Hard to put a finger on it all but

When I first met her she offered me breakfast but we had to go out - she seemed offended that I didn't have time for breakfast.

she can't drive, she insists that her husband teach her even though he has said that he doesn't want to

she isn't working and stuck in a hotel - she hated that so they moved in with a family. She couldn't get on with the femail owner of the house - even though they were having troubles (which the husband told me about - he got on with the owner OK) she told me that it was great there and tried to get me to move in (first lie) when challenged on this lie later, she brushed it off quickly and casually

They had to move out, so the husband rented a town house. She was excited about and was very interested in showing me the 10 foot by 10 foot back yard even though I own a 20 acre place

Later she decided that she didn't like the place and wanted to move out - now they are scheduled to move in with a house sharing group but have to live in the town house for a month. The husband has moved his stuff in and out and back into the town house so far. When they were moving into the town house she said that a man in the street was staring at her. It is a reasoanble neighborhood as far as I can see - it was OK until the first landlady told her to be careful about certain areas and that seems to have started it off.

She gets lonely, so he goes home at lunch, has to go home in the evenings and then go back to work again to make his hours up - this means staying until 10:00pm. He looks exhausted and stressed out

She calls him many times at work every day even though he has to work and is the only breadwinner

We went out for lunch - I wanted American food (she is Indian), the husband wanted American food too. She seemed very sulky about it and ordered Fish and Chips and then said it wasn't cooked and wouldn't eat it. When we were finished, I left but I heard that they then had to go to another restaurant to eat because she was still hungry - having not eaten her fish and chips

Maybe she is just very immature but I am keeping my distance from now on. There are other things but again it is hard to put your finger on them all


Mark

Thank you Brenda for being willing to open up and tell me. Wow, I am so sorry that it happened to you, but you will really be better in the end.

My daughter's husband just packed up and left one day, sneaky way-my husband was home and the P said he was taking out the trash, but he was packing his stuff in garbage bags! My daughter was at work and so was I; at this time they were staying with us to save up money for a house. Anyway, when my husband went to the bathroom the P left. No note, no call, nothing. I came home and his car was gone, I asked my husband where P was and he said 'in his room I guess' I told him the car was gone. Thats how we found out he left, his stuff was gone. I was afraid my daughter may call home so we went to her work to drive her home and tell her what happened, and my husband got her bank account info and went straight home and transfered all of her money to our account, he was thinking straight, as only a Dad can. I took my daughter to her counselor, who had only met the P once. The counselor actually told my daugher that she needed to think about what SHE had done to push the P away! Crazy woman was fooled by him the one and only time she met him. Needless to say I insisted my daughter change counselors. The next one understood that the P was a coward to sneak out like that and explained that there was nothing my daughter could have done. It was a week before my daughter finally called him at work and he told her he had already slept with this other woman. My daughter decided then that it was totally over, she would not beg him to come back. She was pretty smart. She did cry to me a lot, but she knew if he came back he would just do it again.

I had lunch with my daughter today and was telling her about how many of the people had been married a long time and the abuse that happened, she said it had started for her too, telling her she was fat (110 lbs at 5'2") and ugly, (red hair, gray eyes and a smattering of freckles) most people say she is beautiful. He tore her down as a woman, but she has met a young man who is wonderful and thinks she is wonderful, smart and 'hot' so that helps her.

She is happy now and I feel sooo much better since I found this forum. I mean there is a HUGE difference in how I feel, all of you have been amazing in helping me, and I am sure others feel the same way. I thank God I found you all, or I don't know what I would have done.
Bless you all!
please help me ( past tense now)

PHM...

Bravo to both you and your husband for handling the situation with such level, clear thinking. Securing her finances and taking the lead in her changing counselors is admirable. She is lucky to have such loving, caring parents.

