Yes/no/maybe.
I have today,this is how I feel today.
Today matters most of all.
Today I feel happy because...
Today I feel good because....
Today I feel lonely because...
Today I feel sad because.....
Today I learned......
Today I experienced......
Today I shared............

Tomorrow..... I will answer that tomorrow.

Take good care,nurture your changes.
They will nurture you.

Beenhad- I had those moments more than once. It took me 9 years to leave, everytime I would try he would do something "wonderful" and I would get sucked back in- it took a very dark moment for me to realize just how much I needed to get myself and my son away from this man. I needed to get away for my son it was what gave me the strength to get out. I don't have allot of advice for you, I just wanted you to know I have been where you are and I truly know how hard it is to make that transition because they can be so charming when they need to be.
I think you have made a great step in knowing what he is and knowing really can give you all the power you need to get out.

Good luck to you

I think it is the Passion between us I cant seem to let go of. I am in a sexless marriage and sex never was good for us. I was a virgin when we got together. Funny, all my friends who had sex in high school regret it and I regret not having it...But the Passion is magnetic and not just sexually...in everything we do together, traveling, hobbies, games, etc. I keep thinking...How can I give that up? And I cant stay away...Yet hes killing me, slowly and its wreaking havoc on me physically, mentally and emotionally...I want to get away, but yet...I dont. How do I survive this?

BeenHad, I completely relate to your story.

I very recently realized that the on-and-off, quasi-relationship that I've been in for over two years is likely with a psychopath. I'd in the past realized that he must have some sort of mental disorder, but the word "psychopath" wasn't in my mind (or vocabulary, really) until recently.

I was listening to this episode of This American Life, titled "The Psychopath Test." Many of the checkpoints mentioned as part of Hare's work sounded familiar, but one really stuck out to me and was a definite lightbulb moment. Someone mentioned that one of the checkpoints for psychopathy is a parasitic lifestyle. I'd never heard it phrased this way before, but this is a very strong aspect of this man's personality.

He has been homeless off and on for the last three years - by choice, not out of necessity. In that time, he'll sleep on friends' (I use this term loosely) or acquaintances' couches and basically receive whatever help or support he can from the network of people he's built up - though, oddly, rarely his family. He frequently admits to using others for drugs, sex, food, or to do work for him in whatever capacity necessary - he's always working some scheme to make money. He hasn't had a "real" job in three years, and makes money in unconventional ways (mostly buying things cheaply and reselling them.)

A few months after we started hanging out, I realized that every time he got ahold of me, it would be to do something for him, whether it was to bring over weed for us to smoke, buy weed from him, sell weed to him, bring him food, bring him some random thing, drive him somewhere, etc. I was young and I really liked him (and I could afford it and had nothing better to do) so I'd often give in.

Many times he would assert that he was just using me and the other people in his life for the things that they did for him. I never really believed him - how could he spend so much time with me and (sporadically) do so many nice things for me not care at all? - but now, reading about psychopathy and reading all of your posts, it makes sense. I'll probably post another, longer topic fully detailing the situation later. But to get back to my initial point, hearing the phrase "parasitic lifestyle" was when it all clicked for me.