Rick

Hi! My mind has excepted the will to remember those 3 years. It's pretty painfull to receive detailed memories of those times, as normally many minds would respond to malicious memories with a defence of anger or ' I don't care' in meaning to defend itself with, kind of an insult ( or such ), my mind just can't find the way to defend from these memories, cause I don't know what kind of creature he is.
Like he wouldn't get insulted or hurt inside my mind with the usual defences, cause he doesn't have feelings..
I really don't enjoy being a mess and I just want my head to get it over with. I just don't get it that what are you really dealing with when you remember every body gesture, every comment and the athmosphere from a memory that now is haunting me. We met while both we were travelling and the first time when he met any members of my family was at the airport, both my granmother's were the to receive us. He knew who were coming and he is a very attractive looking person and while putting the bags in the luggige space of the car he drops his pants knowing that these two ladies, over 70 years, are seeing his ass, ignores my requist to pick them up, like he wouln't notice, then he says to me 'who cares?' keeps them down untill I myself pull them up. And with all the right moves. And now what I didn't get then I put together that, he had a thung about wearing underpants. He couldn't be without underpants, even under boxer -shorts he would wear them. So 12 hour flight would be just the right time to not to wear any pants.Nice planning, he IS a nut. Later he was clearly seducing other one of my granmothers, in order to gain her liking always remembering to make me look like a monster. What an earth should I feel?? Deceived ?? Yes! Angry? I don't know, he wouldn't respond in the image of my mind trying to defend itself. ( Guillotine, I think is the right answer here ). I'm numb and beaten and that's the respond of my mind.
I saw a documentary today, about Jesuse's life, where many experts said that it's a legend about Judas Iskariot, being capable mentally to deceive Jesus, I don't know. Actually if he had this certain personality disorder it's psychologically plausible. I'm not saying that Jesus wouln't have known it or anything to offend religion. As he did love the one's no-one else would. J.

It's hard but just be grateful that he has gone -how many more years would have been wasted in a relationship that was going nowhere.

I look back at the 5 years that I wasted and am glad that it wasn't more.

thedevilseye, I don't want to offend or open up a seperate discusion about Jesus, but know that at the start Jesus did know that Judas would betray him, it was part of the plan.

That said, betrayal still hurts us and it is so hard to understand how we could be so fooled. I think part of it is, as some one said on another thread, that we think people think and feel like us. We are normal, so we think others are also. I have a friend that was married for a long time, 15 or more years, and in one day she found out that her husband had sex with everyone of her friends, during their marriage. I remember trying to help her come to grips with this betrayal, and how she used that word over and over. It is especially hard for her since there is a child, this man and his new wife, the BEST friend, would come to church when the daughter performed, and sit with my friend. Her courage and class amazed me at the time. She has since helped me through the darkness I was left in...

There may be people you know who are in your place now or were at the same place before,like all of us. Find them, talk to them, they understand and care. When your dreams have been destroyed, you feel destroyed. But, whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? Helping someone else will ultimatly help you.

Oh, Judas may not have fooled Jesus, but up until the kiss in the garden when the betrayal played out, the others all thought Judas was one of them. At the last supper none of the others knew who Jesus was talking about when he said one of them would betray him. Meaning- Judas probably was a P This was meant to encourage you, not preach.
PHM

I fell out...? Actually, I meant it a bit different way,
I've got a lot academics reasearces and such in my close family and in my friend circle's and I'm also headed that way. It was just a notion, the Biblical researchers, who were on that tv-documentary, often have bit poor understanding of psychology ( my stepmom, the historical reseacher, good enough to get a job in USA just after graduation, had in my conception a poor understanding of psychology. I come from a smaller country in Western EU. ). I often make theories about this and that, that are agreed by many academics. I just think it's psychologically plausible that Judas Iskariot could have been suffering from this personality disorder, I just don't wan't to hurt anybody's religious beliefs, such as it is, that many do get hurt merely just by scientific Bible study. In the documentary they agreed many times that it could only be a myth, that so, is plausible , as it could have been invented by Romans, ' deceiveived by his own diciple ' , to make him look ridiculed and lessen his ' message value ', I think that is also plausible.
Yesterday a friend of mine discovered that his best friend, who had given him a really bad time showed all the signs of a psychopath. He had quit his friendship with him a year ago, due this. That raised another question in my mind what are really clever psychopaths like ? The person in question is a professor. The thought of that really creeps me out. And if we got the person correct with the other friend of mine. This man had a marriage, that everybody who knew him only a bit, looked like the perfect marriage, 2 highly clever people married happily in harmony, and after some years they divorced and the wife goes to mental institution.
I've been doing lately so much reseach on psychopaths, that last night, another beutiful night suffering PTSD, I thought, Now, why don't I get some healtier hobbies and go tomorrow and by books on BPD and NPD...
Sunshine to you all beautifull people!

What is PTSD?

It is common for people to feel that no matter what they’ve faced or lived with, no matter how extreme, they should be able to carry on. But sometimes people face situations that are so traumatic that they may become unable to cope and function in their daily lives. Some people become so distressed by memories of the trauma – memories that won’t go away – that they begin to live their lives trying to avoid any reminders of what happened to them.

A person who feels this way months after a traumatic experience has passed may be suffering from Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, a serious and common health condition. For these people, getting beyond the trauma and overcoming PTSD requires the help of a professional.

PTSD may develop following exposure to extreme trauma.

Extreme trauma is a terrifying event or ordeal that a person has experienced, witnessed or learned about, especially one that is life-threatening or causes physical harm. It can be a single event or repeated experience.

The experience causes that person to feel intense fear, horror or a sense of helplessness.

The stress caused by trauma can affect all aspects of a person’s life, including mental, emotional and physical well-being.

Research suggests that prolonged trauma may disrupt and alter brain chemistry. For some people, this may lead to the development of PTSD.

PTSD information site continues...

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
American Psychiatric Association

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—once called shell shock—affects hundreds of thousands of people who have survived earthquakes, airplane crashes, terrorist bombings, inner-city violence, domestic abuse, rape, war, genocide, and other disasters, both natural and human made.

The Facts

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) has been called shell shock or battle fatigue syndrome. It has often been misunderstood or misdiagnosed, even though the disorder has very specific symptoms.

Ten percent of the population has been affected at some point by clinically diagnosable PTSD. Still more show some symptoms of the disorder. Although it was once thought to be mostly a disorder of war veterans who had been involved in heavy combat, researchers now know that PTSD also affects both female and male civilians, and that it strikes more females than males.

In some cases the symptoms of PTSD disappear with time, whereas in others they persist for many years. PTSD often occurs with—or leads to—other psychiatric illnesses, such as depression.

Everyone who experiences trauma does not require treatment; some recover with the help of family, friends, or clergy. But many do need professional treatment to recover from the psychological damage that can result from experiencing, witnessing, or participating in an overwhelmingly traumatic event.

Symptoms

PTSD usually appears within 3 months of the trauma, but sometimes the disorder appears later. PTSD’s symptoms fall into three categories:

Intrusion
Avoidance
Hyperarousal

In people with PTSD, memories of the trauma reoccur unexpectedly, and episodes called "flashbacks" intrude into their current lives. This happens in sudden, vivid memories that are accompanied by painful emotions that take over the victim’s attention. This reexperience, or "flashback," of the trauma is a recollection. It may be so strong that individuals almost feel like they are actually experiencing the trauma again or seeing it unfold before their eyes and in nightmares.

Avoidance

Avoidance symptoms affect relationships with others: The person often avoids close emotional ties with family, colleagues, and friends. At first, the person feels numb, has diminished emotions, and can complete only routine, mechanical activities. Later, when reexperiencing the event, the individual may alternate between the flood of emotions caused by reexperiencing and the inability to feel or express emotions at all. The person with PTSD avoids situations or activities that are reminders of the original traumatic event because such exposure may cause symptoms to worsen.

The inability of people with PTSD to work out grief and anger over injury or loss during the traumatic event means the trauma can continue to affect their behavior without their being aware of it. Depression is a common product of this inability to resolve painful feelings. Some people also feel guilty because they survived a disaster while others—particularly friends or family—did not.

Hyperarousal

PTSD can cause those who have it to act as if they are constantly threatened by the trauma that caused their illness. They can become suddenly irritable or explosive, even when they are not provoked. They may have trouble concentrating or remembering current information, and, because of their terrifying nightmares, they may develop insomnia. This constant feeling that danger is near causes exaggerated startle reactions.

Finally, many people with PTSD also attempt to rid themselves of their painful re-experiences, loneliness, and panic attacks by abusing alcohol or other drugs as a "selfmedication" that helps them to blunt their pain and forget the trauma temporarily. A person with PTSD may show poor control over his or her impulses and may be at risk for suicide.

American Psychiatry Information continues...